Milk’s coming around here. I’m gonna loop, I’m gonna loop around with the tomato paste. You go in with the milk. Yeah. And the paste is going in. I missed almost all the paste. Yeah. Hold on, let me get that stirred. Almost all the paste is out of there. Hey, welcome to Mythical Kitchen, where Nicole and I lock horns for battle of eternal glory. Alright, Nicole, so today we’re doing Battle Lasagna. That’s right. If we’re talking about head-to-head match-ups, I have six wins. Yeah. To your three wins. Yeah. So I’m issuing you a challenge. You can choose any one of these geeks off the street. Wow! No way! To be on your team to beat me. Hey! I will give you- Hey! I’m a cool geek. Can we pick? Yeah, we never get to pick. Can we pick? Sure, if it’ll make ’em feel good. You were mean last time. Yeah yeah yeah. Okay, okay. All right. What’re you thinking, Trevor? Watcha- Well, here’s the thing. I think I kind of like the tall one in the red. Yeah? In the red. Because he’s, like, really strong and I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I’m kind of, like, frail. And so like- Yeah, you need protection out here. Yeah, like, having someone big, also, like, we’re, we’re, like, wicked smaht. Yeah. I mean, I’m, like, mostly wicked smaht. I mean, I don’t know about that, but yeah. He tries his best. I like the, I like the shorter one. I like her shirt, it says “Full Insurance.” I also have full insurance. Okay, good. But like, I think we can bond together and I like her hair. That’s wise. Yeah, okay. Yeah all right. Josh, you’re with me. Hey! Nicole! Ah, my knees, my god! Oh, you’re warm. Not in the prime of my career anymore. Do, do we anything now? Do, do we do the thing? Lasagn… Yuh. You know, Trevor, we cook a lot of silly things in the Mythical Kitchen. We sure do. A lot of silly stuff. We also cook a lot of smart things in here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The city of Boston’s home to a large Italian-American population. Very true. Because I’m-a Josh. And I’m-a Trevor. And we’re wicked smaht! Wicked smaht! Oh my god! Oh the Boston Bruins, they win-a the Stanley Cup. I know, yeah! We love to see. I wanna go to the Dunkin-a Donuts and have-a the coffee. Oh, the bombolone at the Dunkin-a Donuts. Oh my. You love to see it! We are making a traditional smart lasagna, though. Yes. We thought the silliest food we could make is not make anything silly at all and make a purely classic lasagna bolognese. Yeah. That means it’s from the city of Bologna. That means no ricotta cheese in it. We’re going straight besciamella. We’re going ragù bolognese. Mhm. High-quality ingredients. Classical cooking technique. That’s what Mythical Kitchen does, baby! Yes! So, let’s get to it, man. All right. You start. We’re gonna take our aromatics here. We got a pretty classic mirepoix or “mire-a-poix” as they say in Italy. I don’t know, man. But we’re blending that up with garlic. We actually wanna turn this into like a slurry to get it, like, as fine of a slop as possible. Because the traditional ragù bolognese, it is really just like a dense and fine meat slop, which is what I love about it. Yeah. So we’re gonna get all of our meats in here. We got lamb, pork, and beef. We got la tripleta going in. Dump that into a rip-roarin’ pan. And we’re gonna start mashin’ this up. We’re gonna get a lot of flavor building in there. You know what I mean? Whoa! Some really thin egg noodles. Wowww! You know? So we’re gonna go ahead and keep mashing this up. Meat’s almost done. We’re getting a lot of butter into this for the besciamella. Yeah! Right? That’s Italian for béchamel, which is French for, like, thick cream, I guess. I don’t know. Yeah. It literally is just thick cream. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So make- Do, no, you start, no. Oh. No, you. No, I don’t think I was actually, I was, a lot of times I don’t actually say anything, It’s just filling time. But you go ahead. No, no, well, okay. Are you sure? Yeah, no, I, I’d love if you could… Okay, well, so- Well, what is it, is it any- No, it was pretty funny. Okay. Because someone in the comments, they said, “I know Trevor’s not a real chef because he used a whisk in a non-stick pan. A metal whisk.” Ah! Get outta here. And I was like, so this must be your first time viewing the channel. I grew up in a house with asbestos and lead paint, and you don’t see nothing wrong with me. They’re putting chemicals in the water that are turning the freakin’ frogs gay! That was- That was Alex Jones. Alex Jones. Alex Jones. And we love gay frogs. And my head, I got lightheaded from that. I think all frogs are actually poly. I haven’t really considered the sexuality of frogs that much in my life. It’s almost all I think about. Was there a thing called “The Frog and the Toad”? Yeah. Mr. Frog. They were, they, like, were romantically involved. They, that’s, like, not, like, me bullshitting. Like, that’s a… Right? Am I, am I the crazy one for thinking this? If it wasn’t explicit, it was definitely implied. It was coded, like, certainly. Yeah. And I think that’s awesome, man. Yeah, well they were perfect for each other. They rode in that little car, that little sidecar. Yeah, oh my god. That’s what any of us want from our romantic partners. To ride around in a sidecar doing fun little activities. So true. Being there for each other. Honestly. So I added all of the aromatic slop. Yeah. Traditional ragù bolognese doesn’t have, like, that much tomato in it. We’re gonna add some kind of more tomato because it’s a lasagna. So we’re kind of trying to bridge the gap, like, slightly between American lasagna. Like, we’re talking about that real Stouffer’s kind. You know what I mean? Yeah. I added the flour to butter to make a little bit of a roux here. Or as they say in Italian, a-roux. A-roux. So béchamel, just using the flour and butter to thicken this milk. They call it “thick milk”. Hence, hence. Again, no ricotta. This is all the creaminess. It’s gonna come from this thick milk. When we’re layering the lasagna, do you need me to mash this? Yeah, yeah, you mash. Yeah. I whisk, you pour. Yeah. I’ll start dumping in other ingredients, too, here. I’m gonna dump in just a little bit of dried basil in there. Hold on, I gotta grab the other- We’re gonna get just a small pinch of oregano. That’s really good. Milks coming around here. I’m gonna loop, I’m gonna loop around with the tomato paste. You go in with the milk. Yeah. And the paste is going in. Yeah. I missed almost all the paste. Hold on, let me get that stirred. Almost all the paste is out of there. How’d you make me- And I’m gonna start crushing these tomatoes with my hand. So we’re using whole canned tomatoes right here. Oh, do we need to get the white wine going in? Oh, we should get the white wine. Where is it? Okay, hold on. I got it. Where’s it got it you got it You got the white wine. You got the white wine. Crushed tomatoes by hand. This is a great thing because then you’re keeping the tomatoes whole, super natural. Yeah. You know what I mean? Crush here. I’m just gonna try and pivot my right hip around. Okay, yeah. Just to get a better grip. Get under here. Just to get a better grip. All right, I’m gonna get a rash from the tomatoes. Okay. All right, so, crushed tomatoes- My left leg was supporting all of my weight. Hold on, I’m gonna shake it out. We’re gonna dump these tomatoes into the ragù. Gotta shake it out. Béchamel’s coming together. Ah, that’s good. Do we just like… We’re gonna let this go. Yeah. We got the, you know, we’re gonna mash this up a little. This has gotta cook for, like, four hours. This has gotta, this has gotta thicken. Mash it up. We got tomatoes and the little silly beads that I use to keep this myself calm. Dude, did you see me go behind the back on the milk? That smells good. Dude, that move was- That was wicked-a smaht-a! A-wicked-a smaht! Like-a Pistol Pete-a Maravich behind-a the back, basketball! I don’t think that’s, like, insensitive, right? Trevor, we got our ultra-thin bolognese-style egg noodles right there. Hold it up to the camera. Show them the hand test. You wanna be able to see your hand through the sheet of lasagna. Oh, look at how pronounced that… Trevor, you have beautiful hands. You could be a hand model, like David Duchovny. Thank you. Of course. We got our meat slop right here. We got our besciamella going on. All we gotta do is, is make it. Put it in there? Right? Yeah, I think so. Yeah, okay, cool. I don’t know. So we’re gonna start with one layer. I’m gonna get just a little bit of wet on the bottom. Okay. ‘Cause that’s what you need to prevent the lasagna from sticking. That’s just gonna create a little, like, steam layer. Yeah. Not too much. Not too much. There’s a little steam layer there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, it’s funny, I knew that you did that. I actually never knew why. Yeah! I just thought people like meat on the bottom. Meaty bottoms! But no, this is just like to prevent it from sticking, effectively. So you wanna put some, put some noodles on top. Yeah. Then I’m gonna start layering with the sauce and then the besciamella. I imagine this is gonna be pretty boring, so, do we wanna do like a sort of “Benny Hill” style edit on this? We cool with that? Okay, great. You got sauce on me! Sorry, I actually slapped your ass. I was like, I was like, “There’s no…” I was like… I’m gonna throw up, I’m gonna throw up, I’m gonna throw up. This is so tiring. I know, I know. Wait, you need to slap me. You need to slap me and I’m gonna do the spin. Yeah, okay, one more, one more. Get some cheese on it, get some cheese on it. Get some cheese, get some cheese. ‘Cause you gotta build a lasagna eventually. All right, I’ll get one more sheet of pasta. I wish I could pull your pants down. The next bit after this, one more layer, and then it’s just gonna be you kicking me in the ass. So I turn around and kick you in the ass. Because that was comedy. Yeah. From, like, 1908 to 1934, that was comedy. We should do a me going in and then you putting your hand up. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it’s gonna be six kicks in the ass. Okay. So that’s three each. Yeah. So anyways, we’re actually gonna top this with a small layer of mozzarella cheese. I know what you’re saying. “That’s not traditional,” but we’re not traditional. Yeah. No, we’re not. Not at all. I mean this is, this has never been a traditional cooking show. And so we’re just gonna go- Yeah. A little bit of mozzarella cheese. We’re gonna get some nice cheese blanket on there. Trevor, spread that out a little bit with the ladle. Okay, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, we’re playing to win, you know? There you go, yeah. And everyone loves mozz. You know? Everyone loves mozz. We got a lot… You know, the cardio on those old-timey silent movie actors. Incredible. Yeah. You know? No, truly. I’m sorry, by the way. I actually, like, got you in the eyes. Got me right in the… Also, these glasses are broken already. I’m sorry. So… That was my, my fault. But that’s, you know. Woo! That’s payback for slapping me in the ass. Yeah, that was, that was we got a little carried… Well, this is gonna go in the oven. About 375. About 45 minutes. We’ll see- We don’t have full cheese coverage there, do you care? You don’t need full cheese coverage. We’re gonna cut a slice out of this, and then we’re gonna sort of re-garnish it. Right now, let’s just get all the layers solidified. All right, all right. And then we’re out. All right, cool. Your move, Nicole and Vi! Your move. Vi, you’re supposed to move. I am, you see my arms? Oh my gosh! Wow, okay. Can we do that one more time, please? Yeah. Okay. ♪ Synchronized swimming ♪ That’s our move. ♪ Outside the pool ♪ This is our move. You asked us what our move was, and this is it. We’re synchronized swimmers. And, as synchronized swimmers, we’re gonna make the best lasagna ever. You see that stuff? Basic! Yeah. This is not your basic run-of-the-mill lasagna. Vi, what are we making today? Tell the people. We are making a braised short rib ragù! That’s right. That’s gonna go in our braised short rib and caramelized onion lasagna. Not very traditional, but absolutely frickin’ delicious. Ooh, I’m so excited. I love short rib! Get ’em started. Get ’em started, babe. I’m gonna season these with salt first. Okay. And then I’m going to sear ’em in this lovely hot pot I have over here. You know, I’ve noticed, you and I win whenever we braise meats together. Dang, that’s a good point. I didn’t even realize that. Did you remember whenever we won the burger battle? Braised oxtail. Wow. Whenever we win this lasagna battle… Yup. Braised short rib. No, we’re gonna win. Yeah. You see whatever chaotic thing happened earlier? I agree. Not Oscar-worthy at all. Yeah, yeah. What was that? The, the, the “Billy West”? Is that what they call it? The, the, “Bill Nye”? “Bill Silly”. All right, so what I’m making, I’m making a béchamel right now. Yes. Kinda like how they did. Mine is gonna be a little bit more- Turn the heat up. Let’s say, classic? I’m gonna put some nutmeg in there. My rib got a little bit toasty, but I kinda like that. It’s gonna impart a lot of flavor. ‘Cause we are doing a really deep, dusky flavor with all the things we’re cooking. Very savory. You’re gonna get a lot of savory notes, but you’re also gonna get a crap ton of sweet notes from the port and the, aw- Aw, milk! You spilled the milk. Don’t, okay, I got a good advice for you. Ready? Yeah. Don’t cry over spilled milk. Unless you cry spilled milk, then you cry enough to replace the milk you spill. That is a pinned, that is your pinned tweet. Yeah, wow you know my page. I’m gonna mix this up. I’m gonna start whisking it pretty soon so all the lumps can go away. And then Vi’s gonna start building her ragù very soon. Yes. Nicole! Gotta cry your spilled milk now. We’ll be back. So we seared our beautiful short rib, right? And we took it out. And we’re gonna leave all those nice flavors in the pot. In the pawt. And then we’re gonna add some celery. Start cooking up our veggies. Some carrots, onions, and- A lot of onions. Lots of garlic. And just cook that down a little bit before we add some special ingredients. Yeah, so I, my béchamel thickened up really nicely. I added some cream to it, too. And now I’m gonna add nutmeg. Nutmeg is a traditional flavor in béchamels. You gonna cook more? What are you gonna add now? We need our special ingredient! Oh my gosh! Where is it? Where is it? Where’s our special ingredient? I don’t know. Did someone say “Jordan from Sporked”? Yes, Jordan! I didn’t. Jordan, tell us about your peeled tomatoes. So I’m here with our number one peeled canned tomato that we tried at Sporked. It’s the Bianco di Napoli tomatoes. They’re absolutely delicious. It tastes like a fresh tomato that has been canned. And if you’re making the best lasagna, this is what you have to use. Well, Jordan, I appreciate you being here and giving us tools to win. Because you’re a winner. Thank you! Do you wanna pour it in there? Yeah! Yeah, go for it. Do it, it’s like you’re cooking. Wow. Wow. Wow. Sporky and cooky. Look at you, look at you. Look at the tomatoes. Yeah, that’s beautiful. Oh my gosh, beautiful. I’m gonna use this for myself later. Thanks, Jordan! Alright, bye! Bye, Jordan. Thanks for coming. That looks great, okay. I’m gonna add in some tawny port. Ooh, tell me about the tawny port! Tawny port was my nickname in high school. Was it? Not really. Did you live by the beach? This smells. I don’t know why that made- This kind of smells like wine that was brewed under an armpit. And I’m kind of into it. Smell it. It has like a- What armpits have you been smelling? It’s like a, it’s like a really pleasant B.O. smell. Do you ever, like, smell someone and you’re like, “You’re kind of stinky, but I like the stink.” It’s like a sailor’s armpit. Yeah, I like, I like stinky. I like sexy, stinky smells. And this is that! And I’m gonna add some beef sock. Add some herbs. Add my aromatics. Thank you. And then introduce this in here, too. Add all those good things. Yeah. And then the fat is gonna leach out and this is just gonna braise gorgeously for what, like, six hours at 275 or something? About four. Yeah. Four to six hours. Four to six hours. Make it really, really tender. And then we’re gonna shred it and we’re gonna start assembling our ‘sagna. Hey, has anybody made a “real Gs move in silence like lasagna” joke yet? I don’t think so. Okay. Are you gonna tell me? The joke is just Lil Wayne said it in a rap song. And I like that song. I like Lil Wayne. That’s it. I was was like, “What is it?” That’s the joke. The joke is that “real Gs move in silence like lasagna.” Oh! Because, because, lasagna has a silent G in it. I get it. Is that a G? Was that good? Woo! Thanks. Also, look at the texture of this. Ugh, that’s so beautiful. I just wanna eat it like that, straight out of the bowl. You can have it. Here, you want me to feed you? Sunday gravy style. I’ll give you a little bite. Really? Yes, of course. Of course, of course. Nicole! It’s not even Sunday. I want you to taste to see how seasoned it is. Okay. Enjoy. Thank you. Yeah, so we cooked it for like four-and-a-half hours. Shredded all the meat. That’s lovely. Also, I went on with gloves, and I literally went with my hands, and I mashed it like this. Oh. So all the little carrot bits would fall apart. Yeah. All the onion bits were just nice and soft. So it can layer really nicely within our lasagna. Okay. Use that elbow grease to get in there. Let me just taste this. Pinky! Good morning. Ooh, good morning. That’s good! Oh my gosh. Can you taste that nutmeg? Great morning! Okay, I’m really excited. So let’s start building this. Okay. I’m gonna be on the sauce sides and you be on the noodle sides. Lasagna and cheese, and onions? Yeah, Vi- We have some beautiful caramelized onions right here. We have some- Yeah tell ’em all the stuff. Sliced mozzarella. And then we have some beautiful chive-laminated lasagna sheets, Nicole. That’s right. Can you show the camera? I can. Show the camera and model it. Do you see that? There are literal pieces of chive just dancing throughout the pasta. Just dancing throughout. Dancing, it’s so gorgeous. This might be the most oniony lasagna that’s ever existed, but you know what? There’s nothing wrong with that. We’re all about alliums in the Mythical Kitchen. And onions. Yeah. We love a good allium-based food. I’m ready to dance when you are, Nicole. Okay, queen, here you go. Let me just, lemme just, okay, go get ’em, tiger. You got it. Layer one, done. Love it. I love that. It’s, like, massaging my hands. Here we go. Beautiful. Yeah, it’s okay if we get a little bit of hangover. I actually kind of like when there’s crispy edges and they fold over each other. It’s like, it’s like a foldy chip almost. Should we make this fun and do it like they did it? Or should we do it in a different way? Let’s do what they did, but the opposite. So, slow motion? Yeah. Down? Okay. 3, 2, 1. So we got, what, like, four or five layers up in here? Yeah, that’s a good amount. Yeah, that’s a perfect amount. I don’t like it when it’s too layered, you know? I wanna be able to, I like a thick, nice lasagna, you know? I don’t like it compacted. I like it nice and beautiful. Go, okay, nice. Beautiful. A little blanket. Nice, our final, our final layer, Vi. We did it. That one’s big. After all these years of knowing each other. Wow, so many years. We finally made a gorgeous lasagna. Ugh. It’s been a long time. Bootiful. What are you putting over it, Nicole? This is some Grana Padano. Mhm. Just put a little bit on there and then we’re gonna- Lovely. We’re gonna foil it. We’re gonna bake it. We’re gonna broil it, and then we’re gonna plate it. Your move, secret guest judge! Hey, Mythical Kitchen fans. Meet my friend, Davin. Hi. Davin hangs out here a lot. Davin, if you wanna meet all my friends, the Mythical Kitchen fans. Long time viewer, first time here. That’s not true. Been here before. You’ve been here before. Yeah. Davin, you’ve come all the way from the producer’s office. 30 feet from here. Give people an idea of the layout. Cardio! Yeah, good cardio. We made lasagnas. And you’re gonna judge ’em. Do you promise to be a fair and impartial judge? I promise. There’s no Bible, but I promise. Do you have, like, an “Avengers” comic book you can swear on? I don’t, actually. I have Captain America’s shield, though. Eh, that’s good enough. Hey guys, we’re here too! Yeah, hi! You should also interact with us. Hey, how’s it going? Yeah, yeah, I’m impartial. I’m impartial. Yeah, you’re gonna be impartial? Mhm. Pinky promise? Pinky promise. Okay. Davin, we have made for you today a caramelized onion short rib lasagna. Wow. It’s really good. Eat it. Should I eat it now? Yes, please. Okay. You eat with your ears first, actually. There’s a lot of greens. You should use a fork. Oh that’s- You should use a knife and a fork. I have fork. Oh, sorry, I forgot what utensils were for a second. Knife. And those greens match your shirt. And my shirt. And our energy. I’ve heard that amber is the color of your energy, though. The name’s Vi, not Amber. What’s that, make that, that funny reference. Thank you. “Blue is the…” “Warmest Color.” “Blue is the Warmest Color”? “Blue is the Warmest Color”. Yeah. Funny reference. Because it’s like, isn’t it funny? That’s a sad movie. What- Yeah. Eat the lasagna, Davin! I’m gonna eat. Abusive director, too. While it’s warm, for Christ’s sake! Nevermind, not funny, my bad. I’m gonna get the crust too. Sorry, this is like, it’s kind of tough to cut, Nicole. I’m not gonna lie. Eat the lasagna. No, it’s funny. Okay, big bite. Big bite for a big boy. You’re doing great. There’s a lot of meat on there. Cheese pull, ooh! Good cheese. Stop, we should stop talking and let him just do it. They’re really not confident. First of all, shh. Interesting. This dude watched too much “MasterChef”. All right. All right, well, Davin Aarón Sánchez here. Trevor and I have made, we thought the silliest wackiest thing we could do- Oh, god. Is make something that’s not silly and wacky at all. Oh, okay. So we made a very traditional lasagna bolognese. Thin sheets of egg noodles. We got seven layers deep in there. Besciamella sauce. We have a three meat ragù bolognese. Lamb, beef, pork. You’ll notice the basil on top, as well. And you don’t need a knife. There’s some basil right there, too. I don’t need a knife? Nope, just go right in. That’s a guarantee? That’s what I’m saying. That’s a guarantee. Wow! God, I hope so, shh. I don’t know. Don’t look at us. I have full insurance, so. Look at that, no knife. No knife, well, yeah, I do need a knife. Son of a gun! Did you say guaranteed? Hmm. They don’t got insurance. Don’t have insurance. But we, we have full insurance. Yeah, exactly. It’s a call back to a thing we did earlier. Yeah, you weren’t here, but it was funny. I wasn’t there. Super funny. It was the funniest. All right. Yeah, really funny. Oh, not much of a cheese pull there. We actually did not opt for a cheese pull. Interesting, okay. And cheese isn’t even traditional on a lasagna bolognese. But we want a little bit there. Oh, oh. There it is. Really athletic. Uh huh. He’s eating it. He’s liking it. He’s eating it. He’s eating it. That’s so cool. Yeah, he ate both. You used jarred sauce on the bottom of it? You used jarred sauce?! We- Dang! Sauce was an afterthought and we didn’t… Nicole, I swear to God, if I ever commit a crime, I’m not telling you anything. For the spoon of sauce on the bottom. Okay. Davin, what are your thoughts on each? Gimme some tasting notes. So, one of them, it’s much flavorful than the other. Very much, the most. Very much. One of them has more meat than the other. Oh. Oh, you just gave it away. I like meaty stuff. Oh! No, get outta here! Put your hand over, okay, Davin? Yeah, okay, okay. Put your hand over the one you think is the winner. And 3, 2, 1. Nicole and Vi. Yay! Yeah, get you insurance! There’s so much more flavor in this one. Get you some insurance! Yeah. Davin- I feel like I’m watching Mr. Bean over here. Yeah. No, there’s so much more flavor over here. This feels like a traditional lasagna, but I think, I feel like they stepped it up. They did. Oh, thank you, Davin. It’s so, so good. Big stepper! It’s me! Big stepper! I’m the problem! I can’t win! Shake my hand! I wanna shake your hand. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Thank you so much. Thank you so much. Shake my hand. Our energies are aligned even more. Our energies are aligned, yes. This is so good. I’m gonna stand over here, guys. Can I eat something? Yeah! No, I’m gonna, this is my lunch! Ah my, Davin. That’s what I get, right? We’ll send you home with a gifts bag. Okay, thank you. We’re just gonna put that in a big old Ziploc. Thank you. Davin, thank you so much for being an impartial judge. Trevor, you are the problem. Dude, I put my heart and soul into this lasagna. Stewed meats stewed meats, stewed meats! I don’t even care. I’m very happy for them. Braised meats, braised meats! That’s great. Slow motion! This is a good ass lasagna, man. Here’s the thing. Here’s the thing, is that my old boss, Danilo Orofino, would be proud of this lasagna. Danilo, this one’s for you. Shout out to- And my old roommate would’ve said, “Do you have any percocets?” Addicted to pills. Anyway… We’ll see you next time. That’s our show! Listen to our podcast, “A Hot Dog is a Sandwich” to hear me and Josh dissect the Internet’s most controversial food questions. Airing every Wednesday, wherever you get your podcasts.