Can we turn a mystery box of five random groceries into something delicious? Welcome back to Chiffonade, the French dubbed remix of Sliced, which is not dependent on any other existing IP from the Scripps family of networks. I’m your host, Ted Allen. One of the original, ahem, Fafa. We have a mystery basket here filled with five ingredients, and we’re gonna try and cook one delicious dish from that. Trevor and I are teammates. Yeah! Because we’re both tall, beautiful boys who love ourselves. Heck yeah, we are. I love you too. You fixed yourself a steam issue? Well, you know, it’s always a work in progress. Our friends over at sports, which is a website, dot com, they have chosen the five best things that they ate this week. And we have, what are you guys doing here? Oh, just holding hands. We have all five items in this basket. We’re gonna cook with them. Y’all ready to see what’s in the basket? Yeah! I’m a professional food taste tester, and these are the top five foods we ate at work this week. Number five on our list is this dairy free yogurt that actually tastes like dairy full yogurt. Also, the vanilla flavor is so rich and deep. It tastes like bourbon in the perfect way. Like, not boozy, but just a little bit deep in the flavor. We loved it. Number four on our list is Molly Bawse’s new Ayo Mayo Tangy Dijoneo. We think this is easily the best one in the line that the whole grain mustard, the crunchy little corner Sean’s in it. This is a sandwiches dream come true. Number three on our list are the better goods, Carolina gold style barbecue chips. These tastes like so deliciously honey mustard to ask. They’re so crunchy. This is one of our new favorite potato chips. Number two on our list is the Costco Kirkland brand cauliflower pizza crust in the Supreme pizza. This is phenomenal. This rivals some of the best non cauliflower crust, frozen pizzas. And number one on our list this week are the loaded Oreos. I didn’t know you could make a double stuffed Oreo better, but you can. Why putting Oreo crumbs in the Oreo makes the Oreo taste better? I couldn’t tell you, but it does. It’s phenomenal. What do you think? Wow! Let’s go pizza! We got our work cut out for us. Trevor, you think we have what it takes? Always. Think we’re gonna take them down? Yeah. I believe in you. I’m so confident. I believe in you. I believe in you hard. We’re gonna totally win. We’re gonna rock it. They sound like the girls who act like they’re friends, but they’re not actually friends anymore. Yeah. While the cameras were off, Trevor came up with a brilliant idea of what to cook. Trevor, tell them about it. What? Um, so here’s what we’re doing, is obviously we have this pizza. A cauliflower crust pizza. Yeah, so what we’re gonna do is we’re gonna take all of the sporked Basket ingredients, and we’re gonna fold them up inside of this like a taco. Yeah, pizza taco. Pizza taco. Boom! Put it in the blender. Pizza taco boba. No, we’re gonna take the pizza. We’re gonna slice it up. We’re gonna dredge that in some of the potato chips, right? We’re gonna make pizza fries. Pizza fries. We’re making pollo saltado. This is the chicken version of lomo saltado, and we’re gonna put that on on top of the pizza fries. I need to try, I need to sample some of the goods though. I need to sample some of the goods. These have been staring at me in the face for a while. Wow. This is the best thing I’ve ever eaten in my life. We’re eating different foods, I was like, dude, this sucks. Okay, so you gotta put your leg up. You gotta put your arm up. How are we gonna beat them if you’re not ready? Okay, I’m not, this isn’t a stretching competition, me. Well, shoot, Josh is big and buff. I need to also feel the same way. Yeah, that’s what’s going to happen when we’re going to win. So we’ve got some ingredients here. We have two sweet ingredients. This looks like a dessert. This looks kind of sweet, too. I don’t know. It could be tangy. It could be nasty. Savory desserts. It’s so thick, though. It is thick. Let me try it. It is chunky. It tastes like relish and mustard combined. That’s pretty much what it is. Like, it’s supposed to be on hot dogs. It’s nice. I like that. Dijoneo. Dijoneo. I think we should do some I know a girl named Dijoneo. Yeah. Yeah, I played against her. She was really good at basketball. We got this delicious, they don’t call it Dijonnaise, it’s Dijoneo? Dijoneo. Shout out to Molly Baws, this is an incredible product. Um, really, really stuffy. She found out that people really just want chunks in their mayo, which is true. I make so many chunky mayo sauces, this is bottled chunky mayo. That’s great. Whoa. Right? Taste the pickles. Whoa! Taste the bagels. I’m gonna make some marinade. Alright, I’m gonna cut these up. I’m gonna fry shape. Palm heel strike it. Cut it into fry shape, like a nice steak fry, like a British chip. A British chip. You know? Okay. Ow. No, that’s okay. I’ve gotten so soft in my old age. My bones are brittle. Why don’t we make ice cream, yeah? Let’s make ice cream because this just all screams ice cream. Pizza specifically. It totally screams ice cream. It’s an obvious choice. So I have some half and half. Did you know half and half was half cream and half milk? I did not know because I stay away from all dairy and things that are creamy. Yeah. It’s pretty obvious in the name, but I actually found that out, like, last year. Okay, well while you do that, I’m gonna make an Oreo sauce for our ice cream. Yum! But you know what? I’m gonna, I’m gonna eat one. I wanna eat an Oreo too. Okay. Can you feed me? Yeah, hold on. Are you gonna catch anything in your mouth? No, they’re, like, big. Oh, come on. Is my mouth big? They were having so much fun. Can you insert it? Insert it? Where? No, like the other way. This way? No, like the wide one. Like a coin. Like you’re dropping a coin in the laundry thing. There you go. Mmm. This is loaded. This is good. I would think loaded is like, like three of these. Like this isn’t really that loaded. Okay, do it. How much can you load? I’m gonna add some egg yolks while Vy is doing that in the back. To my sugar. I’m gonna add Dijon mayo, which is a key ingredient to a classic creme anglaise ice cream. Okay. Now try the same thing we did earlier. Why am I doing it? Okay, ready? Yes! You’re gonna choke. I’m alive. I’m gonna just eat this one. Good job. I can’t cook anymore. Solange, blend the stems. You’re throwing it all in the blender. You don’t gotta worry about crunching through stems. The stems?! Whole jalapeno. No de seeding it. No de seeding? No de seeding it, Trevor. I said no de seeding it. Okay, yes chef. We’re so good. We’re gonna add a little bit of chicken stock, just loosen it up. Whole lot of this yogurt. It is really good. This is like a really passable yogurt. And that’s what I look for. Passable? You got a smiling white lady on the back? Dude, that’s awesome. So happy about our vegan yogurt. So her name’s Erin. She’s the chief foodie. Chief foodie? Oh my god, that’s basically your job. You’re CEO of Mythical Kitchen. No, our actual chief foodie. Is a, uh, cockatiel. That way if this all goes down legally, we blame it on the cockatiel. He’s going away. Me, just a junior VP of foodie out here. Oh, I didn’t know anything about the embezzlement. I mean, not the embezzlement. Okay, I’m adding cheese and mayo. Ayo. To my sauce. Ayo. Ayo. I’m gonna add some sugar. I have some of those Oreo crumbs that I’m gonna add in here. Real nice and sexy. And then some vanilla paste. I’m gonna add a little bit of my half and half to tempt the egg yolks. A little salt. Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. What do you feel like girls talk about when they’re by themselves? I talk about if I want to match my socks to my undies. I talk about how That’s what I think about. Does anybody else do that? Matching your socks to your underwear? Yeah! Like, what do you mean? White socks? White undies? Oh, you match them? Yeah, sometimes. I feel like we talk about like periods and like How heavy our flows are. I’m definitely not this type of girl. Really? No. I’m literally. I know what your flow was like. Excuse me? Multiple cycles. Excuse me? We got really close in the you have a camera in my house? I don’t watch you go to the bathroom. You should. I’ll be singing and stuff, I’ll be Pizza. Dude, this is how they do it at the Little Caesars with the slices and sticks. Anybody out there have the slices and sticks from the Little Caesars? Cause what they do, it’s genera it’s, it’s, it’s, it’s insane technology. Is what they do, is they have half of it is a pizza. So there’s four pizza slices. And then half of it is like breadsticks. And they cut it like this. Chicken’s marinating, we’re gonna go ahead and saute that up with a bunch of veg. dredge some of these? Oh dude, I was supposed to do that. How long have we been cooking? I don’t remember any of this. Oh shoot dude. Just splash it. Ah, crud. No, don’t break. Ah, rats. Wet hand. You gotta have one hand for wet ingredients, one hand for dry ingredients. Yeah, we feel confident about this dish. Oh, no, my dear boy. No, no, I don’t I feel terrible about this. Oh Make sure that they are making something worse. Okay, I’m gonna add this. It’s really chunky I was gonna strain it, but I feel like I should just keep it thick This is looking nice and black. I’m gonna mix this until it’s a nappe And then we’re gonna chill the base, and then we’re gonna spin it in the ice cream machine and make some fried ice cream. Greek style, you know what that means. Yeah. Doing it Greek style. Kalamata olives. Kalamata olives, yeah. Uh, we’ve got a bunch of green chicken. Trevor, you wanna fry up for pizza fries? Yeah. I gotta saltado up some of this pollo, um. Get in there buddy, I’ll be over here. There’s no right or wrong. I’m just gonna start doing it. I’m just gonna toss in some veg. I’d make this. Pollo saltado, lomo saltado, like at least like, uh, twice a month or something. You want to know what I do twice a month? What’s that? Um. Well, how often are you making a saltado? Shoot, I didn’t know if you were gonna respond. I didn’t actually have a punchline. Well, let’s workshop this. Okay. What’s the thing that Twice a month is either way too often, or, or way too few times to be like, brushing your teeth. That’s funny, cause I’m just like, you’re gross. Let’s go divorce dad angle. Divorce dad angle. Twice a month I pay my, my b word ex wife alimony, am I right? Yeah, that joke is what we call sexist. But we’re saying that, no, hear me out. We’re saying that as an example of what not to do. Exactly. We gotta get this chicken cooking. If you’re my b word ex wife out there watching, I didn’t mean it. If you are Trevor’s b word ex wife, can you Colin, tell us what happened, you know? What are we gonna do with the pizza? I dehydrated them, they’re like little chippies. You wanna try one? Yeah. Pizza crackers were a thing once. It’s not terrible. It’s healthy snack. I basically thawed out a pizza, I took all the toppings off, we scraped it, and then we cut it into little pieces with my hands like these, and I put it in the dehydrator. I want to try the original version. Are you going to try a cold? Um, well this one’s like frozen, so I’ve never had frozen pizza before. Okay, bite it. I want the pepperoni. Mm hmm. That’s nice. On a hot summer day. Yeah That enough chicken. We don’t want to crowd the pan. We don’t want to create any steam We want to get a nice nice sear on this chicken. We’re gonna put that back there. Check this out Trevor This is a technique I learned in Peru. We’re gonna take the Oreo in there. We’re just gonna mortar and pestle this Oreo because soy sauce So Chifat Cuisine Um, has been around in Peru for about 500 years. It’s a, a fusion of Spanish, uh, native and Chinese cuisine. Uh, they call Peru, like, the originator of fusion food, so soy sauce often goes in saltado, which this is traditionally made in a wok, and so, uh, you get a lot of Chinese cookery, but what we’re gonna do is try and make, like, a sweet soy, or like, ketchup manis, as you’d call it, in Malaysia. Traditionally made in a wok. I prefer mine made in a run. Now that’s comedy, baby! That’s what’s up, Trevor! Come on, now! And you know what? You didn’t need to denigrate women to do that. Might have been offensive to Chinese people. We’re not 100 percent sure. I’m over here, right here. I got some heavy cream. I’m gonna add it to the bowl. Nice. I’m gonna Yogurt? Yeah? Yeah? Nice blonde lady right there. Oh, nice. I trust her making yogurt. Yeah, she looks worthy of trust. I’m gonna put all of this in here. I feel like I have so much, like, pizza and, like, Oreo in my face right now. A lot of flavors happening. Chef inspired. Why did they put chef inspired? Like, that can’t be true, right? That’s like, just an annoying little That’s a pet peeve. You wanna try one of these? Yeah. I’m just, we’re just snacking. Hold up. These are good. These are good. That tastes like a whole picnic. I’m gonna drop some of my chips in there. Instead of sugar, we’re going to use Oreo cream fillings, loaded. She’s making whipped cream. I don’t know if she said that. Yeah, I’m making whipped cream. Okay, what else is it? I’m going to make it alcoholic. I really want to bring out the bourbon flavor. I could eat all those chips. I’m going to whip it, so we have to talk a little bit louder. Okay, so this is what we’re gonna call it, our fried afternoon. I’m talking with my mouth full even though my mom said that’s hella rude, but this is the one time I could do it legally. So I’m gonna add some sugar in there also, and now we’re gonna get twice as loud. With this machine. Woo! It’s a party! Yeah! Oh, I’m so sorry, Kelly! It’s so loud! Why’d you take your headphones off? She took her headphones off? Kelly, I’m so sorry! Trevor, get those fries plated. I’m gonna go ahead and deglaze this Oh, did you say plated? Do somebody need a plate? Yeah, buddy. Oh my god, I wonder where I can find one. Hold on. God, freaks of oreo. God dang it, there’s one oreo. Whoa! Guys, you have to use at least one whole oreo. Did anyone see that one coming? Where’d he put it? No. I’m so sorry, I’m pretty locked into this. It was in my thing, right here. I know you were thinking, oh my god, Trevor’s chest looks like that, and abdomen looked like that because he’s got rock hard abs, but no, the whole time it was a plate. Is that cooked? No. The Oreos are just dominating the, the palette, the scent, the look. Here’s your fries, boss. This seemed like such a good idea. Can, can I like add some milk to this? I don’t know why milk. Can you get some milk? Trevor, get some milk for me buddy. Yeah, milk and, uh, maybe some hot sauce. What kinda hot sauce we got? That’ll save this, I believe in this dish. There we go. A little more half now. You can only grab six. Well, uh, gimme some red. Oh, nice Gunslinger. We’ll toss of red in there. Yeah, yeah. Toss some red in there. Okay. There. It’s perfect. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. I’ll do it though. We don’t have a trivet. Here, I’ll use the chicken as a trivet. Perfect. Dude, get that to balance. That’s awesome. What if you just, like, press it down a little bit? I think I did it. Uh, do you want to try this? Oh, I went really rogue and added half and half to that. I don’t know if you saw that. When did you add half and half? You remember the half and half you threw me? Yeah. Okay, well, I don’t appreciate you’re joking right now. Sorry. I’m ready for my brown sauce. Badadadadadadun! Badadadun! Pretty good. Oh, this is what our ice cream ended up looking like. It’s more sugar. Mustard, basically. I don’t know if this dessert is going to read more dessert or like, first course appetizer. It might be a little bit of both, but it definitely has a lot of festival vibes. That’s what I think of it. Like fried ice cream, fried pickles, situation. Like Coachella? You go to Coachella? No. You can afford that? I can’t. Okay. Not yet. I can’t either. Someday. It’s not sticking really, so what should we do? Maybe it’s the Dijon nail. I have an idea. What is it? Is it stupid? Yeah. But. I support stupidity. What if we just like painted this? For like, um, oh, like underneath? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. This is, you just gotta get like a little extra stick. Um, yeah, you just paint it like a picture. I paint pictures. I know about that. Yeah. This is what your art looks like. Um, it’s a little better, but this will work. Wait, you didn’t paint the whole thing. Okay. Oh my God. Sorry. Is that okay on the phone? Do you need it? This one? This is, it’s on the chicken. Huh? Yeah, it’s on the chicken. Balanced perfectly. It is actually just on the chicken. I don’t, I don’t come, I don’t come tinker with the camera. I was like, is the camera okay? Is Taylor’s greasy hand touching it? That was really screwed up. Okay, wait, that might have worked. Hold on. Hold on. Something’s happening. Something’s happening. Fire the fryer! Put it in the fryer! It’s already on! We turned it on before this! Warm it up! Wait, how? It’s already warm! Put it in! Wait! I’m gonna move this. And while you do that, I’m gonna make a section to plate this. You’re moving as if we’re on a time limit right now. Go! Go! Go! They’re coming. Who’s coming? They’re coming. Who’s coming? Put it in! There’s some more milk in there. You’re gonna need a new miller. I’m milking. There we go. That’s so much milk. Well, you just cook it down. Um, hold on, we got this. Hold on, hold on, hold on. We’ll be done in one, just one second. We’ve milked this as far as it can be milked. Dude, there’s aji amarillo over here. Do you want any of that? Come on, come on, come on. What are we doing? We’re getting this on camera? Okay. Alright, cool. My thought is peanut butter. That is sad. I just dump, just dump a little bit. That’s great. Give me those fries, chef. Ironically, this is, so this is the undercooked chicken. It has cooked because we put the hot cast iron on it. They call that chicken a la brick. We’re putting it at super high heat so we’re not melting too much of the ice cream. Okay, I’m dropping it. And just crisping up the chips a little bit. Okay, I want, uh, uh. Okay. Okay, I’m taking it back out. Very quickly. Okay, do it. Do it, I’m taking it out. Ooh. It’s melting. Put it in there? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Nice. I don’t know why it’s standing like that. Okay. My hands are dirty, so you might have to do it. Okay. I think just, like, a little minimalist. Can I get a plate wipe? Not that it It doesn’t even matter. Wait, I have so much stuff over here. It doesn’t even matter. Wait, why do you need a plate wipe? I don’t know. You put your boogers on it? I’m just gonna, like, do it on the You know how they do garnishes just on the plate? Ooh. This is our Oreo sauce. Nice. You wanna try it? Yeah. Your creation? Oh, yeah, it’s like poop coming out of a Butthole. Sorry. Okay, now we’re just gonna go ahead. Watch out, hot oil. Hot oil, come on. And I just spilled it all between my legs. Oh, you didn’t want this last one. No, that’s for us, buddy. Okay, well. Yeah. Dude, that’s brown as hell. Wait, wait, wait. Trevor, wait. Wait, wait, wait. Oh my god, this has gotta be like top five brownest foods we’ve eaten. Wait, wait, wait. What have I told you, though? We’re gonna come in with a little bit of yellow. Even the tomatoes are brown. The tomatoes are arguably the brownest thing on there. Come on, how good does this look, studio audience? Bam! Trevor, put some cilantro on there. Frick. There he goes. Nobody gave me my tweezers. Nobody gave me my tweezers. Lime. Anybody use this grapefruit for anything? I was gonna use it. What? Can I use it for the show? Yeah. Alright, Colin, put some grapefruit Supremes on there, Trevor. Wait, V, is this your breakfast? Yeah, eat it. Alright, I’m gonna leave it. No, eat it! What? Use it! You’re gonna put some grapefruit? Yeah. Alright, cool. Eat a grapefruit. Okay, we’re just gonna Go, go, go! Get it out! Um And we’re just gonna do a line. It’s, it’s coming out like poop. Yeah. It kinda looks like tar. I mean, that looks cool. I like it. Oh, tweezers. Oh, I can’t use my hands. If you don’t know, if you don’t use tweezers, did you really cook your food? Yes. Nice. I mean, come on! That’s That looks way better than that brown stuff that came out of their stuff. I don’t know what that is. I don’t either. Ta-da. Please out that supreme for me, Trevor. Thank you. Where do I put it? What? Where do I put it? Wherever you want to, buddy. Trevor, just put it, put it down. You only got one leaf of cilantro on there. I drop. I drop the other one, Trevor. I’ll the other ones. Man, I’m SRE as fast as I could go, brother. , I need you to help me. Okay? Put em on there. On here? Yeah. Add some freshness, come on. The chocolate is bitter, this is bitter, it’s gonna Oh, you guys wanna play Jop, but you don’t like when Josh runs and grabs a grapefruit and a boning knife. F there you there you have it. What do we call this? Josh and Trevor’s special mystery basket surprise. Why is all this steam seem to be coming from the grapefruit? We’re gonna, this is the easiest wind we’ve ever gotten. Jordan Meyer to spark.com. Welcome back to the sliced judges corner. I’m scared you should be. Well, we have made both. These dishes with foods that you selected, so thanks for railroading us on that one. Well, I don’t think we intended to have them eating all together. Yeah, well, you know, road to hell. Both of these dishes were made from the same ingredients. I will let the judge choose which dish they would like to start with. I mean, I guess I’ll do the entree first. As God intended? God didn’t intend for anyone to eat this. No, this is, this is black magic. My God is evil, so. This is dark sided. What is this? This is a pizza fry. We crusted the pizza in the chips. And then we made an aji amarillo Dijon mayo. And then we’d initially intended on doing a pollo saltado with this. the vegan yogurt as a marinade, but then we sort of turned it into a bit of an Oreo mole. Oh, this is chicken. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. The hard chunkies are chicken. Um, grapefruit supremes. Sexy. What is that? It’s tomato skins. Nothing. Might as well buy it and get it over with. All right. You didn’t get a Suprem. Okay. I took it right out of my hole. Okay. I really thought the grapefruit part was a bit, and that we were going to take it off, but we didn’t take it off. I believe in the grapefruit. That’s a good face. Okay. It’s a face. The thing about it, it tastes like mustard and chicken. Which doesn’t taste bad. I like both mustard and chicken. It’s one of the ugliest things I’ve ever seen, really upsetting to look at and then when that big tomato skin kind of slid right off and then you sucked it off my fingers, that made me upset too. It’s a table side presentation. So it’s not as bad as I thought it was gonna be. I actually think like this thing is kind of cool, like it’s like crusted pizza crust. Thank you so much for that, really interesting. Did you save room for dessert? I sure did. Yes! Well we’re gonna bring you to our cheap Sushi restaurant and do some fried ice cream for dessert inside. You have a de Janeiro ice cream It’s fried and the better good chips. Okay, and some dehydrated cauliflower crust. Can you pick better sports? Look at him! I didn’t do this! What’s the, what’s the black part? It’s the Oreo sauce. Lily, shh. The whipped cream also has the inside of the Oreo in it. That sounds good, I guess, right? Be more excited! Don’t let Lily bring you down. This is also my dish. It’s ours. Interesting. Ours tastes like bile. Jordan, I have to say, you were incredibly generous with our dish. A lot of people think that I’m mean, I’m actually so nice. I just want to apologize to everybody. This is unequivocally the worst food that we’ve ever made. In five years of this channel. And to be clear, when you say you want to apologize to everybody, what does that mean? Jordan, you know what you signed up for. Uh, no, all of them out there. You deserve better from us. This tastes like a sandwich. I’m proud of this. I don’t know what you’re talking about. Okay, I’ll go back over here. It’s not terrible. I kind of like it. Maggie, this isn’t making it to air. We’re not scrapping this whole episode. If you’re seeing this episode, something went horribly wrong. In terms of the winner, I guess I’ll have to say the winner is Josh and Trevor. Yes! It’s the Grapefruit Supremes. Yeah. Um, this just wasn’t as crunchy as I wanted it to be, so it just tasted kind of like damp, solid mustard. What was this as you wanted it to be? Well, I thought this was going to be the worst thing I’d ever tasted, and then it did taste like chicken and mustard, which made a little more sense. You thought it was going to be the worst, and then you had that. It was not great. It was not great. It both could have been worse, theoretically, right? One of them could have had poison in it. Well, thanks. Thanks for coming. I think we all learned a great deal about shame today, and that we should have more of it. But I think as we keep progressing, well, no, we’ve done this for five years, we’re getting worse as time goes on. Um, but hey, tune in next week to see if we atone for our sins. The Spork team is tirelessly taste testing groceries every day so you can buy only the best. Find what you’re looking for on spork. com.