Previously on Buddy System, it turns out… (whispering): The magic is real! (static) I told you! (screams) -Dylan makes a connection. -I like your energy. -The fellas take a… -Power nap. -Power nap. -Power nap! -And then… -We slept through the meeting. And Aimee delivers an ultimatum. I’m gonna make a little video of my own, telling everyone… your guys’ secret. -You wouldn’t. -AIMEE: I won’t… if… you relinquish your channel over to me. -It’s soul search time! -You got 24 hours! Enjoy. ♪ ♪ (bird screeches) RHETT: So, we’ve basically got two options: we either give up our channel to Aimee publically, becoming the biggest sellouts in Internet history… -LINK: Mmm. -…or everybody finds out -our secret. -Yeah, well, people find out our secret, maybe it’s not that big of a deal. I mean, what’s the worst that could happen? Well, we could become known as “those guys who did that thing,” and then lose the ability to make money as entertainers, and then we gotta turn to selling our body parts on the black market. You can make a lot of money off a big toe on the black market. And we can take that money, and go on a trip to the Grand Canyon, like we’ve always wanted. But, while on the edge of the Grand Canyon, admiring its natural beauty, due to your compromised balancing ability because of the loss of your big toe on the black market, you tumble over the edge. -No! -But I reach out to save you! Yes! You save me! However, due to my compromised balancing ability because of the loss of my big toe on the black market, I tumble over the edge with you and we fall to our deaths at the bottom of the Colorado River. -No! -Yes. -That’s the worst that could happen. -Man! No matter what we choose, we’re basically screwed. This is a tough decision. ♪ ♪ ♪ Paper or plastic ♪ ♪ Presents itself as a decision with an obvious answer ♪ ♪ You pick paper ’cause the plastic will end up ♪ ♪ In the ocean giving a whale cancer ♪ ♪ But did you know that the paper in this bag ♪ ♪ Is made from the prickly peckerwood tree ♪ ♪ Which happens to be the residency ♪ ♪ Of the Dwarf Winged Beaver Bee ♪ ♪ And when the Dwarf Winged Beaver Bees no long have homes ♪ ♪ In which to go then I think you should know ♪ ♪ That they’ve been known to reconstruct their hives ♪ ♪ Right inside of those same whales’ blowholes ♪ ♪ So you can weigh ♪ ♪ All these factors before you choose to decide ♪ ♪ But either way, know this ♪ ♪ A whale is gonna die ♪ ♪ No matter what you choose ♪ ♪ A whale is gonna die ♪ ♪ No matter what you do ♪ ♪ A whale is gonna die ♪ ♪ Dine in or take out ♪ ♪ An inconsequential question at the fast food restaurant ♪ ♪ So you take it to go then on the way home ♪ ♪ You know you start to smellin’ those French fries ♪ ♪ So you reach in the bag and take your eyes off the road ♪ ♪ And drive straight off a bridge, and who knows ♪ ♪ What’s in the water below, so you should’ve dined in ♪ ♪ But if you dined in you decide to shake salt on those fries ♪ ♪ With the shaker that the previous guy coughed on ♪ ♪ And then you rub your eyes, oh no ♪ ♪ The next morning you wake up with a wicked face itch ♪ ♪ You drive to urgent care, your eyes swell shut ♪ ♪ Then you drive off the very same bridge ♪ ♪ From when you didn’t dine in and did I mention ♪ ♪ Both times you hit a whale ♪ ♪ A whale is gonna die ♪ ♪ No matter what you choose ♪ ♪ A whale is gonna die ♪ ♪ No matter what you do ♪ ♪ A whale is gonna die ♪ ♪ It’s gonna be okay ♪ ♪ Except in the case you’re a whale ♪ ♪ A whale is gonna die. ♪ Well, we’ve still gotta make a decision. (sighs) Same rules as last time? Yeah. We separate, seek answers on our own, come back together, and if we reach the same conclusion– We do the opposite. Because they cancel each other out. Or we just do what we agreed on. I like that. Let’s do that. (Western music sting) (birds chirping) -Hi. -(yelps) I’m Peder. Hi, Peter. Peder with a “D.” -Peter? -Peder. -Peter. -Peder. -Peter? -Peder. -Peter. -Peder. Sounds the same to me. Sounds different to me. (groans) You wanna dance? What… huh? Nothin’. Is that just… dirt down there? Yep. But it’s also shorts. It’s-it’s dirt shorts. It’s “dorts.” -Dorts? -Dorts. I made ’em myself. I can make you a pair. I don’t… I don’t need any dorts. I’m gonna make you a pair. I’m taking your measurements now with my eyes. -My one eye. -I appreciate that. I gettin’ your inseam. Can you feel it? I like ’em. I don’t need ’em. I don’t need dorts. -(sighs) -What are you doing out here? Uh, well, it’s not like I’m out here waitin’ for some stranger to come traipsing through here so I can dance with him. (laughs) What are doin’ out here? All alone? I’m on a soul search. -Soul search? -Yeah. I don’t have any shoes. No soles. Can’t help you there. I got feet with soles, but they’re attached. -Can’t help you. -No, I mean, like, I got… it’s an important decision I have to make. -Decision? -Mm-hmm. I do have something that can help you, then. “Clarity Springs. “For centuries, the native peoples of the region “saw this rich spring as a great source of enlightenment. “It was said that it brought remarkable clarity of thought, especially useful for difficult decision-making.” (loud bubbling) (loud slurping) I… have a prophes-eye! You have a prophecy? I got a prophes-eye! We’re gonna do that again, huh? No, I’ve got a special eye. (exhales slowly) Ugh. Like Fedo App, if you look deep within my prophes-eye, you see the answer to the question that plagues you. Uh, you know what, that sounds nice, but… -Look into it. -I think it would be better for both of us if I just continue with my soul search. So, it was great meeting you, Peder. (whines) (sighs) (whine continues) Hey! Listen! Stop crying, man! Stop crying! Okay! I’ll look into your prophes-eye. -Okay. -(dramatic music plays) So I just look into it? Yeah, just look right into it. But you gotta get close. Closer. -Closer… -(sighs) You gotta get even closer. Um… I don’t think I can get any closer, man. I think you can. There’s nothing there, man! I think there’s something! Hey! I see what you’re trying to do! You don’t have a prophes-eye. You’re right. I just wanted to dance cheek to cheek. Well, why didn’t you just ask me? -Would you have? -No! FARAWAY VOICE: Link! Link! What? FARAWAY VOICE: Link! Link? Link! Yes! FARAWAY VOICE (echoing): This way! This way! This way! That’s right! (voice becoming clearer): This way! Yes. Yes, that’s it, Link! Oh, yes! Come, sit on me! Yes, that’s it! That’s right! Hi, Link. Hi. Wanna take a ride, player? Oh, no, I’m not allowed to ride you. You’re Rhett’s bike. That’s nonsense! Rhett’s your best friend! He won’t mind, shortie! Well… I guess he doesn’t have to find out anyways. Exactly. It’s okay to do things to people if they don’t know you’re doing it. That’s why I’ve always wanted to be a dentist. Well, that’s not exactly what I meant. Now, peddle me, Linkster! (dramatic music plays) Whoa… (laughing) (laughs) Whoa! This really is great! BIKE: Do you know why Rhett is so possessive of me? No, why? Well, I belonged to Rhett’s grandfather. He rode me like the wind! Until he died… right there in front of little Rhett. -What? -That’s right, I killed him. Okay, let’s go, Link! Peddle fast! Rhett? (soft metallic grinding) Hey. Hey. Uh, hey– uh, uh, I’m sorry, man. I mean, your-your bike told me to ride it. -He’s lyin’! -Listen, I don’t mind! That’s not even technically my bike. I’m not technically me! You’re having a hallucination. Really? (insects chirping, water bubbling) Well, why are you wearing a vest and a scarf? For the same reason that you are. Because in your imagination, necks and chests get cold, but arms don’t. -Yes, that’s typical. -The real question is… why aren’t you thinking about this decision you’ve got to make to make? You’re supposed to be on a soul search! Oh, you’re right. I don’t know. What do you think we should do? You know what? If you and me can make this video where we officially give our channel over to Aimee and we never do Good Mythical Morning again, it’s not like we don’t have other ideas. We got all kinds of ideas. Like opening up Crispytown. Where everything is deep-fried. BOTH: Even the napkins. But, I mean, we’re just hallucinations, so we can’t do that. Oh, you can! Huh? Hey. (snaps fingers) I got an idea. Whenever I got to make a tough choice, I like to make a pro-con list. And I got a white gourd. You got a whiteboard out here? No. I got a white gourd. Yes, yes, all you have to do, is break the hallucination barrier. Then you’ll be able to do everything that the real Rhett and Link can. I don’t think that’s such a good idea. Wh– Hold on. How do we break the hallucination barrier? You just peddle really fast. How fast? As fast as a half-pregnant cheetah. How fast is that? As fast as an over-caffeinated gazelle. And how fast is that? Speed seven. -Se… -Ven! What is wrong with you? (dramatic music plays) (music stops abruptly) Okay. That’s all the cons. And that’s the last of my gourds. So, change of plans. Now, we’ve got to write the pros on the ground with your foot. Let me help you with that. Oh– hey! No– no, man! No dancing! Well, fine. I… I’ll just write it myself. What’s the name of your show? -Good Mythical…? -Morning. Well, that sounds sad. No, not “mourning” with a u. “Morning” like the beginning of the day. Sounds the same to me. But it means something different. It’s a morning show. People look forward to it every day, whether we’re gonna take a bath in ranch dressing or ea guinea pig testicles. I love those. I gobble them up. You know what? This isn’t about us and our secret. This is about the people who have chosen to make Good Mythical Morning a part of their daily routine. -Peder? -Yeah? -Thank you. -You’re welcome. -I know what I gotta do. -Is it dance with me? No. It’s get our show back. (whines) RHETT: It’s not gonna work this time! (whining stops) Link! Link! RHETT (in the distance): Link! Link! Link! -Wake up, man! -I didn’t ride your bike! Listen! It has become abundantly clear to me that we cannot give up Good Mythical Morning. We gotta get your phone back, and get the show back. (metallic rumbling) (thunder) (static) BIKE: We broke the hallucination barrier! I think there might be a little problem with that. ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪