(suspenseful music) (suspenseful crescendo) – [Shayne] We did it! (cheering) – Okay. Welcome to Try Not To Laugh 100. (cheering) We did it. Guys this is nuts. I can’t believe we’ve done a hundred of these and it’s all thanks to you guys for watching and supporting. Thank you. I can’t believe you guys have laughed this long with us. It’s so fun. And we wanted to do. – It just hit her just now. – Now that it’s the 100th episode we wanted to go bigger than ever. So we listened to you guys, what guests you wanted to have on the show. We thought about what guests we wanted to have, and we sent out a call to as many people as possible, and we’re gonna have the most guests on this episode than we’ve ever had. We don’t even know who some of them are. We’re gonna be surprised a lot. – That red phone actually has a full on fee speed dial to every YouTuber alive. – Yes, yes. – And at least five responded. (laughing) – So buckle up and make sure obviously– – Give me all your money! Like and subscribe! (cheering) – I love him. I love him. – So let’s do this. – Let’s do it. – Let’s get ready, let’s go! (flute sounds) (laughing) (flute continues) – Oh my God! (laughing) (laughing continues) Oh my God! – Benjamin. – Yes. – It’s three o’clock and you know what that means? – Yes. – It’s time to test your gag reflex. – No, no! – You guys are already out. You got out so early you missed the action. – Wow, congratulations on 100 years of Smosh. We have so many great memories, all of us. Like Janie. Janie, remember that time that you pissed on the street? Buckets and buckets of steaming hot piss. And Ian Hecox, beautiful gowns. (laughing) And who could forget Darnell? (laughing) Do you remember that time that we defeated that dragon? Fire breathing bitch. Not on my country. And last but not least, Sean. Absolutely beautiful gowns. Congratulations guys. – [Announcer] Ladies and gentlemen please give it up to your erotic ukulele stripper. (cheering) (ukulele strumming) (laughing) (laughing) – He got you. – He got him. Shayne. – Come on man it’s American butter. – Come on, smack his ass. – Smack his ass. Come on. (cheering and clapping) I saw the little ding, ding. – The commitment. The commitment. – Okay. So this is a big episode. This is Try Not To Laugh 100. And I was thinking all about all these bits and things, but something, I’m so nervous, something kind of crazy happened and it’s a pretty big announcement. So I just wanted to let you guys know. Can you close your eyes? Can you close your eyes for a sec? Don’t open them until I tell you, okay? Just don’t until I say. Keep ’em closed. Keep ’em closed. Keep ’em closed. And open them now. We had a baby! Oh my God it only took 75 hours of labor and she came out ginger. You know, we’re not really sure who the father is, so Shane and I are gonna work that out in therapy. Spit your water out then you get her. – No. (laughing and clapping) – Yes, yes hi, hello. – This is a silly girl. Look at my baby. Can you believe she came from me? – Shane, you make holding this dog look easy. – I saw a baby bottle off screen and I thought for sure, I was like, you were using this as the moment. And I was like, oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. – I was sitting there thinking, I was like, “What is about to happen?” (cheering) – Okay guys, I need your help. I was in the back doing quality control on the Jack in the boxes, and you know how they wear those little tunics. Don’t ask why, I don’t know why, but I was like, “I wonder what Jack’s packing” so I checked. I’m too embarrassed to tell anyone, but somebody put human wee-wee’s on the Jacks. Will you tell them? We can’t fix this before Christmas. We can’t fix them before Christmas. They have hair. I think it’s real. Will you tell the supervisor, please for the love of God. Think of the children. (laughing) I gotta go. (laughing) – It’s me, Kid Kimmy bitchin the menace. And I’m exactly like Kimmy. I got pretty cow pants on. I sound the same. I got the same hair. The only difference is my crocs are green. Another difference is unlike that bitch Kimmy, I’m (beep) nuts. (laughing) Hey, are you laughing at me? Good, ’cause I wanna spread joy to the world. If you ever need help moving and you don’t call me, well I’ll help you move into a box in the ground ’cause I’ll (beep) kill you. (laughing) Kimmy bitchin’ menace. (groaning) (groaning) (groaning) – Mommy police. Come out with your hands up. (groaning) – Did we get everybody? – We’ve been on set for at least 15 minutes. – You Tommy boy, you have the right to remain mummy. (laughing) – Uh, hello everybody. How’s it going? One day you’re the cock of the walk and the next day you’re just a feather duster. They laughed, that works. Where do I sit? Do I just sit on someone’s lap? (laughing) Are you Santa? Are you Santa? – I’ll be your Santa any day. – Thank you, thank you. And you, do you have water in your mouth? – Your grandmothers coming. No, I’m just kidding. – Oh my God! – It worked. Nailed it. (laughing and cheering) – [Tommy] Oh my God. – Tears immediately. – Am I in the right place? This is the audition, right? Audition for the twerk team? So, I guess I’ll just go. (cracking) – I heard a crack. (laughing) – I can be sexier. Come on. I need this! My wife left me. I’ve got four kids. I’ve got mouths to feed. (laughing) Sit down. Come here, close. – [Tommy] It’s giving body work. (moaning) Look at him Shayne. Look at him! – His busting it down sexual style for you. – I can be sexy. (beep) (clapping) I (beep) gave myself scoliosis for that. – There was a full on crack. Like that was like. – Hey kids. You know, you might see me walking around. Yeah, I’m a jock, all right. That’s what I be and you can be whatever you wanna be. You can be anything you wanna be. You can take on any identity, all right. I’m a jock, but also you know. You can be whatever you wanna be. Anything you wanna be. Wherever you are, you can be whatever you wanna be. I can be whatever I wanna be. Anything I wanna be. – [Man] Oh wow. – I wanna be a black cop. That’s what I felt inside of me. That is where my power is. That is who I am meant to be. I want to be a black female cop in America. And you can be one too. (clapping) – Jackie was there a plan D under there? – No, it’s just my shirt. – Hey! – [Crowd] Yeah! (screaming) – You like that? (laughing) I’ll take this jelly. Give me that finger girl. – Oh my God. – Oh yeah, oh yeah! – I don’t know. I don’t think. Oh my God. Ah! (screaming) (screaming) (laughing) So cool. (screaming) (cheering) That was nice though! Wow! – Thank you. (laughing) – I’ve never done that in my life. That’s so cool. – What’s up? (cheering) Hold on to that for me real quick, okay. So look, I’m back here and I realize I don’t work for Smosh anymore. So I decided instead of doing the full bit, I’m just gonna air some grievances about you guys. (laughing) So let’s go ahead and start with, shut up Kimmy. Let’s go ahead and start with Jackie. Okay, so Jackie, look love you, great. I’m still kind of scarred after the last time we worked together on an unaired Smosh episode where you pledged my undying soul to the dread God, Pazuzu. Like, I’m still working that one through with my therapist. Kimmy, shut up. – Shayne, Shayne, Shayne, Shayne, look, there’s a reason why I stopped having lunch with you, ’cause you kept picking Outback Steakhouse over and over again. And like I said, I am tired of seeing you eat an entire bloomin onion in less than five minutes by yourself. Amazing, but no. Ian, no, no, no, I must. I insist. Ian, please stop texting me at 2:31 AM every night, please. With a picture of Chris Pratt and the words (beep) bit on him, okay? It wasn’t funny in 2019, still not funny today. Okay, all right. – Kimmy, shut the (beep) up. Really Kimmy. – Give me my fish! – Oh, we’re going now huh? – What the hell? What the hell? (cheering and clapping) – Again, I don’t work here anymore so I can do whatever I want. – Swolverine. – That was three pairs of pants. – That was crazy. – [Announcer] And now a white woman unwinds after a long day. – Oh God it’s been such a long day. I think I’ll put on my favorite podcast. – [Vocal Fry Patricia] Welcome back to Murder Town. My name is vocal fry Patricia. – And I’m vocal fry Jennifer. So I’m telling the story of Jerry who killed a billion people. (laughing) We’re starting with victim number one whose entire face was like just ripped apart – [Vocal Fry Patricia] Oh, that’s crazy. – [Vocal Fry Jennifer] It was just absolutely everywhere. (laughing) It was really bad. – [Vocal Fry Patricia] Yeah, the world is so bad. Now this is entertainment. – [Vocal Fry Jennifer] This is entertainment. – [Vocal Fry Patricia] Now I’m gonna tell you the story of like big, big Gary. Like truly, just like every sexual crime you could imagine. (laughing) It’s really, really bad. – Wow, I’m gonna go to sleep. Good night. (cheering and clapping) – Hello, I am the ghost that haunts this beer garden and I cannot leave until all the tabs are closed. Would anyone like to close up their tab? Would you like to end my eternal suffering? No? Okay, I guess I just do my little dance. Beer garden ghost, beer, beer garden ghost. beer, beer garden ghost. It’s the beer garden ghost. Anybody, no? Okay, time for me to suffer some more. (laughing and clapping) (clanking) (footsteps) (snickering) (laughing) (laughing) – I got into that. (laughing) He can barely balance. (laughing) (laughing) – Just put it in reverse. – Hey, just got a quick question. Did you guys all get extra smalls too or was that? Also it’s good to be in prison. Hi, nice to meet you. (laughing) – No wait! (laughing and clapping) – Bad girl. – Wait, come back out. Come back out. Turn around. – [Amanda] Honey, that’s why it’s so small. – [Ryan] Thank you, yes. – All right, who’s the birthday boy? I heard somebody likes feet. Is that gonna be you? (muffled scream) Clipped these bad boys this morning just for you. Just wanted to make sure. Not the foot guy? Maybe it was you. Now listen, I see my feet aren’t really doing anything for you, so I thought I’d consult my book. – Oh my God, that’s a book? – Nothing about feet in here. Oh wait chapter three. Now, birthday boy is here. Anything else these little hogs can do for you? You don’t even have water in your mouth. – I spit it out. ‘Cause it was so funny. (laughing and cheering) – And so another mystery has finally been solved. The case of Keith’s weird ass cancer, complete. – I’m so sorry. – But one question still remains, where does big fire sky ball go when it’s time for sleep sleeps and why won’t anyone tell me? Does the fire get pulled by Jehezus himself or is there a chariot and ponies involved? If I go on a date and I finally get the opportunity and we both agree to have my P, E, N, double hockey stick into a lady’s pajamas, will that make Jesus mad? And will that stop the whole cycle? If I get married before that whole thing happens, will that all be saved? I think what I’m saying is we’re busting you out of this joint. – What’s P, E, E double hockey stick? – P, E, N, double hockey stick. – No he threw my tumor. – [Jackie] At least it’s out! – At least it’s out! (harmonica music) – Hello, everybody. Welcome to Pitta Palace. Thank you for coming where we make the pitta’s of your wildest dreams. (harmonica music) Okay, now I know why you’re all here. This competition has been very fierce. Thank you all for coming. Here are the results. (harmonica music) In third place, coming in at about 5 million it’s Poland. Now in second place, just under 20 million, China. (harmonica music) (laughing) And finally just under 24 million it’ll be the Soviet Union. (harmonica music) Congratulations Soviet Union. You have won the casualties for World War Two. (laughing) – I thought you said he likes that stuff. – Wait, I think I missed something. – That was Ian’s joke. Which country had the most casualties during World War Two. – Oh, okay. But why is he dressed like a pitta? – We held the competition at the Pitta Palace. (laughing) (suspenseful Stranger Things music) – Papa lies. (laughing) (clanking) – Okay, oh my God! – Whoa! (beep) – You okay? – No, my neck hurts. – Oh God, it’s her again. Oh, I was still going, how weird. It must have been the after effects. (laughing and clapping) – Can I get a stool if that’s okay? (soft jazz music) – So last week we asked, “What is music?” What is it? How does it work? Well, old Mr. Barndell knows a thing or two about how to do a funky tune. Make you tap into what we call music or also in Latin, la musica. (laughing) That’s all right. That’s expression. We don’t hate that. We don’t hate that one bit. – Oh my God. – I need to sit over there. – I pissed. – Now that might look like I’ve been spit on, but Jackson Pollock might call that art. (laughing) Why beautiful. Well done class. (cheering and clapping) – Your mama’s so ugly. (laughing) – Why? (laughing) – I have one more. Your mama’s so dumb. (laughing) I’ve got one more. – Okay. – Your mama’s so fat. – I’m done, I’m done. – Oh my God. – Why did that just happened? – You gotta complete the task. – Oh, Spencer’s still here. – Pooped his pants. (clapping) – Hello, I’d like to apply for a business. I would like to get a loan for the stocks. So I can go grocery shopping for candy or like a fancy chicken dinner for my friends. Excuse me. Excuse me if my family’s fallen on some hard times. I need to provide for my children. I’m just a business man who cannot get any jobs. I’ll perform my street performance for you. People give me some for my business. The only business a child can start. (laughing) (clapping and cheering) – So I learned a lesson today. Never put your baby child in a fruit dehydrator. She had a whole future. Now she’s comparable to plantain chips. (laughing) (cheering and clapping) – Hello, it’s your favorite anti, anti vaxxer. (laughing) I know by my name guys think I don’t like needle shots, but I’ve been boosted a hundred times. It’s actually the other shots that I hate. I hate men that call the shots. That’s why me and my husband Bob work well together ’cause he allows me to call the shots. I also hate watching NBA games with Shaquille O’neal because he missed all his free throws. (laughing) That’s all I got. (beep) (clapping) – One second, a little bit of setup here. Now please welcome to the stage, Bones. (laughing) Hey everybody, good to be back. Good to be back here everybody. A hundred episodes, wow. You know, we’ve come a long way. We tried so hard to show our friendship together and God, there was not a tiny microphone back then. I have a couple of prop suggestions, tiny microphone and maybe tiny stage. My hand’s having quite the time making it look like it’s a microphone. (laughing) Can we get this spotlight to settle down? Thank you very much. Thank you very much. (cheering and clapping) A hundred more years! (cheering) And a hundred years. – Who is that in there? – It’s me! (cheering) – Hello there everybody. I’m a big old bottle of ranch. Now I know what you thinking. You’re thinking, “Why does this bottle of ranch sound like Foghorn Leghorn?” I’ll tell you why, ’cause I’m from the Found Gorge and I’m a classic man. A classic bottle of ranch. Now some may say, some legal scholars may say that Found Gorge is just a way to legally get around using the name hidden valley as it is a Antonyms for those two things. But I’m just a really good ranch. Let me squirt ya! – Yes daddy, yes! (clapping) – Happy 100 episode and now you’ve got the salad ranch as well. (cheering) – Oh hello friends, happy 100. You know something about me. I’m not so much hung like a horse. I’m curved like a bird down there. Hey, I’m saying my dong look like this. He is curved like a hockey stick. Great for pucking. And you know, and I just go for it. And then I kind of make a sound like hong, hong. And you know, my Papa was like that. My grand Papa was like that and that’s something about me. It doesn’t make a sound. I had to do that that with my mouth. Thank you very much. (cheering and clapping) – Oh wow! – This is our reenactment of our birth. – Oh my God. Oh my God. – Oh my gosh. The world is so beautiful. It feels so special and amazing to be the only person like me in the world. (laughing) – Hi, I’m your identical twin sister. We have the same DNA. – There can only be one! (laughing) (smacking) – Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! – [Ian] Whoa! (cheering) – Are we ready or whatever? Is this thing on or do I have to put it on myself? I don’t do this by myself. I got paid $500,000 to be here. I just turned it back off? (laughing) Wait, actually. Mono, mono. It’s okay. Whoo, whoo, whoo! Whoo, whoo, whoo! Whoo, whoo, whoo! Whoo, whoo, whoo! Y’all the (beep) energy’s electric in here. (laughing) We got the (beep) two hottest things in this (beep) club. Toilets, Natty light, and if you don’t like that, you can have the most voluptuous, curvy babes you’ve ever (beep). (cheering and clapping) – Oh my God, hi. It’s so nice to meet you, I’m Erin. – I’m Heidi. – We’re the assistants at Smosh and huge fans. – Huge fan, oh my God. Normally we just like you order us all around and do whatever you guys want. But today we’re so happy that we finally get to talk to you like this. – I’m so lucky to be Ian’s assistant. We never actually met in person, but I wanted to share a few fun emails that he sent me. Is it ethical if I ask you to book me tickets to the Pearl Harbor tribute concert? (laughing) and sorry for making fun of your cousin with diabetes also, can you make an appointment for back waxing, but can you find a place that has wax for sensitive skin that’s prone to breakouts? Ha ha, thanks. – You’re so lucky to be Ian’s assistant. Hi, Amanda. First of all, thank you so much for sitting down. Now we can actually see each other. But yeah, oh my God. Stop, I’m gonna stop. I love you so much. – We love you. – So I’m Heidi. You usually refer to me as Hannah or Haley or Miley or that girl who pulls all the bitches. But you know, a few weeks ago we were singing karaoke at a company party and we had a lot of fun, the three of us. You posted a video of us on Instagram singing believe by Che, and I think the caption said, oh let me read it. Fun night singing with some fans. So funny of you. You know you’re such a funny girl. – Oh my God Courtney, do you know me? I’m the only other not boy in the writer’s room. (cheering and laughing) Even though you refuse to talk to anyone with less than a million followers, I wanted to share some fun advice from you today. Don’t wear crop tops, that’s your thing. Don’t wear makeup to work, there can only be one pretty one. And don’t pitch anything women find funny, it’s unrelatable to the Smosh audience. (laughing) – Special advice. Hi Noah. – Hi Heidi. – So one of my jobs here at Smosh is to buy lunch for everyone every single day. Noah sent me a text with his lunch order the other day. So let me read it to all. Hey, nice to meet you. Was told you work Smosh LOL’s. I think there must have been a mix up with today’s lunch. I specifically asked for chicken tenders with two sides of ranch. For some reason there are only sandwiches from Ike’s. Are you a dumb bitch? – Damn Noah, why would you say that? – Noah that’s so mean! – No, it was auto correct. – How do you auto correct dumb bitch? – It was supposed to be thumb bitch. – I think we’re besties. He’s my bestie. – Besties. – We love working at Smosh. (cheering and clapping) (laughing) – Something seems to be upsetting you. Do you wanna tell me what’s going on? Is this your friend? Is he okay? He seems to be in a lot of turmoil right now. – Oh my God, what? This is crazy. This is nuts. – What’s nuts? – You’re here. – How did you find yourself here? – Right now I can’t remember how. – Do you need me to give you a second, or? – Yeah, let me just, yeah so. – I’ll be with you in this moment. – Yeah, you know it’s work. – Tell me from childhood. – Yeah, so born in Florida. Nearly drowned when I was 18 months. So that was crazy. – Where were your parents while this was happening? – Somewhere else? Not watching me. I got past the baby gates. – Were they present with you? – Yes, not in that moment. That I escaped to the pool. They did find me a couple minutes later. So they got there. – How are things with them now? – Good. (laughing) – That’s wonderful to hear. I think you’re cured. (clapping and cheering) – I was literally listening to your podcast while driving to work today. – Oh, (beep) really? – So this is a trip. – Hi, everyone. It’s the 100th Try Not To Laugh. So I figured I’d just come out as Noah and share with you guys something that I actually stole from Lisa’s office. If you can see right here it says, “Don’t read super secret, Lisa.” So we’re just gonna go through it. We’re gonna see what she’s got. Files on us, I think. Okay so this is wow, interesting. First thing that says, “Ian eats ass”. (laughing) All right, I guess Lisa knows that. What else does Lisa know? Ooh, this is interesting. I think we got Shayne eats ass. Must have been in the interviews to get hired. I don’t know. Oh, this one’s about Damian, here we go. Damien politely nibbles anus. (laughing) Oh we’ve got Keith. Here we go, Keith. I think we a expected this one. Keith eats black ass. – Like groceries. (laughing) That’s it, sorry. Thank you. – Cadets, We are at war with the tulips! We shan’t be made pansies in the traditional sense. We shall remain proper roses! I am looking here at some buds and not in a Navy Seal kind of way. What was that? What was that? You have something to say to the bees? to the wasps? To the ants? To the blades of grass? Say it to me! Say it to me bud! Say it to me! – Sorry. (cheering and clapping) – Hey guys, I’m an intern. I’m happy I get to be here at TNTL 100. Oh my mom’s calling me. Oh, I’m really excited. Here, I’ll put her on speaker phone real quick. Hi mom. Sorry, she has a little bit of a sore throat. Yeah, no I’m actually on camera this time. No, it’s not like a film. It’s like comedy. No, I’m wearing a dress in front of 30 year old men. (laughing) You outside too? Oh, the cute one. You wanna talk to the cute one? Yeah, come on out mom. (laughing) (clapping and cheering) – Hold it up to the boom mic. Oh stinky, stinky. Okay now put it to Ian’s ear. Stinky, stinky. (laughing) Put it to Keith. (moaning) – That sounds so crazy. – Okay, dorks. (screaming) Okay now Shayne. You got no bones. You got no bones. Thank you. (clapping) You really gotta hear this. – Hello, It’s me, Babe Ruth. Best baseball player in all of the States. Want me see me pop a dinger? What? You ever see a grown man eat a bunch of sausages and a Sbarro pizza, then play a full game? 714 home runs, I’ve never touched a woman in my life. Want me see me pop a dinger? There it goes, popped. I’ve never seen the size of my penis as well. It went inside years ago. Anyways, I’ll see you guys in hell. (clapping and cheering) – Hey, I’m Ash Ketchum. I’m a Pokemon trainer from Pallet Town and I’m here to be the very best. All right squirrel, use water gun attack. Squirrel, we talked about this. Listen, okay I’ll show you how it’s done. Ash, use water gun attack. See squirrel? You know what squid. Pikachu, use taser. (laughing) – Oh my God. – You see the imprint of his face. (laughing) – You like Wile E Coyote’d the wall. – But you hadn’t showered yet, so you know. (cheering and clapping) (game sounds) – Time to go work. Watch this. (hissing) (laughing) Hello Russia. – Oh my God. – You’re my least favorite government. (laughing) – Hello China. You are my least favorite government. Watch this. Hello United States. You are my least favorite government. That’s enough work for today. Time to make one more call. Hello Dominoes, yeah can I get a. (laughing) what is that? Bold, but careless. Let me call you back. (laughing) (yelling) Thanks Dominoes. – [Announcer] There’s merch in the store Commemorate Try Not To Laugh 100 with the official t-shirt. It comes in white and banana cream. So get yours now at smosh.com “cause there’s limited quantities available. Goodbye. – [Woman] Keep them closed. You’re blinking. (pinging) (laughing) Okay, Shayne you can open your eyes now. All, right, ready? (coughing) – Hey everyone. Sorry, I’ve never been positive in all of my life. Okay, This is gonna be for someone. Let me just real quick here. Hold this please. – We did it! – Oh man, clean up at aisle seven! Here you go. Can you open that for me? Oh, I’ve got something else here. Where’s Shayne? Here you go Shayne, open it up. Okay, go ahead take it out. Okay, there you go. (drum roll) (cheering and clapping) This is awesome! This is my dream come true! – You’re welcome. Bye, bye Shayne. – We did it, we got a clown! That was crazy! (cheering) Holy crap! Try Not To Laugh 100 was a success. Thank you guys. And you know what? We’re not gonna stop. We’re gonna keep making Try Not To Laugh. We’re gonna keep on going so keep on watching. And good news, there’s more videos for you to watch right here and all of the guests information, all the links down below. Check ’em out. We love these people. They were so funny. Thank you guys and thank you guys. Everyone was so funny. – Thank you. Thank you. (cheering)