Kind of did a weird little butt waddle. Hey, welcome to Mythical Kitchen where a man thinks about what he’s done. I’ve recently been told by my therapist, I don’t have a therapist. I’m working on it. But I feel like I need a therapist to coach me through how to find a therapist because it’s really difficult. And then I get discouraged from trying kind of stop. But imagine that I have a therapist. They recently told me that I should probably do a little bit of self-reflection about all the things that I’ve done. So I’m going to sit here, and watch all the TikToks that I’ve created, and react to them and see if it stirs up any weird emotions. Boy, I bet it will. Let’s get to it. Spicy. Yeah, notice. Notice the dumb grin on the face just tearing into it like a cave man. Hardy boots. I remember doing this greasy boy eating it. Yeah. Kind of looked wild eye and insane. Stabbing the dude wipes. Tries to eat a dude wipe. He realizes, oh, that’s not food. You stupid idiot. You big old troglodyte. Dumb dumb. So what this actually is, this is a commentary on toxic masculinity in the way that our advertising in the world sort of fails us, as men, by reducing us down to idiot caricatures, which I’m portraying right here, right? We got manwitch. Hey, you big hungry man. This is just a can of corn syrup, tomato paste, and spices. But you’re a big man, aren’t you? You got a big old swinging . We have hungry man, same thing. You even have the deep voice guy. Hungry man, in the commercials. Then you got dude wipes. Here’s a fun fact. Dude wipes have always existed. They were just called Baby wipes, but no big old, big old scary dude, I could start a fight club if I wanted to, wants to use a baby wipe. I ain’t no baby. That’s what I was trying to portray here, and trying to use the sort of physicality of the character. He’s stupid. He’s in an apron. He ain’t even got no shirt on. To sort of really exemplify that and reify it and drive it home. Also, the slop that we made, it was pretty good. All the flavors worked together. Hey, excuse me. What are you listening to? Dubstep remix of the time Guy Fieri reached enlightenment while he, It’s a good song. Full of tater tots. So you’re telling me that if attachments the root of all suffering, we are bound not necessarily by earthly morals, but simply by spiritual necessity to abandon all corporeal desire. Man, those tater tots are good. Here’s the thing, I am an adult man who listens to a lot of EDM and still goes to shows. Recently a mythical beast blurred me up. You know, he did the old like peace, love, unity, respect and gave me his candy. So that was a really rad shoutout. I forgot your name, but, but you’re really cool. So that was where the musicality came from. This was actually originally supposed to be a longer video where the whole joke was that just everybody who our director, Aton, shout out Aton, was approaching and said they were listening to Random Guy Fieri sounds. But then we decided that, hey, let’s just go with Guy Fieri reaching enlightenment while eating a trashcan lid full of tater tots comma the dubstep remix. What’s hilarious is I said to Aton who has a real film degree, great job using it. I said, Hey, can you make a dubstep remix of Guy Fieri reaching enlightenment while eating a trashcan lid full of tater tots? And he said, I don’t know, let’s find out. And turns out he sure could. And that was pretty fun for me. I think this track is great. I love this video. Could we play it one more time? I want to hear what I say. Cause I, I wrote this script. What are you listening to? Dubstep remix of that time Guy Fieri reached enlightenment while eating a trashcan lid full of tater tots. So you’re telling me that if attachment is the root of all suffering, we are bound not necessarily by earthly morals but simply by spiritual necessity to abandon all corporeal desire? Man those tater tots Yeah. All right, let’s cut it. Yeah. So attachment is the root of all suffering. That’s kinda like the root of all Zen Buddhism, right? What did it say? We’re not bound by, oh, any sort of morality. If attachment’s the root of all suffering then attaching yourself to any sort of morality is also fool hearty because then you’re simply attaching yourself. And I’m saying it is spiritual necessity which just means like it’s, it’s a given. You will die, you will shed your mortal coil. The world goes black. It is simply a spiritual necessity to abandon all corporeal desire because it’s going to be ripped away from you one day, whether you like it or not. But then he says, man, those tater tots are good because he’s eating a trash can lid full of tater tots. And then the drop. This video’s the perfect encapsulation of how my brain works. Fudge man. All right, we got all these extra cheese balls and we’re gonna prank Josh. Oh, this is a good one. This is a classic. What’s good? [Beep] Are you [Beep] kidding me? I was in a [Beep] damn development meeting with a VP at Netflix. You think this job is a joke? You come in here and throw cheese balls at me? Do you realize how tough of a Q4 we’ve had? Do you know the retention rate’s down. Churn rate’s up. Do you know the last time somebody bought a [Bleep] apron from us? April. April. He’s not even on the [Beep] meeting anymore. We just lost the [Beep] account. We tried to fire you five months ago. Your dad called up and said that you were crying. I’ll let you in a a little secret. This was scripted. Well, it wasn’t scripted. This was obviously planned. It’s a video. Anytime you see one of these videos, it’s planned. You know how you know that? Because somebody decided to make a video. Duh. All these pranks where it’s like I approached a bodybuilder and tried to steal his girlfriend that has 95 million views on Facebook and people are like, that was super crazy. That’s all planned you idiots. Jesus Christ. Step one, waffle it. Beautiful. You it’s ready when the nacho cheese starts seeping out. You just grab it out of there with your bare hands. Oh, come on. [Indistinguishable] This here, I’ll tell you what this video starts the very simple premise. What happens if you put Taco Bell in a waffle maker? And as we see, it compresses it into the shape of what some might call a waffle. And then I eat it. I seem pleased. I apparently was still wearing backwards hats back then. That’s a fun time. Also, this is when just in the throes of the pandemic and I was just, I mean, having a panic attack about every single day and the only thing that brought me out of it was like, God, maybe we can make some content. We just launched the TikTok and I was at home and I was just like, what? What can, what can I do? I feel, I feel trapped. I feel trapped in my body, right? No one knew even the effects of Covid back then. It was just like, is this, I mean, is this gonna kill me? I just read a story about a 28 year old nurse dying for Christ’s sake, is this gonna get me? And yeah. So I mean the only thing you can do is you know make content through it sometimes. So I put a crunch wrap in a waffle maker as a response to the existential terror of a pandemic. Oh this one. Between $5,000 and $10,000 in passive income every month. Passive income baby. Let me show you how. Grind set. That’s what’s up. Business expense. But once you get up to scale and reach peak top line growth you’ll have so much liquidity, you won’t know what to do with it, man. You to do carefully slice of potato into coins, get them in oil. You super passively dusted with salt Oh I burnt those potato chips so bad. This is a process that I invented called transformative commodification using minimal labor expenditure for maximum fiscal output. Now that you have your brand new product, there’s a one-time sunk cost for packaging and marketing and now your product is ready to hit market. Set up shop, establish your customer base and passive income starts rolling in. You’ll be running this town like John Gotti. I swear to God, I swear God, my family, my family. This is the best acting I’ve ever done. $30,000 on my dad’s credit card for this. I own land in Idaho, now. I’m not dripping in ice, I’m dripping in potatoes. I drooled a lot out by the train tracks for that one. So what this here was, this is inspired by another video that I saw where somebody in complete seriousness was like this is the best way to make passive income between 5K and 10 k per month. And they literally described the process of creating an entire clothing brand. They’re like all you’re gonna have to do is go on Vistaprint and then you just like create a super simple logo and then you like put that logo on the clothes. Like something just like looks kind of cool. Then you take those clothes and you just like put them in like a Shopify account and then you set up your store and now you have your store and now you passive… It’s like, that’s just called a clothing brand. People used to put their entire life into that. They’re like this is my dream to be a designer one day I can do this. And you’re saying you can just click on Vistaprint. So this right here goes through the entire process of creating a small batch potato chip company and insisting that it’s passive. You absolute charlatans out there telling people, oh you’ll get mailbox money get on your grind set, invest in crypto. How’s that working out for you? You bored apes bored yet? So anyways, that’s what that was. Yeah. Okay, this is good, yeah. Go ahead and put the ranch away. Yeah, so short, pretty short and sweet video right here. Pretty self-explanatory. I appear to be what I believe is called a litch. It’s a sort of demon creature, but this one is in jorts and pretty naked and covered in ranch and is ranch with his hands. There was a TikTok sound where it was somebody putting too much ranch on a chicken wing and they said, put the ranch away. And so… Whenever we see a concept, we’re like, how can we take this to the utmost extreme? Then also previously mentioned, our director Aton does have a film degree and I was like, Aton, I’m thinking we go kind of found footage horror right here. It’s not the genre that I love the most, but I think we can really create something special. I mean, look at the lighting, look at the cinematography. You know, I mean to me this is a complete video and I think we can spin off maybe five or six full length movies from this character that we’ve created, right? A ranch Demonn, we can get it sponsored by Hidden Valley. You know, I’m just saying think about it. Think about it. Kind of did a weird little butt waddle. People have been asking. So I’m gonna show you everything I eat in a day. Yeah. I work out every morning before work and I strongly believe in the power of carbs. I do believe in the power of carbs. I start out with a big bowl of sugary cereal and today we’re doing fruit loops. I try to eat every two to three hours I really do do that. And I’m desperately in need of protein and fruit right now. Greek yogurt, great source of protein. Some strawberries and granola. You’ve got to get some of the Parmesan. So, I just reach for whatever foods around me. Today we’re slamming some ramen with a hefty splash of hot sauce. You gotta eat when you gotta eat. I’m generally trying to eat as much carbs, fat, protein, and fiber as possible. Yeah. And Chipotle’s a great way to get that in. Burrito Bowl. I’m not like bulking but I’m what’s called main-gaining right now. Salsa and guac. We’re getting into the evening and it’s finally protein shake time. Oh, I can use a protein shake right now. Blended up with a cup of blueberries and a spoonful of peanut butter. All right, now everyone needs a dank late night snack and I’m a sucker. Herdez salsa verde. It comes up all the time. And that’s everything I eat in a day. So what had happened with this one we got a giant Parmesan wheel. Actually, we got half of a Parmesan wheel which turns out you can’t buy. We spent several hundred dollars on it. We used that for a video with our Dear Mindy. We made, we made a fancy Jolly Bee spaghetti and served it in that bowl. You know, we have a budget, we have food expenses. We’re like we’ve never used a whole Parmesan wheel, let’s do it. We made a really fantastic fancy version of Filipino spaghetti with like ground mangalitsa ham. Ah, it delicious. But we’re like, yeah, we still got just half a bowl. We can simply clean this out, carve out the dirty sides of the cheese and use it for more stuff. Then we made a delicious cacio e pepe pasta in that same Parmesan bowl, and we’re like, cool, we’re getting some more content out of this. It’s really fun to do. And then finally we were like, you know, we gave away as much cheese as we possibly could. How much cheese do you think we can give away? And so we were like, Hey, here’s an idea, man. We’re just gonna, we’re just gonna rage bait and we’re gonna put fruit loops in a Parmesan wheel and we’re gonna insist that everything I eat in a day is out of a Parmesan wheel. And this is our most successful TikTok to date. Also, this is pretty accurate to what I eat in a day. This is more when I was like bulking. I’m lifting heavy. I’m trying to really get that central nervous system peaking. You know, I think carbs are really important to that. You get that little insulin response, you know for protein synthesis. We also thought it would be funnier if we didn’t clean the bowl in between meals. And again, the amount of people that thought this was real unnerving. Welcome to America’s favorite game show, Cake Slap Oh, okay host Trevor Everts. Okay. I don’t know, man, I don’t know. Listen. I guess that’s why they call it… Cake slap. Cake slap. You know… I’m your host Tevor Everts and this has been Cake Slap. I can’t stress enough that we’re all just people here trying to do our best. Trying to figure out what we want from the strange little niche and world and career we’ve carved out. Trying to figure out what you want from us for this strange little niche and career that we’ve carved out in the world. And, and, and with all that in mind we end up with Cake Slap America’s favorite game show hosted by Trevor Everts, whereby he slaps me in the face with cake. And you know, we just, we had a cake laying around. We’re like, what could we do with it? And we’re like, Trevor, hit me. Trevor, I want you to hit me as hard as you can with that cake. You know, and I think this is a metaphor for sometimes making content, especially TikTok as a 30 year old man, you know, within a larger corporation sometimes it feels like just, you know smashing your face against a rock hard cake. That cake was rock hard. Don’t know why. It was like straight out the fridge. It was just say rock hard cake. And that’s really a grander metaphor for, for all of this. Sometimes you just got a shotgun method things and see if that’s what you people want. As we’ve learned, you don’t wanna watch me get hit in the face with Cake by Trevor. You do want to watch me talk about which Pokemon I’d like to cook. You don’t wanna watch me be a ranch monster. You do want to watch slurp Fruit Loops out of a Parmesan wheel. And so gradually we’re all learning from each other. I hope you’ve learned a lot about yourself. I’ve certainly learned a lot about me today and that I am such a narcissist that I can just watch videos of myself for hours. When we turn the camera off here, I’m just gonna keep watching TikTok sitting on the counter. I don’t know if you can tell, I’m just kind of sitting on a counter right now. A bunch of apple boxes under my feet. This is a weird, could have put me in like a chair anywhere. And we didn’t. We just threw me on the counter where we cook. Yeah, if you wanna see more videos like this, I don’t know keep it to yourself. Thanks so much for stopping by the Mythical Kitchen. We got new episodes for you every week. We got new episodes of our podcast every Wednesday wherever you get your podcast. Hit us up on Instagram and TikTok at Mythical Kitchen with pictures of your mythical dishes, I guess under #dreamsbecomefood We’ll see you all next time. The mythical Kitchen’s favorite way to obliterate garlic immortalized in t-shirt form. Get the Palm Hill strike tee now at mythical.com.