Welcome to “Ear Biscuits” the podcast where two lifelong friends talk about life for a long time. I’m Link. And I’m Rhett. This week at the round table of dim lighting, we are hearing your voices. Because you called, and you answered the question, we want to hear your bad neighbors/roommate horror stories. Give us a call and share your story at 1-888-EARPOD1. Yeah. You know, I’ve had some neighbors. I have neighbors. In the past, on this show, you have discussed some, you got into some thickness with your neighbors. You got into the deep end of- Yes. Strife. We will not recount that in detail. But yes, when I moved into my current home, my neighbor, that was really my only neighbor that we like, you know, had contact with, like physical contact. Like, we shared a fence with them. Your lands had contact. The way that my house is situated, they’re really the only neighbor that you can really like, have a fence with and stuff. But anyway, yeah, we had a tree dispute, a bush dispute. There was a bunch of arguing that went back and forth. Because you basically planted a palm tree on their land, but right next to your driveway. Yeah, after we talked about cutting down a bush that was theirs. Anyway, we had coffee and we straightened it out, and now we give each other Christmas gifts. So what is the long term takeaway? It’s been so long since that, like, is it that you buy ’em a bottle of wine- Well, what I tell people on the reg when they begin telling me their neighbor stories, is I say, you gotta nip that neighbor situation in the bud. Yep. Because you cannot abide in this way where you’ve got some ongoing dispute. Life is too short to be in an ongoing dispute with your neighbor. Even if what they are saying and doing, in my case, I thought that, is unreasonable. I was like, I don’t care how unreasonable this is. I don’t care who’s right and who’s wrong. In my mind, you were wrong, but keep going. Oh, you love to throw me under the bus. I was not wrong by a long shot. But that was my takeaway, it was pretty simple. But the point being that it doesn’t matter who’s right or who’s wrong. It really doesn’t matter. I hear that. Reconciliation is the most important thing. That’s the right that you’re looking for when you’re in a neighbor situation. Now somebody might be unwilling to compromise, but as I told you in the previous story, which has been years now, when I sat down at a coffee shop with my neighbor, he immediately began to weep. That’s right. Because he knew that he was in the wrong. Okay, yeah, I’ve forgotten that part. Yeah, so thanks a lot, Link. When the person’s crying, that’s wow, you broke him. You didn’t cry. No, I didn’t. Ha! I had I nothing to cry about. Yeah, well, you talk about nipping in the bud, but to me, just to skip to like the final analysis here, if you have any opportunity to like, build some positive rapport with a neighbor, do it. That’s why when people move in next to you, you give ’em cookies, you welcome to the neighborhood, you give ’em a little welcome package or something. You introduce yourself. Then you don’t have to worry about when are we gonna meet? What circumstances are we gonna meet under? And is it gonna be when I have to confront ’em about something like these voicemails we got? Yeah. Or like, you’re, oh, I’m doing some work on my house and they’re a nosy neighbor, and they’re gonna come over to see if I pulled the right permits and stuff, you know? That happens all the time in California. Yeah, it happened with us. We never knew which neighbor it was. We ended up having to like spend thousands of dollars doing stuff we didn’t plan on doing. But you have a good situation in your neighborhood. I do. My cul-de-sac, right there, all around the end, we all know each other and party together a couple of times a year. And we’ve got- Sometimes a little too hard, I heard. Yep, Christy’s on a text thread with some of those people. I’m not on that text thread. That’s where I draw the line. You can get hammered in a cul-de-sac though. Oh man, yeah. You know what I’m saying? There’s only one way out. Yeah, right. It’s like, it’s really hard to get hurt. Like it’s really hard to get run over in a cul-de-sac. Yeah, that’s right. You know, ’cause it’s just like, it’s just, well, it’s just the end of the road. So you don’t get hammered by a car. I’m just saying. You can get hammered. A cul-de-sac, a place where a road terminates, surrounded by homes, it just feels like a place that you can just lose yourself, you know? Oh yeah. Let it all hang out. We did man. You can’t do that on a thoroughfare, you know what I’m saying? Nope. You gotta do that in a place where, listen, you saw this and if you’re gonna tell somebody about it, we’re not gonna let you leave. And we can all keep you here because it’s just one way out. Yep. It’s about barricading. If you live on a highway, you can’t get away with anything. And then the cul-de-sac then it extends, it curves around and then extends to the main road. So like, one of the things we discussed at our last party was how, this was not me talking either, it seems like something I would say in a group to see how everybody reacted. But one of my neighbors said, “Yeah, we’re in the balls of the street. And then you kinda drive down the shaft of the street to get out to the main thoroughfare.” Those are pretty little balls if you go those proportions. Well it’s basic, it’s just the cul-de-sac is a nut sack. I understand the analogy. I’m just saying that if I were to take an overhead view of your street, knowing about how long it is. The balls are proportionately small. It’s very cold in that cul-de-sac, if you know what I’m saying. Cold sack. It’s very cold. That’s why it’s called that. A cold sack. Oh. It’s very shriveled at the end. You figured it out. Yeah, I got a good. You live at the shriveled small end of the sack. With my neighbors. There was this whole thing about my window from my shower, giving me a vantage point to my neighbors, which then I talked to ’em about it. And it’s like, I wanna make a video about this. They were super cool about it, you know. They’ve since put up a fence that then kind of makes it a little more difficult for me to see them drive to work. They were super cool about it, and since then they have put up a barricade. On the other side, we got new neighbors and they’re below me, and there’s that wall. This is the guy that threw you something off his grill. No, no, no, that’s the guy, that’s my backside neighbor. I’m talking about my other side neighbor. My backside neighbor, I saw him on a walk with the dogs a week ago and I was like, hey, I’m Link, I’m your neighbor up there. And he was like, “Oh yeah,” and he made the motion. He’s like, I threw it. Of throwing the meat. What did he throw? What kind of meat? Like a hero meat on a shish kabob. He took it off the- A morsel. A morsel, he took like a handful- I threw the morsel. Yeah, so he made the throwing motion. This is the morsel motion. He was like, oh yeah. He was like, “Next time, come on down.” Oh, he was baiting you. And I, yeah, and I remember his name now. That’s the other thing, write down your neighbor’s names. Like I put in my phone, person’s name, and then I put neighbor. So then when I can’t remember my neighbor’s name, I just search my address book for neighbor. And it’s like, all my neighbors from all the years come up. You gotta make a good, you gotta start on a positive foot because inevitably there will be conflict, as we see. And with my new side neighbor, there’s that cinder block wall. Walls are trouble, ’cause who owns them? I own the wall. Eh, but how do you really know? Because I do. And then I look over the wall- They probably think the same thing. And they’ve done all types of landscaping once they moved in, including planting trees, that line the wall on their side so they don’t have to look at the backside of my wall. They can look at the trees they planted. Because it’s cinder block. Christy wasn’t happy with what they planted. I wish they would’ve asked me what type of thing to plant. I could’ve helped them come up with something better. And I’m like, well, the only thing I’m worried about is the fact that these trees that they planted- Are gonna grow. Are gonna keep going up and up and up. And when I sit at my dining room table and I look out that side window, I can see a little bit of the mountains. And I don’t wanna see a point blank range tree. What, is it like those very typical, like California, like, they’re gonna get really tall and they look like they might be evergreen. Like bushes that just keep going straight up. It’s a smaller, I would call it, it’s a tree, but it kind of has a- A bush like quality? A bush like quality. But I could already tell when they first planted it, I was like, there’s a few that are higher. And like, I’m sitting there looking out my window and my vantage point of the mountain is being threatened from a seated height by these freshly planted tree things. If you need somebody to come over and like accidentally be like wielding, what is it, a scythe? A scythe, yeah. In like, oh, the tall guy came over- A scythe. The scythe. The tall guy came over- Scythe Lord. I could come over, here, this is it. This is the plan. Halloween night, I make a great grim Reaper. I bring my scythe or scythe. Scythe. You know what I’m talking about. And I’m just having a grand old time. It’s a cul-de-sac, so I get a little hammered and I start swinging that thing around and I just cut the tops of their bushes off. And I do it every Halloween. Oh- It’s a way to keep it controlled. I appreciate the offer, but I’ve already taken care of it. Oh, snap! Yeah, it was under the cover of darkness. Because it’s on my, like my side, there’s the wall, which is like four and a half feet tall, maybe even five feet tall. And then there’s like another foot of tree that’s now on top of that. And it’s right there at my eye level, my hand level, when I’m like. Say if I had clippers in my hand, like some sort of landscaping shears, let’s just say I did. Let’s just say it was dark. Oh gosh. And let’s just say, from my side, it’s just right there conveniently, snip, snip, snip, snip, snip. From their side, the top of those trees is probably seven or eight feet. Oh really? Cause their plot is lower than mine. So I tried to snip off every single one in a very uneven, natural pattern. Yeah, this is just nature taking- So it doesn’t just look like I just went across the top, like epic rap battle of manliness opening scene. Yeah. So but I did that like six weeks ago. I already have to do it again under the cover of darkness. You wanna come over? We could get in ninja suits. You are trimming your neighbor’s bushes at night. Just to keep ’em at the right level. I mean- Yeah. And they can’t get any taller. Well, you might be in some way, you might be creating bonsai. You know what I’m saying? Like if you keep a tree from growing- I thought you were gonna say- Other things start happening. No, that’s not gonna happen. Well, I thought you were gonna say, maybe you’re creating, maybe you’re doing your neighbor of favor, which is how I am looking at it. I can conveniently trim their tree. Hold on. Do you- Without them even having to pace somebody. Do you hold, do you grasp the bush and trim it so you keep the trimmings on your side. Hell yeah. Wait, who do you think I am? So all the evidence is on your side. Oh yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And if, you know what, if they happen to get curious and notice and like maybe I see ’em in passing and they’re asking about like- These trees are supposed to be 16 feet tall now. If they ask me about it, I’m gonna say, I don’t know. That would be a lie, but I will say that. I’m going to lie. I’m gonna say, I don’t know, but I haven’t noticed, maybe my landscapers are trimming that just as a courtesy to you. Well, you could say, I’m a sleep trimmer. You know, it’s like sleep walking- I don’t remember doing it, but I might do it. But I only trim bushes while sleep walking. It’s- Including my own. I’m not, what I’m doing isn’t right and I’m not proud of it. I don’t know. But I’m not- It is against the law probably, technically. I’m not- I don’t think you can touch your neighbor’s bush without consent. Prepared to do anything else. Like, I’m not prepared to do the right thing, which I don’t even want to know what that is. But unless you want to tell me. I mean, what’s the right thing to do here? Talk to my neighbor, Mr. F? I mean- We do know each other. We’re on a first name basis. We met at a cul-de-sac party right when they moved in. And, but they really keep to themselves. Okay. Have you looked at the bushes from their perspective? No. You want me to sneak into their backyard and look back up? So it’s the backyard? It’s the backyard. Okay, okay, okay. I don’t think they would mind, but I don’t wanna take the risk to ask them. Okay, this is what I would do if I were you. I would get a selfie stick, okay. Approximately 10 feet long. You got to do this when they’re at daytime, when they’re not there. And you put your phone on wide angle and you stick it into their backyard and get a look at what their perspective of their bushes would be. If you’re not gonna be helpful- I’m not kidding. You’re wasting my time. I’m not kidding. That’s step one. So you actually can appreciate like, oh yeah, totally fine. If you get down there and you’re like, oh no, I’m ruining this from their perspective, which I don’t think is the case. I just think you gotta confirm because then I do think you go to them. And the fact that you’ve been trimming already, I’m just saying, if you wanna do the right thing, I’m not saying this is what you should do. I’m saying, if you wanna do the right thing, I think the thing that I would do is I would keep trimming the bushes at night. And it would probably never become a thing. Yeah. Which is probably what you’re gonna do. But if you wanna do the right thing- I’m a night bush boy. I would go and I would say, “Hey, I wanted to talk about your bushes. You know, I feel like if we just let them keep growing, it’s really gonna obstruct our view. But my assumption is that you guys don’t really care that they need to get taller than, you know, the seven or eight feet that they are and kind of covering, you know, I’m sure it’s just kind of beautifying your experience in the back. And you’re not looking at a cinder block wall. You know, I didn’t wanna come over without asking. So I did stick a selfie stick over the fence. And I know what it looks like for your perspective, in my mind, it looks great.” I- Here’s the video. I think the chance is, the only risk is that they want it to grow taller ’cause from their vantage point, they wanna block something that is currently being seen. You won’t know what that is unless you do the selfie stick method. The key to winning an argument is knowing everything that the opponent is thinking. Everything about their perspective. You basically need to steel man their argument, not straw man. I know what I’m gonna do. Bushman. I know what I’m gonna do. I’m gonna pick a time when they’re not there. I’m going to throw a ball into their pool. Oh. In the backyard. I’m gonna go, I’m gonna knock on the door. When nobody comes to the door, I’m gonna go into the backyard of their house and I’m gonna retrieve my ball. Okay. And while I do, I will have the perfect vantage point, even if they have cameras. I was just getting my ball. I was just getting my ball and looking at your- We saw you on camera, aiming for our pool. Because the bushes are too short and they didn’t block it. They’re gonna get you on camera. That’s the weakness in this plan. I’m gonna get Lando to do it. Ah, yes. I’m gonna bring a child into this. Yeah, our child is strange. He jus loves to throw balls. You wanna come over and do it? No, you’re too tall. And then I’m gonna look and I’ll know. If there’s something to block and then if there’s nothing to block vertically, then I’m just gonna keep night trimming. What about your pool equipment? Do you think that they’re blocking your pool equipment? Yeah, but that’s not an issue. It’s lower. ‘Cause that’s below the wall. It’s lower. But yeah. So I’m just gonna do ’em what I think is a favor. And if I get backed into a corner and I have to admit to it, I’m just gonna, you know, I’m gonna work my Link charm, you know. I’ve never been punched in the face. Well, I- And I’ve deserved it a lot. One small thing, the way I kind of relate to this. Let me know, #EarBiscuits, by the way. You know, we’ve kind of like- Or 1- 888- EarPod1. Yes, we know. Please let me know. I’ve kind of landscaped a little area there next to my home. Yes. And I have crossed the boundary. It’s not your land. I’m 10 feet into the next yard, but it’s an empty lot. And we’re just like, eh, nobody lives there. That’s fine. You did the right thing. But one of the things, and there’s also like, after a while it becomes my land. I don’t know how many years it is in California. But after a while I get it, just because I’ve staked my claim. Imminent domain. That’s not- But we have a little bench that we’ve set up there to kind of like, I’ll go out there and, have you sat on my bench? I haven’t. Yeah, we have a little bench over there now that you can watch the sunset. You can look over the whole neighborhood. It’s wonderful. Have a glass of wine. Haven’t done that yet, but I’ve definitely thought about it. But there- Keep a box of wine underneath the bench. There’s one tree. Oh yep. About two, like two roads away. That’s a pretty large tree. It’s pretty tall. You know what? Say no more. Yes, I will help you chop down this tree. No, no, this is my plan. So I think that it may be maxed out. I have no morality when it comes to landscaping other people’s lawns. Well, trees don’t have souls. I think that this tree might be done growing, but I’m keeping a really close eye on it. And if it isn’t done growing, it could obstruct my view of the sunset. Here’s my plan. Because I’m sure these people are proud of this tree. I’m gonna get into archery. Okay. And I’m going to poison the tip of a arrow with some sort of like a beetle colony. Oh no, Rhett, that’s horrible. I’m gonna put like a egg sack of a tree killing beetle. And I’m gonna aim at the trunk from a distance, in the car- Think about all the damage you’re gonna do when you miss? No, no. Um, first of all- beetle investigation. I’m gonna train for months. I get one shot at this. And I’m gonna have, at the cover of night, I will be dressed as the Grim Reaper and I will have on night vision goggles and I’ll be sitting on my bench. And I will aim at the trunk of that tree. It’ll be probably a crossbow because you can aim a little bit better with a crossbow with a beetle colony on the tip, goes right into the, they’ll never know what hit the tree. ‘Cause it’ll also be a- Disintegrated arrow. A disintegrating arrow. Right, don’t forget that. An arrow that biodegrades. Quickly, very quickly. No. On impact. It’s a wooden arrow that the beetles eat. It’s the first thing the larva eat when they come to life. Just make the arrow look like a tree limp. Even better idea. Right. We’re full- It’ll be so high up. It’s gonna something like 60 feet in the air. Not a good idea. I don’t know what happened in that tree, but when it finally fell, there was an arrow in it. What’s the problem part of the tree though? The top. Well, here’s what I think you should do. It’s not a problem yet, but it might be one day. Yeah. What I think you should do is you should approach those people and say, I would like, you explain your situation, and you say, “I would like to pay for your trees to be trimmed. That’s something that we all have to do. I would like to cover the cost of that whenever you do it next time and all I’m asking is that they also top off the tree,” which is something that they do. It helps ’em keep the trees healthy. A lot of trees in our area., if you’ll notice, especially like those pines- They got bad tops. They top ’em off. So they have a blunt top because when you’re, when you’re there, when it’s in your yard, that has no impact on you. Right. You can’t see the top. But I think it helps the health of the tree. I’m no arborist, but it really helps your view. And there’s places like that, that I’ve thought of. I thought about going all the way through like miles from my house and like tracking down the owners of these trees and just like throwing money at ’em so I can top their trees. Well. Just cut the tops right off. We did cut down a few trees in that lot that we don’t own. Not because of the view- That’s called brush clearance. That’s a favor. You did ’em a favor. It was because we had been told by somebody who knew what they were talking about. It wasn’t like an arborist, but he was like someone who had a good friend who was one. Okay. And he was like those trees are- Friend of the trees. Those trees are about to fall into the neighbor’s yard and also it’s a fire hazard. And so we were like, yeah. And we paid for it out of our pocket. And we tried to contact the owner of the lot and he didn’t he get back to us and so we just cut ’em down. All right. Yeah, that’s another dilemma. Let us let us know. I like the fact that we have this voicemail and of course, now we’re gonna listen to your voicemails after we talk about our new freaking party game. Yeah. We’re Still Good. Now, you know, we’re really into games, especially me. I have a game night that, actually haven’t restituted it yet, but- But now’s the time. Pre-pandemic. To promote our game to our friends. I love getting people together. And I love games. You know, Cards Against Humanity kinda started this whole craze of the party game that’s not a complicated board game with rules and everybody’s sitting around a table. It’s not a tabletop game. It’s a party game that’s based on cards and tokens. And it’s also just based on taking a horrible scenario, which is actually just ridiculously hilarious, but a negative scenario and putting a positive spin on it. And then picking the best positive spin. There’s some cards and it’s not completely just a creative exercise. You get to like fill in the blank. It’s incredibly fun. We’ve played it a couple of times. There’s two stages to each round, which makes it more fun and, I think, original. You can play in teams. You can play as an individual. You take a scenario that has a blank. And then everybody submits one of the cards that they have acquired randomly. And then the judge in each round decides to fill in the blank and make like this crazy negative situation. Right. And then everybody for the second phase of this round then has to put a positive spin on this crazy scenario once the blank has been filled in. And the judge picks the one, they like the best. It could be like- It’s fun. The card could be, you just found out that in the middle of the night, your neighbor is blank and you might get a card that says shooting a beetle infested arrow at your biggest tree. And you’re like, we’re still good. Yeah because- I hated that tree. Because I love Beatles, my favorite band. You see, the Beatles are my favorite band, that would be a funny. That would, yeah. That’s an example of one that might be chosen. So, We’re Still Good. Just holding the box, I wish I had it right now. It’s satisfying. You can imagine what it feels like. It’s satisfying to say there’s a physical game that we have developed that you can own and increase your mythicality. And if you get drunk in a cul-de-sac on a regular basis, it’d be real fun in a cul-de-sac while hammered. Let’s listen to a voicemail. Yes. Hi, there guys. I have a very interesting, not roommate, but a neighbor story. So I live in an apartment, college apartment. I’ll try to make this pretty quick, heard a loud noise outside, looked outside, someone smashed one of our lights. The girl across from me was confused. We both confused, go back inside, and my roommates then come home and they’re like, “Hey, someone’s peeing in the hallway.” So they’re taking a piss in the hallway. I finally I’m like, okay, this is enough. I come out there and I’m like, “Hey man, what are you doing?” Immediately whips around at me, least pulls his pants up beforehand. Good. Throws his shirt off as quick as he can. And pretty dang quickly is in my face, ready to fight me. Definitely much taller than me, much more built than me, and I’m like, oh man, I didn’t wanna fight you. I just don’t want you taking a pee in the hallway that I live in- Reasonable. For obvious reasons. So, and so happens, a bunch of people come out and dissolve the issue and you know, it ended up working out in the end. I didn’t have to fight to Jay Buckley, but pretty dang interesting story. And yeah, they were very interesting to live with for the rest of that time. Thanks guys. Yeah, ’cause after that, that big guy with his shirt on or off, you never know what you’re gonna get, he’s still around. Obviously, he was under the influence of something. If you’re gonna pee in a hallway, it can’t be your own. It can’t be your own. I mean, just to get that out of the way. There are circumstances in which pissing in a hallway is probably permitted, you know what I’m saying. Like, I don’t know. I’m just saying, let’s just say- Yeah, tell me why. This scenario- I’m waiting. Okay, might be that you’re being held up. You know, like maybe you’re being held up at gunpoint. Okay, you’re being held hostage in a hallway. And you never know- And you have to pee. Well, you- After a while. No, I’m saying that, like, a lot of people, if you point a gun at them, they pee. You know what I’m saying? I’ve never had that happen to me. I don’t know what I would do. Being stuck in an elevator. You’re gonna pee in the corner. Even though, you know, you gotta stay there. And if you can get your tally whacker out the split of the elevator, it’d be better to pee into the hall. This is a perfect situation. Then it starts going. And that thing clamps down. No, you get everyone else in the elevator, cause assuming you’re not alone, to hold it open, just big enough for your tally whacker to go out into the hall and pee ’cause that’s what they want. They don’t want you peeing inside the elevator that we’re all stuck in. No pee out into the hallway. That would be acceptable. Who transferred the terminology of tally whacker to you? Because I got it from you when we were like kids. That’s what my parents called it when they were growing up. Tally whacker. Yeah, tally whacker. They didn’t, I’m saying- So at tally is when you’re like- When they were growing up. They didn’t call it a tally whacker for me. We called it dingdong. Okay. Yeah. It was always very confusing ’cause I always thought somebody was at the door. But tally whacker is what they called it in South Georgia way back in the day. And you know what I called it from when I like stayed at like preschool, pre preschool. As early as I can remember. Yeah, when you say it, I’m gonna remember it. A pee toe. Yeah. That okay, why? Somebody referred to it as that and it kind of makes sense. You know, you’re a preschooler. You don’t have a third leg. You just have a 11th toe. That you pee out of. That you pee out of. But it sounds so much like something else. Pee toe. I mean, it’s so close too. I didn’t know that. I mean P double E T O E. I mean, it’s like if you know, you know, but if you don’t, yeah, you might think it’s peedo. I understand that now, but I didn’t then. Thank God, I didn’t know what that was. But this back to the situation and this is ridiculous. First of all, when you approach somebody doing this, that’s a delicate situation ’cause there’s always like, hey buddy. Like you- Hey. It’s like, you gotta say something. Approach with a bucket and just start catching it. Cause I think there’s- Can I help? Some people are like, but what, what the hell dude? He took his shirt off immediately. I mean that is what you’re afraid is gonna happen. Well, he was an angry drunk. But why is he taking it, he don’t wanna get blood on his shirt? An angry sloppy drunk. That’s an intimidation move there. It’s like, not only am I gonna bow up and fight you, I’m gonna take my shirt off first because all of the blood spatter from me just whooping you is not gonna get on my shirt, Jack. Yeah, I mean- I’m glad it was diffused, but yeah, you never know what people are gonna do and you never know how they’re gonna respond if they’re peeing in their own hallway. It’s just, you know, just chalk it up to having to clean it up later. I peed in a trashcan one time when I- Sleep walking? I was barely awake, yeah. Okay. And I was also a child. So I had some roommates in my first apartment ever that I had known from my previous year of college. I met them on campus and we were good buddies. We had hung out outside of class plenty of times. These seemed like normal well adjusted people. Okay. They ended up believing that our first floor apartment was haunted. Okay. Because they heard footsteps. Okay, it’s a college apartment complex. And there were plenty of people up walking around. But they might have been ghost footstep. During the middle of the night. Does sound different, right? Partying or otherwise. And this escalated to a point where I came home after a weekend away with my now husband and they had drawn charcoal pentagrams on the walls and the doors because they quote, felt a presence, unquote. Well. So that was, yeah, that was my first roommate experience. And my last. No more roommates after that. You kinda gotta approach this with a little bit of sensitivity because this is, I mean, this could be a religious/spiritual exercise. This could be a personal belief set. And I’m not wanna say that, I’m not ready to say that ghosts don’t exist and I’m not ready to say what pentagrams will do to them. But I do understand that if it was me, I would be like, I don’t consider pentagrams to be like a part of my feng shui, you know what I’m saying? You could go like the decorative route. Yeah, it’s like, let’s go, we need to go in a different non pentagram direction. Well, and maybe- With the motif here. And how about, let’s just not do charcoal on the walls. Charcoal is semi-permanent or is totally washable? If it was sharpie. I think it depends on if we’re talking about an eggshell or a flat paint. Well, I got another podcast for that. Which I, listen to your dad talk. My wife and I were listening to dispatchers from Myrtle Beach. And he was talking about eggshell and satin, you know, and gloss and- Yeah. I was completely on Charles’ side about this, about how you want to use an eggshell in a bathroom and not a gloss and Jessie who’s, you know, she’s a designer, she has these opinions and she was like, “Oh, I like to do a gloss in the bathroom.” I was like, “Ah, too shiny.” Shows too many imperfections. And that eggshell- You’re not gonna be happy with it. Yeah, so anyway, I do defer- She’s got beef with my dad? They’re gonna have to face off. No, she didn’t completely disagree with him, but she’s just done in a well constructed bathroom where the sheet rock work was high quality, sometimes that extra sheen gives a, you know, makes you feel a little more alive. Well, my dad has gotten good over the years of navigating women in his life who disagree with him. Yeah, yeah. It’s his job. You know, he learns to be quiet. And I’m not talking about clients. I’m just talking about just relationships. That’s what he told me. He learned to keep his mouth shut. So he’d probably just let her win. Most things resolve themselves without saying anything. That’s what he’s telling me. Yeah, this is a tough one because, yeah, I mean, first of all, depending on your, you know, your religious disposition, it seems like a pentagram might invite, if you’re already believing in the supernatural of some sort- Not ghosts, but demons. Yeah, with the pentagram, you may be inviting something more sinister into the situation. I don’t know enough about it to tell you one way or another, but it seems like maybe it’s like, hey it, you know, how about just do the cross on the, let’s do a cross on the door. Right? You know. If there’s a clash of personal beliefs here, then you gotta figure out a way to work it. I think you gotta, yeah, you gotta figure out like, what is the overall religious disposition of the house? We gotta be on the same team here in order to deal with these spirits in the way that we think is going to be effective. I don’t know. That kind of reminds me of the, I don’t remember many of the details, but you know, Kiko told us about the story of the haunted. Yeah, but they were, everyone in the house was kind of undeniably on the same page. Like they, I mean, they- Kind of in denial about it. No, they all were like, yes, something’s going on here. There was agreement actually, from what I remember. Yeah, huh. I think you have to join, if you want everyone to be dealing with these spirits in the same way, you have to join a coven, where you all think the same thing. Or a Bible study. You gotta pick your side and then you- When you’re talking about a roommate, that’s like, how do you, like, she was trying to ascertain like, is this person, do I vibe with this person? Or, I mean, the way she put it was like, is this person like normal, you know? She didn’t say the word normal. I can’t remember what she said, but you don’t what I’m saying it. So if you wanna like get at somebody’s like spiritual beliefs, I mean, you can clash about anything in a roommate situation, but how do you ask that? ‘Cause that’s not a fair question when you’re trying to find a roommate or is it? Well, I think that- Isn’t that illegal? To me, it probably is, but to me the specific situation is we believe there are spirits in this home and we are taking the following actions, which it’s not like, hey, inside my room, I’ve got some sage and some other stuff that I’m doing. Yeah, if it’s- Or even going around- Communal areas- Well even taking sage around like the perimeter of your home, or like that’s not necessarily offensive, but the pentagram, it’s a decorative, like you said, it’s a decorative decision that says something about this house. And if that’s not something that everybody agrees with, ah, we have a problem. Yeah. And maybe you gotta consult the spirits too. So I live on a ground floor apartment and above me, there is a family with two very, very rowdy children. I work from home, which is great. I love it. But it is extremely hard when there are two, three to five year olds running back and forth, legitimately, all day, from about 5:00 AM to 11 to 12 at night. What? They are running back and forth all the time. And it is distracting. I’ve gotten used to it, but when guests come over, they’re like, how do you sleep? How do you exist in this? And it’s capitalism, baby. But I was playing video games one night on the Switch. I was up, I was moving, and they were playing outside the apartment. And again, I live on the ground floor and they started banging on the window going, “Are you dancing?” And it ruined my life. So I now hate children and I never wanna live in a ground floor apartment again. Are you dancing? Are you dancing? ‘Cause that’s what we do from 5:00 AM until 11:00 PM. Man, give these kids a better bedtime. That’s tough, man. When you’ve got people above you. I mean, when we had our apartment in college, that was the last time I lived with people above me. And it’s, boy that- You had somebody above you in the apartment that we moved into when we first moved to California. You weren’t on the top floor. That’s true. I was on the top floor. That’s right. Out here. I didn’t have anybody above me. I don’t recall it being a problem. That was- I think it was a thicker- It all depends on the nature of the- Building. In LA, a lot of the apartment complexes have concrete floors in between. I don’t know, maybe just because of like earthquakes and stuff, but it really doesn’t end up being a big deal. Don’t say the E word. Oh, you think I’m gonna incite one? Yeah. But- We’re gonna have to put up, what’s the pentagram equivalent for keeping earthquakes away? I don’t believe there is one. If there was Christy would’ve found it. You can shoot some like foam into the ground or something. Shock absorbers. Yeah, this is so tough because I think- People are protective of their kids. You know, if you’re trying to talk to ’em about their kids, it’s like, well, isn’t, they’re just a bundle of joy. Well, it’s very difficult because in certain situations it doesn’t necessarily mean that they’re doing anything that is abnormally loud. If the floors are really thin- Kids being kids, man. But now these kids- The core problem is just kids. If the kids are maybe they’re training for something, I don’t know. Maybe they’re gonna be in like the junior Olympics. There’s nothing you can do. And like, if a kid asks me, if I’m dancing, you can’t let that ruin your life. You just can’t. You can’t let anything a kid does, oh man. I honestly don’t know what the solution is. Yeah. We feel your pain. Maybe we just need to acknowledge how difficult this is. It’s like, I hear that this is tough for you. Thank you for sharing. I’m sorry that you have to put up with this. I think I have a solution. And I’m not saying this is a fool proof solution, but I honestly believe- Which basically means it’s not No, well, fool proof means that they would be quiet all of a sudden. Foolproof would be, we gotta get rid of these kids. And that’s not what I’m advocating. If you have not yet had a conversation with the people above you about the nature of the noise, you need to have a conversation. I’m not gonna dictate what you should say, but simply having a conversation adds a new factor into the situation from the parent’s perspective, which then is translated to the children’s perspective. And that is, oh, when you guys run around the woman who lives below us hears it and I can imagine that that’s annoying. So now I’m thinking about that. But if this family is up there just operating in complete ignorance about the amount of noise they’re making, there’s no buffer at all. But if you know there’s somebody below, you’d be like, oh, okay, you guys are running around at 5:00 AM. Hey guys, remember there’s people below us. It’s not gonna change everything, but it’s gonna take the edge off. Yeah. And I- You gotta have that conversation. I think if there’s some sort of, well, you take a gift basket up there and it’s got a toy for each kid. And a big pair of really padded slippers. Yeah. For everyone. Can you wear these big feet foot? Yeah. Big feet shoes. Definitely a very quiet toys for the kids ’cause you don’t wanna shoot yourself in the foot by giving him something loud. But then you’re like, it’s a gesture of positivity. What’s it called when you give something nice to somebody? I would’ve known before I got COVID brain. This is the kind of thing I can’t remember anymore when somebody, a peace offering. You can’t hide, yes, you can’t hide behind that the rest of your life, man. You’re just getting stupid. And that never happened to me before. I’m telling you. Okay. Peace offering. It’s there. It just takes longer to get to. I’m rebuilding neural networks. And then you just have a little conversation. But you have to say, you’re not asking for them to be quiet at all times. You’re just asking for like, I don’t know, is it like, you work at home. It’s really difficult. If you figure out something that you feel like is a reasonable yet open ended request for an awareness and a little sensitivity. Yep. It’s tough, man. It is tough. Hi, my name is Tanisha. I live in Atlanta. I’ve been listening to “Ear Biscuits” and watching GMM since you guys first started. I have followed you guys across the US. I love you guys. I love everybody. You guys are awesome. But- I’m responding to the bad neighbor thing. My bad neighbor experience, I live in some apartments. And I had a neighbor who insisted on having adult fun times. Huh? Very loudly in their living room. That’s fine except our front doors are French doors and they didn’t have curtains. So when I would walk to my apartment and I had to pass their apartment to get to my apartment, I would get a show every evening. Even though I didn’t want that show, I still got that show. So one day I happened to mention to- Every evening. They got the show. Every freaking evening! Well like, and not just through a window, but through like two- French doors. Doors full of glass. Man! To them, hey, I got these really awesome curtains on my front door. And they were very offended that I mentioned that to them and told them, or kind of hinted at, we don’t wanna see your show every night. And it was like for two hours, which is amazing, but it’s an absolute no. So anyway, that’s my story. They eventually moved out after a month, a lot of people complained. But that’s my story. Love you guys. Okay, before we into the solution of what to do about this. I just gotta figure this situation out. We got a couple, essentially they’re exhibitionist, right? Because you know that somebody’s watching you, you know that you can be seen. This isn’t something that you, oh, we didn’t realize that we were in the living room. Every night for two hours. Two hours. And now, first of all, two hours every night. You know what? They need to get a television. What kind of medication is this guy on? They need to get like a laptop or something. You need to start streaming things, it’s like- Well, that’s my theory is that they were, okay. So I think that- Oh, oh, they were streaming things. I think this may have been a cam couple. Okay. Okay. And I think that the living room provided the best lighting and scenery, which is an important choice when you’re making independent porn. But curtains, she mentioned curtains. But when you are making porn and you’re good at it and you know it, and any dude who can go for two hours- Not considerate. I’m just saying- You’re not getting paid by your neighbors. I know but I’m just saying, it’s part of the spirit of it. If you’re broadcasting it to thousands of people at once, well what does a couple more neighbors matter? I’m not saying I agree with it. I’m trying to get inside the the head space. Yeah. I’m just saying there’s something, these are professional- Especially because- Sex havers. Multiple people complained to the point where they moved out. It wasn’t just her. If you’re having sex for two hours every single night, this is your job, you know what I’m saying? I don’t think that- It definitely makes me feel better. I don’t think that you can have a job and then have sex for two hours every night. You’d be too bow-legged. I mean, you could be a cowboy. Depends on which one you are, I guess. So, first of all, I do think that’s my assessment of this situation is that there was a webcam that you couldn’t see. So really, the thing that you could have gotten them on is a technicality about operating a business in the apartment complex. That would’ve been the proper way to account for that. Man. Now I gotta say, I’ve stayed in a couple of apartments or a couple of hotels in Manhattan, where you get that situation where you are now looking into like an apartment complex or a hotel across the way and- Yeah, yeah, yeah. Gets dark and some people close the curtains and some people don’t. And there’s been a number of times when, not out of intention, but just out of happenstance to be like, oh, there’s a couple that looks like they might be about to make love. Yeah. And I I’ve never seen anybody make love. I think there was one time I did see somebody making love through one of those like sheer curtains where you could sort of see bodies moving, but it couldn’t make out any details. Are you getting it confused with the time that you and I both were like, what are they doing over there? And then we figured out they were playing corn hole inside their apartment. Well, that was one of them. That was just one instance, which I’m just raising a question- Which that was wild. I’m raising a question right now. And I have a feeling that we probably have a difference of opinion on this. No, I would look. You would? But I wouldn’t talk about it on this podcast. But like, is it- I don’t wanna be judged for that. I’m just asking the question. If a couple is making love and you can see it through a window and it’s obvious that they, it’s not like, oh, we forgot to close the window, you know? Well, I don’t know how it would be obvious, but I’m just being honest, it’s never happened. But maybe I would look a little bit. Well, there was one time that Jessie and I were staying in hotel. And my wife likes to, you know, draw the curtains, you know? Yeah, okay. I don’t. And we were in New York, I think, some place where there was another building across the way. And I was like, let’s just leave ’em open and give people a show. I legitimately said that. You said give them a show? Give ’em a show. You saw them. No, I was like, if you start screwing in a window, not in a window, but like, you start screwing in a bedroom that has a window in- Don’t do it up against the window ’cause you don’t want that thing to fall out. I’m just saying, there was a part of me that I was like, I feel like maybe- Hell of a way to go though. There’s a part of me that’s a little exhibitionist because I thought to myself, it’s fun to watch people have sex. There’s a reason that people watch porn. It’s fun to watch people having sex. And if you can be a part of that in a non-professional way, but just sort of like, oh, we forgot to close the window, just every once in a while, I think that’s a beautiful part of humanity. But this situation that this woman was dealing with is different. But you can’t force it on people. Like to me, it comes down to like, this window needs to stay open because I paid for this room with a view. And I like to look at views while I’m sorting the mail. I do. It’s part of it. Like I don’t look away from Christy the whole time, but I might glance away and say, wow. I mean, I like- Wow. I like making love in places where I can- The city that never sleeps. I can see the view while it’s happening. You know, it’s like, it’s fun. Understood. That’s part of it. Understood. I’ve never, so that’s my main motivation. And it’s so far away from other people that like- They can’t tell who you are. You’re not imposing. They can look away. They can draw their curtains. They can- What are their legal ramifications though? But it’s so far away that you’re small. Are there legal ramifications? I mean, what about children watching? Well, that’s what I’m asking. Is there, again- I don’t want no children watching. Is there a law- For the record. Is there a law against you know, open windows screwing? That’s a good question. Like, is it okay? Like, what if you did it right up against the window? What if you had your butt cheek spread right up against the window? Is that wrong? I mean, I’m not asking if it’s wrong. Is it illegal? Is there a point in which it becomes illegal? How do I- Because if you go to a park, and pull your tally whacker out, you’ll get arrested for indecent exposure. But if you’re in the privacy of your own home and you pull your tally whacker out and people can see you across the way. Is it a crime to have sex with the windows open? Hey, I love the fact that we’ve got this. Public sex laws in California. Okay, that’s where we’re at. We’re in the liberalist of states. Penal code, 6 47 A makes it a crime quote, to engage in or to solicit anyone to engage in- Jenna’s over here nodding her head like, you already knew this or you were just looking it up? I just looked it up too. I was like. Okay. Engage in lewd or dissolute conduct in any public place or in any place open to the public or exposed to public view. You can’t, well, okay. I just said I was all about committing a crime. Cause you didn’t think it was public sex when it was in your private place. But when the windows are open, it is. Wow, what about New York though, ’cause that’s where I do my public sex. I know I do it only in Manhattan. I don’t do it in Los Angeles. So I’m just gonna ask. And for the record, I have not done it. I’ve only had discussions. If the FBI is listening to this, because I know it would immediately be a federal case, if I was caught having sex in a window. Is it a crime to have sex in a car in New York? Oh, is it? You are charged with a misdemeanor. Okay. You’re not going to go to jail but- I can handle a misdemeanor. But you don’t want to end up with a criminal record for life. Yeah, but in the job interview, it’s like, have you ever been arrested? Well- I don’t know why they’re asking. Let me tell you. Car sex. I had sex in a car. Are you not gonna hire me because of that? I had sex. I put my butt cheeks right up against a window in Manhattan. That sounds- What do I search, law sex with curtains open NYC? Sex in your own home laws. Yeah, I feel like, man, you should be able to do it. Because it’s not like people are like up against the window where their eyes taped open, you know what I’m saying. They’ve got the ability, I think we should advocate for this law to be changed if it is indeed illegal to have sex with the windows open in Manhattan. I believe we should advocate against this law. I don’t think this is the hill I’m gonna die on. No, I am moving to Manhattan. I’m gonna be there long enough to become a city council member and this is my campaign. Jenna, what’d you find? I think there’s a case to argue in California, ’cause there’s also the Peeping Tom Law that it’s illegal to peek in a door, a window, on a private property without consent of the owner. Peeping Tom Law. It’s illegal to peep in a what? In a door or window. In a door or a window on private property without the consent. It’s illegal to- And are looking in, while you’re doing it, they are in trouble. Yeah, yeah. If they’re on your property. The peeping Tom thing is, again, the peeping Tom thing obviously is a different thing in my mind because that’s clearly just like, an invasion of someone’s privacy. I’m talking about somebody- If you get a good lawyer and we have ’em, we can get off. I’m just talk..get off? I think if you get off on someone watching, then that’s breaking the law. I’m talking about maybe foreplay and then you close the curtain. I need to be prepared for this conversation. The fact that we’re having an unprepared to me makes me a little uncomfortable. But I will say someone asked on AVO, which is a lawyer directory. I don’t know how legit this is. So that’s my disclaimer. I walk around my home nude sometimes. I usually keep shades closed, but I did not close them and neighbor saw me naked. I was not having sex or touching myself, nothing sexual, just was cooking breakfast. And that’s not a euphemism for anything. I looked out my window and there she was. Just feel like I’m in my own home. I did not intend for her to see. And one attorney answered, a prosecutor could charge you with indecent exposure if someone is able to see you nude while they are in a public place. Don’t do it. Yeah, there’s a bit of courtesy here. I mean, maybe I’m just a live free kind of guy, you know. Yeah, don’t do it in a way that people can see you. You know- If you’re doing it to exhibit, then you’re being an, then that’s, I think that crosses a line. We recently had a friend tell us that the idea of being comfortable with nakedness, and I mean, non-sexual nakedness. I mean like roommates who may walk around naked. Yeah. Was a Southern thing. Do you remember this? Yeah. Did you agree with this assessment? I didn’t agree. But I didn’t want to argue it ’cause. I think he might have a point. You think it’s a Southern thing to be naked? I know of multiple people and this is gonna sound nuts, literally, I know of multiple people who say that growing up, their dad would just be naked in the house. All right. And I don’t mean this like, oh, going from the shower to get dressed. I mean- Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dad is in the living room watching sports. That’s weird. Naked. I’m not saying I advocate for it. No you don’t. The only thing- I wouldn’t be your friend. The only thing I’m advocating for, just on the record, is that it should be okay to have sex in Manhattan while you’re in a hotel with your partner on vacation or multiple partners, I’m not, eh, whatever you wanna do, because people have the ability to close the curtains on the other side. That’s the only thing I’m man advocating for. I want to table this as potentially- A whole episode? A whole episode. Just a minute ago, you were uncomfortable with it. Now you wanna do a whole episode about it. Cause then I can be prepared and we can get emails from people- Lawyers. Oh well, we can get voicemails from people all over the place. It’s like, are you in the south? And did your, somebody in your family, were they like naked all the time or was it just part of it? Like how do you- I think it’s just the weather. How do you deal with nakedness? Just the weather. You know, back in the day I said, the moment of nakedness should be minimized. I don’t know where I stand. I gotta figure this out, but let’s hear a few more voicemails on this subject matter. Warning, we’re getting into the poop zone. Good. Hi guys. I saw your tweet about bad neighbor horror stories. So I wanted to tell you about my old neighbors. We’ll call ’em Jim and Joette. Jim and Joette had 250 pound Newfoundlands that used to do on our lawn pretty constantly. And we would ask them to stop or pick up their dogs and they never would. So one day on a particularly cold night after all of their dogs had frozen in our yard, my dad picked up every single Newfoundland that was in our yard and put it in a grocery bag on their porch. Their dogs never in our yard again. Wow. Did he light it? I love your dad. And knock on the door. First of all- That’s great. Common. This is classic. This person sounds like they come from a place where is not a curse word. Like Vermont. Or is it at least their favorite word. You know, I just love the way they say . Yeah, it’s very percussive. This is great. Do you know about these dogs? Newfoundland dogs? 250 pounds, that’s a bunch of . Yeah, that’s a big old , again and again and again. But hey, I think you have a conversation. Yeah, they didn’t respond. You gotta take it up a level. It’s like, hey here, look at the volume of this. Here it is. Do with it what you want. But the thing that I don’t like is having to put signs in your yard. Don’t poop here. Like as cute as they get, all throughout our neighborhood where I walk my dogs, you know, I will clean up my dog’s dookies. Yes. If it’s in- And you won’t do it because of a sign. If it’s in a prominent part of the yard. You’re not doing it because of a sign. You’re doing it because you’re a responsible, courteous person. But I don’t like using the bags. So what I’ll do is, I’ll usually take it and I’ll find some natural stuff like leaves and- What? And rocks. And I’ll pick up the poop using these natural elements and then I’ll throw all of that into like a more un-landscaped area. Whoa, whoa, whoa! Oh, okay. No, no, no, no, man! And then, I did it this morning. No! No! You’re part of the problem! And then- You’re on the wrong end of this! You’re the guy with the big dogs. I don’t leave the in someone’s- You throw it into a more landscaped area. Not landscaped, a less landscaped area, like a rustic area, like a more wooded, unkempt, un-landscaped area. You don’t know what’s going on in that area. I mean, and sometimes I’ll bury it. What’s the problem with the bags? I don’t like carrying a bag around on my dog’s walk. It’s like- Okay, okay. And this is what I- No, there’s a solution here. I thought you had some environmental issue, like you were like, I don’t like plastic bags and I was gonna say A, you can get the compostable, like biodegradable- I have those. Second thing is- And I was carrying them. Second thing is- I just didn’t wanna use it. You can choose to do, there’s three things that you can do. Option number one is what you don’t wanna do, which I don’t disagree, which is carry a warm poop bag all the way back to your house, okay. Then you’re the . Okay. Option number two, which I believe is much less offensive than what you’ve chosen is option number three, is just put it in somebody’s trashcan. There were no trashcans out. Oh, you can always find somebody’s trash. No, uh-uh. You can always find somebody’s trashcan. And that might lead to- Yeah, but I’m walking around- Uncomfortable conversation. I’m walking around just looking for a trash can now. You can’t put some dog in a rustic area. You can’t do that. Some people, they’re rustic areas are their favorite parts of the yard. Some people’s children play hide and seek and they go in the bushes. That’s the best place to hide when you’re doing a good hide and seek game. You got these kids that you want to be outside getting fresh air and they’re in their favorite hiding spot and all of a sudden there’s some that’s got some bark, leaves, and rocks mixed in because you tried to hide it. Yeah. This is the situation that you’re creating. I hid Jade’s and then I went around the corner and here’s Jasper like in the street. Yeah, that sounds like something Jasper would do. And everything around me was too landscaped. I think of the dog in the middle of the street you can leave it. No, that’s where people walk. That’s where people drive. And so I had to resort to using the bag and then I got to a certain point and I said, you know what? I’m gonna leave this bag here ’cause I know I’m coming back. And then, but I’m not gonna forget this bag. You left the bag in the street? I left the bag in a certain spot where I knew I was gonna turn the corner and come back home. You did temporary litter. Yeah, temporarily, I littered. This is so wrong. But I did remember it. How about tying the bag around your dog’s collar? So they have to deal with it. So they’ll think twice about it next time. And it was because the trash cans weren’t out that day. Okay. Listen, I’m putting myself out there. At least you don’t have a Newfoundland. Okay, so I, this roommate is way worse than this story is, but this is like funny bad, as opposed to just like holy crap bad. Okay. She had a cat and he was very sweet, but she was not good at taking care of him. And she tried to convince us that it was normal that he would like to poop in the shower. And there was nothing we could do to stop that other than leave two inches of water in our bathtub at all times. A poop pool. We did that for a year. It sucked. And it didn’t stop him from pooping outside the litter box and she did nothing about it. Ooh, that’s bad. Oh, so they put the water in there so he would stop doing it. Yeah. And then you just started pooping other places. I think it’s cool that the cat takes a shower though. Don’t necessarily know if that’s what was happening. Crapping in the shower. Yeah, there’s not a positive spin to this. I mean, if that were in our game, We’re Still Good. No, no, you can always find one. This would actually be a good thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. My cat poops in the shower, but we’re still good because- I don’t shower. It’s not my bathroom. Yeah, yeah. Right, yeah. Wow, this is interesting. You got to have responsibility for your pets and you have to find a solution. I mean, I don’t have to know the solution to know that it’s your responsibility to find the solution, period. This is definitely a roommate relationship ending scenario. Yeah, if you’re not solving the problem. I think there’s just something about, one of the things that a lot of these things have in common is an inability to put yourself in your roommate’s shoes and just think like, the other person’s shoes in general. Right. What would it be like if I was them and their cat- I wouldn’t care about it, you know. Was pooping everywhere. I mean, it is a shower. All you gotta do is take the nozzle down and just like blast it down the drain. Yeah, sure. And if there are people like that, who that’s the way they think, then you just don’t be their roommate. Let ’em live with other people who have cats. I haven’t listened to this one yet, but based on just like the header above it, I think this one gets worse than the last one. Hello there Rhett and Link. This is the subject, my roommates crapped in the middle of the room. I was using the restroom. We have a one restroom apartment kind of complex. And as I was using it, I walked back out and I smelled a smelly smell that smelled smelly. And it smelled like a fresh deuce, to put it lightly. And I’m like, “What’s that smell?” And he kind of looked at me and was like, “Oh, I had to use the restroom.” And I’m like, “You had to use the restroom, like where at?” And he’s like, “Oh, I just did it in here.” And this is just a one room only room, you know, other than the bathroom that I was in. And I like had a horrified look on my face. I’m like, “Where did you use it?” And all I had to do was just look down and I saw a towel he used and I just was in- Okay. This one isn’t over, but I’ve heard enough. You know, I’ve heard enough. I was on the edge of my seat. I don’t want to hear- There’s towel involved. I don’t want to hear anymore. There’s no way out of this. Breakup now. Eviction, grounds for eviction. Well, but- Can we just go back to the cat? I have another cat one. Well- Let’s just forget that one even happened. No, ’cause this is a situation, okay. This is a situation. You think this gets better? I’ll keep playing it. No, no, you don’t have to keep- I’ll keep playing it. If you’re in a place that’s got one bathroom and two people got to at the same time, what do you do? Because I haven’t had this situation personally, but I have good friends who have had this situation multiple times. You don’t go on the floor. Right. You go in something. Well, I have- On something. I have one friend- In a grocery bag. Who was with his father and they were in a motel situation. They got back, it’s, you know when you’ve been out and you’re like with your dad or with you’re just with one other person, you get back to the hotel room, and you both gotta take a . Yeah. The older you get, the more often this happens. And then you gotta say, well, who’s gotta take a more, ’cause that person wins. Right. And sometimes it’s like, well, I gotta go more, but you’re typically a quick . My wife faster than I do. Let’s just put it out there. So she usually gets to go first if we run into this situation. Okay. I’m just a tall man. I think my intestines are long or something. But this guy got into a situation where he won the battle, so he’s on the toilet and his dad’s like, I gotta do this. And so he went and he leaned over into the bathtub and into the bathtub. Like a cat. Just like a cat would do. This to me is acceptable- Trash can. Because you got porcelain. You know, you’re to a porcelain container that’s got water. It’s easily washable. Yeah. Now you’re related and so it’s you seeing your dad leaning his ass over a edge of a bathtub is different than you’re just roommate that, I don’t know how close these people were, but you- And if they’re Southern. But you got like, you got trash cans. You’ve got sinks. I feel like I could pretty quickly go through the hierarchy of where you go after you can’t get to the toilet. And the first place is not a towel in the living room, okay. Yeah. That’s disqualifying. I think you just take their name off the lease if they do that. All right. Let’s wrap it up with just, let’s go back to cats. Let’s just. Hey boys. Hey. I’m calling with my bad roommate horror story. I lived for a short period of time with an older lady and her two cats, who were also older. One of them unfortunately passed away from old age. She was well into her twenties. Wow. That’s an old cat. My roommate wasn’t quite sure what to do, so she cleared all of my food out of the refrigerator, put her dead cat in her shoebox, and kept it in the refrigerator until she could figure it out. I didn’t live there for long after that. Uh-uh! Refrigerator or a freezer? ‘Cause there is a difference. She said fridge, man. Hey, she cleaned the food out first. Uh-uh. Did it fit in a drawer? Would you put it in the fruit drawer or the- The fresh drawer? You gotta keep that thing fresh. I think you put it in the meat drawer. You gotta put it in the fresh drawer until we figured it out. She put it where the bacon goes. Figure what out? Am I gonna get it stuffed? Yeah, I mean, you should’ve put it in the freezer. I just need some time to figure this out. Oh God, this is so disturbing. Oh. Oh, poor, poor, this is just a sad, sad story. I mean, how do you, what’s the, I mean, it was in a box, but still. But not a bag? I know. Cause I mean, I feel like I could be like, I feel like if you need to put your cat in a fridge, first of all, put in the freezer. Second of all, put in a bag. Third of all- And tie it up. Lie about what it is. You know what I’m saying? Put a label on it. What’d you put in there? Oh, my cousin went halibut fishing in Canada, you know what I’m saying? And so, yeah, I don’t know when I’m gonna get to that halibut. There’s just so many other ways around this. I wonder how she found out. Did she like, where’s my food? This box and then she’s peeking in the box, you know? That is a shocking moment. Oh gosh, but you know, if the cat’s 20 and like it’s an, you know, it’s an elderly roommate. It’s like, I mean, the older you get, the more leeway you get with like, refrigerating your cats. Yeah, I mean, I don’t know how it was rectified, but. Oh my goodness. Is that what you want to end on? I guess we’re ending on that one, dude. That’s it. That is, man, I’m glad that the people I live with, I can say anything I need to say to ’em. They can say anything they need to say to me. And we’re pretty much, we don’t align, and agree on everything, but oh, we can work through it. That is the common thread. Woo. That is the common thread in all these situations we stress on a regular basis. Communication is key. You gotta keep those communication lines open, especially if somebody’s got an elderly cat. And a propensity to place it in the fridge after it dies. If you’re talking on a regular basis before that happens, then maybe it won’t happen, you know. Just keep talking to your roommates and if your roommates won’t talk to you and they’re doing weird stuff, you know what? Just keep an eye on that lease end date. Uh-huh. And figure out a new situation if you can. All right, I got a wreck for you. You can end with something to listen to on your own time. A while back I tweeted, how did I get here? And I put a screenshot of my Spotify where it was just, the lyrics were all Icelandic. And I was listening to this Icelandic folk, pop and I didn’t know how I got to it, but then I realized there was some English and it’s the same artist that I tweeted called Asgeir, Asgeir. It’s A, with some sort of symbol over it, S G E I R. And the song that you gotta listen to, I’m obsessed with this song, “King And Cross.” It’s just like the way that it transitions- Sounds like a ’90s Christian song. Just so you know. It’s from 2013, “His Album In The Silence.” So yeah, I’ve been sleeping on this Icelandic folk guy. Those Icelanders, they’ll do some stuff. “King And Cross” is an amazing song. It like has this unexpected, like, it goes into a different gear. And the way that it does, it’s just very interesting. We got a tempo change. It’s, yeah, it’s a tempo change, but it’s like, you know, I just love the transition from the verse to the bridge of this thing. You have to listen to it to know what I’m talking about. “King And Cross” Asgeir. Okay. It’s the song that I’m obsessed with right now. I’ll have to check it out and you will too. Thank you for all these voicemails. That was fun. We’re gonna keep asking you to send us messages and stories and you know what you can always do? You don’t have to wait for us to do a specific prompt. If you’ve got a question, an observation, something that you want to say about “Ear Biscuits” or something you’d like to hear us talk to, you know, talk about, just leave a message. We listen to ’em all. 1-888-EarPod1. #EarBiscuits too. See you next week. Hi, “Ear Biscuits.” I’m staying anonymous here, but I wanna practice this by saying, I know that this is not her fault in any way. She couldn’t control this. But my freshman year of college, I got assigned randomly to a dorm with a girl who had frequent night terrors. And so she would wake up around three in the morning, almost every night, screaming, bloody murder, and would get up and run across the room. She would go jiggle the door handle and scream, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. And then she would just walk back to bed and keep sleeping. And I had to deal with that for an entire school year. And I know it’s not her fault, but it was a horror for me to witness. Hello, Rhett and Link. This is David, long time listener, first time caller. So I have a quick horror story about my former roommate. I lived with them for about seven months and during that entire seven months, they never once ever washed their towel that they used for showers. I would see them frequently using it as a hand towel and blowing their nose and after a shower. So after like seven months of just months and months of just grim and mildew and spills, he finally, finally, finally decided to just throw it away instead of washing it. Hey, Rhett and Link. My name is Ashley from Oregon and my bad neighbor story is that years ago I slipped on the sidewalk outside of my apartment and injured my foot. As I was lying there, crying in pain, my neighbor came running out. I thought he was going to help me, but instead he hovered his hands over my foot and insisted that he was healing me. Needless to say, it didn’t work and I actually had broken my foot in multiple places. Love all that you guys do. Bye. Hey, in case you missed it, we launched a new collection over at sike.la. Everything we release over there, all the products, and apparel, change right before your eyes. So check it out. And we’re giving you a discount code to use on your first visit. Shop sike.la, drop in “EBMADEYOULOOK” at checkout and enjoy 10% off your whole purchase. “EBMADEYOULOOK.” To watch more “Ear Biscuits,” click on the playlist on the right. To watch the previous episode of “Ear Biscuits,” click on the playlist to the left. And don’t forget to click on the circular icon to subscribe. If you prefer to listen to this podcast, it’s available on all your favorite podcast platforms. Thanks for being your mythical best.