there are a lot of dumb criminals out there but there are also some incredibly smart ones let’s talk about that good mythical morning now I don’t have any intention on becoming a career criminal I’m not much of a lawbreaker I’m pretty much a law-abiding citizen I’m kind of a good guy pretty much I think you’re pretty much a good guy also pretty much just occasionally break the law but I think there’s something fascinating about people who have been successful at committing crimes in a way that you have to admire the precision the perfection even if they you know and we’re not condoning it but some is why we like it we Ocean’s eleven type thing yeah yeah yeah yes that’s a great mood that’s my favorite movie of all time not really but I got a kick out of the movie successful heist spoiler alert oh please don’t start that again okay alright so there’s this French vacuum gang the vacuum gang since 2006 there’s an unknown gang in France that has been robbing the same supermarket chain mono pre a grocery store yeah it’s called mono pre one pre race one race one race anyway these guys discovered that envelopes of cash are funneled to the store safe using a pneumatic suction tube you know like they had a baby Bank and so what they did is they broke in and there’s just a big guy in the vog one yeah they broke in they drilled into the side of the pneumatic tube attached a high-powered vacuum and they sucked out all these envelopes of cash and they’ve done this 15 times and they’ve stolen almost 1 million dollars doesn’t matter how impenetrable the safe is if you can just bore through the vacuum tube and put the guy that they do the guy who sucks on the tube put him asleep or some prank oh yeah uh but listen they have been caught on the store’s security cameras but they’re they’ve ever been identified because they were ski masks that is smart no one’s ever done that before that’s why they were skiing I can’t go through this crazy crazy process and then like be like hey dude camera closed-circuit I’m more of a pantyhose guy myself you can still tell who you are through pantyhose though no I just like every time you put hit pantyhose on your head and try to surprise me I always know it’s you now I just mean on women okay this guy Karl it’s like so smooth goog Asian this guy is an American dude who found banks he targeted banks in small towns that were next to freeways he has this whole system finds a small bank in a small town next to a freeway he narrows it down to banks that closed late during the winter months so he can escape in the dark and he goes in there with there’s like five minutes to close bank that doesn’t keep bankers hours no you know it’s like in a certain climate or is it during the winter where like it starts getting dark like 5:00 or 5:30 and then he goes in there like 555 okay he goes in wearing a mask like from a horror movie like Freddy Krueger was his favorite one he runs in jumps over the counter makes all this racket everybody gets scared he takes two minutes to get all the cash that he can get and he gets out in two minutes he runs into the dark into some local woods where he is he drops the cash and the weapons off in a little place that he is set aside prematurely a hide away hide away he gets onto a motorbike he takes the motorbike several minutes through the woods that he is like totally staked out gets goes to a van drives up into the back of a van that he’s put their seals up and then drives off the guy did this for 30 years and stole two million dollars total but he was caught because some kids snooping around in the woods for we’re in the van no they found they found his stash and it had his fingerprints on it ooh fingerprints you got to put pantyhose on your fingerprints man that’s where the pantyhose goes it goes on your hand handy hose you maybe you maybe I could I could sell that we need to have an infomercial like handy when you go in the bank handy hose you can’t do anything with them you steal stuff with him except clap when you go into the bank a lily or wherever you’re gonna steal something they should sell them right there at the door so as you’re walking in and then if somebody buys that hope that guy’s what steal from us he’s buying the Handy hoe you know what’s better than handy hoes loves oh yeah cuz they have fingers this guy the next guy Albert’s Spa GRE a French career criminal best known for robbing a big bank in France in 1976 now okay this guy found out that the vault was in the basement so he decided that he would dig underneath the bank from a nearby sewer system to access the vault but before he did that he opened a safety box himself and deposited an alarm that was very loud and vibrated really it was an alarm clock that was a vibrating alarm clock huh and he set it off inside the bank vault to make sure there were no seismic or acoustic alarms because he’s gonna be digging up around this thing all right and they weren’t there weren’t so he continued we if the alarm clock had had gone off and they had arrested him I wouldn’t be telling you this story or you know they’d admit like your alarm clock went off last night oh yeah bored sorry I forgot that I left that in smart guy though so he then hired are you taking notes people here because you shut in future criminals he hired a group of professional gangsters and paid them to dig original gangsters yeah digging gangsters you know the kind I didn’t the yellow pages every day did digging gangsters wanted uh he hired them every day for two months he had rules they had to get ten hours of sleep a day they couldn’t have alcohol or caffeine because he wanted them to be totally on their game he was like totally regimented ten hours asleep were they sleeping in the cave I don’t know but they dug every day for two months and they finally got to a long holiday weekend and they got to the bank they got to the vault they were like okay the bank said we closed this weekend over three days the weekend and then a holiday why can they not have caffeine I don’t get that I don’t know man this dude was just regimented and so then he says then they break in on a weekend they were in the tunnel they break in over the weekend they go through 400 safety deposit boxes they make off with sixty million francs worth of stuff then they get away a totally unscathed but then one of the digging gangsters girlfriends rats them all out you cannot tell your girlfriend’s about these things guys you just got a new woman secret she’s a gangster do it what did a cousin of the gold dick what did you do today I don’t know you know it was just uh I got a little dirty you know uh hey I don’t know I got a little dirty but you know it wasn’t anything illegal I might have been getting in a bag no caffeine ten I was asleep so they turned everyone in including Albert the mastermind hmm check this out he’s at he’s on trial he’s in there with the judge he distracts the judge by giving the judge in the courtroom a encoded piece of evidence I don’t you know what that means but he gave him an encoded piece of evidence it distracted the judge while the judge was looking at it trying to figure it out dude gets up jumps out the window gets on a motorcycle that one of his friends set up for him drives off on the motorcycle he was never caught gets in a van driven by kids no there’s no van in this one just motor so I had a van should I had a van so this got me to thinking now we’re not going to be career criminal criminals but if we were to create the perfect crime what would it be because we’ve got some inspiration I’ve thought of a crime that I wanted to commit but I haven’t done it for the record and I’m not going to do it so if it’s ever done it’s only because I just told you how to do it you know those um fast-food drive-throughs where you’ve got the I know fast-food drive-throughs you I’m familiar with specific ones where you order then you pay it the first window and then you drive to the second window and pick up your food the two windows I just think that you just parking them in the perfect spot let them order let them pay and then while they’re paying just get in there and pick it take their food free food for life man that’s what but that’s why the drive throughs are like totally like most of them are sealed off your king you can’t access that point you hand the person who’s paying a piece of encoded evidence that’s your weight and then you bring your motorcycle and look you can be in oh you could be in the car behind him honking the horn when they’re like what what I’m hurrying Oh hurry while they’re saying I’m hurrying I’m hurrying to you I’m scooping in front of them getting there like McNuggets or one okay this is okay here here’s my perfect crime you go to one dealership and you do a test drive of a car and then I go to another dealership and do a test drive of a car we test drive the exact same car and then we switch and put them with the other dealership it’s not really stealing it it’s just like is it the old switcheroo usually one bag of money Route one bag doesn’t I know this is just for fun this is just for kicks man let’s do it today I thought that mine was inconsequential but at least I get something out of the deal you know what time it is I’m captain Jung from Afghanistan I’m captain Jung from Kuwait and it’s time to spin the wheel of mythicality okay we’re gonna spend this great big green and white wheel of mythicality stick around for good mythical more that’s after this but it’s just more of this kind of a little bit you know hose hey everybody welcome to this episode of how to commit the perfect crime with your I have I’m your host Albert Einstein and you’re also Albert’s ba GRE never never before have there been two host of a show except American Idol but first you know what to know how this is going to work most gameshow we’re going to host this show for one year and then you’re gonna ask for a little bit more money you’re gonna get turned down and I’m gonna go on to have an amazing career as the host of this particular show what’s the name of the show my neighbors an ATF agent alcohol back firearms are you under the influence of tobacco T and ATF should be for texting who cares about the backhoe problems