Welcome to “Good Mythical Moore.” What would we be willing to do if faced with the, just the impossible choices of being on “Jackass.” The impossible choices. Man. So we’re gonna pick. We’re gonna pick… What? Two different scenarios, things that happen on “Jackass,” and we have to pick which one we wanted to do. You didn’t really explain that well. I mean, usually I just let you just do it and don’t say anything, but I’m saying that didn’t really… No one really understood what you’re gonna say. So now They’re here for whatever, they’re up for whatever. Let’s take a new selfie face. My teeth will outlive me. My teeth will outlive me. So is this the thought or or is this the demonstration of said thing? I can’t even get my teeth to be shown. I don’t know. I’m kind of over the selfie face. Yeah, me too. You know, it’s like, what do we what, my teeth are gonna outlive me. Yeah. Right. Oh, now you guys are so cool now that you’re friends with Steve-O, huh? Yeah. Yeah. Too good for the selfie face now, huh? Three, three super extreme guys. There’s three guys hanging out talking about all the cool stuff they’ve done. Yep. I did this. He did that, and you did that. And then we’re all, we’re all relating to each other. Yeah. Like never, we’ll never be the same. Now- And we will never be like, Steve-O. Here’s the thing, we’ve talked about this before, I don’t actually, I don’t talk often about my love for “Jackass”, but I do love it. That was not, I wasn’t just when I said the thing where I was like, I’m a huge fan in particular, it wasn’t just a bit I was doing. No, it wasn’t. It was legitimate. No, it wasn’t. And also having boys, a 13 year old currently, like Shepherd, and I have just rediscovered or I have rediscovered “Jackass” by watching him discover it. For the first time. And there’s nothing like going and watching a “Jackass” movie in the theater. Like that’s, I mean, we haven’t even gone back and watched like, the original, like first run of MTV stuff, but, Whew. I- It’s just so they’re, they’re just, I mean I tried to watch one with Lincoln and like I just couldn’t do it. I, I couldn’t stick with it. Like 15 minutes in, I was like 15 minutes in? I was like, I was like, Oh, I’m just, I, It’s too visceral. It’s too visceral. Everything felt like it was gonna, I don’t know. I just felt, I just didn’t feel healthy. I’ve never been present- Lincoln didn’t, either. in a movie theater where the audience was reacting that loudly to everything including laughing. Like, you know, sometimes you go to a funny movie and like there’s moments where everyone’s laughing at a “Jackass” movie in like the first week or the first weekend it comes out. The, the amount of laughter. It’s a party. It’s anarchy. It’s crazy. It’s crazy. It’s so worth it. It’s so life giving! So would you do it? All right, Stevie, let’s hear it. No I wouldn’t do it. I think it’s also like, Give us our choices your body’s natural reaction to trying to like, make things okay. You know, like if you’re like, ah, you’re like, “Okay, that that has released a little bit of tension inside of me.” Yeah. There’s something cathartic about watching it. You walk outta there just thinking “I’m glad I wasn’t in that movie.” You know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah yeah. Yeah. And the cool thing about the new ones is they bring in other celebrities to show up to be a part of it. Like, who’s a comedian? Andre Eric Andre Who’s a comedian? Who’s the comedian, Eric Andre. Eric Andre shows up. He doesn’t even realize, he knows the whole time that I might be the subject of a prank. But like, they get him, he walks up to the, spoiler alert, he walks up to just to get coffee on set and this giant airbag explodes in his face and knocks him back on his, and it’s just like that’s what you’re signing up for if you show up. So, I don’t ever want to show up. You know, what, what would happened in my back if that happened to me? Yeah. I mean, I’d be out for weeks. So if you had to choose, give us the first two options. Okay. So these are “would you rather” scenarios. Would you rather get a tooth pooled by string attached to a Lamborghini Cool. Or. Lambo Put a toy car in your butt and go to the doctor for a butt x-ray. It’s easy choice for me, little car butt X-ray. Yeah. I’m going to toy car in the buttocks. I, I have always, like, every tooth that I had to lose was a nightmare for me. Like, I could not stand trying to pull my teeth or letting somebody else pull my teeth. Why not? I mentioned we’re talking about an adult tooth. We’re not talking about a baby tooth. I know, I’m, I can like my baby teeth I would just let them fall out. Like I could not bring myself to pull ’em out. I didn’t have trouble with that, but I I just don’t wanna have to get rid of my teeth. And they didn’t specify the size of the car so it could be Micro Machines. Remember Micro Machines? Oh, I thought you were, I was like, yeah it’s a Lamborghini, but yeah, the toy, the toy car. Yeah, it could be like a Matchbox situation. And there’s some embarrassment, I mean, to like have to get it removed, but they see that every day, all day. There’s something going on down there. Doctor, tell me what it is. I sat on a, I was just sitting on some my kids’ toys by accident. Yeah. Like that’s what they always say. I’ve talked to many doctors about this. So, okay- This is how I enjoy NASCAR. Back to your baby teeth situation. So, you like, when they got like super dangly and like- Just string of gum. They were just like hanging on by a thread. You were just like, I’m gonna, like did you ever swallow a tooth? Like I don’t understand. No but- At what point would you pull? You had to pull at some point? No, he would literally let it fall out or come out like a piece of food. He would eat, I would be eating or something So it would like surprise you. Yeah. I’d be eating or something. Huh. I have- Stuff like that. Like, like pulling, pulling teeth. Getting my toenails trimmed. Oh yeah, that’s, they’re in the same category. Getting your toenails trimmed implies it’s a passive activity. You know, getting your teeth extracted, pedicures, that kind of stuff. Yeah. I had to be held down to have my toenails trimmed as a kid. For some reason, I have this memory of an older kid in school riding in the back of a school bus who had just, because I remember as a kid, like when you lost a tooth you could like celebrate it. Yeah. And I remember this kid had pulled out their tooth and then their head was like outside of the window of the school bus and they were like excited that they had pulled out their tooth, but it was like not the time for it to come out. And there was just like this blood situation. Yeah. The gap, the blood gap. Yeah. And that- Oh gosh. That’s like burned into my memory Oh gosh. of just this kid doing that. I’ve never had my wisdom teeth removed for the same reason. I still have ’em. I mean, those are a little bit different. They didn’t show. It’s a little bit different. Okay. Toy car in the butt Definitely. Is what you’ve chosen. Yeah. That’s an easy one. Definitely. Would you rather play beehive tether ball or ride in a locked limo full of bees? Wow. Wow. Okay. So you’re hitting a hive. With your hand not with a stick. Yeah, with your hand. And staying there. I would be- Like you don’t get to just bail. That’s the thing about these guys, they just don’t bail out. I think a limo is better cuz you’re just like, I, I’m, I don’t know what it is about bees, but I just believe if I keep cool and still, I’m not gonna get stung. Well that’s the, I mean the reason I have a fear of bees is because people told me that when I was a kid and then I still got stung several times. And so I was just like, y’all are lying these things are out to kill me. So what are you choosing? Yeah. I mean it still has to be the limo, right? In the limo you’re trapped inside a closed space. Yeah. With these bees. But they’re gonna protect that hive. Yeah, but you can keep hitting it back to the other guy. And they’re gonna be more aggressive. That’s the thing about it. You keep hitting it back to the other guy. Yeah, but every time you hit it, it comes back around to you. Yeah, but then the next thing they know the hive is at the other guy and they think he did it. and then he hits it back to you. I know it goes both ways, but I don’t know. I’m doing tether ball because I’m outside. You know what else goes both ways? I feel more in control. I don’t know, do you? No, I’m, I’m asking the question. No, I asked the question. Oh, I’m listening for the answer. Don’t have one. Are you just trying to get people on Tumblr to have something to talk about today? Yeah, man. Okay. Tumblr’s a desolate, desolate place these days. No, it’s very active. Is it? It’s very active. I don’t know. Alright. I’m choosing the limo. Okay, your splitsies then. and I’m just gonna sit, sit there. Would you rather collect a sperm sample from a horse or- Yeah. Yeah, I don’t need another option. I mean, this is a profession. Oh, I thought you said this is a professional and I was confused because I don’t believe the horse was a professional. No. Link’s a professional at extracting… out of Okay, I’ll, I’m gonna give you the other option even though you didn’t ask for it. Or get punched by an MMA fighter in the junk while wearing an athletic cup. Oh, the horse. Yeah, and you could wear a lab coat, goggles, gloves. You can make it very, very medical. You can separate yourself from the situation. Very scientific. You could be like, this is just a shake weight. This is just a shake weight. This is just a shake weight. Oh really? You have to go about it that way? Oh, I’m, I was thinking are you touching it? Are you like putting up some sort of machine to it? Definitely, if you’re putting- I feel like at some point we, for some reason were Thought about doing this on an episode. Yeah, well I thought that it was more of a, Oh no I think maybe I’m thinking of the insemination of the female horse where you have like a really long glove. Yeah. Okay, well, yeah, Matt would like to clarify this is, this is what you were envisioning though. Something I cannot say right now Right. It is a manual, with the hand, Yes. manipulation situation. I’m not gonna get punched in the face. I’m not gonna get punched in the, it’s in the junk by the way. An mm MMA fighter punching you in the junk. I tend to think about that junk is my face sometimes. Getting punched in any, anywhere by anyone at this point in my life is just not, I just not an option. There’s been a change. There’s, there’s been an update. You’re changing the hypothetical? Well, yes, because that was the first part of the hypothetical, I suppose. The second part of the sperm sample hypothetical, not hypothetical they actually did this, was you, you drink it. They? They actually did this? Yes. Who’s they? Oh yeah, “Jackass”. I forgot they did all this. Oh my gosh. Have you not been thinking about that the whole time? They drank it? Yeah, they- No, I forgot that they were involved. Yeah. They have a lot of fun with animal semen. Oh my gosh. In general. Oh my gosh. See? See you’re, you They’ll sit somebody down for like a, on the fly interview. Like one of the cast members. Like, Hey, we’re gonna interview you about the, you know about the movie that we’re making or whatever. And then they’ll just dump pig semen on his head while it’s happening. I love it. I am the target audience, and listen, there’s a lot of us. You think we’re crazy? There’s a lot of us. So are we sticking with the horse here? Getting punched in the junk by an MMA fighter? And then what? I can drink the semen. I’ll do it. I’ve had, I’ve had cod sperm before. [Crew member] I can drink the sperm. You know, I’ve had fish, sperm before. I’s different when it’s on land, man. I know it’s different. It’s closer, to like mammal. It’s different. It’s different in a pasture. Did you have cod sperm thrown on your head? I feel like maybe you did. No, I ate it. I know that. But it’s, it’s, we’ve used it a couple times. But it doesn’t seem like it’s different. It’s like packages. Sure. Yeah. It’s different. You know, some, I’m realizing now, the first thing I think and feel when watching a “Jackass” movie is just like nauseous. In the 15 minutes that you’ve watched. Yeah. And then after that it’s just like I just kind of, I just want, I feel sleepy. Like I just want to escape. I want to take a nap. I just feel really- The only man who ever slept through a Jackass movie. I feel like I need to sleep right now. I just need to forget. You’re shutting down that’s what’s happening. All of this You’re shutting down. Take a nice little nap. Okay. Would you rather- did you say take a nice little bath? Nap! Oh. Oh, okay. Cause that’s weird. Go into a hardware store dressed in an orange prison jumpsuit and handcuffs and try to get someone in the store to help you saw the handcuffs off. Okay. Or get into a ball pit laden with anacondas? Laden with anacondas? Are there still balls? Yeah. Yeah. Like an anaconda don’t want none unless you got buns. So it’s a ball pit that’s got a bunch of anacondas laden in it. I mean, this one seems pretty clear to me. Are you questioning it? I would totally, I would totally go to the hardware store. This is, this is easy. And that’s coming from the Serpent King. I think it’s all about the fact that it would be being done as part of a filmed prank. Obviously, the people in the hardware store wouldn’t know, but like, there’s a moment of embarrassment, but then after that it’s like, Oh, this was a joke. You know, sign this release. You know, it’s, they’re doing things on the up and up. It’s legit. So, but if you told me I had to do that and it wasn’t a part of a production? That feels different. Why? What are you afraid of? Like, you just send me, like I have to drive to the hardware store. No one’s going, no one’s filming it. No one’s there to be there when I go outside. That feels different. There’s no crew. Does that not feel different to you? Yeah, but what- I still think I’d prefer it over the ball pit. But if I, if I told you, you’re gonna dress up like you’re an escaped prisoner. You’ve got the handcuffs on you’ve gotta go to this hardware store and it’s a part of a bit and we’re filming it. Sure, sure. That’s easy. But if I’m like, drive to Palmdale right now and do this and report back. Did you say drive to Palmdale? I said drive to Palmdale. Whenever I think about driving to a far away place, Palmdale is the first thing that comes to mind. Drive to Palmdale. I mean, to be clear, we said hardware store, not Palmdale. I know. But it just also sounds like a very California place. Palmdale? Huh? Close to the prison. Yeah. Right. See? Oh, the prison’s down there? Close proximity to a prison. So I, I still would drive to Palmdale. I’m fine with it. And you’re saying it feels different. I’m fine with it. I’m fine with it. Okay. Then do it next week. We will arrange it, but we will not take a camera. Oh. Hey, wanna remind you, go to votelikeabeast.com. This is a site that we set up just to mobilize and engage you in, in voting, because midterm elections coming up November 8th here in the us. So, gonna be voting for some crucial spots. Congress, governors, special elections. We want you to vote like a beast. And that means to vote with an informed perspective. So, if you go to votelikeabeast.com tell ’em what they get! Eh eh eh, I’m trying to speak Tell ’em what they get? You can also check your voting status, you can register there if you need to, and you can stay informed about the midterm elections. Understand- We’re also selling some stickers over there. How you want to vote. Some vote like a beast stickers, and then 100% of the profits are going directly to our partners over at vote.org. So hey, be your mythical best. Support a great cause and exercise your right to vote! votelikeabeast.com. Okay, now you vote. Would you rather intentionally give yourself paper cuts on the corners of your mouth? Oh, I hate that. Or let a mini alligator bite your nipple. So they did that paper cuts in the corner of their mouths? Yes, that’s the game! This is such a small one. When you say mini alligator, do you mean like a species like a dwarf species of alligator or do you mean a baby alligator? I believe, I mean, baby aligator. it’s probably a baby alligator. I don’t wanna. I almost fell off my chair. There’s a lot more variables with the alligator. You know, how much of the nipple’s gonna come off? How, how hard of a bite is it gonna be, you know? Paper cut’s gonna be very unpleasant for a short period of time. Yeah. But it’s just a nice clean- But then it’s over. It’s over and you might have a bad couple of days. Oh gosh. Paper cut. Paper cut to the mouth. You know, one of the most painful things I’ve experienced as a kid was, the paper cut reminds me of just having like a cut in a crevice. A crevice cut they call that. On the back of my ear. I had, I don’t know what it was, but it was like some skin problem. And once it starts, man, And the whole back of my ear started, like, it would, it was like a, it was like a gouged out ditch that- Your ear was detaching itself. That just oozed and it was so painful. I don’t know what caused it, but we had to get like, and I might have been both of them, had to get special medicine and like put it on like ointment on the back of my ear. How old were you? And even, I was probably like seven, eight. And then it was like, it would come around the bottom and it was, Was it like chickenpox related? It was probably a bacterial infection. It must have been something like that. That was like some anti-bacterial ointment. Something, I don’t, I don’t know. It’s like my mom, you know, she worked in the medical field. She knew what she had access. She had some doctor connection. She gave him a pamphlet and said take this into the closet and read it. And it’s like- Figure out how to fix your ears. I just remember if I pull my ear out I could feel it like- It was wanting to go Break open. It was wanting to go. And ooze like a tree sap! You know if you get those little like get those little crevice cuts in the con corners of your mouth? You know how that kind of- Oh, I need to take a nap. That’s like a vitamin deficiency thing. Potentially. Look into it y’all. You get that? Maybe a little, maybe a little Googling will help you. You go into your closet and Google it up. We’ll send you a pamphlet. Go to votelikeabeast.com to check your voting status, register if you need to, and stay informed for the midterm elections.