What would you rather do in the dark? Welcome to “Good Mythical More.” And welcome to light! I think they thought that maybe someone else was gonna lose. Yeah. Because I’m not a middle aged DJ, but I do have a middle aged DJ hat now. And friend Doesn’t fit. And a friend. Yep. Okay. So explain the premise here. It’s just would you rather, but all, everything is in the dark. Oh god, don’t put us back in the dark. Well, you know, in your imagination. Oh good. Yeah. So the first one, maybe, okay, the first one is, would you rather ride a horse in the dark or sponge bathe a cowboy in the dark? Okay. Both dangerous. And we’re talking total darkness, like we just were in. Yeah, yeah. The thing about a horse is that you just gotta hang on, but with a cowboy, you gotta do all the work. But the horse is also in the dark. The horse can’t see. But horses don’t use their eyes anyway. Don’t you see, they usually have blinders on? Yeah. They’re like this. I think they use smell to walk. They’re not bats. They’re not using echolocation. A horse in the dark. Would just stand. No, but it says ride. I mean, I think that this horse has got a mission, but it’s completely in the dark. I don’t really wanna sponge bathe a cowboy. But he’ll never know it was you ’cause it was in the dark. Okay. So you can give him the sponge bath of his life. I don’t to give him the sponge bath of his life. Then he’ll never connect you to it. He’ll never connect you to it. I mean. I’m sponge bathing a cowboy. I guess he’s elderly, you know? You typically sponge bathe the elderly. Well, if I have a choice, I’m gonna choose, I’m not choosing an elderly one. Does any non-elderly people, by show of hands, anyone here received a sponge bath? Well, sometimes either you have an injury or you have a condition, or you can’t bathe yourself or you’re post-surgery. Oh, if you’ve got an injury. You know, you’re bedridden for certain cases. It could be a young, hot cowboy. Yep. Right. Oh, sorry. With an injury. You want it to be a really old cowboy, is your preference? I want it to be one of them old cowboys. And his name is like, Curly. Cookie. Okay. Cookie needs another sponge bath. That’s the thing. If it’s a really old cowboy, don’t you feel as if he’d be doing more talking to you? I like that. There’s a lot more crevices in an old cowboy though. Yeah. You got a real sponge, deep and hard. No, it won’t be hard. It won’t be that hard. If you’ve got a young, strapping cowboy, it’s more bulges than crevices. Right. Easier to sponge bath. I don’t really, I’m not gonna discriminate about the age of the man or the horse, but I’m going to doing the sponge bath because I just wanna walk away in one piece. I just always wanna ride a horse. Think about the ironic thing that would happen if you made the decision to ride the horse. Yep. And you were the cowboy on the horse, and then you got injured. And then I was given the scenario and then I had to give you a sponge bath. Yes. Because that’s how it works, sometimes, in a would you rather scenario. And then he’d be a middle aged cowboy. That’s it. Yep. It’s me. It’s me. The middle aged DJ cowboy, injured. Next. Middle aged, injured DJ. That’s what I’m gonna be. Would you rather get a tattoo or a colonoscopy in the dark? Uh oh, we’re losing. That’s got people thinking about that scenario. Dropping stuff, hoo, I’m shook. A tattoo in the dark is not gonna turn out good. No. I mean, that’s gonna be painful. Unless that’s the story. “Tell me about your tattoo.” “Well, it was completely dark.” That explains exactly why it looks the way it does. You don’t want it to go too deep. I think they can actually, I don’t think that would be the problem. I think they measure how deep they’re going by feel. We’re past the horse at this point. We’re off the horse. We’re in a tattoo parlor. It’s completely dark. Colonoscopy, I think a proctologist can find it. I think he can work his way into it. But then, and then the screen is lit. I mean, there’s no analysis in the dark. You’re not learning any information. You’re just getting a colonoscopy. You just get a camera up your butt. Right. Which, when they give me the stuff that they gave me, again, it’s kinda like riding a horse. I never turn it down. Propofol on a horse? Yes. No. Maybe. As long as the horse doesn’t have it. We’re going with colonoscopy for 100. Because we always do. Would you rather spend an hour in a dark room with a bear or a rattlesnake? Rattlesnake, easy, all day, every day. Because there’s a warning. Rattlesnakes do not want to bite you. They do not want to. When they bite you, they die. Their stinger comes off and they die. Their stinger, yep. They don’t wanna bite you. In fact, I saw a little video on the internet and it was a guy who was instructing a bunch of children. It was one of those guys that deals with snakes and goes into schools and stuff like that. Was he wearing khaki? Probably. I just watched the black and white version though, so I can’t tell you. Fair. And he was in front of a bunch school children and he had a rattlesnake and he set it down on the ground and he just started walking around it. And he was like, “See, it doesn’t wanna bite me. This thing doesn’t wanna bite me.” He was basically saying that when people get bitten by rattlesnakes, it’s because they step on them, they grab them. Grab them? Do you know people accidentally grab a snake? A lot of people intentionally grab a snake. I’m sorry. The lesson for the children was you can freely walk around rattlesnakes? Yeah. There were some comments like that. But the comments were basically, I mean, the message was you shouldn’t be unnecessarily scared of a snake because it’s not gonna chase you down. Now, maybe a black mamba would. I’ve heard that they’ll do that, but a rattlesnake is shy. What are they called? Like the sidewinder rattlesnakes? Yeah, yeah, yeah. They go fast. I think that it’s when they’re sensing fear, which doesn’t always mean like when they’re scared that you might step on them, which doesn’t mean that you already did step on ’em. I don’t think it’s snake. I think if they were really scared. Bees can sense fear. And you were in the dark, if you just stood still and didn’t move around the room, you would be 100% fine with a snake. Yeah. A bear is gonna smell your ass and then he is going to come after you and he is going to begin eating you. And they like to eat you while you’re still alive. And they like to start in the soft parts. We have like a massive influx of rattlesnakes coming out of the woods into my neighborhood. Just walk around them. Because it’s so hot. So you can do this test. Just circle. Well, the only place that you can call, now listen. We had copperheads back in North Carolina when I was a kid. My dad would take a shovel, chop off the head, and dispose of the snake. Yep. We don’t do that here in LA. In LA, we wanna make sure all the rattlesnakes are okay so they can bite whoever they want, next time. Right. That’s right. So you can call a number where they will come and take the rattlesnake. But guess where they will deposit the rattlesnake. Over your fence. Yeah, right back where it was. On the same property in a different place. On the same property. On the same property. So we shouldn’t call those people. No. We should do this ourselves. So they just pick it up, walk a little bit and put it back down? You found it right here? Yeah. Well, lemme go put it over there. How’s that? It’s like, “Oh, it’s in my driveway, but I have a bit of yard over here.” Like, they won’t take it off your property. And then they slither away at that point? One would hope. But like, you know, I don’t think that, you know, lots aren’t that big that I don’t know what that solves really. I mean, I guess it’s like it was in your driveway and now it’s in your yard. So if you needed to walk down your driveway, Yeah. It’s no longer there. I think most people, Yeah, just walk around it. If you knew that going into it, you probably wouldn’t call the people, right? And they know this. It’s like, “Hey, what are we gonna do today?” “Well, we’re gonna go to people’s houses and we’re gonna move snakes a short distance.” Not far. “And we’re gonna have to then explain why we did it because of the laws and all this stuff.” So yeah, I think you gotta do what my grandfather in-law did with squirrels, when he found the squirrel that he didn’t like in his yard. He would take it, he would capture it in a trap, then he would spray paint the tails red. And then he would go out and he would take it into a field far away from his house and then he was like, “I gave him a chance. If they come back, I’m gonna kill him.” And then his wife’s brother, brother-in-law, who lived next door, started catching squirrels, painting their tails red and then putting them loose in his yard to drive him crazy. And then he started killing those squirrels. Wow. So everybody wins, I guess. Yeah, right. The prank works. You get rid of some squirrels. The bear does not have a rattle to warn you. You can know where it’s at, though. It’s a bear. They breathe kinda heavy. Yes. Now what if it was a black bear though? Couldn’t see it, ’cause it’s dark. I think in the dark, in a cave-like setting, you might get a snuggle. You would not get a snuggle. I think you would feel trapped. Fine, we’ll go with the rattlesnake. Would you rather only ever make love to your wife in complete darkness, or only ever make love on Saturdays? Oh, so the second one is not in the dark. So it’s just on Saturdays. Yeah. Yeah. So it’s just weekend sex. But it could still be in the dark. It could be. This is getting too personal. Man. Boy, this is really tough. Saturdays are the best day. Seeing everything is half the battle, you know? Half the battle. If you’re likening it to a battle at all. Half the enjoyment is seeing everything. Everything. Everything. So I think I’m sticking with Saturdays. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I think I’m just gonna go with Saturdays because I think at this point in my life, you know, I think, you know, I’m probably 48 by the time this comes on into the world stage. Okay. I don’t know exactly the date that this airs, but I’m about to be 48. So I would say that if I make it through my 50s, having sex once a week, I’m probably doing better than other people in their 50s, you know? I would think. Well we could take a survey, you know, put it on Instagram. And you would just really, really make it count every single time, every Saturday. “What are your plans this weekend?” “Well, you know what I do on Saturdays.” Look at all of it. I turn the lights up real high so I can see everything, and then I go to battle. Go to battle. Yeah. So that’s my answer. I mean, there are plenty of other senses besides sight to make use of. I would say there’s at least five other ones. Oh, you know what you could do? Can you look before sex, And then turn the light on. And then turn the lights off for the sex? Yeah so you know you were the right person. I do think that’s a loophole. Okay, loophole. I’m back. I’m back, Saturdays and any day. So you’re just strategically turning off the light switch. You’re gonna have the clapper going, well, you’re gonna have a lot of clappers going, you know? Yeah. Right, yeah. That’s what they call me. You gonna be clapping? The clapper. You gonna be clapping and then all of a sudden, when the timing is right, you’re gonna be like, . Yeah, right. And don’t be doing this now, ’cause it’ll be flashing on and off. You can’t turn it back on. You just gotta ba-bam. Because if you violate your would you rather thing that you’ve been prescribed, Right. You die immediately. That’s how it works in these scenarios. Just so you know. Right. Die. The big death, not the little death. You started out by saying this was too personal. Just wanna, okay. Yep. You know what, then we kept talking. Would you rather the Mythical Kitchen or the Mythical art team have to work in complete darkness for one week? I don’t know. They cut a lot of stuff in art. They’re gonna be like losing fingers. Well, they cut a lot of stuff in culinary as well. But they don’t have to. Sometimes you have to cut things when you cook, like most of the time. Well that’s up for debate. I think it could be equal. And they also have to cook things on heat. So I think these are equally dangerous. See, we’re trying to work out the most safe thing, but as which one impacts us more, it’s gonna be the food. Yeah, because it would just be a week of abstract art. You know what I mean? Abstract food, you don’t want that. But abstract art, that comes in, in fashion, every once in a while. Okay. I mean, there are blind artists. There are. This is true. We’d basically be getting, well there’s probably blind chefs too. Let’s just say that. Yep. This is also true. Yeah. There’s blind people that describe what we look like. Yeah. That happened. That happened on your business, but they’re populous. They’re practiced though, you know? They’re practiced at it. Our team would be new to this scenario. Would you rather use a porta-potty, or an airplane toilet in total darkness? Airplane toilet? Airplane toilet is small. So there’s only so many things that can go wrong. I will say, I had something go wrong in an airplane toilet, What? This year, though. I went to the bathroom and I did number one, because I’ve only done number two one time on a plane, ’cause I really try to avoid that unless it’s the last resort. Right. And usually over the ocean, you know? Yeah. You gotta time it right. Yeah. Because you know it goes right out. Like, are there any islands under here? You should ask that too. Right. I don’t want this to fall on anybody. Trust me. So I go to the bathroom and then I go back to my seat and when I’m at my seat, I’m like, “What is that smell?” Uh oh. And I was like, it smells so strong, like an air freshener. And I was like, “Where is that coming from?” And eventually I started, I’m like turning my head and I feel something moving in my hair and I reach into my hair. And what I had done is, because I’m so big, there’s a little air freshener that is in the top of the Delta bathroom that’s this plastic thing. And my head had hit it and it went into my hair, and I didn’t even know until I got back to my seat. The whole air freshener? So I had it in my seat for 90 minutes. I mean, this is like toilet paper on the shoe, up a level. Yeah. And nobody told me about it. I got an air freshener in my hair. What did it look like? Like a disc? Next time you go into an airplane bathroom, at least on Delta, they probably do it the same way, Okay. On the ceiling right above the door, or very near the door, there is like, this clear plastic like, wick thing that plugs into this thing. And then it has this little thing that protrudes off of it and most people’s heads don’t hit that. But it’s perfect to like grab a curl and come with you. And so I went back and stuck it back in. You stuck it back on there? Yeah. That’s nice. I went back and stuck it in place. And it had your hair all over it. It only took a few hairs. So anyway, I’ve got experience with all the things that could go wrong in an airplane bathroom. And it turns out it’s not that bad. But a porta-potty? You don’t wanna be feeling around blindly in a porta-potty. Good lord, no, you don’t. You don’t want to touch anything if you can help it. Unless it’s been dropped off right off the truck and it is a virgin porta-potty. Yeah, but- The last time I used a airplane bathroom, a young woman who must have been in her 20s tried to get into the bathroom. Of all bathrooms you could accidentally open, this one has a flashing light, Right. That tells you when someone is in it, and the handle that turns red when someone is in it. What on earth? How hard was she going? I mean, she just tried once. Did you yell? Yeah, I just yell. I didn’t yell anything. I just, aah! No, but actually in the airport before, a woman did open the door from a stall and saw me in the stall and it took way too long for her to take any action. So I was already traumatized. You must be inviting it. I guess. I think people think that maybe you want to join the mile high club, which apparently, You got a walk in on me face. Is not happening as much as it used to. Apparently the stats are down. Stats are down? Stats are down. Yeah. I have thought about it. Last time, I was on a long flight with a pretty big cabin, and my wife- How pretty was it? Yeah. I went to the bathroom, and this one was a big bathroom. I couldn’t like grab a air freshener with my head. And I went in there and I was like, “This is a big bathroom.” And Jesse was on the plane and, Was it a Saturday? I would say that I got close to proposing it to her, but I didn’t. I got close to proposing it to her because I was like, not only fun, but a great story. And then we could say that we’ve done it. Next time I’m presented with an opportunity, I think I’m gonna do it. Don’t have sex for the story. That’s not healthy. You’re the one who says, better to have a good story than a good time. I’ve been told that and I’ve exercised that, but I usually say that when I’m not having a good time. But hold on. But why can’t you have both? Because if you could have sex in a way that makes it fun to talk about later, do that version. Okay. I do agree with that. I agree with that. 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