How much does Fortune Feimster’s perfect meal cost? Let’s talk about that. Good Mythical Morning. And please welcome comedian, writer, and actor whose new comedy special, Fortune Feimster, Crushing It, is dropping on Netflix December 3rd. It’s Fortune Feimster! Give us one of these. Hey. Here we go. What’s up, what’s up? Welcome to the show. Thanks for having me. Glad to have you. We got the North Carolina connection going. We were back there catching up in the green room and they had to come interrupt us. That’s right. To come shoot this show. We were having such a good time. Our college careers overlapped. Yeah, we were all in Raleigh at the same time. All the good times we could have been having. That’s right. We could have hung out back in Raleigh. But it starts today. All our accents are getting thicker as we… … as we’re around each other longer. It totally happens, like, yeah, when I talk to my dad or anybody back home, or you. All right, so, uh, Crushing It, the new special, makes me ask, what’s the last thing you’ve actually crushed? The last thing I crushed was an aluminum can with my bare hands, uh, when I recycled. Ha ha ha ha! Cause you gotta get it small. You gotta get it small. Cause you wanna, you wanna get as much of that recycling in the can as possible. That’s right. You’re supposed to, you could step on it. I’m like, why would I do that when I got these? Yeah. Ha ha ha ha! Uh, did you know that when you recycle, at least in this town… – You’re not supposed to… – Don’t ruin it, don’t ruin it… No, I’m just saying you’re not supposed to bag it. I thought you were gonna say they don’t actually recycle it. Don’t bag it. – You just throw it in the… – You just dump the bag and… then you keep the bag. They don’t want your bag. I didn’t know that. But they also don’t actually recycle it. Oh really? I heard it, so it’s a scam. Let’s eat food and forget about recycling. That’s right. Let’s eat food! It’s time for Naked Food’s Naked Fortune Feimster Edition Naked. All humans will be heavily clothed, though, like so much clothing. Okay, pretty little ladies, throughout today’s game, Fortune’s favorite foods will be served at low, mid, and fancy price levels. Each round, you’ll all pick your favorite, and by the end, we’ll find out how expensive your taste buds are. Up first! These are pigs in a blanket. These are pigs in a blanket. And they all look a little different, do they not? Look at the size of the blanket on these piggies. That’s a whole croissant situation over here. Yeah, I, this is, it does look like one of the, uh, almost like a Pillsbury croissant. Yeah, it does. That’s more than a little smoky. Whoa, it’s real flaky. Are you buying these in LA restaurants, or are you just making these with, Pillsbury at home? I mean, normally I make them at home, but there is a place that serves them, uh, and I couldn’t believe it when I saw it on the menu, because in the South, pigs in the blanket were very popular. It’s just, you just got the Crescent roll and you made it for a family reunion or something. Yeah, yeah. There was no restaurant that served them. No, no. Because they’re not fancy enough usually. This is so good. How could it be better? How could it be better? Well, I will say, perhaps hiding up here is Fortune’s favorite. Pigs in a blanket. Okay. I don’t know. She’s already spotted it. Well, they all look so different. You should know. That’s a meaty wiener. Yeah, that’s, that’s not a little smoky. Yeah. That’s a big smoky. That’s a big one. It’s too large for me, and it’s too flaky for me. What? There’s a, there is a lot going on here, cause you wanna, you wanna be able to pop a lot of these in. I could eat a lot of these. You’re right. I do agree with that. This isn’t really a finger food, this is a full fist food. I’m basically eating a hot dog in a croissant. Right. Which ain’t bad. That’s a whole hot dog. But it’s a lot. You gotta get the baby ones. Alright, well, let’s do it. Does this meet your criteria? It’s smaller for sure. Let’s see what we’re working with here. They look a little… That is chewy. Overcooked. Yeah. The dough is chewy. Yeah, it doesn’t like melt in your mouth. Sometimes my mom would make these as like our supper. Yeah. Really? You’d have a meal of Smokies? A meal of Smokies. It was pigs in a blanket for dinner. Yeah, we wouldn’t have them as a dinner. We’d have them as a finger food. Some people call them appetizers. I call them finger foods. Maybe a baby shower type situation? Yeah, that was the only reason to go to a baby shower. Maybe they’ll have a pig in a blanket. That’s right. I’m not feeling those. Yeah, this is not… We’re down to this one. I like that, but I didn’t really like that one. This one’s got the size. It’s got the buttery flames. This is already feeling good, y’all. And you can see the wiener on both sides. I like to see them on both sides. Oh my God. And it’s so greasy. It’s greasy and good though. The grease spots that have been left. And that’s a smoky one. Oh my god, that’s a good one y’all. I know what my vote is. I don’t want to influence you guys. You already have. But that was very tasty. I really, really like these. But I do agree that it kind of defeats the purpose of the finger food. Okay, pick your favorites. You should be able to throw one up and put it in your mouth, you know. Three, two, one. I’m with y’all on this. We are in agreement. Okay, um, couple things. You have all chosen our lowest price point option from Amici Pizza Kitchen for $6.99 for 8. Um, Fortune, you’ve also, your favorite, according to you, before this episode, was, uh, from Craig’s. Yeah? Uh, those are in the middle. What? No! Which you refer to as chewy. I’ll never get a reservation again! Craig is slipping on us. I swear they tasted a lot like that last time I was there. Well, the new favorite that’s much cheaper, because Craig’s is our fancy option, which is $18 for eight, so – you’re saving quite a lot. – That’s $18?! Are we sure we didn’t mix the plates up? Well, we can never be too sure, but, but, but for the purposes of this right now, no, we didn’t switch anything. So, Fortune, you want to throw our team under the bus so that you can still get a reservation. I see what you’re doing. Thanks, Craig’s. … at Craig’s. Okay, we’ll take one for the, uh, on the team. And where are these from? Um, those are from Masis Bakery. They’re a mid price point option for $1.50 each, so they’re sold individually. Pretty massive. Too much, guys! Come on! You need to, you need to not go so big down. Don’t go so hard. You need to, you need to go for the long play. I think it’s cause there was no ketchup and mustard. That’s why I didn’t recognize it. – Right. – Oh, yep. – We’ll tell Craig. – We love you Craig. We, yeah. Thank you. These are pastrami burritos. These are pastrami burritos. Wow. I cannot say I’ve ever had a pastrami burrito, but I don’t know why, because when I hear those two words together. It just makes sense. It seems like something I would want to order. And you should. It’s delicious. There’s a, the place that I go to for the pastrami burrito. It’s not Craig’s is it? It’s not Craig’s. It’s up here though. It’s in Los Angeles. Good gracious. And I only eat like one a year because it’s so rich and filling. How about eating three right now. Yeah, I’m gonna roll out of here after these. But it’s like so good. Wow, so this is chunky pastrami. It’s a breakfast burrito. And is that a tater tot? Yeah, it’s a breakfast burrito. – Okay. – Okay, hash brown. Some peppers in there? Mm hmm. Not good. Good gracious. Dang. There’s a lot going on in that. It’s very smoky. It’s spicy. Very spicy. There’s a lot of peppers on that one side. Very mustardy. Y’all. That is a punch in the mouth. I gotta drink some water. That is a good burrito. I just got punched in the mouth. But not by, like, another human. Oh, no. Just a jalapeno. Okay, good. Where have I been? How did I not know about this? I’ve seen it on the menu, cause they had pastrami do a lot of stuff out here. I’m gonna eat another bite. We gotta go through the other one. Oh, don’t worry. I will. We will. This is so good. I don’t know how another one could beat it. Well, the thing about the pastrami is that’s pretty amazing. It’s so chunky. That’s not what I, that’s not what I’m used to. You want a thinner pastrami, but I really like it. That was really good. Let’s go here now. It does have a kick to it, right? Yeah, it does. Now you see what they’ve done here? They’ve relegated the pastrami to one side of the burrito. Not on mine. Mine goes all way through almost. Oh yeah. Now this is like a thin pastrami. That’s like a thick, chunky one. Yep. And I don’t see any peppers. Yeah, I don’t see any jalapeno. I got some eggs. You got a tater tot situation. Tater tot, yeah. Mmm. All right. Demerits for uneven distribution. I really, my main thing, if I want to devote the rest of my life to something, it’s the even distribution of contents of breakfast burritos. We know you feel strongly about this. Like, you just, you got, you got to find a better way than that. Mm hmm. How about you just bite the whole thing and then you redistribute it in your mouth? Oh, do you want to watch that? Yeah, we do. – Yeah, yeah, I mean… – Oh, wow. Wow, that’s the biggest bite he’s ever taken on this show. And some things are happening with your tongue. Sorry. You’re redistributing? Mm hmm. I’m swirling it all around. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is that better? Mm hmm. Mm hmm. Mm hmm. Mm hmm. There’s cheese in this. Fortune never looked away, but you looked away a long time ago. I looked right down the barrel. Yeah. I was very… A little… I was a little uncomfortable. Yeah. Thank you. You’re welcome. Thank you. Yeah. There’s nothing like Uh, a really discomforting connection with a new friend. Thanks, friend. Staring right down the barrel. There’s a good sort of, uh… Cheese is good. A little creaminess. Yeah, I don’t know what that cheese is. It’s almost pimento ish. Yeah, this is a good one, but that just had like so many crazy flavors in it. Yeah, this is hard to beat. Alright. Yeah, but this one was good. Okay. Where we at with the, oh my, okay. Now, because the pastrami wraps all the way around. Whoa. I’m actually, I’m okay with that. Lord, look at the egg in that thing. That is a giant, that is a giant. That’s a wall of egg. Yeah. And there’s mushroom in here, I believe. Oh, why you gotta do that? I mean, what? Why, why we gotta bring the veggies into this? Or is that an avocado? We end at tater tot. It’s avocado. Oh, is it, oh, it’s just. I accept that. It’s just a dirty avocado. Yeah. All right. It’s good, but I feel like I need some sauce or something to dip it in. I need some of that sauce in here. This is what I expected. The pastrami is exactly the saltiness and shaviness that I was picturing. Feel free to return to this if you need to. It’s a little salty, but… Wait, which one was mine? Do y’all have cooties? That’s yours. Circle, circle, dot, dot. We do. Now I got my cooties, y’all. No? – Yeah. – No, yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Very much yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Very much yes to that. Yeah. I don’t know how I’m gonna vote. – I’m gonna vote with my mouth. – Ready? – Yeah, it seems that you are. – Three… I mean, we, I think we’re all agreeing again. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That’s really good. Oh, no. Oh, no. – It’s gone forever. – You lost it. – You voted with your mouth. – I got it. My vote doesn’t count. Thank you. Okay, there’s good news. There’s two pieces of good news. Okay. First being, you have chosen your favorite from Cofax for $18. Wow. Uh, the second thing being, you’ve all chosen the fancy price point option. And, you know, of course, when you choose fancy, something fancy happens. And today, I’m being told that we have a message from a fancy pants aunt. Hey there, Fancy Pants. I’m Sierra’s aunt. You are so fancy. I bet you line the inside of your shoes with red carpet. That is so fancy. Does Sierra’s aunt, is she a newscaster? That was uh… I think she’s like a late night DJ. Is that Delilah? It’s very smooth. Yeah, very smooth. – She could tell me the… – Oh, she’s a librarian. A librarian, that track. She reads books. – Doesn’t get to… – Okay. So that was her yelling. Yeah, yeah. Doesn’t get to talk a lot, but when she does… Quiet down. It’s fancy. I would travel across town for that breakfast burrito. It is one of a kind. Where’s Cofax? It is on Fairfax, uh, in right, kind of where West Hollywood and Hollywood meet. Okay. I believe a chef came up with this concoction. – Well, probably. – I discovered it… Well, no, no, it’s like a, it’s like a coffee shop, you know what I mean? It’s like a chill coffee shop. They brought like a legit chef in. They brought in like somebody to create it. I discovered it in the pandemic. It was a bright spot in a dark time. And I traveled, uh, over there to get it, cause there was no traffic. Um, and it was amazing. I was like, what is this? But when I get one, I have to eat it in like thirds. – I feel that. – Cause it’s pretty… – Hefty. – It’s hefty for sure. I discovered zoloft over the pandemic. Yeah? How did that work out? – Great. – Good. The middle one is our low price point option from badass breakfast burritos for $12.99 What, really though? – What? – Badass burrito? Badass. A local joint? Or we had them shipped in? What’s their logo look like? I think it’s a donkey being naughty and naughty, naughty donkey. I get it. It’s actually a butt. That one was pretty good though. It was, that was my second favorite. Uneven distribution. And then the last one is our mid price point option from Bread and Breakfast for $15.99 Too much egg, y’all gotta hold back on the egg. Yeah, less egg and the pastrami was a little salty. – Yeah. – They’re not watching. And they need um, they might, you never know. This is our Yelp review. And they need a little sauce. Yeah, we gotta have some sauce. This is crab fried rice. This is crab fried rice. Mmm. What a good choice. I had this for the first time two weeks ago. Really? I don’t know why, it’s just like, you get in the rut of what you order for Chinese takeout and I would never order this and then my son ordered it and I was like, you’re, you’re a genius. That’s so funny. That is the weirdest looking. Is this just egg or is it a giant piece of cheese? It looks like cheese, but I think it’s supposed to be egg. Oh, thank you. I didn’t know if we were gonna feed each other. Go in there. We can feed each other. It’s, it’s egg. Yeah. All right. It’s like, I don’t know if I want part of that. You’re just gonna go straight for the rice. You’re not even… I spilled some on me. We’ll clean that up later. It’s, it’s, it went all the way down. That’s very crabby. We got a trash shoot right down there. Just the, the first bite of crab. You gotta be ready for it. There’s a lot. It’s pretty crabby. Whoa. – After what we… – Especially after that pastrami. Yeah, that’s a whole… our taste buds just took a left turn. So we may have to, I can’t get any on here. What’s your take on cilantro? See, it’s hard. All I get is cheese, or egg, whatever. I’m not a big cilantro gal. I usually push it off to the side. Woo. Does it taste like soap to you? Not, no, I don’t. I know that it… – Like people have that tastebud… – You just don’t like… the way it actually tastes. Well, it’s just I don’t want green stuff on my food. You don’t want to confuse your body. I don’t want red stuff on my food. What is this? That thing right there? That tomato? That’s got to go too. Uh, that was, I don’t, I’m not a big fan of that one. I didn’t like that one. This is sort of a… Alright. Very mixed up egg here. What if we don’t like any of them? We can abstain. What then? – It’s never happened, but… – Oh, that’s pretty good, so… That one’s a lot better. – Yeah, that… – Alright. That ended real quick. That was good. That’s pretty good. Mmm. A lot of crab. It’s got a little sweetness to it in there. The crab is in the egg on that one. Oh, I didn’t even try that part. Yeah, I was about to say, there’s not crab in the… The crab is mixed into this egg. Yeah, you were just eating rice. I like rice. What if I have the crab and I’m like, don’t care for that. Yeah, that’s, I mean, look at that. Look how meaty that is. That’s a straight up crab right there. It’s like a crab cake. Look at that. Yeah, it is like a crab cake on the rice. But all of the egg is mixed in, y’all. I’m telling you. Now this one, it’s very clearly… – There’s no color over there. – Bland. Yeah. Looking. You’re gonna need some soy sauce if you order this. Uh oh, I keep spilling it. That’s fine. Trash shoot. Where’s the crab in this one? In the thing? Oh, it’s also in the egg. They’d really like to put it in the egg. What do you think? It’s not, it’s not bad. It doesn’t taste bad. Yeah, it just needs a little flavor. It’s bland. It’s pretty bland. You’re right. That might be fake crab. They make the crab out of like, you gotta just go with the crab cake. Pollock or something. So what’s, do you have Arnold wrapped around your finger? Because like, I know you’re doing, you have the show, Food Bar. Yeah. On Netflix, and I’m, you know, I’m seeing like, social media clips of you’re like biking with Arnold in like cities and stuff. Well, I filmed two seasons with him in Toronto so far. You see, you’re like, you’re Is he under your control now? Oh yeah, whatever, all his decisions go through me. Right. You’re advising him. And I speak in his accent when I boss him around. I say, Arnold, let’s go, come on! Get down! He responds well to that. I’m sure, I’m sure he loves you. We have a great time. I think you’ve got very good chemistry. He loves, he loves comedy, and appreciates comedians, so we laugh a lot. Okay. Right. Well, put in a word for us. I will. Doesn’t have to be a good one. I don’t think I have to put in a word for you. I’m sure he loves you. Let’s FaceTime him right now. – Let’s do it. – Is he talking about us? Yeah. He’s like, Rhett and Link. What are you doing? Why are you eating that food? Come on. Let’s go work out. Yeah, I don’t, I don’t need that energy in my life. I know what I’m voting for. Okay, I think you’re all agreeing again. Three, two, one. We’re all agreeing. We’re on the same page today. It’s just heads above the rest. Well, you know, we’re, we’re, we’re North Cackalacka together. It’s our North Carolina connection. Mm hmm. Well, you’ve all chosen the mid price point level this round from the Silver Lake House for $19.95 That’s good. The first one that you did not like was the fancy option from Merois for $35. And then the last one was the low price point option from Original Thai Noho for $12. Not bad. I have been to that restaurant and they have a great pad thai. Okay. Alright. Put in a good word for them. I don’t want anyone to feel bad. You really want to get your reservation. Yeah, I better be able to get my reservation and original tie. The Fortune table is intact. It’s the most mythical time of the year. Get into the holiday spirit with the new GMM ornament set. Now available at mythical.com This is filet mignon. This is filet mignon. This is, this is dessert. This is dessert. This is the last round. How about we each cut the steak in front of us into three bites. Okay. And then we can all feed each other. I was hoping you were gonna feed me. Wait, okay. Yeah. And who feeds me? I can tell. I thought we were gonna feed each other. Yeah, yeah. You take the steak in front of you and you feed it to the person. That’s a lot of steak though. And I feel like the threes… No, I mean like three bites. – Why are you just… – Not cut the steak… into three pieces. Look, look what I did. Three bites. I made three bites. I was about to say this would be a lot. This would be a lot in my mouth. But if you’re feeding me, I’m eating it. Yeah. I’m gonna, I’m gonna, I’m gonna give you… This looks pretty good right here. Some reasonable bites. I don’t, okay. I got, these are still big bites. Here’s my, here’s my fork, Link. Here’s your fork. How are we doing this? This is the steak one. Oh wait, let me watch. Steak one. What? Hold on. We need to all be fed at the same time. Oh, hold on. Okay. Here you go. You got a lot of bites here. Hold on. You just touched my meat with your hand. Oh yeah, over here. Oh, I did? Wait, wait, whose fork is what? Ah, that’s me. Yep. What? Were you not watching? It was on the roof of my mouth. You were watching me? I didn’t know what hand to look at! I didn’t know what hand to look at! I got mine! You’re going through Fortune’s soft palate over here. It wasn’t too hard, was it? That’s like a direct route to the brain. Mm hmm. Oh man, that’s dry. Yeah it is. It’s really dry. Yeah. I don’t think I can swallow this. Drink your water and spit it out in there while you’re drinking. No! I do that all the time. I don’t want people to know I don’t like something so I spit it out. Oh really? Is that mean though? – I don’t wanna be… – What if it’s… Well, we’re gonna say who it is and they’ll know you spit it out. Oh no! You might not ever go back. I might not get a reservation. Do you want a reservation? I don’t know. Come on now. It’s not good though. There’s plenty of places that serve steak. You should just… That was not very ladylike of me. That was really dry though. It wasn’t good. It was so bad. Now you gotta feed both of us. Yeah. Apologies to whatever restaurant. – Alright. – Here’s my fork. Oh wait, I’m feeding y’all. This is confusing. Yeah, do it at the same time. Okay. – Guys. – I don’t care if you stab me… the top of the mouth. Oh wait, no. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This way. You’re gonna have to go. You’re gonna have to find the fork. Come on now. – Oh. – I got it. Okay. That’s so much better. Oh man. Alright. Wait, I feed myself? Okay. – That’s a good steak. – That’s good. That’s like it’s cooked properly. Mm hmm. It’s very tender. This one tastes like… Like sand paper. It was like undercooked and overcooked at the same time. There’s something weird going on. – Yeah. – Is that right? I think this one looks a little well done, my friends. – Let me let me… – Here’s my fork. I’m gonna give you each one of these… – My fork is in your right hand. – Okay. What if it fell in the water? That was good, too. The flavor’s good on that one. It’s just overcooked. I didn’t realize you were that you were still gonna do most of the work. Yeah, yeah. When I was feeding you. I’m not an independent woman. I feel like that could’ve been a great steak if it was cooked properly. Yeah, yeah. It’s got like a seasoning on it. Right. That I can’t pinpoint. Green flax. Is that oregano? Oregano. Mm hmm. That was easy for you. Yeah, I’ve been doing this a long time. It’s not, that one’s actually pretty good, but I do have a favorite. Yep. – I think we have to.. – Are we gonna be in full agreement? for all four rounds? I don’t know. 3, 2, 1. Yes. Look at us. Look at that. We’re on the same page. We have such a strong connection. This is a first. This is a queen sweep of some kind Oh my gosh, you guys. Um, and you’ve all chosen the, mid price point option, Morton’s Steakhouse for $56. The one you absolutely hated was the low price point option from The Smokehouse for $42. I do like The Smokehouse. It’s a vibe. It’s a vibe. I had an 87 year old waitress there once, uh, who was lovely. She goes, do you want to try our world famous cheese bread? And I said, I sure do. And she brought it to me and it was like, hard as a rock This is world famous for how hard it is. I said I dunno if this is world famous, but I love you. You see, did you see George Clooney there? I didn’t, no. He, he, like, he, he hangs out. I’m told he hangs out there. It’s a neat place. It’s a, a LA staple for sure, for sure. Yep. – Definitely get the cheese bread. – As is the final steak. I did really like the steak too though. Yeah. And luckily for you. It’s from Craig’s. I can keep my reservation! So you’ve made it up, uh, $. 9. Yeah, it was great, Craig. Good job, Craig. Your folks overcooked it a little bit. Not you, personally. Not you, Craig. But, to let the record show, I really liked it. Yeah, we love that little seasoning you put on it. The green flecks. So if I could come in next Friday night, let me know. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It’s, your reservation is safe. Well, this was fun. This was really fun. And that was tasty. Yeah. Don’t forget to check out Fortune’s new comedy special, Fortune Feimster: Crushing It! on Netflix starting December 3rd. Thanks for subscribing and clicking that bell. Now you say you know what time it is. You know what time it is. Hi, I’m Naomi and I’m dancing with my schnauzer. And it’s time to spin the Wheel of Mythicality. You’re doing a better job than I did. Click the top link to watch us build a house of cards with giant… Whoop! Cheez Its, I broke one. From Taco Bell. Look at this. And to find out where the Wheel of Mythicality is gonna land. Our GMM ornament set will have your tree looking fa la la la fabulous. And don’t forget, early access to our Black Friday sale starts Thursday for Mythical Society members.