today we discuss the rules of sharing food let’s talk about that good mythical morning thank you for sharing your life with us hmm done a segue into talking about sharing food sharing emphasis on sharing many a relationship has ended many a bar fight has started me because people don’t know how to share food hmm people get offended it’s a touchy subject I mean this is how we live sustenance and you have rules in your mind but it’s never established so I think that’s what we’re going to do now is we’re going to seek to establish the rules of food sharing at least attempt to I’m going to seem 8 8 you may take issue but link and I are kind of establishing some rules for our lives and us sharing food and then maybe or maybe not you’ll think that these are good ideas so let’s start with the food that is often shared nachos ok love the world over okay the first thing I got to say is if you order nachos you should know that what you’re saying is hey have some nachos I’m just gonna be honest with you nachos are meant to be shared not turns out for sharing write that on a shirt they’re the same ingredients that come in tacos or burritos but the taco and burrito creates a natural barrier that says this is mine I’m dividing up these ingredients with a tortilla putting them in my mouth everybody agrees on that but it’s how do you behave and what I’m saying some people order nachos and it’s like this is my meal well that’s stupid I’m just saying you got to be prepared you’re going to share those nachos when you order the nachos but how ok Jess the first thing you got to do is you have to match the pace you can’t outpace other people at the table I’m known for doing this I’m a big eater so I kinda have to look at how often arms are coming in and I got it so ok I’m going to wait for this on I’m gonna match the pace the second thing you got to do is you got to alternate between heavy nachos and light not chips you can’t be the jerk that goes in the middle of the pile each time you do that and then the next time you go back for the weak nacho then you go for the heavy nacho and the final thing is if you see someone going for a heavy nacho they grab a heavy nacho and in the process they pull other toppings off of other heavy nachos no oh well sorry and often they got a plate slap their hands you it is a totally acceptable to slap their hands to point them out to the rest of the table as an example like a grandma shows no I I think the biggest thing is don’t be touching the nacho that you’re not about to eat while getting the nacho you’re about the old touch the nacho that’s nacho nacho yeah that’s not your nacho nacho nacho nacho don’t touch put that on a bumper sticker um french fries now french fries are the most non most common non communal food that people think is communal you’re saying that it’s non communal no it’s the difference between fries and nachos is that they’re non communal I mean unless you buy them as an appetizer so that’s the exception but I mean if you go to like a fast food place you know how somebody’s always like can I get a fry or they just take a fry all right here’s what I propose are my rules you must never take someone else’s fry unless they offer okay good rule never take someone’s fry unless they offer rule number two you must never ask to take someone’s fry unless you’ve been in a relationship that’s been established for at least six months okay long-term relationships so so if you are relative you can ask if you if you’ve been dating for six months you can ask if you’re a friend has to be longer than six months you can ask and they can say no mmm but that’s a duck he’s touchy if they say no it is a little bit but I think that’s the rule and I think it’s on you you have to be will you have to be ready and okay with a no and that’s the third rule does this apply to baked potatoes I think because you think a baked potatoes are fat french fry it yes I guess my mind’s going because you see nobody wants to bake potato that’s where I’ve seen this is my baked potato can I have it and you have your baked potato eatle is like a big french fry okay I like your I like your french fry rules I’ll go with that ensure it applies to baked potato the last slice of pizza and I say this as a person who always without fail is the guy who wants the last slice of pizza hmm the first thing you guys want I want the last lesson don’t even you do even when you’re full I like to finish the pizza just to say it’s gone even if I’m totally stuffed and like it looks long Bunny’s got to eat it it needs to be eaten by me the first thing you got to say you got to know is if you want it then you have to ask you have to bring it up the last thing you can do is just go for the last that’s a that’s a bad sneak just go for you can’t go for the sneak take away you have to say hey guys there’s one you announced it to the table hey there’s one more slice of pizza does anybody want it at that moment you’ve put yourself out there there’s a risk somebody might say yeah I do and you’re like well obviously I asked the question meaning I want it to that’s when the counting game comes in counting games this is what we do at my house does anybody want this slice of pizza I’m a count to five Locke says you don’t get in five seconds it’s mine no no no no you’ll understand in a second okay says yes I say how many slices of pizza have you had he says oh four I say I’ve had three and then I take it even if I had five my line I’d say three and good no no no so you have to establish if I’ve had five he said four okay case closed he gets if we both have had the same amount of pizza then you can entertain splitting the piece but what about taking into account size of the person that does not matter size of the person does not matter I mean you can’t it gets really complicated where you gonna bring a scale to every meal oh I’m taller than you I weigh more than you this is about how many pieces of piece yeah you don’t want to be waving people to figure out who the alternative method equally valid is just to wait for 10 minutes without saying anything and at that point you can do the sneak attack I’ve done it before nobody says anything they don’t care ten minutes they don’t they’re digesting they move on dessert last lights of peace so how do you know how do you how do they know you’ve been waiting if you’re staring at it for ten minutes because then you can just be sneaky sneaky stop watch so you’ve got a stopwatch and then at the door just your phone you show them the stopwatch up no no do i bill it for ten minutes no and that’s why I now have the piece I’m saying I’ve studied humans long enough to know if you wait 10 minutes for anything they’d forgotten and moved on like I do not apply to baked potatoes uh okay I’m on board with that now I’m going to move to divided candies now this is like twigs or Ricci cups or KitKat I don’t know if I say Ricci cup that’s how I say Reese’s Cup so think it’s odd mcclee but whatever I know what you’re talking about these are deceptive because they seem like they were designed for sharing but no they are not designed for sharing and I’m I’m going to propose we apply all of my rules for french fries to the seemingly shareable non shareable candies as well but I’m going to add some stipulations obviously you can never just take one but you can never ask foot to take one of the KitKat’s unless you’ve been a relationship for over a year and the relationship has to be in good standing you can’t be in the middle of a fight with your girlfriend and asking for that because that’s going to put it over the edge got to be in a relationship of good standing plus you have to negotiate something something that you give back at a later date you now owe that person something because they given you 50% of something that was totally theirs there needs to piece of candy there needs to be a negotiation it’s it’s kind of like loaning somebody with his king size you can’t have a whole king size to yourself unless you’re the king alright nine you are the Surfing nine months relationship in semi good standing okay for a huge KitKat for a king size okay I the thing I disagree about that one is those candies like the slogans have to do with break up break me off a piece like it’s kind of like a shareable thing but it’s just marketing dude I’m not gonna try to take yours just market if I get a peanut butter cup you can have one of mine half a one half half a one but I’ll owe you something okay and that’s okay and finally ice cream ice cream is something that people share a lot and is typically done between families I don’t really think about ice cream being shared a lot no in a restaurant you get you get like the sundae and you start sharing the ice cream oh yeah I get uncomfortable this is this happens all the time families totally okay a spoon for everybody you all share I think BFFs that you can share ice cream is not really that big of a deal but not only exclusive relationships not open relationships so if you’re just kind of casually dating somebody you think there might be somebody on the side you cannot share ice cream with that person ice cream sharing there’s like it’s always so wet nasty that there’s like a saliva exchange that inevitably happens and this is like a committed relationship kind of thing I I think you’re dancing around something but I’m gonna I’m gonna simplify it all for you I think you’re overthinking a little bit I will propose that the only rule for sharing ice cream needs to be if you’re not will to make out with this person you shouldn’t share ice cream with them what about BFFs man I’m gonna kiss you butt out cheer ice cream I will not I will not share I didn’t have a herpes breakout I will not share ice cream with anyone that I’m not willing to make out with okay well then what get your own Bowl for you and the only thing I think that’s the best what you are sharing what do you don’t you think okay it’s fine but if you’re sharing with a good people who all are going to agree they are going to disagree people agree who they are going to share at that point it’s like there’s a pie drawn over the ice cream and you have to stick on your side if there’s a family of four you take a quarter you do not reach into momma’s ice cream you do not reaching the daddies ice cream you don’t reach into little brothers ice cream you have your ice cream I don’t care what toppings are on it don’t reach across the ice cream too heavy-handed okay I’ll loosen up a little if you’re not comfortable kissing them not making out like a relative that you would kiss you can share their eyes I kissed you through glass does that count I don’t want do you want to share ice cream no I do not want to I’m just trying to be consistent with my rules so if you okay I mean let us know what you think in the comments okay you can invent your own rules for different type of foods thanks for sharing this episode with us and liking and commenting you want time Italy where as an ethical beast from Utah and we’re a mystic on 2014 it’s Friday we’ve got an all-new ear biscuit that’s our podcast and our special guest this week is Devin Supertramp he gave us what I believe the most surprising story we ever received in ear biscuits history surprising I was surprised by a story he told us click through to good mythical more I have some blanket food sharing rules that I have yet to share this is at link gets incredibly hungry oh you okay oh I see some hitting you some room oh you got a hernia no appendicitis so worms aliens and aliens gonna pop out and aliens gonna pop out what might Wow that’s it that’s the only guesses that I’ve got I’m just hungry professor links six blanket rules to cover everything else that you could possibly eat but it doesn’t cover eating blankets because who are we kidding but nobody eats blankets