Welcome to Good Mythical More. We’re going to taste these protein bars and rank them by protein content using nothing but our mouth experiences. Oh. Yeah, we’ve got a lot of mouth experience. But first, secret handshake. I’ll just, well, my hand’s a little sweaty today, so, I’m gonna just kinda lodge this paper towel in there for you. That’s part of it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That’s part of my secret handshake, is just to kinda just. And I’m going with the left hand. Okay. Alright. Boop. Boop. Oh my gosh, why is your hand I can smell the, I can feel the. You can smell it? You can’t smell it. I can feel the dampness, dude. It’s just, I mean, sometimes it flows, sometimes it doesn’t. It’s one of those days? That’s a good flow, I’m having a heavy flow day. Heavy flow. Okay. Wow. It’s nothing to be embarrassed about. I know, you’re not embarrassed. It’s nothing to be embarrassed about. But, I mean, it’s, it’s, wow, Rhett. I mean, that, it is pretty amazing. Can I? You don’t even know. This is not, this is, this is one, you’re very much exaggerating. This is one tenth of what I would have had in high school. Do you remember? I never touched your hands in high school. Like, it’s not even, it’s not even really shining. Like, in high school, this would be active. I could sit there and I could gather a drop in the middle of my hand. – [Stevie] Is it because you’re so nervous to be on Good Mythical Morning? Yes, that’s what I get nervous about. Well, what do you, what do you think triggers it? Cause you’re not, it’s not nerves. Did you see how excited I was getting over there with the bidding? You think that, you think that was it? You think there was some sort of like subconscious adrenaline? Yeah, my forehead is sweating too. Like I’m like, look at that. It’s a little warm in here. That’s cool, man. Yeah, that’s cool. Yeah, you really, Rhett really got worked up. You know how hard I was gripping that gavel? That’s good. We kind of abandoned the secret handshake, but I mean, I think something more important happened. I’m not a fan of protein bars. Can I just say that? I just, I think there are better ways to get protein. Can I just make an announcement? Like what? Meat. – [Stevie] I just went down like a protein bar research hole recently. I kind of agree with you. And protein powder. Are they not supposed to, is it not as good for your body? – [Stevie] I think that there’s a lot of stuff in the protein bars that are super process. Yeah. – [Stevie] And so if you’re like a person that like wants clean ingredients and is doing like a whole 30 thing or something like that. Okay. – [Stevie] It’s not, it, it’s more of a shortcut than anything else. Like you get the protein, but it’s, there’s other stuff inside. You put protein powder in your shake? Yeah. I put, because that’s where, I mean that, that’s the processed protein that I eat, is like a protein. I put Ka’Chava, not a sponsor. In my, protein. That’s my protein powder. How much protein does it have in a scoop? How many grams? 20. Yeah, so you’re about, you’re about, that’s like, that’s like a, that’s like a, I mean, mine is like 25. Yeah, it’s like a protein powder. But today we’re going with this and, I mean, you want me just to, yeah, if you could slice all of them for us. That one came out. With your new knives. Stevie could have prevented this. Hey, hey, hey. Look at that, a nice little. The thing is is that, you don’t have to be so aggressive with it like, like, it doesn’t. Look at that. I’ve made it. – [Rhett] You’re only endangering yourself. I’ve made enough, but then if I gesture with it, then you start to be endanger. Who gets pleasure out of this? This one looks nice. Who gets pleasure out of it? Out of? You doing that. You? No. I take no pleasure in making the people around me afraid and on edge. This one’s not bad. – [Stevie] Did you establish that you’re ranking these by your guess at the protein content? If you did, I’m saying it again, but that’s the, that’s what you’re trying to decide. This one actually doesn’t taste bad, and so I think it. It’s peanut butter. It doesn’t have much protein in it. Peanut butter, chocolate. So, this is the low side? Yeah. That’s pretty good. So I’m gonna leave that up there so we can taste it later. What is this one? This one right here, B, this one looks like a, a granola bar type top. And then you’ve got some sort of. Yogurt. Yogurt bottom. Can you slice it for us? Oop, that’s the wrong side of the knife. That could have totally come across and chopped my finger off. Yeah. This is, or is it? Both sides are sharp. Cool. So you can, you can put it in and then twist it. Don’t grab, just, just, just leave it out. Just leave it out. Cut more. How would I even? It doesn’t matter. It is sharp on both sides, right? Yeah, I’m not, no, I’m not gonna do that. I just want you to cut it. Using our table as a cutting board once again. You should have been at the party I was at last night in my dream, dude. Oh, God. ((Laughing)) Ooh, lemon bar. This is strange. What happened at your party? Because now you’re making me remember a dream I had. Tell your dream. I was the last one there. The sun came up. You shut down a party? I shut it down. Were you DJing it? No. Sadly. There were executives there. What kind of executives? Business executives. Like bankers? Yeah, but like, cool, open collared bankers. Ooh! You know, after hours bankers. So tellers? Yeah, they were tellers. I don’t like this at all. – [Stevie] Wait, and you were by, you went to the party of the bank tellers by yourself, and then you stayed until you’re the only one there, and that was the dream? Yeah, and it was at a big facility that was like, it was, it was like a business park. Like a downtown business park, you know how you walk in between some businesses and there’ll be like, some skyscrapers and there’ll be like little, a little business park. Lots of concrete, maybe a few trees. They strung up some lights. Wow. I kept going to new places, and people were on stuff, didn’t know what they were on, but they were, it was strange, and. We may have had a crossover dream. You made the, you, you’re saying that has less protein, I agree. You’re not interested in the fact that I just said, what I just said? No, no, I’m, having parallel conversations. And I’m also wielding a knife. I believe that we may have entered the same. And I have a second knife. We may have entered the same dream world last night. So, you went to a party? Not a party, you were at the party, and that’s why I didn’t see you. I was visiting, a, what do you call a non-residential building? A business park. What do you call it? – [Crew Member] Commercial. Commercial. Commercial building. Me and, me and you and Stevie and Flanagan. Okay. We’re walking around someone’s commercial building and they were basically saying that like, you know, we’re moving out of here. We’re gonna lease it. And it was six stories. Mythical becomes a skyscraper, y’all. It was six stories, and it had so, it was like, we were like, I don’t know if we should do this. Like, this doesn’t seem wise, but then we were like, yeah, we should do it. Was the real estate agent? Apparently, you were also out at the party in the business park next to it. Yeah, I was testing out the nightlife component to our new high rise. And then, Ben was there. And, Ben was like, I need my office on the top floor. ((Laughing)) Because. Of course he did. Because he was like, because I don’t want anyone banging on the, he was like, I can’t have anybody above me. For sound. Yeah. ((Laughing)) And so I was like, alright. We gotta go to the penthouse. Penthouse suite. It was a beautiful building. This looks like a Little Debbie snack cake, but it is, it’s as dense as a cinder block. So, to answer your question. Yes, there’s I. – [Crew] Oh, no. This is, this is how my granddad. You’re cutting it like a piece of cheese on a fishing trip. Yeah, yeah, my granddad would cut cheese on a fishing trip. See, I’m actually, I’m pretty good with this knife. Yeah, let’s see how long it holds up Is it washed? – [Rhett] You talking about the bar or the knife? You’re trying to say anything to get me to stop. So it’s porous, very porous. Oh, it’s got that, it’s like a Rice Krispies center. I feel comfortable with the order that we currently have them in. Yeah. Ooh, that’s horrible. That’s tough. Tastes real bad. That is tough. So, we’re gonna leave that there. We’re gonna move on to, Stevie, did you have a dream related to any sort of, like, business park? – [Stevie] You know what? I was, like, back here kind of jealous because I, I can’t remember the last time I had, like, a dream that I can actually remember. Sometimes it’s nice. You gotta, you gotta, you know how you do it, though. You are having dreams, you’re just not remembering. – [Stevie] Yeah. You gotta start journaling your dreams, and then you’ll start remembering all of them. And then maybe you can join us in our business dream. – [Stevie] Yeah, that’s what I’d like to do is dream about work. ((Laughing)) Well, we’re shopping for like, would you want to work in a high-rise? That’d be cool. This is like cookie dough, impersonator. It’s pretty high, but not as high as that. I dream about work all the time. Maybe 60 percent of my dreams. Yeah, you’re right. Maybe 70 percent. What? – [Stevie] You’re trying to make me feel better? I don’t feel as jealous anymore. Yeah, you don’t want to dream about work. But they’re good dreams. They’re about, like, touring commercial buildings. Yeah. ((Laughing)) That’s the life, dude. Are you sure that this one has more protein than that? No, I don’t. I’m not, but it’s so big. This one has more artificial sweetener, which makes it really nasty. This one looks like a. I don’t know for sure. This one looks exactly like the, the peanut butter delights that my mother-in-law makes every Christmas. And she makes a whole sheet of them. And it’s like oats and peanut butter and chocolate. And, rip half of that. And then, last time I went home, she made enough that we froze. And actually, night before last, Lando thawed out some peanut butter delights and we had a delightful evening. I’ve had this one. This is a Lärabar Lärabar. This is good. It means it’s low. It tastes like, it’s got raisins in it, or dates or something. I don’t know which one’s lower. I think it’s the lowest. It might be the lowest. This one here. Something else happened in the dream. The guy who was giving us the tour took me into a room. Uh huh. The real estate agent? No, he was like the guy who ran the business that we were touring. I can’t remember what happened though. Nothing, it sounded like I was about to say something nasty. But I just wish I could remember. So, this one’s got some sort of chocolate growth on it. I’m not going to, I’m not going to take it. Take that. I’m not going to take it. – Take that. – From your knife. Take that. I learned about knife safety from Cub Scouts. Well, you know, when you hand somebody a knife. You hand it to them, like you’re stabbing them. You hand it back. Like if I, if you said, can I borrow the knife to cut this? And I handed it to you like this, take it. Put your pinky in it. Yep. Now gesture with it wildly. It’s entertaining. People love it. Gesture with it wildly. I don’t do that, man. Just try it. I’m like a robot that has a natural safety mode always on. I cannot, I cannot accidentally hurt other people. Alright, give it back. There you go, see? You didn’t close it. You passed the test. You hand a knife back the way that it was handed to you. Gesture wildly with it. How did I get myself in this position? I’m obligated to do this, you know? They, they sold me a box full of knives. It’s my duty to do this. I, well, I have to, I have to meet or exceed expectations and the bar keeps moving higher and higher. I think this is a standard that you’ve only applied to yourself. This looks like cookie dough too. They like to market it as cookie dough. This is a high protein bar. Oh wow. It’s accurate in, consistency too. It’s not, not too powdery, not too nasty. Is this the best tasting one? No. I don’t think so. It’s got a lot of protein in it. The aftertaste is very, but it’s so soft. This is actually, this is my favorite one. And I think it has a lot of protein. Yeah, it does. These middle three. I’m done. I’ve used all of the comedy up. See? When the comedy’s used up, close your knife and go home. See, I didn’t cut myself. Now you can rest easy, if you’re still watching. Finally, we’re to G. G looks like a nice, little nougat-less, Fast Break. Oh. Real soft. Oh. That’s trying to be a candy bar. That is amazing. Whoa. That’s the best protein bar I’ve had. This is Reese’s, man. This is a Reese’s protein bar. It does have protein in it. I think they’re tricking us. No. If you were eating it next to a candy bar, you’d be like, this is the worst candy bar I’ve ever had. But eating it next to protein bars, you’re like, this is the best protein bar I’ve ever had. Good gracious. This is the best protein bar I’ve ever had. Assuming that it’s a protein bar at all. Lärabars are great, and then whatever this is is really good, I really want to know. We’re locked in, least to greatest. – [Stevie] You did, like, pretty darn well, I’ll say. So we, you were right about E, it’s, Lärabars only four grams of protein. And you got B. But it’s good for other things, it’s, six real ingredients, chocolate chip cookie dough. – [Stevie] What is it good for? It’s good for kids. It’s good for kids, it’s. My kids have eaten, I’d say, 40 percent of their calories were Lärabars for about 7 years. It’s, they’re minimally processed. Just a few ingredients. They may contain nut shells or pieces of fruit pits. And both of those things are fine. And I think they will go bad. You wanna, if it goes bad, if you, that’s a good sign that it’s cleaner. They never went bad in our house because kids ate them so much. Okay. – [Stevie] And then it’s B. You got that right, it’s Luna bars. I hate these. How many grams, sorry? – [Stevie] Eight. So, double the amount. I hate those though. They’re tough to eat. – [Stevie] You also got G. Dang, look at us, the bottom three we’re on it! Think Delight. – [Stevie] 10 grams of protein. That’s a, okay, let’s just take a moment. We need to stop and really take this in. Show it to them. Let them see the packaging a second. Think Delight. Specifically, the only one we can vouch for is the Chocolate Peanut Butter Pie. So good. This is a quality, I mean, I don’t know if it’s quality, it’s got, it tastes good. It’s, 180 calories. You know, 23 percent of your saturated fat for the. Pretty fatty. For the day. It does have 7 grams of sugar alcohol. So, if you ate this whole thing, you may be like. Diarrhea. Yeah, it might be like fountain time. ((Laughing)) 10 grams of protein. So, not a lot, but, I mean, you could pass this off as a candy bar. – [Stevie] Then pass it out. Yep. – [Stevie] Next is A. Dang, Link! – [Stevie] Fit Crunch Bar, 16 grams of protein. This is a cheesy packaging. What does it say on it? Chef created six layer baked bar made with whey protein. 16 grams. Pretty tasty, I thought. – [Stevie] And then, here’s where you’re just the tiniest bit off. Okay, alright, let’s think about this. – [Stevie] And it’s like, by a gram, by the way. So it’s like, not even really. Like, you pretty much got everything right. Let’s just go with it then. – [Stevie] So, next is F. Oh, we were so close. – [Stevie] Which I think is pronounced Barebells? Let’s leave it where it is. – [Stevie] A research poll, because this one, Link, I think you said was your favorite one. This one’s supposed to be. Until this one, yes. – [Stevie] Pretty clean. And it has, 20 grams of protein. 20 grams of protein, but it’s a big bar. It’s a big bar. You’re taking down a big bar. You have to take that into account, like. Because it’s soft. How much am I going to have to eat here? It says it. – [Stevie] I don’t think that there’s a lot of, what’s the calorie? I think the calorie to protein is pretty good on that one. 200 calories, that’s not too bad. 5 grams of sugar alcohols, which, I don’t know if that’s going to bring on the fountains or not. It’s not good when I go back to it. But if you eat it, if you eat it alone, it’s, I like the consistency of it. So, we had to switch these, are we right, are we right now? – [Stevie] Yeah. So C is next, that’s a Quest. We were so close, dude. – [Stevie] 21 grams. Okay. – [Stevie] I mean, I think you’ve proven that you can taste, taste protein. We can taste protein. – [Stevie] And then this is MET-Rx, 32 grams. I went through a phase where I was trying to get my protein in this way, and I got one of those one time. I mean, it’s like eating something that came from a tree. ((Laughing)) 410 calories. Yeah, first of all, you’re eating 410 calories in one bar. The way that they show their nutrition facts is a little, they obfuscate it a little bit, it’s a big bar. This brand was really big in the like, the aughts. MET-Rx. Man, drink a lot of water, if you’re gonna be eating protein bars, you gotta really flush your system. Well now, one of the things to note about this is it doesn’t have any sugar alcohols, but it has 25 grams of sugar. Which is 48 percent of your daily value. So, you can get basically half of your sugar for the day. So that’s a good thing. It’s one bar. Half way there. I’m eating a lot more than my daily allowed sugar for the day, if that’s the case. Alright, this is, this is a feat. I’m proud of us. Mythical Beasts are impressed. Right. You know, whenever you start doubting our ability to taste and judge things, you know, which may happen on occasion, just return to this episode. Welcome back. Yeah, we still got it. – [Rhett] Watch a very special throwback episode of Good Mythical Morning for free now at MythicalSociety.com