Hey, welcome to “Aprons Off,” the show where we stop cooking and just kind of hang out. And today we are all about that holy matrimony, baby. All about that, in sickness and in health. All about that, something borrowed, something blue. That’s right. We’re talking about the best wedding foods. Today will we be saying “I do” like Julia Roberts in that one movie where the bride runs away? What’s it called? “Runaway Bride?” That can’t be it. Anyways, let’s get started. Nicole wrote a really great intro and I was trying to deliver it while memorizing it and I almost got there, but I’m still proud of it. But yeah, today we are ranking the best and worst wedding appetizers. And this is in part fueled by the fact that I… I know. Am getting married. And me and Julia need to plan a damn wedding and we can’t get ourselves to do that ’cause it’s been over a year. And listen, we’re really busy. So I figured if I can do that at work while I’m making money, the same theory behind why I poop at work. Because listen, I’m on the clock. I wanna get that skrill for it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. Boss makes a dollar, I make a dime. That’s why I poop on company time. See, that’s what I’m saying. So today we’re gonna be talking about our worst and best wedding foods. And ultimately trying to plan my own wedding menu. Wow. Ready to get to it? I’m born ready. Yeah. Why do you have me here? What? Because Trevor, you have the best taste of anybody in the kitchen. Oh, that’s so true. Okay, you’re right. You’re right, you’re right. And this is yours, I assume. Something cool, cutting edge like sushi. That’s me. Whoa, who’s she? What? You know me. So I got married last two years ago, I guess. 2021. We were there. Yeah, you guys were at my wedding. I hope you had fun. I was ripping rum and pineapples. That’s wonderful. I’m so happy to hear that. So wedding culture is a really big deal in Persian-Jewish American culture. I go to a wedding a month. Is it that infrequent, dude? I feel like you’re at a wedding every… It’s like, on a Tuesday. We only get married on the weekends because we like to rage, but not on Fridays because of Shabbat. But regardless, we do a lot of… We put a lot of energy and thought into weddings and one of the most important things is the food. And the one thing they will always ask you when you walk into the wedding venue is, “Who’s the caterer?” Whoa. And it’s a big deal. And they go, “Who did the sushi?” Because we always have a sushi bar From what region of Iran is the salmon nigiri? Balochi. I’ve only had sushi at Nicole’s wedding, to be clear. And I haven’t been to a lot of weddings which is why I was curious why I’m here because I feel like I’m the youngest and so I don’t have a lot of friends that have gotten married. I said I feel like I’m the youngest. I am the youngest. You are the youngest. In spirit. Yeah. So it’s all about the sushi bar. There’s literally like a hoard… You guys saw there was a hoard of people, right? Oh, yeah. Yeah. It was crazy, they swarmed it. Also, we are not a big fan of hand-passed appetizers. We like to leave it and you swarm. And just don’t talk to anybody and just eat. I’m not kidding. Eat, drink, and have a good time. Maybe mingle. Meet a nice boy, meet a nice girl, you know? I met several nice boys there. They were super sweet. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I believe it. I believe it. Yeah. Really respectful young gentleman. Well, yeah, I think it’s important to have a sushi bar. Because it’s, again, it just proves how high class and how high caliber your wedding’s gonna be. Because you have raw fish hanging out. You gotta make sure it’s all temperature controlled and you’re willing to pay top dollars to make sure your guests have a good food experience. And that is what sushi is. It’s a very common thing at any Jewish function in L.A. is like, there’s gonna be sushi at bar mitzvahs. Mm-hmm. And at least the one that I went to was a bar mitzvah on Shabbat. That’s weird. Yeah, but they didn’t cook any food so they could be like Shabbat. Or maybe it was before sundown, I don’t remember. But anyways, point is there was sushi there ’cause you don’t have to cook it. So it’s like Shabbat. Yeah. Cool. Yeah, yeah. So yeah, I think sushi’s a really, really good appetizer to have at a wedding. Hear me out- You know what I don’t like? What? Carving stations. No, carving station’s BS. You can’t eat with your hands. Carving stations, they’re stupid. They have mu.. Who wants to have mustard at a wedding? Like, a bowl of mustard, a bowl of horseradish, ugh. Sorry, let me drink my non-alcoholic- Hear me out, though. Hypothetically speaking, what if somebody say, couldn’t afford to serve several thousand dollars worth of sushi? You shouldn’t be getting married. I’m kidding. I’m kidding, I’m kidding. I’m kidding. Nicole’s the grindset influencer who’s like, there is no excuse for not having a Maserati by age 19. If you don’t have a Maserati of age 19, you are stupid and useless. And your pee-pee don’t work. No. If you ask me if I’d rather have a million dollars right now or $10,000 every week, I’d say I’d rather give you $10,000 every week so that I can keep grinding and making money and be motivated. Why do you look confused? What is this? It’s a soy paper handroll. Handrolls, now if you have a really good sushi bar, you can ask the guy… You’re like, “Hey, can I get a handroll, light rice, avocados?” Sometimes they put toro in it. It’s delicious. The handrolls were an important part for me. We all grew up in very different environments. Yeah, it’s fine, but whatever. So I think sushi’s the most important and the most delicious and the most crowd pleasing. It is very crowd pleasing, it is elegant. I love eating sushi at weddings in the same way that I love eating sushi at Chinese food buffets. You know, where it’s like, I understand that this isn’t the optimal experience, but I’m having a great time. Is that canned tuna? Whatever. And you can… It makes the tequila shots go down real smooth. Raw fish. Raw fish and tequila. I’m in. All right. Should we get to yours? Yeah, how…? Yeah, yeah. okay. So mine is bacon-wrapped scallops. I’ve never had this before. Well, here’s the thing. One, I want to ask a question. Do you know how many weddings you’ve both been to? Over a hundred. What the hell? Are you kidding me? Over a hundred. Yeah. Over a hundred? I know a lot… Well, listen, our community’s very insular, and we all know each other. Do you know a hundred people? No. No. Family gets married, family marries, you know, this guy’s family, that guy’s family and then- Yeah, typically families marry into another family. Whatever. Hopefully. Our community’s really small and I’ve been to a lot. Yeah, I’m very lucky to be surrounded by a lot of lovely family members. Invite me to all your weddings. Six. Okay, I was- What? I was feeling really dumb because I think I’m like at about four. That’s not bad. As an adult. I think I might have gone to some as a kid where it’s like I didn’t even know what a wedding was. Like, I was just sitting in a chair. Like, my grandma’s second husband, I think, maybe in El Paso, Texas. Is he hot? Papa Ray was a good man. Papa Ray. I respected Papa Ray a lot. Papa Ray. R.I.P. So you’re related to Papa Roach, sorry. No, I, gee… Full disclosure here. When Nicole asked me what’s your favorite wedding appetizer, I Googled “wedding appetizers.” Oh, my god. Like, top 10 wedding appetizers. ‘Cause I couldn’t even think… I was like, I don’t know. The only wedding that I remember eating food at was your wedding, and there was like a billion things. There was like a quarter mile of just long catering of- That’s right. Foods of all different kinds. And I was like, I don’t know if that’s normal. She had five different international meat on skewers. You had yakitori. You had some sort of Brazilian barbecue which was on skewers and then kabob. Yep. That was great. Are these gonna make you poo your pants? Yeah. Probably. Can I jump in? Yeah. So this is a food that my dad heavily fetishized. This was like my dad’s ultimate example of what is fancy and high class. He called it rumaki. I don’t know if there’s any verification to that being an actual term, especially Japanese term. I don’t like it. Why are you… What the hell? What? Nicole doesn’t like it. It’s good food. It’s gross. I could as hell, man. No. It’s so good. What? The textures are are making a mistake in my mouth. I feel like though, this probably peaked in like 1963. You know what I mean? This is like you came home from the war, you’re on the GI bill. You got a little bit of extra dough spend, you know? 8% of people had college degrees, so suddenly you’re making $19,000 a year, living the high life. All right. Hold on. Well, according to Google, most popular wedding appetizers, bacon-wrapped scallops is number seven. That’s not based on fact, that’s a data-based thing. It is. If you’re getting married in Nantucket or something. Well, like, no. Who eats this? Okay, according to “New Jersey Bride…” “New Jersey Bride,” 10 most popular… Number one, bacon-wrapped scallops. I love eating scallops. The people of New Jersey love bacon-wrapped scallops, okay? Yeah, I’m going three New Jersey weddings this summer. See? You guys to go to a bunch of weddings. We’re spending a whole week at the Jersey Shore just like, in between it too. Come find me at the Jersey Shore. Oh, yes, can I have some please? You know how they do that with those appetizers? Yes, yes. Over here. Yes, thank you. Okay, here’s mine. Mine’s a taco bar. I’ve been to several weddings with taco bars. Many of my friends do not have what some would call “money.” And so taco bars are a great way to feed a crowd in a way that you get the carbs in for the dance floor. You know, it’s still a little bit cultured. It’s not like you’re just serving a steak and potatoes. Like, hey, here is fun, festive food. We’re in California, most likely. And so that’s why I love the humble taco bar. Also, I can afford it. Did they have just this? Hm? That’s pretty much it. They didn’t have other options? I don’t know because every wedding I go to, there’s multiple options. I’ve never been to a place that just has- What do you mean? What do you mean? Like, an appetizer- They’re tacos. No, there might be like cheese and crackers. Okay. But then there’s tacos. Okay. You’re eating the tacos. I’m learning so much. Thanks for teaching me stuff. No, this is good. The most recent wedding I was at was my friend Kathleen. Shout out, Kathleen. There wasn’t… Well, actually… There wasn’t even an appetizer, like, beforehand thing. It was just a taco bar. The whole time? Yeah. That’s the best way to do it. It was great. That’s it. And nobody’s mad about it ’cause it’s tacos. And you’re having a great time. It was awesome. Yeah, and I had probably like a liter of Jack and Coke. Oh, that’s good. Yeah. That’s good. It was super great. Do you… Oh, go ahead. Sorry, your mouth was full. Why has that never stopped me before? The point of food at a wedding is to simply soak up the alcohol so you don’t black out, right? That is very true. That’s my… I’m still at that age where… Well, I’m probably never gonna grow outta that age ’cause I’m a dirt bag, but that’s the point. Yeah. Also, can we talk about the worst wedding food? Any entree? Any entree at any wedding is always gonna be the worst. I have it, sea bass. Sit down sea bass. Is the worst? Yes. I agree. Wanna know why? Smells, makes a whole banquet hall smell like a fisherman’s wharf. It is not good. If you are thinking of getting the chicken or the fish, don’t even have fish on your menu. I’m telling you, just go for a vegan, vegetarian option. The only fish, black cod. It’s still smells. I don’t care if it smells. I don’t care if it smells. I’ll be drunk enough to where I don’t smell the smell, you know? I like fish- You have to be considerate of other people at your wedding. It’s not just- No, it’s my wedding. And I’m a bridezilla. It’s everybody’s day. I’m a bride-mathra, I’m King Bride Dora. I don’t get that. Morgan got it. I feel like- Morgan gets all your references. We teed this up with planning Josh’s wedding, but I feel like this is just educational for me. I’ve never considered any of these things. I’ve never even thought about it. I’m learning so much. About marriage? You see yourself getting married? At some point, yeah, I’d say. Yeah, I could eat this for four hours though, while drinking. Same. Same, same. No, this is great. What did you just say? Nothing, nothing at all. So… Nothing is more menacing than you going, “I didn’t say anything.” And then sipping on a fake martini, to be clear. It’s not even a martini. It’s just Le Croix guava. What is ours, fake…? What? I don’t think you get brown liquids like this in a champagne flute. Oh, no. This is just NyQuil and soda. That’s a joke, YouTube. YouTube, that’s a joke. It’s Diet Coke. So Josh, because you are getting married sometime soon… Yeah. Which one of these do you imagine yourself having? How about we do this? How about we do taco bar, sushi bar, passed-out seafood appetizer. Like, I’m passed out getting seafood appetizer shoved in my mouth. What are you talking about? No, like passed. Like hand passed. I think what I ultimately want to do at this wedding… And Julia will have some say in it. I’m kidding, Julia. Baby, I love you. Baby, don’t get mad. She doesn’t watch the content. Susan, her mom… Susan, don’t get mad at me. ‘Cause you’re gonna tell her about it. That’s how Julia finds out, Susan texts her about it. No, I think we wanna do just pure buffet setup. No hand-pass appetizers. Good. Stack all the food in a pile. Maybe get a bunch of pizza rolls and El Monterey taquitos. Ooh. Yeah. Just stack ’em up, right? I think that’s what we’ve learned here. Is you just need food to fill up before drinking. Mm-hmm. Actually though, we have been thinking about a really in-depth catering menu that tells the story of our relationship through food. And so if there’s any catering company…. Yeah, I’m using this shameless plug. Any catering companies in the L.A. area who wanna do a real in-depth cool menu, because we reached out to one catering company with our menu and they just said good luck finding another one. And didn’t even quote us an exorbitant price. Oh, my god. So we’ll figure it out. But this has been educational for me. That’s good. In a way. So you wanna get married in L.A.? Around, you know? Somewhere in California wedding, right? Yeah, yeah. Knott’s Berry Farm. Will there be an open bar at the Knott’s Berry Farm? Oh, bro, come on, yeah. There will be an open bar regardless. I’m just making sure. It would be better if it was at the Knott’s Berry, though. And all…. And the roller coasters, they are going. We’re getting married on Ghost Rider. That’s my favorite. No, there’s no way Ghost Rider’s still rolling. Of course it is. It’s like Silver Bullet now. I went there last year. It’s totally… You go for the Boysenberry Festival? No. Do you go for the Fried Chicken Festival? No, I just went. For the California Coal Mining Days? I have nieces- Hey, that’s the bell. You know what that means? It’s time to give one incredibly lucky fan the most prescient advice… Yes, prescient, they’ve ever heard. Can you define prescient? What does prescient mean? Somebody Google prescient while I read this. Does that mean precious and relevant? Is an instapot worth buying? Will it just become a dust-gathering unused antiquey? My turn? Antique. My turn. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, I was gifted instapot by Instant Pot. Thank you very much. And I used it. I used it yesterday. I made a beautiful… I made a green chili beef picado with it and then had tacos. And I use it maybe once every two weeks. And I think it’s a really useful tool because I just kind of set it and forget it. I agree. Is it your turn? No. I think it’s a very useful tool. I think it depends on what kind of stuff you’re regularly cooking. I know for some people, just a rice cooker might be more useful as something like, if you’re just eating a lot of rice, like a rice cooker, you can just set and forget. Make it in the instapot. No, I know, but like, I don’t know what people are cooking in a instapot. I have one. Its… Never use it really. Take six pounds of chicken thighs, two jars of Herdez salsa verde. Dump that in an instapot. Close the lid, click 40 minutes. Open the lid back up. You got food for two weeks, brother. That’s like 8 million grams of protein right there. No, I love instapots. Anything you could do in a crock pot that would take five hours, you can just do in an instapot in two hours. I love mine. That said, if I’m actually trying to make a broth, like a soup, I used to do in the instapot. Well, that’s cool. I don’t like it as much. Like, pressure cook the- Yeah, right. But I feel like it always gets the broth like, really scummy. ‘Cause it’s such a rapid boil. That makes sense. And now I’ve started using it less. But to me it’s still been a really good investment. Totally. All right, well, that’s the show. Tell me what you think should be on my wedding menu and tell Nicole it’s okay to say no to social engagement sometimes. I know, I’m so tired all the time. Tell me to find more friends. You’re too hot to handle and so is your bake ware. Get a Mythical Kitchen oven mitt available now at http://www.mythical.com.