so at that point I was still like deep in the rat race of like you know bigger number better person that’s the thing I used to say and obviously like for that month I was like the biggest twitch streamer and I thought after that I was like I made it red carpet all right Paparazzi and I went live and then like crashed down to almost less than I had before I even did the subathon and I was like Oh I thought things were going to be different and they weren’t different and so then I realized like okay I have way too much value in number that I don’t have that much control in mhm so I need to start spreading where I found find Value in myself outside of a single number that I can’t control what’s the biggest source of value that you find right now outside of any sort of numbers I think it’s like the value that I add to the people around me like can I make the lives of the people who I love better and if the answer is yes then it’s like good day yeah