You can’t handle the truth about these food crimes. – Let’s talk about that. (groovy music) Good mythical morning. – We’re about to taste some of the internet’s worst food crimes. But first, this portion of today’s episode is sponsored by Rocket Money. – You know, life is expensive, y’all. I just spent and I continue to spend a lot of money sending my kid off to college. – I also sent my kid off to college before you sent your kid off to college, you know this. Is this what we’re doing? – I didn’t know it was a competition. Planning for your future and making sure you’re making smart money management moves has never been more important and that’s why Rocket Money is so great. It’s an all-in-one finance platform designed to help you save more and spend less. You can manage your subscriptions, you can lower bills, create a custom budget and build your savings all in the same dang app. – Woo and let’s talk about their cancel subscription feature for a second. 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If that’s what you want, you win. – Yep, I beat you there. – Try out Rocket Money for free and unlock more features with premium by heading over to rocketmoney.com/gmm or clicking the link in the description. – Thanks again to Rocket Money for sponsoring this portion of today’s episode. – All right, now one would think that we would eventually run outta food crimes to recreate on this show or at the very least, the people of the internet would stop posting them out of shame. – But the internet and its food criminals are insatiable. The crimes keep coming and they seem to be getting worse. – Yeah so we’re gonna prosecute a whole new batch of ’em. – It’s time for, it’s a new batch of food crimes so hide all your forks! Why are you still standing here? Call the police, you dorks. – What is a food crime, Rhett? – Well, a food crime is when somebody just does something that no one should have done, no one thought anyone should have done, but they did it and they posted it on the internet to be ridiculed by other people and potentially tried by us. – But maybe it’s good stuff. – Maybe. – I don’t know, I’m just trying to be positive about this ’cause we’re gonna gonna have to eat these things. Here’s what we did. We posted a series of face-offs between food crimes that we found online and you voted on which dish in each pairing deserves the harsher sentence. – Yeah and so the Mythical Kitcheneers have recreated these food crimes exactly as they were presented on the internet. We’re gonna taste ’em and then we’re gonna guess which one that we think you said was the worse food crime. – Yep, points are gonna escalate each round and the loser has to eat a surprise superfood crime invented and created by the Mythical Kitchen. – All right, let’s bring in the first two dishes for questioning. (upbeat music) – All right, I’m calling this first round, lunch at dad’s. We have sriracha, peanut butter and pickles on toast – Yum. – From a friend of ours actually, versus a chocolate wafer, barbecue and mustard sandwich. – Yeah, this first one over here is not one that was found in the recesses of Reddit. No, this was boldly tweeted by our friend, CouRage. “Lunch is served. It’s so good. Sweet and spicy from the peanut butter and sriracha plus the crunch of the pickles.” – But it was then reposted on Food Crimes. – Of course it made its way to Food Crimes. – Alright Jack, I know you’re watching. We’re gonna try this crap out. I saw it when he tweeted this. – I think he’s got good taste in general. – He seems to be like trying to make an argument in his tweet. – Well, there’s only one way to – Dink it – Settle that argument – And sink it. You know we love peanut butter. – First of all, peanut butter and sriracha together, already a thing that I’ve done, I do it on like a lettuce wrap sometimes, you know? – Really? Yeah, okay. – A peanut butter sauce and sriracha together. Pickles, unexpected. – Wow. – But Jack, your good taste remains intact. – I didn’t think I would like it. I don’t hate pickles, but I pick ’em off of stuff, you know, ’cause I never think they make things better, but something about this is like, especially with a little bit of like, I got a little bit of a head cold, so it’s- – Hmm, that’ll clear it up. – Oh, I think CouRage is opening me up, you know? What are you gonna do with me now, buddy? – That sweet and spicy and then the crunch of the pickles, 100% right, it works. – Dang, son. All right, I’m not feeling as great about the dad sandwich we got over here. I guess I’m gonna close it down and, okay so somebody posted, they were like calling the guy out on Reddit and saying, “This was just done for karma. No one eats this.” But then the guy who posted it said, “You are incorrect. I do eat it and I try so many different combinations or sandwiches since it’s all that I eat.” – So this is straight from the mind of a sandwich eater. Chocolate wafers, barbecue sauce, mustard and garlic salt. – I got a little on my hand. Garlic salt? – ‘Cause I want to kind of bite it from the ends here. – This is wicked, man. And I mean it in like a negative way. – That is not, I just ruined my CouRage sandwich by dropping one of these wafers on it. – None of this comes together. – Like weirdly, none of it comes together. – None of it comes together. I don’t understand. – Like every time I taste a new thing, I’m like, that also shouldn’t be here. Like, it’s making me hate everything that’s in here. – Let’s go back here. – Yeah, let me- – Let’s regain some courage. So obviously we like this one better, but we have to vote on which one you thought we’d like the least. – No. – [Link] No, the most? – [Stevie] Which one’s the worst food crime. – Yeah, so I’m voting for what – They thought was the worst food crime. – I’m the one who said this, why don’t I know it? – It’s also not complex. – I’m gonna give you a three, two, one. – I literally explained it but I didn’t hear myself explain it. – [Stevie] I think you might agree on this one but, so take your, Link, take it- – Tell me what I told you to tell us. – [Stevie] Vote on what they voted the worse food crime was in three, two, one. – Yeah, yeah, yeah. – The garlic salt I think is probably what swayed most of you. – [Stevie] 78% of the Mythical Beasts thought that the chocolate wafer, barbecue and mustard sandwich was the bigger food crime. – And it is. – It is ’cause this is not a food crime. – It’s not a food crime at all. – This a food victory. – And I’m not sucking up to CouRage because he probably has more followers than me on the internet. (Link coughing) I feel great. I feel great today. Mentally, I’m at the top of my game. (upbeat music) – Okay, our next flavor felonies are a banana, sour cream and processed cheese thing and a sushi boat which we will get into the specifics of that but let’s start over here. – Okay. – Again, this is very simple. This was posted by Raven118932. “Banana, sour cream and processed cheese, not too bad for a late night snack but I feel guilty.” – So we’ve put it in a cup. Right V, this was your addition? – [V] Yes. – Just to keep the bananas upright. – You wanted to- – It makes it pretty. – It’s as if it were invisible, like a floating banana. – So is this whole thing filled with mayonnaise or just the top? – [Stevie] Sour cream. – [V] It’s sour creams. – Oh, sour cream. – This one has mayonnaise. – Okay that’s good to know because I was actually thinking mayonnaise and mayonnaise and banana, peanut butter, mayonnaise and banana is a sandwich that my dad used to make and I would eat it at home, which is crazy. – And every time you take a bite, are you supposed to like put more sour cream and cheese? – That’s what I like to believe. – It’s kinda like unbuilding a skyscraper. – But we definitely should take a full sour cream bite. You should put the whole thing in your mouth. Don’t take it? – Yeah. – But just the tip. – Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. – But then take a bite. – But then take a bite? – Yeah, you gonna suck it like a straw, what do you mean? – You’re the one who said but then take a bite. I thought I was only taking a bite. – Okay, I totally understand the appeal. I don’t dislike it at all. It does the same thing that the peanut butter, mayonnaise and banana sandwich does, it’s just tangier. The cheese almost gets lost in the whole mix. The sour cream and the cheese kind of, just like it’s a dairy section. It’s like just dipping a banana in some rancid milk. – It’s all kind of mushy. See you took another bite, but you gotta rebuild it again. – Well, I don’t have the ingredients. – But that’s kind of, that’s kind of a fun part of it. – I often as a late night snack take a banana and take a spoonful of peanut butter and keep putting peanut butter on it and keep eating it. – Yeah, I’m surprised by this. It took me a while to come around to it but now we’re over here at sushi boat. What’s the story here? Posted by theyellowcamper said, “It came from the sister of a friend.” – [Rhett] Okay. – And she’s the one who called it a sushi boat. This is not a sushi boat. A sushi boat is already a thing. – Right, well you gotta call it something. – Halved cucumbers with spicy mayo globs. – [Rhett] Yum. – Not sour cream, cooked unseasoned shrimp, I like how they specified- – Don’t put any seasoning on that. – Unseasoned and rice. So are you supposed to bite the whole cucumber? – I don’t think that’s the confusing part for me. You seem to be confused about how, the most confusing part for you seems to be how to eat the thing. I think I’m just gonna stick this cucumber with the stuff on in my mouth and bite and then begin to chew. – I don’t like to bite cucumbers, can I? – Say that again. – I don’t like to bite cucumbers. I don’t like to eat cucumbers. – Okay, all right, that was, I don’t like cucumbers is usually how people say that. I don’t like to bite cucumbers. – And then eat them. – I don’t like to bite cucumbers then continually chew them in my mouth and then swallow them and then begin to digest them. – Right, yeah exactly. – Otherwise known as eating. – Right, right. And I definitely don’t want to bite the end of the cucumber so I’m going to the middle. – Yeah, do what you want to do, man. I’m gonna set that back over there with you. – Set sail for the seven seas. It’s not horrible. – I mean it just doesn’t really make a lot of sense. There’s nothing about it that is like super off-putting. – Yes, there is, the biting the cucumber part. – Except the biting the cucumber if you don’t like cucumbers, if you do not like to bite cucumbers. – [Stevie] Are y’all okay? Well are y’all okay is not what I was gonna ask but are you okay? – I don’t think Link is. – [Stevie] Yeah, but I was gonna say, are y’all okay with the size of the shrimp? Am I the only one who has, I have like small shrimp phobia. – You don’t like baby shrimp? – [Stevie] There’s something about it that freaks me out. – You want big mature shrimp that like got a story to tell? – [Stevie] Like I just want, like there’s something, if you’re a shrimp that’s shrimper than other shrimp, I, there’s something about it that I don’t like but you seem to be fine with it. – It’s deveined, that’s all I care about. I hated it. – [Stevie] I’m gonna give you a three, two, one, alright, we’ll just do that then. – Which one do you think is worse? Which one did you think was a bigger food crime? – Which one did you think was a bigger food crime? – [Stevie] Three, two, one. – I think that they would think, because this seems weirder. – But we disagree with you and we agree with each other and we liked it. – This tastes fine. – 63% of the Mythical Beasts thought that the banana with sour cream and processed cheese was the bigger food crime. – Yeah and you know what? You’re wrong. – Because of the combo, unexpected combo of ingredients but you know what, try it. – I have to say try it. It’s not a food crime. We’ve taken two things off the food crime list entirely. It’s just- – This is like the Innocence Project for food. – Yeah, it is. (upbeat music) Okay, so we got chocolate chip dill pickle cookies but I do not see the, the other thing. – Happy Cotton Candy Day, daddies. – Hey Randy. – Hey Randy. – Do you want to try an after dinner pallet cleanser? – Yeah. – Here you go. – Oh, look at that. That feels like it might be a cotton candy covered pickle. – Yeah, you’re great at guessing what food is. – Thanks. – You want to hear a sweet nothing before you have a bite? – Yes. (Randy breathing heavily) – I’m writing a poem about what the inside of your mouth feels like. – [Rhett] Be sure to send it to me. – I wanna become wide and bloated from drinking your tears. All right, bye daddies. – Bye. – Kind of like it, you know it’s kind of like that counseling session never happened, it’s just kind of like right back- – Back to normal. We should try it. Is it a hot pickle? – It is a spicy pickle in a pouch with cotton candy wrapped around it originally posted on Twitter by user, dearra, and then it was posted on Reddit. – [Link] I like how the tweet is like, “cotton candy pickle really slap”. – [Rhett] Yeah well and then it was then it was posted on Reddit in the Thanks, I Hate it which is another great thread to pull these sorts of things from. – What’s your prediction here? – I love pickles and I love spicy pickles. So it feels like it might just be a slightly sweet weirdly textured spicy pickle. – I’ve never had a spicy pickle. How spicy should I be prepared for? – Well, just so you know, this will involve you biting a cucumber I mean technically. And I know how you feel about that. – It’s like a Pokemon evolution – Oh, you accept pickles? – Oh yeah. – So you’re into biting pickles? – But not spicy ones, perhaps. – Okay. – Mm mm. – Mm. – That’s thick. – Look how green that is. – Thanks, I hate it. – It’s actually a hot and spicy pickle that is a little bit less dill flavored and a little bit more of that like, it’s got like a sweet pickle thing and the sweetness of the pickle and the sweetness of the cotton candy are kind of going a little too strong. I think if it was just spicy dill. – It is spicy though. – We got the one from the actual picture, so we got the same hot pickle. – Yeah, we did. It doesn’t slap. – I thought I might like that and I don’t really. Now I’m super intrigued by these like legitimately. – Why are you gonna mess up a chocolate chip cookie like that? – ‘Cause pickles make things great, man. – Take your pick. Oh, you don’t want that one? Well, it’s originally posted in Pickle Lovers Group. Are you a member? – Boy, I didn’t know about it. – Then reposted, oh, reposted in Food Crimes, it just broke on me. – Well, the pickles really change the consistency, I guess. – All right, let’s just try it. – Chocolate’s doing a lot of heavy lifting here. – Which is great. – I don’t think, I think I smelled the pickle but I don’t know if I tasted it. – I tasted it a little bit, but I’m gonna go again. – Oh, there it is. I quite enjoy it. – The good thing is is that it doesn’t overwhelm it. It doesn’t totally compromise my chocolate chip cookie experience. – I quite like it. I did not like this but which one would you think is grosser when proposed to you? – [Stevie] Three, two, one. – I think people would be more upset that you’re messing with their chocolate chip cookies. That’s just the theory that I’m going on. – I just think when I looked at the picture online that I know was part of the survey, this seems very visceral. – [Stevie] It was a close one. 58% of the Mythical Beasts thought that the cotton candy pickle was the bigger food crime. – And I believe it is. – And you’re actually correct. – So we are all correct except for him who’s is the farthest from correct as possible. – Right. (upbeat music) – Oh, come on man, look. – [Rhett] Look – At that. – Yeah, if you’ve been in doubt about any food crimes being committed thus far, this definitely is. I know for a fact that this is. This is the turkraken. – I like the name, though. – And this over here – Oh gosh. – A sewer floods pizza is what we’re calling that. We’ll get into the details. There’s not many details to this. This is essentially a boiled octopus stuffed inside a turkey. And as OPaul11 pointed out, “I mean fine but at least season the monstrosity.” There is no, the recipe is just to put it inside the turkey, that’s the directions. – I feel like we shouldn’t be facing it directly at you and I apologize. Like I feel like that’s a little more- – [Rhett] You feel like it was indecent? – This is a little more becoming of the turkraken. How are we supposed to even taste this to see if it’s awesome? – Well, I think the first thing you gotta do is you just gotta get a leg. And then you gotta get a breast. And then you gotta put ’em together, then you gotta put ’em in your mouth. – You’re like a – Hey, give it a chance. – You’re a problematic eater. You know that? So what did you say? I watched you. – Okay. It’s dead. – But it was so smart. – Well, it wasn’t smart enough. (laughing) – You’re pleased with yourself for that joke, weren’t you? You’re really pleased with yourself. It was a good joke. – [Rhett] Yeah, yeah. – I don’t even think I can eat it right now. I just don’t, I’m not- – Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. – [Link] I’m not at the top of my game. – Well, but maybe this will put you there. – I said I was earlier. – I gotta say that I enjoy both of these dishes typically but that octopus needs a little seasoning. – Err. It’s the consistency for me. – It wasn’t good. If you’re wondering, it wasn’t good. – I remember the days when I used to just not like biting in the cucumbers and now here we are. – Cucumbers? – What is this, dude? We got bananas, condensed milk on top of a pizza crust. It’s not even sliced. Do we have a pizza slicer? – No, you gotta just, you gotta just, well we do have a pizza slicer right there. – Oh, thank you, KJ. – Yeah break me off, I don’t want much. I don’t need much. I don’t need half of it. – That’s your half, this is my half and then let’s eat it like we eat turkeys. – I’m gonna have to bring in an additional knife here to make sure I get all the goodness here. – I mean it looks horrible ’cause it doesn’t taste nearly as bad as that. – I just cut through the whole pizza box. – Don’t do that, it’s gonna leak on the table. – Oh, it tastes good. – Yeah, tastes good. Doesn’t taste great, but it tastes good. – It tastes like a banana, banana pudding that’s hot. – Is it real hot? – There’s no doubt which one is grosser or was a worse food crime? – [Stevie] This is the closest one of the entire game. – Okay. – ‘Cause these are legitimate things I guess you would eat. – But this is horrible. Okay, whatever. – [Stevie] Three, two, one. – I gotta go over here because I know you gonna guess that and there’s no way I can win if we guess the same thing but hold on, maybe I’ll get lucky. This actually tastes great though. – Yeah, it tastes great. – 51% – What? – [Stevie] Of the Mythical Beasts thought that the turkraken was the bigger food crime. – Oh gosh, just barely. – You’re definitely right but what are 49% of you doing? – Let’s have it. So you created, bring it in. You created this for us? – [V] Yes, I did. It’s called the Charles Forest Surprise. – Charles Four? – [V] Charles Forest. – Oh. – Charles Forest. – Who’s Charles Forest? – [V] Your dad. – Oh, I was like- – You know your dad, he lives in a forest. – [V] Yeah, it’s supposed to look like the forest floor. – It looks just like, I was gonna say, is this the forest floor? – [V] Yes. – Should I just eat it and try to figure out what it is? – [V] Yes. – More problematic eating for the Rhettster. – Is it fish food? – [V] No. – We’ve already done the game. Tell him what it is. – [V] It’s wheat grass blended up with some beef jerky. – Oh, so it’s healthy. – Well I think they offset each other. I think this is a neut, I think my food footprint is net zero after eating this. – Thanks for adding to the modicum of food crimes. – [V] You’re welcome. – Or whatever a thing is called that you add food crimes to. – Oh, it’s getting worse. Thanks for subscribing and clicking that bell. – You know what time it is. – I’m Rhett – And I’m Link. – [Both] And this is Cotton Candy Randy. – Hey there, daddies. – And it’s time to spin the Wheel of Mythicality. – The Zuber family, everybody. – Click the top link to watch us decide which life crime is worse in Good Mythical More. – And to find out where the Wheel of Mythicality’s gonna land. To get the Rhett and Link YouTooz collectible, join Third Degree quarterly or annual by December 31st. Mythicalsociety.com for details.