It’s like a face mask. Oh, frick! Just as Victorian England was a hotbed for mustachioed serial killers the internet has become a hotbed for a different kind of crime. A food crime. That’s right, the web has hosted some of the most abominable food creations and today, we’ll be focusing our attention on one of the worst. Lobster Relish. Yeah, one of them weird lobster Jell-O things that was on the internet. We found out about it because the internet but was invented, Nicole, back in the 1950s the height of Jell-O mania was taking over the world. Oppenheimer, the movie hadn’t even come out yet. He was just a guy saying some weird stuff and doing some things. All right, Nicole, we gotta try this. Okay. Gut it open. Okay. ♪ Happy birthday to ♪ Thank you. I don’t know about this. I feel like you have to pay the price of the Jell-O to get to the lobster. You know what I mean? It’s like you’re paying a Jell-O tax with this. It’s like you have to pay the toll troll if you wanna get into the boy’s soul, right? Boy’s soul, not boy’s hole. Boy’s soul, I said soul. It’s soul, not hole. I said soul. I know, I’m making sure that people know you you didn’t say boy’s hole. All right, do I just hand? Do I just? Can I eat it out of your hand? Oh, God. Yeah. Okay. Okay. What’s the green stuff? Can you move your green fingertips? I don’t know what you want me to do. Like, you want me to nudge it with the finger? It’s like feeding a wounded cat. You’re like, here, just eat the kibble. Ugh, don’t touch me. Disease, right? Ohhhh. Oh, man. It ruined the lobster with all the Jell-O. If I was a cat, I’d be doing this. Nicole, you’re gonna cough up a hairball in the third act. That’s pretty bad, it’s pretty bad. Nicole, you think you got what it takes to turn this lobster Jell-O nightmare into a lobster Jell-O fever dream? No, I’ve lost every episode. You may never have won, but like a wounded cat backed into a corner, you have nothing to lose. And you can lash out with all the fury of the culinary gods and definitely cough up a hairball and maybe have feline leukemia. Let’s get to cooking. Hey, it’s me. The loser of food crimes. You’re gonna lose again. No, I can’t go into this negative. You’re gonna win. You’re gonna, your dish is gonna be so amazing and you’re gonna do so good. I’m so proud of you. Thanks, I love you. Thanks. Okay, so what are we gonna make today? As you can see, lobster Jell-O. A little bit crazy, a little bit wild. We’re going to be making a lobster gazpacho with a cucumber gelee. So it’s gonna have a little bit of gelatin not a lot of gelatin. It’s gonna be inspired by this absolute abomination. And yeah, so we’re gonna start. Well, before we start if you think, if you or a loved one thinks that your cat has feline leukemia get them checked with a blood test. It is the number one killer of senior cats. Feline leukemia is not a joke. We’re only laughing because of how sad it is. We have some freshly squeezed cucumber juice squeezed it, squeezed it ourselves and we’re just gonna add it to a pot on a very, very low amount of heat. We’re gonna get this ever so slightly warmed up and then we’re going to season it with a little bit of sugar and a touch of salt. If you add too much salt, it’s gonna taste like pickles. We’re not looking for pickles, we’re looking for cucumber. And this is going to sit atop our beautiful, luxurious, silky gazpacho. I’ve actually never made a gazpacho before, so- Well, she seems so confident. I’m just gonna add a big old lump O’ gelatin and I’m just gonna allow it to slowly melt in. Being the loser, you know it doesn’t do great stuff for my morale, you know? I was raised to be a winner, but alas. My confidence and self-worth level is up to here right now. It’s honestly getting dangerously high. I need to be taken back down a peg. If Magic Johnson can be the center for the 1980s Laker game against the 76ers, I can do anything. I’m so proud of Nicole when she makes a sports reference. It’s true, Kareem went down. Magic had to step in as center. Look at that color. Isn’t that stunning? And we’re just gonna lay this out on a plate. It’s gonna start to set up. Put it in a fridge, let it hang out. Look at that color, stunning. All right, so now that’s all done. I’m gonna be on this side now. I’m gonna be on this side. I’m gonna be on this side. I’m gonna stay on this side. See, you almost got you. Almost got you, Hitch. It was crazy. So we’re gonna start with our gazpacho. Typically, gazpacho is thickened with some stale bread a lot of the times. I heard people use breadcrumbs and stuff like that. Nah, we’re not using any of that. We’re gonna be using straight up Jell-O. We’re gonna be using pulverized Jell-O. Oh no, she’s making an actual Jell-O gazpacho. Oh, that’s messed up. So I have cucumbers. I have bell pepper some regular pepper, onions, and garlic. Chop up some ‘maters. Hey Cole. Yo? Really quick. Did you take the sticker off the bell pepper? Did I? Is there a sticker in here? She put the sticker in the blender. Oh my gosh, I left the sticker on. Leave the sticker, Nicole, I dare you. Really rustic, big chunks. It don’t matter. It’s gonna be blended into soup. One more ‘mater. And then, the piece de resistance. I’m going to cut some of this, right here Jell-O. Did you hear that? Do you know like Foley artists, how they like make like body parts squish for like The Fly like, a Cronenberg film? That was literally the same sound that whenever the fly’s part get caught. Ewwww! Adding some lobster stock for that lobster flavor you just can’t deny. Boy, I feel like blending all this stuff it’s gonna be a weird pink mess. There’s the weird pink mess. Okay, so our initial blend. You ever throw up a bunch of strawberry frozen yogurt after a fun night out? That’s what it looks like. A little bit of red wine vinegar for acid. Thar she blows. That was the most athletic thing I’ve ever seen Nicole do. And then some nice good old fashioned salt. Okay, let’s see what we’re working with, shall we? See what we’re twerking with? Okay, let’s give this a tasty taste. Let’s see what we’re working with. I can’t wait to see the expression on her face after she tastes it ’cause it’s not gonna taste like what she thinks it’s gonna taste like. Fricking yum. No way. That’s delicious. No way. Why have I never made a gazpacho before? This is phenomenal. Don’t believe you. Oh my gosh, it’s beautiful. I think I’m ready to plate. I don’t buy it, I don’t buy it. No, no, she is overcompensating. Let’s plate it up. Welcome to the fastest Mythical Kitchen recipe of all time. Truly all I did was blend up some vegetables and throw in a hunk of Jell-O and called it a day. Is that gonna get me to the winning point? I think so. Bold strategy, Cotton. Let’s see if it pays off. So, we’re gonna take this stunning, gorgeous soup and then just pour it like so. Obsessed, love that. Look at that color. It’s like a beautiful shade of lobster pink which I love. Mm, it tastes phenomenal. I’m gonna take a little bit of melted ghee and I’m just going to wave some of that butter over this lobster. Oh, that’s good. The lobster and the gazpacho, that’s a pro move. This could be nice. Claw. I’m shaking in my boots over here, Nicole. This is our gelee, as you can see. You can just lift it up like so. It’s like a face mask. Oh, frick! So I’m gonna take my knife and I’m gonna make little, almost crouton-like squares. Jell-O is opposite of a crouton. If there were ever two opposite foods it’s crouton and Jell-O. See, and is my calculations are correct they should kind of just float on the top. They did! They floated on the top! Are you surprised that the thin Jell-O skin floated on a thick soup? Let me add a little bloop. Phenomenal, okay, we’re gonna take our lobster claw put it right there. Oh my God, it looks like a clock. And the lobster claws are the time. I just love that Nicole’s having fun. It feels good to see her have fun. Before, of course, the crushing sadness of defeat hits her. Gonna add a little bit of cucumber garnish. These are the 12, three six, nine and another number that hasn’t been discovered yet. A little bit of Thai basil just for some color. Some Aleppo pepper to cut through the monotony. Of course, she’s using Aleppo pepper. And then some olives. Kind of offset it with the gelee a little bit. Fantastic, let’s just do one more. Fantastic, there we go. And there you have it. This is my lobster gazpacho with cucumber gelee. And I’m the Magic Johnson of the Mythical Kitchen. I think we got a ball game on our hands here, folks. Oh, olive oil! Okay, I’m done now. All right, the first step to our lobster Jell-O we gotta get our Cliff Bars out ’cause here’s the thing about Cliff Bars. They’re not protein bars, they’re just cookies, right? And so, my theory is that if you mold a Cliff Bar into a circle and you put it in the oven it just turns into an actual cookie. And so we’re gonna test that out. Does this have anything to do with lobster Jell-O? So we’re gonna pop that in the oven. 400 degrees, about 12 minutes, you know, see what happens. Is it gonna burn? It might, but you know what? We have to test it ’cause we don’t know. When I think of Jell-O’ed meats my favorite Jell-O’ed meat is Vietnamese head cheese. Where you take a whole pig’s head and you’re actually getting the natural gelatin from that. You boil it down, you chop up all the meat and all the tendons and all the cartilage inside the pig’s head and you set that inside the pig Jell-O. And then you put that in a banh mi. Oh, he’s making a banh mi? So my thought, is to make a banh mi inspired lobster head cheese. What the hell? Here we are. So we’re gonna start by making the pickles that you’ll typically get inside a banh mi which is daikon and carrot. We’re also adding some chopped up jalapeno to that. Again, a common ingredient in banh mi, at least in North America. That’s a fun fact. Did you know that jalapenos didn’t hit Vietnam, vie check this out so, jalapenos and Vietnamese food, right obviously jalapeno’s a Mexican pepper. It started as a Southern California thing ’cause they got you know, mostly Bird’s Eye chilies in Vietnam. But then in California, for restaurants they would put jalapenos in it. It became so popular that that sort of like, went all the way back to Vietnam. Josh is so, so obsessed with telling people useless facts. He’s like a useless fact machine. You’re gonna add salt to them and then you’re actually gonna massage the salt in. That’s gonna sort of like start breaking down the vegetables. You know, the salt gets into the cell walls and Nicole’s probably mocking me. She’s gonna be like, it creates a reverse osmotic reaction. I know Nicole, I talk about this a lot. I literally have nothing to say. You’re gonna take the lobster tails. Now, the idea is I’m gonna create like, I don’t know one might call it like a terrine. You know what I mean? In loaf pan, I’m gonna chop up a bunch of lobster meat and then, I’m gonna mix that with the pickles. I’m gonna get some sort of creamy element. Rip the lobster meat out. I’m gonna create a stock using the lobster shells and then that’s gonna flavor it. There’s gonna be some fish sauce some sugar in there, some aromatics. That’s gonna be nice. So we’re gonna save the shells in there. Imagine being a living breathing creature only to end up inside Jell-O. You aren’t in Jell-O. The atmosphere is just Jell-O but you can move through it. I’m gonna chop up the lobster meat not too fine. I want some nice big chunks in there ’cause again, this is gonna be encased in Jell-O. Why are we doing this? Perfect, all right, that’s coming to a boil. Mythical Kitchen Spoom. Good news, Mythical Kitchen officially came out with our first ever line of actual cooking tools. And they’re really cool. We’re really proud of them. I think they’re designed really well. And it says Spoom. It’s funny. The word is spoon but the Mythical Kitchen logo is an M, Spoom. No lie is detected. I’m gonna use the Spoom. Get all the vegetables in the, ah crud. The Spoom is, it’s no, the Spoom works. It’s not the Spoom’s fault that this is happening. It’s my fault. It’s the hubris of man’s fault, really. Josh, hubris of man sharer. We got our pickles going. We got the lobster meat cooking up. It’s not cooking, it’s in a bowl. You’re lying. We just need to get a stock going with this and then, we’re gonna set our head cheese and make some . All right, so now the most important part of the recipe we gotta take the Cliff Bars out of the oven. This guy and his Cliff Bars. I hope he saves me one, I’m kind of hungry. As you can see, they look like fresh baked cookies. I’m not crazy. You’re the one who’s crazy. So we’re gonna let those cool off. I can’t wait to try them. We got the pickles. The pickles are smelling great. Pickled daikon tends to have a very strong aroma which I’m a big fan of ’cause it just reminds me of tasty food, man. So we’re gonna dump that in there. We’re gonna let that strain. We don’t want all that pickling liquid but we do want a lot of flavor. We got our lobster stock. That’s boiling away. We got our gelatin blooming. This is gonna be the base. What order do I do things? There’s probably no wrong order, right? No wrong order, just go for it, crazy. Yeah, we’re gonna put the gelatin in here that’s blooming in water. We’re gonna mix that up with everything. You got this, dude. I think it’s like a soup. Technically I’m making a soup but my soup is gonna be solid. Whereas, Nicole’s soup was liquid which I think is cheating. Nicole is hardly using Jell-O at all. I know she took a big old hunk of that and just threw it in her gazpacho. I made a cucumber gelee. I can’t win with this guy. And then we’re gonna dump in our solids. Gonna get a little bit, take this as a wellness shot. Gwyneth Paltrow doesn’t know anything about that. That’s what I use to keep me healthy. We’re gonna dump in our pickles into there. That should just be like a nice like flavor thread running throughout. It’s very silly. I don’t like that. I don’t like that creative choice. We’re dumping in our lobster meat and now we’re gonna strain in this lobster stock. We’ve just been cooking down the shells, you know classic French cuisine. And, no, no! Sorry, I freaked out. Just gonna mix all this up. I added the heavy cream because I wanted it to have a milky appearance. Milky appearance was Josh’s nickname in high school. Do we think all this is gonna fit in here? Can we take a poll? Do we think all this is gonna fit in here and if I just dump it, it’s gonna work out? Hitch nodded confidently. I trust Hitch. No way, no way. Let’s go. Told you. All in the pot. I don’t have spacial reasoning issues. I know when things are gonna fit. That’s perfect, ah. Perfect is a relative term, you see. We’re just gonna even this out. There you go. And now we, oh, no. Man, it looks like what comes up from your garbage disposal. Like randomly when you run your dishwasher and then you look in your sink and everything that you’ve ever put in your garbage disposal is in the sink. And you’re like, I don’t know how pipes work. That looks really bad. That looks like something a goose would vomit up. All right, well, this is going in the fridge. I mean, the good news is, if this doesn’t work out I can just serve the Cliff Bars. And I think the judge is gonna be really impressed and be like, yeah, Cliff Bars are just cookies. You can bake them. Yeah, the judge is really gonna be impressed by that. Awwwww, no. Man. This sucks. Josh has this reverse psychology thing where he acts like his stuff isn’t good but it ends up being really good and I hate that. No, don’t look at me. I’m ashamed of what I’ve done. Cliff Bar cookie’s done. It’s probably burnt on the bottom. As we found out you should not bake Cliff Bars. We got our lobster Jell-O out. We’ve toasted up a baguette. I’m doing like a terrine, like an open-face situation. Not a terrine, tartine, that’s the word. Tar-ta-ta. Okay. I’m trying to like, lift that out and holy smokes. That looks ridiculous. Well. I don’t know what I expected my lobster head cheese to look like, but it, I suppose it was this. I’m gonna try and get like one perfect cut outta this. So yeah, we’ll just do that. And then, here, let’s kinda short it a little bit. There we go. Measure once, cut twice. And there we go. And, okay. It’s looking pretty cool. Looks really freaking evil. You see? Just a little. Is it good? Yo, that’s pretty freaking good, man. That is really good. Oh, he likes, okay, good. Adding some Maggi Jugo Sazonador to some mayonnaise right now and, it’ll be fine. So nice, salty spread of Maggi across the baguettes. It’s going to be, that’s an arresting color. I feel bad now that I challenged Nicole’s color for gazpacho. He made fun of my gazpacho color? He’s so rude. Yes! Yes! This is the greatest thing we have ever done. This is the greatest thing I’ll ever do in my life. I’m gonna, you know, watch my partner give birth and I’ll be like, nah. We’re gonna start shingling on. Gimme about 20 minutes to shingle all these cucumbers on. So just, you can speed this up or you can watch it in real time. Like one of those, like Scandinavian crime dramas, you know? A Mythical Society exclusive. Just some basil leaves. Just to lighten and brighten, light. I also use basil leaves. Me and Josh are twinsies. I’m mustard and he’s ketchup. All right, so we’ve, we’re almost done with all of our garnishes. There’s a great documentary about a cat and two dogs that were friends called Homeward Bound. Oh, my God, I loved Homeward Bound. I cried so much in Homeward Bound. Oh my God. That’s one of my favorite documentaries I’ve ever seen. It was great. The interesting thing though is the cats and the dog the cat and the dogs could talk but humans couldn’t understand them. Huh? I think the director must have been a dog or at least the audio engineer ’cause otherwise, how would they pick? And one of them sounded so much like Forrest Gump’s mom. If you ever like, need me to like, fill time in anything where I get to talk, let me do it. If like, if you’re at a wedding and like, you know one of the bride or groom is having second thoughts and you can’t get them out there just bring me up on stage. Oh my God, I’ll start out be like. We’ll be talking about Babe, Pig in the City for an hour and a half. I made it, I did it. Here we have our, oh God, what’s this called? Banh Mi Lobster Terrine Jell-O Relish Salad. I’m gonna go and I’m gonna eat my lobster Jell-O in victory. Ooh, I’m gonna dip it in the mayonnaise. Oh. Okay, what we got here? Hmm. Biing. Oh my God, David Hill. Okay, let me try this out. It’s interesting. Got a little bit of green on top with the lobster. Okay, oh. I don’t think he’s gonna like it. He eats everything, though. He does eat everything. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Ooh, like, the lime Jell-O. I think that’s just cucumber, but, sure. Okay, let’s see what’s up. Mmm, I like the, I don’t know what the sauce bread is but it’s pretty good with the lobster. I’m gonna try to get, the more of the Jell-O bits. Nice with the cucumber. I like the layering on this one. It’s pretty good. And he likes the lobster Jell-O sandwich. That’s great, that’s fantastic. Okay, well, ooh. Okay, we got a big lobster claw in the middle here. Ooh, okay, okay. I’m gonna try take a add a little bit of the Jell-O on top see if we got something going on with this one. Is that a whole lobster claw? Yes. It’s bitter. It’s bitter? But I like it. I kind of wish it was warmed up, but. Get my final, oh, whoops, my bad. Mmm, it’s tasty, it’s tasty. I just wish it was heated. Okay, well you know it’s a gazpacho it’s served cold. Both tasted good. I love the layering on this one, so I’m gonna go here. Yeah! Undefeated! That’s what I’m talking about. It’s a gazpacho, it’s a gazpacho. So it’s supposed to be served cold. I’m sorry. It’s fine, it’s fine. If it was really supposed to be served cold there’d be ice cubes in it and there weren’t. So I get why you wouldn’t understand that. And that’s- Exactly. On the chef. Josh gets me. What are you talking about? Nicole, I’m sorry, you will never win. That’s the right move though. That’s what we said you should do, yeah. David Hill, thank you so much. We were saying you should absolutely be a food critic. I love your enthusiasm for the dishes and your willingness to dive face first into a plate of lobster Jell-O which shows a certain amount of bravery. Nicole, you showed a certain amount of resilience today and also, more sports knowledge then I’ve ever seen you display. She was talking about Dr. J earlier. Oh, nice. Casually referenced Norm Nixon. I didn’t talk about Norm Nixon. Incredible. Norm Nixon, I don’t even know who that is. Thank you all for stopping by Mythical Kitchen. We got new episodes out every week. Make sure you’re liking, following and subscribing. And if y’all got any food crimes out there that you wanna see me beat Nicole at let me know and then let David Hill know what he should eat for lunch tomorrow. I’ll see y’all next time. Wrist up your next fire meal with a Mythical Kitchen utensil set. Available now at Mythical.com.