This is Dispatches from Myrtle Beach with Charles Neal and my son, Link from Good Mythical Morning. Are you there Link? Oh, you know it Dad, right here. Waiting just like that Richard Marks song. Remember that? Uh, I think so. I will be right here waiting for you. Oh yeah, boy. Uh, uh, ocean’s apart. I didn’t know you day after day old enough to, uh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Be a Riches Marks fan. Oh, yeah. He’s a, I mean, eighties icon, but. Yeah, he went on to write a lot of in the nineties as well for the likes of NSYNC and other people. And he made an appearance in, uh, commercial Kings, the show that we made when we moved out here to California. But yeah, he made a cameo in it ’cause he thought our commercials were funny. So yeah, a lot of respect for, for the hair, otherwise known as Richard Marks. Oh yeah. So he liked your hair? Well, he had, he had like iconic hair. Yeah, he did. So I was calling him the hair, but I’m, I’m sure he liked my hair a little bit. Yeah. Yeah. But yeah, oceans apart is the opening line, I think of that song. And that’s, that’s what we are, well, we’re actually continent apart on different oceans. It’s not, I think, I think we, I think we’re on the same continent. Well, yeah, we are. We, that’s fair. We just. But we’re a continent apart. I’m on the east coast and you’re on the west coast. We’re on the opposite ends of the continent, so we’re a continent apart. Okay. That I, I’ll agree with that. We’re, we are on, we’re not oceans apart unless you go the other way around the world. And then we’re like a lot of. Oceans and continents apart, a lot of oceans. So yeah, we, uh, but if you were in Japan, we would be oceans apart northern continent. We are, we’re, we’re on the east and the west of that, our continent. Yes, we are. I can’t believe it’s taken us this many episodes to establish this, but here we are. It’s kind of implied in the, in the name. At least half of it is. But yeah. What’s new in Myrtle Beach on your side of the continent? We, everything’s good at Myrtle Beach. The weather’s good. Everything’s doing good. But I got something that we need to go ahead and get right on into because we’re, we’re going to talk, we’re gonna talk about oing again, that did the spelling be, I remember Owen, I, I had some, um, you questioned my advice, or at least my word choice. For encouraging Owen to do well in the spelling bee. Yeah. Yes, I did. And his mother sent us the thing in. Okay. It says, Hey guys, I’m giving you an update on Owen’s countywide spelling bee. Mm-hmm. Well link, he didn’t F it up, so you can be proud of him. He came in first place. He was confident and really gave it his all. Well, you didn’t show me a picture of my guy when I told him not to f it up. I would, I might not would’ve done that if I was like looking at this cute picture, my boy there. Hey son, don’t f it up. I wouldn’t have said that to his face if you put the picture up before. And I now I feel horrible, but now I don’t feel horrible because his mom also uses the same terminology right back at me, dad. I think she was just, uh, liking it, uh, reciprocating back to you that mm-hmm. He, he didn’t f it up. That’s right. And if she was offended by the advice, she probably wouldn’t have used it in her reply. I’m so, you know, am I making this too much about me? Well, probably that’s the same bet at all times. Oh, oh, probably, yes. In general, Owen. Owen, he beat, he’s a third, still a third grader. He beat the fourth and fifth graders. He did so. I know how, how does it make you feel? ’cause you were, so, you finally let us know your real feelings, why you were upset about Oh, and doing so well. Because when you went to school and you were his said, you, you didn’t do so good. Well, with a word, it, uh, it didn’t come to fruition. And then, then you, then you kinda. Took it out on Owen because of what happened to you? I don’t, did I take it out on Owen? Um, yeah, yeah, yeah. You took it out on Owen. You know what, I’m, I’m sorry for that, Owen. And you know what? I’ve taught you that in the face of adversity, you know how to win even when those that are pulling for you are doing So for their own purposes, maybe selfish self-aggrandizing or. Penance purposes, whatever my reasons were. You took the good out of the advice and you hol, you holstered it, and then you fired it right there at those judges and you won. And you know what? For that, we are going to adopt you. You are officially being adopted as the honorary son of dispatches. From Myrtle Beach and Spelling Bee champion of Dispatches for Myrtle Beach. Okay. Alright. You’ll be our, not our, okay. We’re not. All right. So Dad, you think adopting him as a son is too far? That’s, I think we just need to let him be the spelling be champion of dispatches for Myrtle Beach. Okay. But I thought that, I thought I was, I thought that was me. Because you can’t spell. That’s been very clear. I know, right? And it, he, he knows I can’t spell. I know his mama does too. And until Owen, I can’t spell chocolate. I know two chances. But until Owen came along, I was the one who could spell. And now all of a sudden you’re trying to make Owen the one who could spell what? Well, how do you think that makes me feel? I was the one here who could spell. Now it’s Owen. Well, I’m, you, you can, you can spell a lot better than your dad can, but you know, for somebody that’s in the third grade and spelling with third, fourth, and fifth graders, I, I don’t, I don’t know if you are, and I know not me can hold a candle that, uh, that Owen can spell. So, I’m sorry, son. Alright, so you’re saying because. You don’t have to point out he’s in third grade. You’re saying that a third grader spells better than me and now I have to live with that. Yeah. That, that would be correct. Okay. I mean, but I, you know, it’s just the way the world goes around in a circle. So, but Owen, all this left beside. Uh, we are really proud that you, I’m not, were c confident in what you did and that you won the spelling bee, and you’ve gotta, you know, keep on doing the good work. And I bet you that when you get, I bet you he got lucky with the, with the words they gave him. No, Lee, don’t even go there. I bet you, I bet you he did. I mean, did he spell every word? No, he just spelled the words. They asked him to spell luck of the draw. I bet you he probably didn’t spell more than 12 words. I can spell 12 words. I can spell a lot more than 12 words. Dad. Yeah, I know you can, but hey, you’re 40 something and he’s in the third grade, so get over it. I’m over it. No, I don’t think so. He can. He can be. He can be that. I, I can see that. Hey, I can see you. I see that look on your face where you’re like, oh, don’t look at me. Don’t look at me, dad. I am looking at you. Don’t look at me. I don’t feel like you should be. I don’t wanna be looked at. Alright. No, you don’t want because you, you know, you’ve got to, sometimes you have to accept defeat. I bet you. Why don’t we just have him come on here and be the host. Would you? No, we ain’t, no, I didn’t say anything about that. Why? Why do you keep building this up? Like there’s something you want to put between me and you. Just because he won a spelling B contest. I just, I just think You don’t think he could spell enough if I just feel like when all those times that you didn’t spell, you could have said something more about how I was a good speller. Well, I, I, I’ll, I’ll take a note of that and some of it, sometimes when I am trying to spell words, I, I’ll say, well, my son knows how to spell them words. I am, I’m proud of him. And you said you wanted to adopt him as a son. That was you. Okay. That was me. I said I was going to adopt him as the spelling bee champion of dispatches for Myrtle Beach. See, that’s where we went wrong. If we would’ve just made him our son, then we would’ve bi bypassed all this pain. So, can we just do that? Well, I really didn’t want, I, I, I wanted you, because of the way this went the first time, I, I wanted you to feel a little bit of the pain that you give to him. Well, I feel it. I feel it. It hurts. It hurts bad dad. Hurts real bad. Hey, it hurts bad, God almighty. That’s what you, you try, see what happens when you try to make me feel bad. Hey, I don’t, you try to, lucky, I’m sorry, but my son and, and Nancy tells me to tell people, don’t make his head no bigger. But I mean, my son’s got that ego too. So I mean. Owen, I know that this level of humor is beyond your capabilities at your third grade brain. But one day you’re gonna grow up and you’re gonna realize that that was really funny. But all you know now is how to spell, and that’s good for you at your age. But one day you’ll be, you’ll, you might be as funny as, uh, me, your internet dad. Yeah, that’s right. We believe in you, Owen. Don’t you keep doing what you’re doing. Don’t listen, don’t listen to me. I was just being funny. You’ll, you’ll discover that in the future as you mature. Uh, that’s my, I hope so. Yeah. And was that, is that a clear enough apology or am that’s, that’s, am I good? You’re good. Or did I, or did IF it up? No you didn’t. Okay. You did good. Yeah. Alright. Alright. I think Owen, Owen, I think Owen’s great. I’m good. I’m good. Alright. Well we going go on link ’cause we going to do, we going to do a Don’t tell Nana episode. It is time for another edition of Don’t Tell Nana. Okay. You know me, you can trust me. And the question is, can we trust all the listeners? So far so good. Right? I sure hope so, because, uh, you know, uh, when I was growing up, when you were younger and, uh, there was always times in my life that Nana. She wanted, she aspired for me to be something. Oh, really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And uh, she, she had ideas and even in years later, she still would tell people that she aspired for me to be this really. And when, when I was young and, and probably nine or 10 years old and we were going to church at the. First Baptist Church in Littleton, North Carolina. Uhhuh. And, and my, my mama would tell people, my son’s going to grow up and gonna be a preacher. Really gonna be a, yeah. Oh yeah. And she used to tell it a whole lot. That is so Nana, she would, she would say it. She would say it a lot. Oh, yeah. And, and in front of you. In front of me, in front of classic Wow. After you were born. And we would do some things at the house and she would even, she would even bring it up when we were having eating supper, doing something. She’d, we’d, we’d get to talking about all different things she said. Yeah. I was always hoping Charles would be a preacher too. I mean, he even brought it up. Later. I mean, when I was 40 years old, maybe I was going to change my weight and go back to school and be a preacher. So I love that. Oh God. I mean, how, how did you interact with this? I mean, first of all, as a kid, well, I, I must not have interacted very well ’cause I didn’t, I didn’t grow up to be a preacher. But, but when she would say it, did you, did it kind of make you think about it? Did you consider it? Oh yeah. I thought about it some, but it just didn’t. You thought, but then you realized what? Uh, I wasn’t devoted enough. Oh. To do God’s work. Yeah, that’s what I thought. Yeah. You have to be really devoted to. You need to take that on and that responsibility and live up to that criteria. So, yeah. And when I put that criteria up against the, um, the accumulation of stories that you’ve told me, that if I were to categorize all of them into like a generalization of your vibe and aesthetic, it would not be of the cloth. It would not, but maybe she thought, she thought you were getting it all outta your system, like every time you came back with. Uh, you know, a broken bone or injuries from motorcycle accidents or just raising just gen general raised in hell. I mean, let’s be real. Just you were, you were a hell raising generalist. Yes. I mean, that would be right. That would be correct. Yeah. Did, whoa, did was this her like. Wishful thinking of like, maybe he’s getting it out of his system. Um, the ones that have been saved from the most, saved the most, or something like that. Yep. Oh yeah. He’s gonna have a powerful testimony if he doesn’t, you know, getting maimed beyond all mental recognition. You all those, all the hell he’s been raising. Uh. Right. I mean, it, it’s quite a, I mean, yeah, it’s quite a vote of confidence dad, in, in, in spite of all the evidence that your mama was insistent. No, no, no. He’s still preacher material. Like, I mean, that, that, that exhibits a true understanding of grace, I think. Yeah. No matter what you did and you, and, and hey, you did it right. Yes, I did it a lot of stuff. No matter what you did and, and you did it, I’m not gonna say you did it all, but let’s just say you did it all. Well, if I didn’t, I’d come damn close. Right. I mean, that’s, that’s quite, that’s a powerful testimony. Yeah. I know. You know, I, I know a guy, I, Christie’s a friend of Christie’s family, he became a preacher after retiring. Oh yeah. I think he painted houses. I think he, I think he did remodeling and laid tile. Yeah, just like you, he became a, a, a preacher known all around Lenoir County. Hmm. And I made up the part about him doing the same profession as you, but I just wanted it to hit home that there’s still hope. Okay. There’s still hope for you, dad. You can still be a preacher. Okay. Alright. It doesn’t sound like you’re thinking about it. No, I’m not thinking about it. Did you get hung up on it? Is there, is there, is there damage here? Is there psychological trauma of not meeting Nana’s expectations? No, I, I, I just let it go right on over my head. Just tried to, when I figured out some of the stuff I was doing that I, I needed to do a little bit better though, so I do do better Now. You’re, and you’re, you’re, in terms of your faith, you are pretty devout I would say. Yes, I am. Huh. Yep. And you’re devout enough to know that it, that you don’t have, that the qualifications for being a preacher have nothing to do with, uh, your checkered past. Well, I got a friend of mine and he, uh, he owns the paint business back in Sanford, Jody McNeil, and yeah, he, he preaches somewhere every Sunday. He does every Sunday, but he’s not an, an ordained minister, and he. He graduated from Campbell and he went up there and talked to a guy. Uh. In the divinity school and he said, what do you think about me going back to school and becoming a preacher? And he said, there’s preachers all over this world. He said, you going to reach a lot more people doing what you do than becoming trying to become a preacher. And he has, there you go. So, so take that nana, even though you will never hear of this. Yeah, that’s right. Now. But she does, I mean. In fairness though, at a certain point it did stop, because I don’t think I’ve ever heard her say that. So she did let go of the dream. Yep. Yeah, she had to. That’s right. And, and you know what, add it to the list, right? There’s plenty of things that she, yeah, there’s plenty of plans that she’s laid down for everybody. She loves that. Um, you know, but you gotta choose your own path, right? Well, that’s kind of like I, uh, when we thought about this, I thought about you and rt, right? And the path that y’all took, took, and I, I don’t, I don’t know if I was, but I was pretty close. The only person that supported. Told y’all, just if this is what y’all want to do, go ahead. That’s right. Do it. It, I mean, definitely, definitely. Um, when it was the, that family get together, like you, you were the most on board. You were the, you were the one who shifted the tides, which is kind of ironic, right? Because she always thought you’d be a preacher. And then I was a form of that, and it was just kind of, I think that the whole raising your own financial support was quite a big. Hurdle for her to clear, you know? Yeah. Um, and I get that, but you know, we still got this thing that, like, we’re not talking about the details publicly, but she’s got this proposal out to me of something to think about and it just keeps like lingering And I’m like, it, it is amazing how much temptation there is to just say yes to Nana to make her happy ’cause. I love her so much. Oh yeah. But I gotta make the decision for other reasons besides that. ’cause, and I think I said this last time we talked about it, but as much as I’ve learned, it’s still a temptation for me just to do something to make her happy. I don’t know. It’s, it’s, it’s, it’s weird, but, Hey, but moving back to North Carolina ain’t gonna be one of ’em. No, no, no. It’s not that. Well, I’ve always wanted to learn French. But I should have done a better job in high school when I was taking it because I didn’t pay any attention and didn’t hardly learn. Learn any words, and that’s why I love Rosetta Stone. It’s designed to help you learn naturally the way you learn your first language, instead of drilling words out of context. Rosetta Stone immerses you in a real life scenario. Plus with their true accent speech recognition, you can get your pronunciations down right from the start. Whether you want to learn Spanish, French, Korean, or even Dutch, Rosetta Stone makes it easy, effective, and fun. Don’t wait. Unlock your language learning potential. Now dispatches from Myrtle Beach. Listeners can grab Rosetta Stone’s lifetime membership. For 50% off. That’s unlimited access to 25 language courses for life. Visit rosetta stone.com/dispatches to get started and claim your 50% off today. Don’t miss out. Go to rosetta stone.com/dispatches and start learning today. Well late. W we, we going to go from one predicament to another one. Okay. And, uh, I got a thing, uh, email from Tina and she wants me to help her get out of the woods. We going to help her get out the woods. Okay? It’s time for another edition of I’ll Help You Get Out of the Woods. She says, Charles, I’m in quite the predicament. I am currently pregnant and unfortunately haven’t known who the father is between two guys. Ooh, well, after testing, I got the answer. Can you help me tell each of them the news for the sake of anonymity? Let’s say their names are Mike and Evan. Evan is the father. Okay? So she wants to take this clip. She wants me to break the news to them that she wants to send it to them, and, and she’s gonna have to tell them ahead of time. Now, in this scenario, you are Evan. Okay? You’re Evan. Make sure you don’t think you’re the other guy. ’cause these are fake names for the sake of anonymity. Okay. So just watch. I’m gonna step out of the room and this guy, Charles, he’s, he hosts a podcast that I like. I ask him to tell you this news. Okay. You’re Evan and you, thank you for coming. You are? What’s the other guy’s name? Mike. Mike. You’re Mike. So you’re Mike, you’re Evan. You’re both here. I’m gonna leave the room and Charles is gonna talk to both of y’all. Just press play on this video after I leave the room, boys. Okay. So my Mike and Evan, uh, Tina has, uh. She’s going to have a baby, and it, it came from one of, or the two of you, and she’s been intimate with both of you, and she’s trying to be as easy and good about this as she can. But one of you or the father and one of you aren’t, and I, I’m just going to, uh, let you down. As easy as I can because Evan, you’re gonna be a daddy and Mike, you’re not. Come on. Make you gotta make Mike feel better, you know? Well, he might feel better. Oh, talk to him. Keep talking to Mike. He’s still, yeah, because Mike. You, you might not have been ready to be a father. Of course, when you have intercourse with somebody, there’s always a chance you can get somebody pregnant. But, uh, Evan, see Evan, you did that. Oh, I’m hoping you’re glad that you’re going to be a father and, uh, be there for Tina and Mike. You don’t have to be there for her. And I guess she’s going to have to just. Kick you onto the curb and go on with our life with Evan, and you’re going to have to find you another Tina somewhere. So, um, but Evan, you about to strap your boots on up because this is a long, long haul. Haul. So, I mean. You got at least 18 years to help raise this child and do what’s right. So help Tina and Hey, Evan, you know, I, uh, Mike must have some pretty strong feelings for Tina, so, you know. He may be waiting in the wings. If you’re not a good dad, he might step right back in and, and take this on and be the father of, uh, this baby that Tina’s having. So you better be careful, Evan, what you’re doing. You better be a good father. You better do that. Wow. And go ahead and let Tina on back in the room and, and, uh, tell her that. Uh, we know who’s gonna be the dad. Wow. That was, that was good. It was, it was, was, it was kind of a rip the bandaid off quality to that, which I liked. And some, and some like, uh, like sex education vibes, you know? Yep. I like that. That’s good. I feel like we learned a lot. I wonder if, um, Evan, who is the dad. Went first or second, you know, because Rhett was telling me that he was reading this book about the, the reason why the head of the penis is evolved the way, this is something he tells me, dad. I’m sorry. I mean he, we run outta stuff, talk about, and then it gets quiet and then he just starts saying this stuff and I can’t stop him. He said that from an evolutionary perspective. The glands of the penis, the head of the penis is shaped in such a way that it’s designed to, it has like a syringe quality. You know how, you know how a syringe, there’s like the outer thing and then there’s the inner thing. So when you put the. The inside of the syringe into the thing, and then you pull it out, it creates a suction, which then removes what’s in the syringe. Yeah. And then when it goes back in again and goes all the way to the end, then that’s when the package is, the new package is delivered. Once the older package has been removed, and this is science. When, when the ma, when the males are competing to inseminate the female, that’s just what my friend told me, dad. Okay. The penis creates suction like a syringe. So Evan probably went second. I don’t know how long after, but. Let’s hope it was at least the next day. Yeah. You know, you know, that’d be quite a day. Well, I don’t know, but otherwise, he’s a father. Whether he was the next dad the next week or whenever it was, he’s gonna be a dad. Yep. And let that, that, let that be a lesson to you if you’re, if you find that your, your woman’s cheating on you, well then you gotta follow up quickly. Create as much suction as possible as quickly as possible. Oh Lord. I mean, that’s what, that’s what science is telling us. Do you want to add that? Do you want to add that back into your address to, uh, Mike and Evan or, no, I don’t want to add that back in there. Fair enough. Fair enough, fair enough. I think they got enough to deal with right now anyway. Yep. And so do you. You’ve been quite a trooper today already. Yeah. Whew. Well, good luck, Tina, and uh, good luck Tina. We’ll be, maybe you can let us know later on how things work out and everything. Yep. Maybe, maybe your son or daughter they can spell too, will grow up to be a good speller. Yeah. Which apparently matters a lot to my dad. No, this. No, no, no. Don’t even go there. Don’t even cry. Okay. It’s, it’s psychological comedy Dad. I don’t know. It’s like, I don’t know. I’m on a, I’m on a different plane today. You, yeah, you on a different realm today. I’m tell you, when you get to talking about every, what Rhett talks about, about penises and stuff is way over my head. It’s right on the tip. Well link. Thanks for listening, Owen. We got a, um. New episodes we going to do in this call. It’s me, you keep, you keep calling our segments episodes. I mean, I think the whole thing’s a episode and then what we’re doing. Okay. Well we got a new little skit we’re going to do. Okay. It’s time for, it’s me your dub daddy. So we’re, we’re going, we’re gonna do some dubbing and because dubbing is when you. You’re, you’re gonna be saying something to me. Mm-hmm. But I can’t hear you and I’m going to dub in the words that you’re saying. Oh, okay. So like, if you overdub, typically it’s like another language, but you’re gonna take my English and you’re gonna replace it with your own English that I can’t hear you say it. Gotcha. That’s, that would be correct. So what, what video are you going to queue up, Logan? So I’ve got the. Chocolate fountain, no link. Before we get started, do I have your consent to turn you into a human chocolate fountain? You haven’t. Whoa. Oh God. Oh goodness. This fountain actually has another feature. Woo. I hate to ask you to do this, but can you pee into my mouth? Nothing wrong with this. Haven’t I made it clear that I want my dad to love and respect me? No. Well, this is not going to do it. Link. Before we get started, do I have your consent to turn you into a human chocolate fountain? Yes, you do. Oh my God. Oh. Oh, it’s chocolate. This fountain actually has another feature. Oh. It’s always coming out somewhere else. I hate to ask you to do this, but can you pee into my mouth right directly into it? Oh. Oh, what? Chocolate is thick. Oh, oh yeah. So you were feeling my pain, huh? Chocolate is thick. Yeah, I, so now, I mean, would you rather them be. A good chocolate fountain or a decent speller. I mean, come on, dad. I mean, really, it’s not a context, right? I’d rather for you be a a, a decent speller. Well, what do you want? I mean, I thought you’d be proud of me. Well, I am proud of you because you, you’re a, why, why would you want to be a good chocolate fountain and not be a good spitter? Well, it speaks for itself, dad. I don’t know. It’s, it’s, it’s, uh, there’s not a lot of competition. Matter of fact, I’ve never met another middle scooter scooter who wanted to compete. And you, you don’t have to, you don’t have to compete against a middle school. I’m number one because I’m one of one. It ain’t, people tell me, tell us after how we look at like that they can’t be but one of you and one of me. No. And I’m like, actually there’s four of us. Yeah. Or there was, anyway. Well, well, don’t get sad. All right. Let’s end on a happy note. Yep. That was good. Well, but I mean, Link, uh, I, I don’t know what else to tell you. You, you can either be a good speller or a chocolate nut ever. Which one you want to be. You, you always make me proud with whatever you do, and I love you for it because. Thank you, dad. You know all you Myrtle Beasts. It was fun having you all here with us today and we’ll be back next week for another one. And don’t forget to follow and subscribe wherever we get your podcast and on YouTube. And while you’re at it, rate and review us on Apple Podcast. And if you’ve got a question, comment, or story you’d like to share with me, email me at ratherbshaggin53@aol.com. And y’all have a great rest of your week and welcome to Fatherhood Evan, but not you, Mike. Oh, ouch. Well, love you son. Love you too.