Welcome to Good Mythical More. Let’s see what milk or milk alternative makes the best milk mustache. But first, let’s donate $1,000 to 350.org to aid in their mission to end the age of fossil fuels and build a world of community led, renewable energy for all. Please join us in giving at 350.org/donate. Yeah. Not donut. Slash donate. All right, now we’re gonna be able to test two different types of milk mustaches. One on a mustache-less man and one on a mustached man. This is gonna get gross, man. How are you going to un-mustache between rounds? Are you ready for this? I’ve got a paper towel roll. Or do you just wanna fill up your glass of water and just dip it into it? Oh God, ugh no. I think you’ll need to do that first because then you’ll be. Well, I’ll do that. You gotta be ready for that. I mean, that’s like cleaning a paintbrush in a water can. After a while you gotta change out the water. So we did an extra round, exclusive to the Mythical society, where we tasted, it was a bonus round, we tasted nine milks just straight up. Well, nine milk alternatives, and determined, blindly, which one we each liked. And, do we wanna tell them? It was well, it’s the journey, not the destination, but the destination was, I picked soy. And I picked oat. So- And it was a strong choice for both of us. For both of us. So it really, it just goes to show you, how much of a soy boy I can be. And, where is that? Okay, so soy is right here, oat is right here. These are our favs. And you know what? Soy was definitely my second fav, and they had similar characteristics. They kind of are the same color, like they’re a little bit like off-white. Looking at this right now, They stink too. The soy has more bubbles in it, I don’t know if that’s just, how recently it was poured. Might have been a hard pour. Now. We can’t do heavy cream first. That’s last, we gotta start down here. Let’s start with whole milk. This is a good spot. You wanna- I’ll be the front. We’ll keep that. You’ll be the back. Are you actually drinking it or are you just gonna touch it to your stache? Look at that. I could be in a commercial. I’m getting nothing. Like, there’s just a little hint with me, right? Yeah, well, in those milk mustache commercials, They paint it on. They paint it on. Cause this is whole milk. Boy, this is a treat. Oh, wow. If Christy goes outta town. There’s a lot of milk. I’m making a beeline to the grocery, getting me some whole milk and three different types of cereal. And they’ll all be gone before she gets home. Do y’all not keep regular milk in your fridge? Mm-mm. My kids, Locke, will not drink anything but regular milk. Shepherd- We have 2%. Oh, I thought you were saying that you don’t do regular milk in general. You don’t do whole milk, yeah. We usually use 2%. I feel like every household must be divided. Is there a household that is on the same wavelength with the dairy? We only get 2%. Oh, you don’t have any alternatives in your house? No. Yeah we have, Oh. We have oat, we have coconut, which is what Shepherd likes, I don’t like coconut. Really? And we have regular and usually we have 2% and whole. I guess sometimes we’ll get whole milk. We have to get the small ones because there’s like four different milks in this one section. Who drinks the whole milk? Locke does and then we put whole milk in the coffee machine. The ones that makes the lattes. Okay. The ones that makes the lattes. I can’t do the dairyness of, it just, the aftertaste of dairy. You don’t like it? I really don’t like it. Cassie has 2% milk in the fridge because if I wasn’t there she’d have whole milk but I’ve convinced her not to have whole milk. That’s what I, yeah. I have almond milk. Makes me feel less guilty, it’s less fatty. Maybe I should try- Skimmed kinda does it. Oat milk though. Nothing for me. I like oat milk. Again, I don’t think I ever tried soy milk until. Today. The cinnamon toast crunch. So what kind of milk do you have? It’s a revelation. Do you drink? Almond milk. Almond. I know I can’t drink too much cause you overload on the estrogen. And I don’t drink it, by the way, You don’t just get a glass of milk? No, and I don’t put it in my coffee either, the only time I use it is for cereal. Wow, so you go pretty slow. I’m getting no, I’m just getting a little Hitler mustache, man. I don’t want that. I don’t want milk to give me a Hitler. That’s true. Yeah. There’s a number of reasons you don’t want that. Rice is the- I can’t think of one reason I would want that. Rice is the. I don’t think there are any. The most watery milk. It’s like, it looks like- It kind of feels like it shouldn’t exist. 0% milk. Soy milk, your favorite. Yeah come on stache me. It makes a pretty good stache. I’m just not, am I staching? Not really man, that’s kind of a disappointment. I’m really disappointed in you. It’s good though. What do you put in your coffee Stevie? Just stevia. Which I also know- Staying loyal to the brand huh? Well no, it’s not brand. Stevie? Oh oh, oh, oh. I thought you were like, oh promoting a brand on here. I also am embarrassed by that though. I don’t like, I don’t like that about myself either. What, that there’s a sweetener named after you? No, that I just put a stevia in my coffee. I don’t know. It doesn’t sound cool. I don’t put any sweetener in my coffee. I just want to like, yeah. I wanna drink coffee black or like, that sounds cool. When you say that you drink coffee black. That sounds. I’ve tried. I’ve tried for two reasons. It does sound cool. Because it sounds cool. And also it’s better for you. But saying you’re drinking coffee in a certain way to sound cool does not sound cool. Well, that’s just being honest though. Yeah I’m just saying it’s embarrassing to me that I’ve chosen the route that I’ve chosen for myself. Because you don’t like it. Drink it. I do like it, but I don’t like saying it. Just yourself be, if you go to one of those coffee shops that like a pour over place. Goat. Like Intelligencia and they’re like, we have this special Ethiopian so and so. Oh you could not there. I would never express that I wanted. It’s the best so far Any sweetener in my coffee- I got a goat stache. Hold on, so you don’t put anything cause I’ll. No, I just take it. I’ll still take it and go over to the cream table and put a little cream. I don’t care. No, no, no. What they’ve done, I’m like cause it’s gonna make it taste better. Oh no, I just. You go to the cream table? I wouldn’t risk it. After what? Like Intelligencia. Oh yeah, oh yeah. No matter how good the coffee is. Oh yeah. I’ll get the like, this is $8 for two ounces. I’ll be like, okay well I’ll take that but I’m still putting cream in it. Goat is the first one to give me a stache. You like? Man, how do goats make their milk taste like a barn yard? Like how come that doesn’t happen with cows? Cows are also in the barn yard. But like how come they didn’t? They shoot them full of stuff, RBHT. No but I’m saying, if you go back in the day and there’s just cows and goats on a farm. I get that. And they’re bringing them in to milk them. The goats are gonna taste like, oh man that tastes like a goat smells. You know what I’m saying? But cows, it’s just a pristine thing that’s happening. And we buy the milk that’s like the cow friendlier milk and it’s without the stuff in it that you pay more for. But I can’t tell the difference. It’s grass fed 10% in my fridge. You can’t taste the difference. I guess that’s another, what the? Okay, so we had this in the bonus round. Did not know what it was. I’m afraid to go back there. How do you milk a camel? Oh gosh. Talk about this is, this is really barn yard. Wow it is, it’s a next level of barn yard. And it’s weird because camels are not in the barn yard, they’re just in the desert. It makes a pretty good milk mustache though. Not as good as goat. Goat’s the best for you for just an average man with no mustache. I’m not an average, man. I mean, in this context is what I’m saying. And here we go. The granddaddy of them all. If heavy cream don’t do it, it can’t be done. Yeah. Did I get it? Mm-hm. Put me in a magazine. Look at me. Honestly, that’s impressive. I wasn’t thinking it was gonna be that dark. Like that looks like you could be in a commercial. Yeah this looks like, they wouldn’t do it with a mustache cause it’s too gross. Look at that. I gotta clean myself. And I can like give it a little divot, in the middle. It actually you, oh gosh. How thin? You actually, you did too much. I think I know I did a little too much but- Oh gosh there’s so much cream in my mustache Like a Tom Selleck. It was like cleaning a paintbrush. I mean. I’m gonna do a soul patch too, or maybe just a goatee. Heavy cream is so great though. Oh gosh, what’s happening there? Put him in a magazine. Look at that. Look at me. You’re going to be mean now. I look like Colonel Sanders. And it’s just gonna say soy boy . This is heavy cream. Heavy cream boy. I got a little dollar from my. And then I kind of want to kind of want to connect it. Okay, now you’re basically just drawing on yourself. While you’re doing that, I wanna remind you about our Amazon store, amazon.com/mythical where you can get logo wear, classic designs, exclusive designs and grooming products. You can get it all quickly with prime shipping, amazon.com/mythical. Hey look mom, I’m in the nineties. You look like the just for men commercial guys, you know. The before. The before, yeah. Yeah. Or like a youth pastor. Like if Santa Claus was a youth pastor before he was Santa Claus. I’m gonna get the sides. Do you know before I was delivering presents to everyone, I was just a youth pastor in Tennessee. Nice, it’s got a refreshing feel to it too. It’s probably good for your skin, I would think it is. You can’t beat heavy cream. You know that’s what Wilber was bathed in before the the shows. Some pig. Wilber, the shows? Before his shows. Charlotte’s Web? Yeah, Wilber. He was bathed in cream. I didn’t read that one very closely. Need mythical merch in a hurry? Well try amazon.com/mythical for grooming, logo wear and reissued designs delivered with Prime shipping.