I did something stupid and had an accident and it’s time to tell you the story let’s talk about that hi I’m Carlos and I’m Audi and we’re from Mexico good mythical morning good mythical morning Oh little hot in here – you kind of like right in here in my core yeah like I might be about to overheat I get it very warm yeah in the center of you’re wearing my vest you wanted to wear my vest it’s a little small wearing it my core is bigger than your core I need a bigger vest yeah okay well then give me back my vest and I’m not gonna wear it now but I am gonna continue to wear it like I said on my own time okay I guess it was day before yesterday I mentioned a story that I wanted to tell you now is the time I don’t make a habit of making boneheaded decisions and boneheaded movements in my life but they happen a lot really that I haven’t but it just happens and it’s not using my fault but maybe maybe this one’s my fault I had an accident over the holidays I just want to lay the story out I know you know parts of it but you don’t know all the details so I’m gonna share with you people and I just I expect some sort of catharsis here in me telling this story this could also be categorized as an embarrassing story but probably not my most embarrassing keyword embarrassing mmm-hmm okay well keyword catharsis look it up I know what it is okay so for the holidays we go to a lot of nickname in high esteem members homes we usually go to a Christy my wife’s parents house pretty early on we go visit the in-laws you know and we did that this holiday season and I have not developed a reputation of being someone who’s got my head on straight when I go to the in-laws house okay I have developed a reputation of being a complete idiot now I’ll just quickly recount some of those instances the first time I ever went to Christy’s parents house – no I’d already met him but going to their house like Oh Christy and I are dating he was he grazed the parent he grilled some chickens he had him on a nice platter he was taking him from the grill he handed it to me I was taking him inside Christy for some reason was shooting basketball which is hard to imagine of course shooting basketball she misses the hoop the ball comes towards me I’m like ha ha air ball the ball bounces in front of me in such a way that it bounces and then it comes up under the plate BAM chicken and plate go everywhere shattered on the ground the chickens are everywhere in their driveway which is gravel and I turn around and her dad my future father-in-law is right there and he’s like and he starts picking him up and he made me eat him we still going eat yeah right about a thing so that was ok so ok this guy you’re dating Christy may be an idiot fast forward in time been married question I mean you listen about a few years give you a break on that one now is your wife’s fault that exactly I didn’t want to say it thank you for saying sucks at basketball um some of you may remember from good mythical morning episode over this past summer went home and Christy’s dad took me and the kids fishing you can watch the whole story in a previous episode long story short I hooked the scalp of my son Lincoln with a with a fishing hook didn’t realize it and continued to yank in such a way that I almost yanked his whole scalp off and then turned around and who’s standing right there my father-in-law it’s like what what did you do and then he has to administer first aid now I think that the man you dated might be a bonehead in your defense Lincoln is the most fish-like of your children Christmas trying to help you out Christmas before last I’m I need to open a Barbie doll that Lily got for Christmas from my in-laws and my father-in-law hands me a knife and as I’m opening the Barbie doll I cut my finger I run out into the kitchen to put it under the sink because I don’t know for some reason I thought that’s what you do because it was a very hot knife yes I look down at my finger and I faint it into my father-in-law’s arms it could happen to anybody I have no defense for you in that one oh so this is the reputation that I have established with my in-laws my father in law but he was gracious enough to see constantly scowl at you when you come in he constantly brings it up he’s I don’t give him knife is that a Barbie here let me open a chicken you want to go fishing he doesn’t talk like this though say he was gracious enough to loan us when we came into town since when I have a car there his GMC Yukon maybe he’s looking to get an insurance payment so uh Christy’s sister and her husband bring it to the airport to pick us up he’s not there because he’s back in Kinston North Carolina but I know that this truck is his baby this SUV I know in the past I can see whenever I bring it back if he’s loan it to us he doesn’t tell me but he like gives it the once-over it’s like looking at it I know that he trips the mileage and tracks exactly how much mileage we drive it whenever he lawns it to us this is his baby it is his car but it’s the only one that it will accommodate my big family whenever we come home because none of it none of my friends or family have a minivan right he knows us a car we take it from the airport now here’s an important point instead of just going straight from the airport getting something to eat and then going to Kinston we had to alter our route to go to our former hometown of Fuquay Varina yeah the reason why is because my wife left her coat her winter coat at your house here in LA so you brought it to Fuquay listen on the street in front of us when that’s another story so Christy left her coat I’m not saying this as Christy’s fault but we would never have had to take this route in my father-in-law’s truck if Christy hadn’t left her coat and you hadn’t bring it so we go down to Fuquay and we’re driving a default appointment on me well thank you for bringing the coat if you hadn’t I wouldn’t had to go either so you or Christy I’m not the reason we had to go – it wasn’t a vest it wasn’t me that took us to Fuqua except I’m the one that drive in the Yukon there okay we’re going down the street approaching Fuqua and I can’t believe this I in LA I expect traffic but never in the small town of Fuquay Varina all of a sudden three miles outside of town there is bumper-to-bumper backed up traffic it’s growing we are growing like the way in the world so got a target coming all of a sudden I’m sitting in stop-and-go traffic in my former hometown and my my blood pressure just starts to rise a little bit yeah okay and then I look down at the fuel gauge the e light is on I don’t know how long it’s been on I don’t look at things like that you know you have a problem there I’ll be honest with you so now I’m thinking I’m in stop-and-go traffic what should take two minutes is going to take 45 minutes at this rate I’m gonna run out of gas is that gonna damage the car are we gonna be so late he’s gonna be like my father was gonna be like where were you guys and I’ll have to be like well I I maybe I ran out of gas and a fuel injection yeah yeah I can cause damage or at least I mean I have to say I ran out of gas and good feeling J you got a problem what an idiot so my blood pressure really starts to rise at this point I’m thinking about going on to the shoulder of the road and just going to the nearest gas station finally we inch forward and I’m able to cut through the back of a grocery store the first turn off I get to and then go and then go and I finally get to a gas station and I I’m I’m thinking that I can run out of gas at any moment I pull up to the gas station I’m thinking alright which side is the fuel panel which side is the the hole the fuel hole is there any here that’s what the cause that’s the official name which side is that ours that fuel was I’m thinking if I put if I pull I can insult if I pull up the fuel hole is on the other side I may not be able to crank up the car to get to the other side unless I’m about to run out of gas yeah but that’s how concerned I am okay understand I’m just thinking about all this and I look at the arrow to see which thought it was I didn’t have an arrow I didn’t see the arrow and then I’m paid out for not open up and I’m like okay yes it’s on the right side I go up I open the fuel hole I put the nozzle in there I’ll go and I swipe the credit card bibbidi bobbidi boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo boo processing see cashier now it is freezing outside I’m no longer in Los Angeles I’m not acclimated to this weather the wind is howling all I had on was a vest my core was great my arms were just freezing and I blood pressures just rising see cashier I’m like I’m not seeing the cashier you know I could see him from here so I walked up that day I didn’t even turn around I just swipe the card again people put a people cuz you know sometimes a car that swipe right yep does it make noise I grab people booty people that’s part of your problem see cashier I’m like dang it I don’t know why but I was just so keyed up by this point where the vest is part of the problem I stomp around the Yukon I’ll go over there to the cashier it’s one of those things where you can’t go inside the convenience store it’s all outdoors in the wind is whipping and freezing and I see there is a line of people 15 people long waiting to go to the one cashier I’m like there’s a lot of the line what in the world I’m freezing and then my eye goes down the line down the line down the line to the front of the line where the cashier is there’s a piece of paper with a handwritten note on it stuck to the inside of the cashiers booth it says says it says our credit card machines are broke cash only cash and credit only now I don’t have to tell you I don’t carry cash okay it’s the second mistake that’s not my fault and your vest for it there’s I I have cards I have all types of cards what do I need cash for cards don’t work in the apocalypse and I’m not good I don’t bring my checkbook anywhere so I’m I’m Jeff ugh I’m just so mad because they would have taken checks oh I’m like gosh I’m not seeing this line I’m freezing I’m stomping back around the car I’m like why didn’t he put the sign on each of the pumps I could have known this ten minutes ago now I’m gonna run out of gas going somewhere else get in the car slammed the door he’s like what’s wrong I have I have a little bit of cash I’m like I want to fill up all the way uh put it in reverse start going backwards because there’s a car in front of me all of a sudden boom I have hit something and at the same moment that I hear the boom I realize I forgot to take the gas nozzle back out of my fuel ho ha ha ha ha I slam on brakes look at Christy she looks at me called mother fuel hole I might have I might have said a term or two that I don’t want my kids to repeat like whew hope I put it in park I get out of the car I go back there I run back again I’m putting forward a little bit thank goodness fuel was not going spewing out there was no fuel escaping anyway okay good I guess it’s cuz it did they didn’t take my credit card Yeah right and then I take the nozzle on there put it on our slammin get back in the car and I say and Christy’s like did you break something I’m like no she was like what did you check and I’m like don’t ask me any questions I don’t want to run out of gas and then I go and we get back in a traffic jam to go to the next nearest gas station I go over there Christy’s like I snapped at her I shouldn’t have done that I’m sorry Christy corfu hole did you I did you hide you know so she was quiet because she knew that I was being a you-know-what um and even though she was concerned we pull up to the next gas station uh-huh I get out of the get out of the car I’m like if this thing does if this Swiper doesn’t work I am going to kill somebody asswipe it it works oh it’s like how hard could this be up you know if you have to feel all pump the gas fill it up all the way I even got a receipt everything’s working perfect yep turn around take the thing back out because I’m not gonna make the scene but today twice right pull that out close the close the cap on the fuel hole I’m gonna have to keep saying enough yeah the thing that covers the hole is like oh yeah the field or the fuel door covers the fuel hole and I’m like pushing on it and that thing is like at an 80-degree angle it will not close I have bent this thing back if you recall at the previous gas station the accident I had they were recycled yeah I did I did that I’m like oh crap and then I look closely and I realized that not only is is the fuel door bent back but I had been it back so far that it hits the side panel of the truck and it started pushing it into the side of the truck removing paint after paint after layer of paint and just digging itself yeah gosh you’re so stupid it was like I was just it was like that the crack in the side of the pan I was just talking to it you are so stupid I’m worried about you you are such a boneheaded fool I’m glad you’re on a vest gosh I get back in the car and I gotta tell Christy I’ve done some damage do I – my relationship with my father and it’s a one and a half hour drive to Kingston gosh I just what was a whoa-ho I mean what are you in are you in trouble now I my last piece of advice is prepare a speech what I decided to do after deciding that I wasn’t just going to play dumb on this was I’ve prepared a speech right when we get there I’m like I’m not going to prolong this madness anymore right when we get there pull over he sees the grandkids he comes around back to get out some of the lug and I’m like listen there’s something I got to tell you and then this is key that’s my piece of advice I said please don’t kill me dot-dot-dot it really doesn’t matter what you say after that because that I in retrospect that was genius you know I’m a genius but come over here and take a look at your future yes I was like I did it in your the side of your truck and he’s like I’m just me that vest and everything will be all he took out a handkerchief he looked at he took out a handkerchief he’s put it put it but he didn’t spit on it he put it behind the fuel panel thingy and then he he proceeds to plant bend it back and it was bent back almost good as new yeah and I was like huh and he was like and I know what he was thinking like how big of an idiot can you be what he said was what what did you how did you do this I was like wow I was I was just distracted yeah I just left it at that let’s move he was very gracious I said listen I’m gonna fix then I’m going to fix the paint a week later when we’re at mom and Lewis’s house they helped me find a local body shop man and I think this would have signed said body shop metal you got a little bit in there nephew Hoshi dish every day hundred dollars he fixed it when they came New Year’s Day to pick it up but I am good as new only thing damaged in the long term is my reputation well it was already pretty bad oh goodness is there anything to learn from my story besides that I’m a total idiot probably not but there you have it I think in all its glory calm down you know just be calm windows when there’s cash only calm down tighten your vest up if you want to give a suggestion for a secret spot for our wheel you can do that on Facebook Twitter ah that’s ideal place to do it we see those just finished a marathon oh there you are where’s my vest I thought I thought that I was waiting for you to come this way cause like the finish line was here you were in the marathon right yeah the heat is escaping from my core like you would not believe that heat is escaping of your core well everybody’s everybody’s gone home right you were your last place I don’t even think he stayed on this well it’s time how fast you run it’s the way you run and I ran backwards