Hey, I’m Gabriel Iglesias. That’s Gabriel Iglesias, if you have an accent. And my last meal would be a grilled cheese on wheat with spam and a six pack of Diet Coke ’cause why not? Pastrami chili cheese fries, bacon wrapped chili cheese dogs, and a key lime pie with rocky road ice cream for dessert. Every person has exactly two things in common. We all gotta eat and we’re all gonna die. Today, we’re joined by one of the funniest, most prolific, successful comedians of all time. You can catch his sold out Dodger Stadium special, “Stadium Fluffy” on Netflix now. He’s also the company-star of the Magic Mike series. Gabriel Iglesias, welcome to “Your Last Meal.” Nice. We all gotta eat. We all gotta die. That’s pretty much it right there. And yes, yes. For the record, I was in “Magic Mike.” I know it sounds like more like he was, but no, I was the only one that didn’t get naked. I auditioned. I think you took my spot, actually. That’s probably what happened right there. That’s right. They had affirmative action. I wanted to ask you. Have you ever thought about your last meal before? Have I ever thought about my last meal? Every time I get drunk and I hit a fast food restaurant at two o’clock in the morning somewhere on the road. You know, I think everyone has had that conversation because at one point in time, you wind up watching some documentary and they’re showing people on death row and it’s like, oh. You always hear those stories of like, what did they eat? You know, what was their final meal? And so then you guys hit me up and I’m like, wow, I really had to think about it. ‘Cause everything that’s on this menu are all things that I would normally have, you know, throughout the week, but never all at the same time. But it’s a great kind of self-reflection exercise. Like, some of the serial killers. Oh yeah, after today, I’m gonna totally look at myself differently and hopefully, I’m make it home okay. Otherwise, the irony. We’ve yet to have an actual guest die, but we were just talking. Like, statistically, it’s gonna happen one day. I don’t think it’s gonna be on show number 14 or 7 or 25 or whatever this is, but statistically, it’s gonna happen. That would suck, right? He died on his way home from his last meal. It’d be great for views. I’m just saying, it’d be great for our views. Like, it’d be bad, but like, if it’s already gonna happen, it’s like, do you believe in- Predicting it, man. This would be like a Simpson episode. I know. How often do you think about death in general? You know what? I think it comes across my mind at least once a day. You know, it has to, to remind you of how important life is and, you know, what’s important to you. Yeah. So you don’t think of that as like a depressing thing, but it’s actually a very life-affirming thing. A little bit of the two. You ready to get into the meal? I’m ready to get into the meal! This is exciting. Let’s do this. Let’s eat. All right, Gabriel, for your first course today, you have the fried spam grilled cheese sandwich on wheat bread, some American cheese, some cheddar cheese. Best of both worlds and then a six pack of Diet Coke. Turns out, they only make six packs in the mini cans now. It’s BS. Shrink-flation, man. It’s happening. That’s funny that I have not seen the actual plastic that goes around the cans in so… It’s been a long time. We’re killing three sea turtles with each of these. I know. I know, right? ‘Cause that’s the main reason you don’t see them a whole lot now because, you know, plastic’s bad for the environment. Yeah, no. You know, if it’s my last meal, I don’t really care. So. Well, you care enough to have Diet Coke in your last meal. This is your last meal. I mean, you’re going into the grave immediately after this. Like, we have a plot for you in our Burbank parking lot. Nice. I know it’s not where you wanted to go, but it’s where you’re going. Why Diet Coke? You know what? Even if it was the actual last, last, literally, like, that’s it. For some reason, I like the taste of it. Yeah. Yeah. I actually enjoy the taste of it. So if you were to give me a regular Coke, it would taste like, oh, it’d be too much. It would be overload on the sugar. Yeah. Yeah. I would feel like I need to add water to it or something or put more ice. You get accustomed to the chemical taste of Diet Coke and the body craves it cause it wants to be like, preserved from the inside out. For some reason. Yeah, I know. That’s why people don’t realize it. Like, you know, I’m actually like, 73, but I look 37 ’cause preservatives, man. GMOs. It’s a beautiful thing. My insides are very old, but outside, I’m so pretty. Shiny and new. So pretty. Shine bright like a diamond. Tell me about the grilled cheese. Well, I’m gonna tell you that I’m about to eat it ’cause it’s here. It’s in front of me. It’s a grilled cheese sandwich and it’s made with spam. Now, some people don’t like spam because they’re like, that’s like a bologna 2.0. But I grew up on it, you know? It’s one of those things where it’s not just a nice salty, meaty flavor for me, but it’s memories of a childhood, of a good time. You know, I had a great childhood. And so, yeah. Oh. Oh, my God. See? Good times. Spam does what ham simply can’t or won’t or refuses to do and I don’t care. Oh, my God. This is like a fun version of “Hot Ones.” Cheers, man. You know what I’m saying? It’s like, no one’s on fire. This is very comfortable. It’s fun. It’s a better table. I love your questions. I’m not bleeding. This is way better. All you gotta do is answer questions about death. Like, you don’t gotta eat spicy food. You just gotta indulge me in my weird, morbid fantasies. No, no problem. I could talk about death and eat spam. It’s all good. Oh, yeah. I was gonna ask you what you think happens when you die, but you already die because I read on the internet and you can’t fake things on the internet. I read on the internet and 30 million other people did, too, that you died from diabetes complications and then you came back from the grave ’cause the manager wanted you to make more specials. I guess that, first of all, that’s a sign that you’ve achieved certain level of status. Yeah. Yeah. Because yeah, the internet killed me. I wanna say, what, 10 years ago? I think it was about 10 years ago. 2014. Yeah. it was my first ever death hoax and… Not the last? No, I’ve actually had like, three. Maybe four. But after the first couple, you say, “Whatever.” Yeah, yeah, yeah. I’ll die again next year. It’s cool. I got to read a lot of comments and man, some people like, oh, my God, it was so touching. Like, he did this for my family and so much happiness and joy. And then there was others that were like, oh, it’s about time. You know? It was only matter time. Yeah. That guy was overrated. That dude was, you know, he was on borrowed time, man. You actually said something really touching on Facebook about the death hoax and I wanna read it to you. You said, “If this has taught me anything, it’s that I need to enjoy more moments in my life and not get so stressed out about things I can’t change, especially with myself. I have people who care about me that I made happy in my life. And in the end, that’s all that’s really gonna matter.” You stand by that? Yes. Wow. I’m a beautiful person. You are a beautiful person. I felt that. I’m like, wow, that’s not, yeah, I wrote that. That’s me. That came from me. You also said that when you do die, you’re gonna buy multiple plots next to each other so you can stretch your legs when you die and that to me is really smart. You don’t wanna die in like, the Spirit Airlines of graves. No. You wanna, yeah, right? Where you have like, extra for the headstone and extra for the freaking, ’cause they’ll upsell you. ‘Cause that’s one thing my mom did. She didn’t want anyone to mess up her funeral and so she went in on her own and did the plot, selected a coffin, selected everything, the flowers. She did everything! And I thought that was pretty hardcore. Like, she did not want anyone to mess it up. How long before she passed did she do that? I’d say about a year. Damn. Yeah. My dad did the same thing. He literally, he was going in for surgery, but it wasn’t, you know, a thing where he thought he was gonna die, but just in case, went to a funeral home. Got a quote for $1,500 and in the hospital thing that you have to sign, it said, “Do not pay more than $1,500 from this place.” Dad was hustling. He was cutting deals, He was out there hustling. He was cutting deals. Your mom knew exactly what she wanted and she got it, man. Oh, so then another part of me was like, well, shoot, maybe I should just get cremated. If I get cremated then, you know, they’ll put me in a, you know, whatever, an urn, right? Or a box or something cool and then I figured, leave me by where my cars are. Like, I got a collection of cars and Volkswagens and stuff and I figure if they leave my ashes there, they can charge admission and it’ll be like Mexican Graceland, you know? Like, these are Fluffy’s cars. This is where Fluffy would blow it up in the bathroom. This is the gym Fluffy barely used and here’s Fluffy himself. You wanna hold him? People can take selfies with the urn and you know. And you’re always out here hustling, man. But at least this way, yeah. Even a death, man, you gotta find find an angle, so. Gabriel, course number two, we got the pastrami chili cheese fries. This is like a southern California diner classic. We got fresh double fried fries. We have a chili made with chorizo, homemade spice blend, all that good stuff. Got some simple mild cheddar cheese on there. And then, of course, some pastrami that’s been braised in some right on top. I wish you guys could smell how awesome this is. Yeah, it’s just. Yeah, it’s really good. And I wasn’t sure if we were gonna be able to top that grilled cheese with spam. That grilled cheese with spam was legit. It was so delicious. It was really, really good. I am, oh, this the most fun I’ve had doing a show. It’s insane. Please, man. Dig in. We got the share plates. Yeah. All right. Go to town. Go to town. Tell me about why this is on your last meal. Like, is this a special dish to you? Did you grow up eating it? Well, this is actually, you know, I did not grow up eating chili cheese pastrami fries. This is something I learned about later in life. One of my favorite restaurants to visit is a restaurant called The Hat. Yes, sir. Here in LA and some of the best chili cheese fries. I’ll take a drive over there to The Hat usually, you know, right around midnight, which is probably not the best time to be eating food like this, but. No, that’s the best time to eat food like this. But you know, yeah. That’s what Tums are for. So I take my dogs with me and they’re all about this pastrami life, so it’s kind of everybody gets a treat. You’re feeding your dogs pastrami? You know what? Say what you want. I got one dog that’s 17 and the other one is like, 14. So yeah, people say all the time, “You shouldn’t feed them human food.” I’m like, well, your organic dog is dead and my GMO dog is still alive, so. If like, one grain of food like, falls on the ground, she’s like, “The cat’s gonna eat it.” I’m like, “The cat eats his own poop.” There’s nothing in the world that you can eat that is worse than feces and the cat’s doing that on the daily. He’s gonna be fine. No, I gotta go Diet Coke for Diet Coke with you. Diet Coke for Diet Coke. This is how you respect. Salud. Salud. I’m so sorry, Gabriel. That was really rude. As a host, I gotta be more professional. It sounded like burp vomit. I wasn’t sure what was about to happen right there. I’m like, oh, he’s about to ruin the show. I feel like a lot of people think of you as a very happy-go-lucky guy and you certainly are. You bring a lot of joy on stage, but do you think you’re deceptively darker than people give you credit for? I got my moments. I like to think for the most part, I’m a very, you know, easygoing, happy-go-lucky guy. But things do stress me out. Sure. And you know, we all have our ways of dealing. Clearly, food has been one of those ways of dealing. Yeah, yeah. I like listening to music and I just get in my own thoughts and stuff like that. Yeah. I know that in a room full of people, I’m probably the quietest one. Interesting. Yeah and you know, I’m not that comic. There’s a lot of comics that don’t stop talking. They just want to be the center of attention the whole time and they’re just loud and over the top and that’s annoying as shit. Sorry, I don’t know if I’m. That’s annoying as ship. We need ships. They bring in our products into the ports. Support your local ship. Yeah ’cause ship happens. I enjoy listening. I think you learn a lot more from shutting up than by trying to be the one running your mouth all the time. You talk about being diagnosed with diabetes and you switched to a low carb diet. You said you still eat fast food, you still get a double cheeseburger, maybe three, take off the bun, take off the ketchup. And people say, “Isn’t cholesterol gonna kill you?” And you say, “Yeah, that’ll get me in 10 years. Diabetes is gonna get me in two. I’m winning by eight years.” What do you think about people who want to live a long life, but not a happy life and how do you find that medium? Every day, I’m reminded because of medication that I take or for example, like, I wear this, which measures my blood sugar. I did not bring my sugar meter with me ’cause I knew what I was about to do today. Sorry about that. And why torture myself, you know? I know that as soon as I walk in the door when I get home, that thing’s gonna be screaming at me. He’s like, where were you? I thought you died. The thing is like Kevin Hart? Did they give your blood sugar monitor Kevin Hart? Right? That’d be a good product, man. I’d buy that. Like, when you got diagnosed with diabetes, a doctor told you you had two years to live. What were your like- I think he was just trying to scare me. ’cause I’m like, really, dude? How can you guess? Like, I saw the guys in the hallway waiting, you know? I’m like, no, no. If I got two years, they’re dead in five minutes. But did it work? Like, what were the emotions that you felt? I think initially, the scare tactic. Yeah, that’s when. Off camera, we were talking about how I did yoga for a year. So yeah, that was during that time where I’m like, okay, you know, ’cause I did lose a hundred pounds. Yeah. Yeah. You look great, by the way. And so, thank you. That’s right. Sitting up straight. That’s, you know. But I have had like, you know, ups and downs and I think that out of everything in life, the only goal I have not been able to meet has been losing weight. And so when people say, well, you know, what’s next in life? Well, you know, maybe I’ll lose weight. Like, really? But if you lose weight, you might not be funny. I’m like, eat a . I gotta spend this money. You know what I mean? Sorry, you’re probably gonna edit that out. Eat a dictionary. Eat a dictionary. Dictionaries are important because people need to be. Literacy is key. And the Gabriel Iglesias literacy foundation. That’s right. So eat a dictionary. Do you feel like, pressured to change that to like, set an example? I know this is like, a really kinda tricky subject and like, you aren’t obligated to do anything, but do you ever feel like that? I do feel like I’m not getting any younger. Yeah. And I feel like I am now. Before I could have that argument where I’m like, I’m in my 20s. I’m good. I’m in my 30s. I’m all right. And then I’m reading like, you know, when do people start having heart attacks and issues with this and that? And I’m like- I’m there! So, I’m looking at it a little bit differently now. And so for some reason now, I find myself up late at night watching videos about intermittent fasting and how the benefits of a low sugar diet and this and that. I’m like, oh, God, really? It is so much easier for me to get up in front of thousands of people and tell stories and be vulnerable than to freaking check my diet and I think that’s the craziest thing. I’m like, why does food have such control over me? And every week, I always meet personal trainers and nutritionists. They want to get to me and they’re like, “I can help you. I can teach you how to lose weight.” I’m like, I don’t lack an education. I know how to lose weight. Yeah. I know how to lose weight. You know? So I know what to do, so I don’t lack the education. I lack the motivation. That’s the part that I’m missing, so. I’ve gotten so obsessed with working out that I’m standing up in between takes, stretching my back, that I’m gonna need a spinal fusion surgery to fix. I’ve replaced one addiction with another. I need more Diet Coke. I feel you. Gabriel, course number three. Sorry, we got the Wagyu bacon wrapped hotdog covered in chili and cheese. Nice little soft hotdog brioche bun. It’s like a little bit fancy, but really keeps the spirit and integrity, man and I see the smile on your face and it makes me excited. Oh, man, I just gotta say. This is my favorite show ever. Yes! Yes. That’s what I’m talking about, man. This has been the most awesome experience. It’s like, you know, it’s nice when you show up to a show and you know, in the green room, they’ll have a couple snacks there for you. That’s real nice. Maybe a Diet Coke or two. It’s another one, you know, you got actually get to go on camera and enjoy something. But usually, the food is just, it visually looks cool, but it’s not really a good experience. Whereas here, everything is hot and it’s like, delicious and this has been really, really fun. And I appreciate, I don’t feel like I’ve been shamed at all. I’ve been encouraged to live my best life. I hope I don’t die, but if I do, I’m gonna die full. And big smile. Pulling me outta the windshield like, God, this guy’s mangled. Look at smile though. Man, that guy. This guy looks happy. Why does he smell like chili and pastrami? He smell delicious. Please, man, dig in. All right, so I’m gonna approach this a certain way because I know this is gonna be real messy. So I’m gonna cut my hot dog in half because my goal is to be able to enjoy as much of it as possible and not look like I’m making a porno. So, yeah. There we go. The hot dog got stuck in the middle. It’s what? It’s really hot? No, no. It’s stuck. Oh, it’s stuck. Stuck. It’s stuck. Well, I saw how you were eating it, so yeah, I’m not surprised. I am not surprised. I’m definitely gonna need a lot of napkins after this, but here we go. Salud. I don’t know how I got on my nose, but I think I got it in my nose. I wanna talk about at the beginning of your comedy career because you took a really huge leap of faith when you just quit your day job. Was it LA Cellular before it was AT&T? Yeah. Yes. Sorry. I used to sell cell phones back in 1997. That’s the early days. I know. I was working in sales. I was making about five grand a month in 1997. I was doing so good. I even paid for my own cable. You could have stole that easy. Yeah, yeah. Easy. I knew a guy, but I was like, nah, you know what? I’m gonna pay. I’m gonna pay. It’s the least I could do. But life was good, man, and I had just bought a car and so yeah, to give that up to pursue comedy. And people say, you know, ’cause at the beginning, I was able to do both and I had the energy to do both, but then you had to hang out. And so sometimes, I’d be hanging out until three, four o’clock in the morning and then I had to be at work at seven and so rinse, repeat. You do that enough times and it catches up to you. Yeah. So I quit my job thinking that I could make it and I found out very quickly that it’s not as easy as it looks. But once I quit, I refused to get my job back because I could have gotten my job back. What do you think would’ve happened if you would’ve kept that job? Like, I know it’s kind of stupid to have that retrospective and look back and guess, but do you think you would’ve still wound up in the same position had you kept the cell phone job? Financially, I think I’d be okay. I don’t know that I’d be this happy. Interesting. So for all those people out there, ’cause again, this is a thing that so many people you talk to, especially in LA, they’re like, this is what I do for work. This is what I’m passionate about. And they have these fantasies of leaving that day job to pursue their passion, whether it’s crocheting on Etsy, making earrings, doing comedy, screenwriting, whatever. Do you think that you could like, ethically advocate, just like, screw it? Oh, God! No safety net. Quit your job and pursue that passion. So a question that I get a lot is what was your biggest break? And when I tell people my biggest break was the first time I decided to actually do it. Once I got up on that stage and I made this is day one. Once I made up my mind that I was gonna do it, I was gonna go all the way. And so I did bet on myself. And, of course, everybody said no. You know, and family was, you know, as supportive as they can be, but when they don’t think that you’re going in the right direction and they see you giving up a job that’s paying you that much a month and they see how good you’re well off. I had benefits. I never had benefits. I feel that. You know? So day one, there’s different things that you can invest in in life. You can invest in stocks, you can invest in real estate, you can invest in this or that, but the most important thing you can invest in is yourself. And if you feel strongly enough that something’s a passion, the only thing standing in your way is you. Yeah. And so bet on yourself is what I say. And you think even if that doesn’t work out, ’cause obviously, there’s only so many spots to be a famous comedian. If it doesn’t work out- Even if you fail, you still win because it’s a learning experience. You know, your trial and error. So that’s why whenever I see people make it right away, I’m like, oh, that’s not gonna go well. That’s not gonna go well. ‘Cause you have to establish that foundation, that struggle. You need to have that internal struggle that I know what it took to get here, so I will act accordingly in order to try to maintain it. Do you think you take appropriate time to actually reflect on your happiness now that you have like, reached what I’m sure is like, a higher mountain top than you would’ve thought when you started out in comedy? Do you take time to actually reflect or do you just keep moving forward to the next thing? I do a combination of the two. It’s not more one than the other. It’s just always like, all right ’cause I’m always go, go, go. Yeah. I mean, you know, I never know where I’m at, but my favorite time to reflect is I’ll go out late at night and I’ll take my little drives. I like taking drives at night. I’ll get the dogs in the car. We’ll drive out to The Hat, go get some pastrami fries and, you know, I will reflect. I will just sit and listen to music and I’m like, wow, okay. You know, and I think about things that either I’d like to do or things that I did in the past that I enjoyed that maybe I wanna find a way to get into again. What’s one thing you did in the past that you wanna get into again? I think part of me is afraid to just go out and public. Not only ’cause of COVID reasons. I’m pretty much past that, but my privacy’s already, it’s gone whenever I go out somewhere. I miss people actually not knowing who I am so that I could have a real conversation with someone who’s not like, fangirling. If the point of success is to be happy, it sounds like you’ve gotten to the point where you are so successful that it’s almost negatively affecting your happiness if you can’t even go out in public. Is it like a golden prison? It is. It is very much like a golden prison. The performing. You know, for me, I consider success to be doing something that you enjoy doing. The comedy part, me getting up on stage, it’s my favorite thing in the world to do is to get up on stage and make people laugh. Other things that are cool that are part of that, that fall into that umbrella, acting, whether it’s on television or film or doing radio or doing interviews, doing, you know, shows. If it didn’t happen, I’m okay. If it does happen, it’s cool, but sometimes, it’s annoying. But I enjoy it. I do love doing that. But I also miss having normal situations. I think people want to have a problem to solve. I killed that whole chili dog, man. What Diet Coke you on? Am I ahead of you on Diet Coke? And you talk the whole time. No, I think everybody wakes up- It’s like a grenade. Trying to say some profound shit. No, I have nothing. You just eat chili dogs. You drink Diet Coke. One day, you die. Some people make billions of people happy. Some people have a lovely niche audience on YouTube and we love you very much. I have not not enjoyed any of this. This has been incredible from beginning to right now. The only complaint I have is I only have one soda left. Get more sodas! That is the only complaint I have. Bring the Diet Coke fire hose! Gabriel, for your final course right now, we have a key lime pie. We were gonna make ourselves, but we got a better person to make it. This is from Nicole Rucker’s Fat and Flour. Best key lime pie in the city, in my humble opinion. And then four scoops or Rocky Road ice cream. Dig in. What’s the deal with key lime pie? Just a fan? So in 1999, I did a joke where I talked about how much I love chocolate cake. And that joke, I guess, hit so hard that from then on, people started bringing me chocolate cakes to the shows. Yeah. Even to this date, I still get people bringing me chocolate cakes. And if you had to figure out how many cakes I’ve received over the years, it’s in the thousands. Jesus. I’ve received thousands of chocolate cakes over the last 20 years. You know, it’s like I tell people, imagine it’s been your birthday every single day since 1999 and every day, two friends give you a cake. That’s how much cake it’s been. And people wonder why I’m diabetic. Yeah. I’m trying to make you happy. That’s what happened. I try to make you happy. Your life is so beautiful and filled with joy. Yeah. But it’s also this weird, like, fun house nightmare. There’s an episode of “The Simpsons” where Homer goes to hell and the devil’s force feeding him like, donuts the whole day and he just keeps eating it. That’s what this reminds me of. That’s kind of in the right vein. So the reason for the key lime pie is because after chocolate cake, I mean, I’ll eat it, but it’s not like I love it anymore. So I went in the complete opposite direction. It literally is. And I found out that I love key lime pie. I love that tartness. I love the sourness. And that’s a beautiful metaphor. Like, when one thing sours for you, you flip to the opposite, you know? It’s just a dance and god damn, key lime pie is great. It’s so good. Oh, God. More lime. This is delicious. This is delicious. You’ve talked about being deliberately non-controversial and you said to younger comedians that you should try and do that to try and like, reach the biggest amount of audience. But now that you’ve reached all these heights, do you ever just wanna say screw it? Like, are we getting like, a dark Fluffy era? Because I would love to see it. I’m a huge fan of professional wrestling. In wrestling, you have the baby face and you have the heel. Okay? The baby face forever was Hulk Hogan, okay? Growing up in the ’80s. He’s the ultimate good guy. Say your prayers, take your vitamins. Just, you know, real American brother and just everybody loved him. I loved him and the craziest thing was he was the good guy for a very long time and he reinvented himself by all of a sudden becoming the biggest bad guy ever. He did a thing called a heel turn. Yeah. Everybody’s like, oh, my God! I can’t believe he did that! That’s crazy. And people loved him even more. Yeah! For being the bad guy. A hundred percent. So part of me feels like, all right, all these years of trying to keep a show that’s friendly, keep a show that everyone can enjoy and come out to. Staying away from politics, staying away from religion, staying away from things that are divisive. Part of me feels like, you know what? One night, maybe Fluffy doesn’t show up to the club. Maybe it’s just Gabe and Gabe is pissed. You know? And so I thought about it ’cause people say, “Oh, well, your show’s very fluffy, no pun intended.” Yeah. If you think of comedy as like, a very personal art form, you know, then like, do you think that you’re repressing at all like, this dark side of you? Yes. Yeah? Absolutely. And I think that that would be an art form in itself to be able to find a way to creatively express myself and get these thoughts out without them coming across like- You know? Yeah. Yeah. Because every single day, there’s something that bothers me. I’m like, do I talk about that? And I’m like, hmm. You know? If money is a main driver, at what point is enough enough? Because I mean like, listen, I ain’t know your personal finances. I barely know how money works. I’m one of those like, stupid people who just knows that I can pay my rent so I’m chill. But I imagine like, you got enough to take care of yourself, your family, your family’s family for a while. Does that keep you chasing? I definitely am addicted because I do feel like, based on what I think I need, I definitely have enough to stop. Sure. The only reason why I buy dumb things is ’cause I can. Sure. Yeah. I don’t need it. I wish I had more experiences than actual physical things and usually, that requires me to get away from the thing that’s generating all the money, generating the attention, generating the opportunities. And so that’s, you know, you become part of the machine. You’ve associated like, monetary success or success in terms of fame, achieving all these things and acquiring these things as like, that is what self-worth is. You know? Is that fair to say? Yeah. It’s very. That sounds pretty accurate. So if you’re not like, achieving, then- What am I doing? Yeah, of course. I had no idea this shit was gonna get so deep. I’m like, whoa! Let’s go to Modesto or something. This guy’s so deep, I stopped eating ice cream. I’m like, yeah, man. Bro. I’m good, man. Going on the road, it’s been tough all these years. I forgive you, Gabriel. I forgive you. It’s okay. It’s okay. It’s not your fault. I got ice cream in your shirt. I don’t care. I was gonna nail myself anyway. You’re ready to get into the lightning round? Let’s go to the lightning round. Let’s do it, man. I got a whole new bottle of Diet Coke for you. We’re bringing out the big guns now. We couldn’t afford the Diet Coke fire hose. Burbank fire marshal said he wouldn’t let us do it again. Other than me, who’s the one person dead or alive you don’t wanna share your actual last meal with? Who I don’t wanna share? Yeah, who’s your least favorite person, dead or alive? Man. It’s like, all the genocidal world leaders. There’s so many to choose from. Who’s the one person you don’t wanna spend your last meal with? I would say the person’s name, but I don’t want to give them any credibility or any platform or mention just ’cause I don’t think they deserve it . Yeah. But they know who they are. Take that, JK Rowing. They know who they are. Jesus. There’s gonna be a lot of people just be like, when I gave him that chocolate cake show, I didn’t know. Now, the fact that I said they know who they are, now I’m gonna be like, 50 people who’s like, oh, my God, he’s clearly talking about me! What a weird text. What’s the one song you’d wanna do a Magic Mike strip tease to? The one song that always gets me like, in the car, kind of like, you know. Got a little honed up? Remember C+C Music Factory back in the day? Vaguely. Gonna make you sweat. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, and you’ll be sweating, man. Oh, yeah, yeah. I’ll be sweating for sure. I’ll be sweating right there in the chair. All right, who’s the dream eulogize at your funeral? Oh. Morgan Freeman. Yeah. Fluffy was a good man. Spent his days bringing laughter to the world. Boy, did he love chili. Boy, did he love chili cheese. Who plays you in the biopic about your life? That’s easy. Rico Rodriguez, the little kid from “Modern Family.” Oh, my God. We’ve already talked about this. I already told him. “Dude, when I’m die, you gotta play me.” I gave the green light, the blessing. It’s you. And you know where he’s gonna promote it? Right in this seat. That’s nice. Right in this seat. Come on the show. All right, what’s your biggest fear? My biggest fear is that I wasted time. That I just, you know, that it was all for nothing kind of a thing where it’s like, I don’t know, it’s weird. Like, I always feel like I’m dreaming. I always feel like everything that’s happening to me right now is a dream. I’m like, there’s no way this is real. You know? It’s like, I have multiple Snoop Dogg stories. I got stories about being around the world. All my story, you know, all these different people, all these different things that I’ve done, it’s so surreal and my fear is that it’s all a dream. What if I told you, Gabriel, it all has been a dream? Nice. Right? Three, two, one. I release you! Now, I’m at a Kmart parking lot. I got the vest on. I got the shopping cart. Finally, are you happy? I’m very happy right now. I’m very happy right now. This has been an incredible experience. I mean, we’ve been shooting the ship. Shooting the ship and enjoying amazing food and this has been such a wonderful, fun, different conversation. You know, I’m lucky to say that I’ve done many, many interviews and I feel like most of them are the same and this is very different. Thank you, man. I appreciate it. Very, very different. And if this is in fact my last meal, it was fun, bro. Thank you. Gabriel, if you have any last words, deliver them right to that camera. It’s been fun. Find what makes you happy and try to do as much of it as possible. It’s your life and only your life and everybody’s gonna tell you how to live it. At the end of the day, you gotta do what brings you the most amount of joy and what’s gonna bring me the most amount of joy right now is finishing this Rocky Road ice cream and then getting on the freeway. Wish me luck getting home. Gabriel, truly, thank you so much. You can find his Netflix special, “Stadium Fluffy”, on Netflix over at netflix.com/netflix. That’s not brought to you by Netflix. Just Google Fluffy. I apparently own the word fluffy, so if you google the word fluffy right now, I don’t care what search engine you’re on, I’m the first thing that will pop up and I challenge you to try it. I come up before quilts, comforters, cotton candy, bunny, rabbits, anything fluffy you can think of. I’m still number one. Try it. See what happens. Google, “Fluffer” and then go to Craigslist. Hey, fluffer is a different profession. Very respectable, but yeah, very different. Fair enough. Very different. See you all next time. Wrist up your next fire meal with Mythical kitchen utensil set. Available now at mythical.com.