MK 1233: 4 Hours Of Emily’s Most Chaotic Moments

Hey, welcome to “Mythical Kitchen”, where we all gotta eat, and sometimes we gotta run it back. Today, we’re going to be watching the best, the craziest, and the most chaotic episodes that Emily Fleming and I have shot together. Now, I love shooting with everybody in the Mythical Kitchen, but there is not a single person that I have had more fun with, maybe on the planet than Emily Fleming right here in this kitchen, from all of her crazy characters and meals of history to, I don’t know, me grilling Whoppers with my shirt off outside if she’s saying, fricking on my nippings! These are some of the best episodes we’ve ever shot, and I am very, very happy that you are going to get to enjoy them right now. Let’s watch. I’m so scared. One, two, three. [Drive Through Worker] Hello, thank you for choosing Starbucks drive-through, how can I help you today? Yeah, well, thank you for having me at the Starbucks drive-through. Can I go ahead and have two venti pumpkin spice frappuccinos, please? How often are you drinking pumpkin spice frappuccinos and or lattes? I’ve never had one. You’ve never had one? This is my first time. Really? Mmhm. But this is like a part of your… My culture? Yeah, you know, it’s a- My white lady culture? Yeah, I didn’t wanna say it, but you said it. You can say it. That is a stereotype, and I do not appreciate it. I guess I’ve just always felt like if I’m gonna drink, or eat or consume this much sugar and calories, it might as well be cake, ice cream or booze. This is better. It’s, well, you can put booze in this as you want, but like, this is just like liquified cake. It’s pretty much a glorified milkshake that has a nominal amount of coffee in it. The whipped cream is amazing though. Mmhm. The whole thing’s a journey, you know? Because then you stir parts of the whipped cream into it, and you kinda suck it off the top. Speaking of journey, Josh, why am I here? I’m not gonna lie, I thought you would be like a huge pumpkin spice latte and or frappuccino fan- Right. Because of the stereotyping. Yeah. Now I know that I am supposed to be your spirit guide into this journey to discover your love of pumpkin spice. I’m pretty basic, let’s just add another notch to my basic bed post. You know what the most basic thing you can do in the fall is? Pumpkin spice latte? And go to an actual pumpkin patch. Oh, yay! We are going to Tanaka Farms Pumpkin Patch. Ooh! in Irvine, where they actually have a giant pumpkin cannon that will shoot pumpkins, and we get to actually pick our own pumpkins. Then I’m gonna somehow figure out to shove a fancy version of this. But more importantly, pumpkin cannon. How you doing? I’m Josh. Josh, Pat. Great to meet you. Hey, Emily. Emily, nice to meet you. Nice to meet you. Pat, thank you so much for having us at Tanaka Farms. We gotta talk about this pumpkin spice craze, because right now it’s through the roof. That’s the entire reason we’re here. We want to make a several hundred dollar pumpkin spice frappuccino. Well, we have all kinds of pumpkins here. We have white ones, we’ve got orange ones, we have green ones, pink ones. Well, when you make $200 frappuccinos at home, what pumpkins are you using for that? When I regularly do that at home? Any of these pumpkins could make, you could make a pumpkin recipe from. Do you think pumpkins can love? You know, when there are clients coming in here and customers coming here, they can think whatever they would like about our pumpkins. Mm, sometimes people like to pumpkin spice things up a little bit. Oh. Okay. Got ’em. So Josh, what is the pumpkin in pumpkin spice? Oh, there’s no pumpkin in pumpkin spice. At all? No, no, so it just refers to like the spices that you would put on a pumpkin to make a pumpkin pie. But that said, even though there’s no pumpkin in a pumpkin spice frappuccino, I wanna put a bunch of pumpkin in ours. So I wanna take like 20 pounds of it, reduce it down to a pot, so it becomes a quarter cup of syrup, and then we’re gonna drizzle that little pumpkin molasses on top of the whipped cream, So they can’t be too big, or they won’t fit down the cannon wall. We like ’em nice and tight inside there. He’s gonna get the stem off of that ’cause otherwise it’ll get caught up inside. How many confirmed kills does this particular cannon have? Ooh. Well it was one wounding, we know of that. Okay. Yeah, yeah. Okay. And you’re gonna turn around, and you’re just gonna push that plunger down. Okay, all right, okay. You can do this, Emily. All right, okay. We got faith in you. I’m so scared. One, two, three. Whoa! Oh my gosh. Oh, that is a million times farther than I thought it would shoot! Wait, what does this have to do with pumpkin spice lattes? Like, do I have to go get that now? This one looks good, nice and orange. Yeah, but it’s feels like it’s full of itself, like it knows it’s orange. Mm, I get that. That’s not okay. The main thing I’m looking for in a pumpkin is like energy. I want it to like feel like it’s got good vibes. Those are a no, they’ve obviously been to Lollapalooza. This one’s got unresolved issues with its father, I can tell. That looks like me with a swimsuit on. This one’s pretty! You’re feeling good energy from it? Ooh, look how pretty that color is underneath, that’s gorgeous! Looks like a firecracker on the 4th of July. It’s attached to stuff. Oh. Can you get it? No, no, no, if you drag the whole vine out, then all the rest of the pumpkins on it are free. So just like rip it up. Oh. You got it, use your legs. This just- Pull harder. Okay. There you go, all right. All right, okay. All right, so we have all our ingredients laid out here. You just keep holding that pumpkin, you’re doing awesome. So right here, we have all the ingredients to make our actual pumpkin spice. This is the Voyager collection that’s in conjunction with Chef Eric Repair, a three Michelin starred chef from La Bernardin with La Boite in New York City. So really excellent spices here. This is really heavy. Yeah, just tuck your arms, tighten your core, you’re gonna be okay. And then right here we have a Heaven’s Door 10 year aged bourbon. Ooh. I’ve already gotten into it a little bit, I had to taste test it for breakfast. Ah. So this is actually made in conjunction with Bob Dylan. Okay, and then we also have this raw Strauss cream from a local dairy. And this is raw, so it’s not pasteurized, so we may get some sort of stomach worm and die. Man! But if we die, you don’t have to hold that pumpkin anymore, so that’s pretty cool. And then to make the base of our pumpkin spice ice cream to go in the frappuccino, we have camel milk. We got all these delicious pumpkins that we’re gonna reduce down to make a pumpkin syrup, and then to make the actual coffee for the frappuccino, we have Kopi Luwak, also known as Wild Cat Poop Coffee. I knew you were gonna do this. This is farmed in Sumatra, and this is actually ethically farmed. Gayo Kopi’s whole mission is to farm Kopi Luwak wild, and keep the habitats intact, and they actually maintain the ecosystem through the farming. Sustainability is cool, kids. They’re also called snippets, not cats. They’re not little house cats. And then my favorite part, we have Bling H2O. This is just straight up water. However, this is water that is bottled directly at the English spring source where it comes from in the Great Smoky Mountains, and it costs $40. Oh, Smokies! , you’re from there. Yeah! And it is actually endorsed by a personal hero of mine, Paris Hilton. It’s hot. It’s hot water? That’s hot. We’re gonna make ice cubes out of it, actually. So now we gotta grind up these beans. Ew, you ate cat poop, gross! It’s really good. I don’t poop, but if I did, I wish it was coffee. I just wish I had any value in my poop. I feel like I’m wasting company dollars because I’m always doing at work. Okay, just we’re gonna go ahead – Woo, it’s bitter though. Go ahead and let it run. Ooh, that’s nice. Right? Now we just have to toast up our spices for the pumpkin spice. Okay. What is that? Ooh, so here, we have a black cardamom. How, I put two two- Two’s enough. Okay. Two’s enough. Ooh, that smells like Christmas. It smells Christmasy in here! I’m Jewish. I like sniffing everything. Yeah, it’s- It feels like my only contribution to this. I’m really helping. I’m just gonna take this, and use our fingers in the hot pan. Ooh, why? Just get ’em, oh, I forgot to get like a spoon or something to do this. You wanna go ahead and press that button. Okay. And just let it run. Hmm. It normally does more than that. This has never happened before, I swear. All right, just press that button. Okay. Whoa. Look at you, you’re cooking! You’re doing so good, oh my god. Wow, it lasts really long. You’re the… So we got these pumpkins that we picked from the patch. We have the one that reminds you of your grandfather? His nose specifically. He was a drinker. Gotcha, well, we’ll unpack that later. So I’m gonna go ahead and hack these pumpkins in half. And then I need you to scoop out the seeds into there. Okay. And you’re gonna roast ’em off to start making the syrup for our pumpkin bourbon molasses. Great. Whoa! Okay, so you got this in half, if you just wanna scoop out those seeds. Okay. So I’m just gonna brush these down with butter, and then we’re gonna roast these skin side down, really try and get some caramelization on the bottom. So you’ll try and hack that pumpkin up. Be safe. Okay, grandpa. Yeah, that’s great. Just another 15 to 25 hacks, and you got it. That’s good, keep going. Okay, I’ve chopped up my grandpa’s nose. All right, awesome. So this pumpkin’s got a nice white flesh. Just like my grandpa. Just like your grandpa! We’re gonna go ahead, and we’re gonna shove this in the oven, get it nice and caramelized, and then we’re gonna start boiling it down. You say caramelized? Yeah, what do you say? Caramelized. Which is wrong, there’s like an A in it. There’s just a whole other letter that you’re omitting. Yeah, but it makes you sound like a lot. How do you pronounce Wednesday? So we’re gonna go ahead and shove that in the oven, and we’re gonna wait for that to roast, and then we’re gonna start getting into that pot. All right. While it’s roasting though. Are we doing it from daddy’s cup? Daddy’s cup is when you drink it from the bottle. I’ve never heard that, that’s depressing. A divine . Ooh, yeah! Tanaka Farms no more. where it comes from when he, you drink his whiskey ooh! Tanaka’s brother no more. so now we just gotta take these pumpkins outta the oven. All right. And the cool thing about roasting pumpkins is when you put ’em in, that sometimes, the pumpkins look completely different, and there are more pumpkins on the pan than when you put ’em in, and they’re also completely different pumpkins. Magic. All right so what we’re basically doing is making a pumpkin molasses. So we’re putting this in a lot, a lot of water. Whoa. Because we want it to really break out and extract a lot of the starch. Yeah, I think I get why it’s just the pumpkin spicy, but oh no! Oh no! It’s your fault, daddy’s glass. I think I’ve never made you laugh before. You have not, no, I’m, the daddy’s glass thing. That the only time! Wait, did we put the bourbon in there yet? Oh, not yet. I wanna do it. Hey, so this is gonna come to a boil, and it’s gonna reduce for about four hours. All right, so this has been boiling away, and now what we have to do is we have to strain all the pumpkin out, and really extract all the juice from it. whoa. Yeah, so we’re just gonna transfer this to another pot. Gonna get it in our chinois. And you see, once you push it through, it starts gushing out right there. And Starbucks is not doing this. Nor should they have to. Nor should they, they have hard jobs. They do have hard jobs. Spelling names wrong takes a lot of effort. Who is Jash? Did someone call you Jash? They sure did. All right, so this is gonna keep reducing, and then we’re good to start making our camel milk ice cream. What? We’re making ice cream? This is a lot, Josh. It’s a lot. You didn’t tell me how much we were doing. Beauty is pain. So I’m gonna go ahead and get the came milk heating, we’re doing a custard base. There we go, a nice and cinched camel milk. And put our egg yolks into this milk. We don’t want it to boil, ’cause we don’t want it to scramble. And then we’re just gonna take all the sugar. And then if you wanna get like a hefty pinch of that pumpkin spice- Okay. And then put it right in here, that’s gorgeous. And then if you wanna pour a shot of bourbon in here, I didn’t want to get it on the heat, because I didn’t wanna lose all that sweet, sweet liquor. Yeah, it’s good. So now, we’re just gonna take that custard base, the eggs have started to thicken just a little bit. Hang on. Is that it? Wait. Does anyone volunteer to come in and try and turn this on? Oh, you gotta start the timer, and then press on. And then you’re gonna turn that ice cream for about 45 minutes, and then it’ll be good to go in your frappuccino. All right, so frappuccino obviously filled with ice, so we need to go ahead and open that water, and we’re gonna make clear ice cubes with it. So you should model for Bling 2.0. I don’t think I would be the person they choose. And so we’re gonna go ahead and pour the water in here. What is clear ice though? So clear ice results from taking out the air flow inside whatever the ice is freezing in, and also super cooling it. So this is insulated with all this rubber, and then we need to get this water to at least warm. We’re looking for about 115 degrees. All right, so we’re at about 105. You can tell what temperature the thing is by touching it? Actually, I got pretty good at it because a standard hot tub is at 104 and a quarter degrees. Oh. And so I always just think, does this feel like a hot tub or not? All right, so. This goes with your personality so well! Hot tub babe, babe, babe, hot tub. If you like stuck a finger in someone’s mouth, could you tell if they were like sick or not? No, I’m not- Sorry, I thought you were asking, geez, I don’t know. Like I thought you were. And then we’re just gonna go ahead and pour this about midway through in there. And now we’re just gonna go ahead and put this into the freezer. Uh oh, uh oh. She’s a squirter. This is never gonna make it to air. It’s never gonna make it to air. I hope we get enough footage from this to even make an episode at this point. Let’s make some coffee. So what we have here is a mocha pot, and I’m just gonna tamp this coffee down. Really want it to be a strong coffee. Screw the top on. Oh no, lids! My nemesis. Here we go. I love how I have a hard time opening lids, but you can’t close them. There’s a metaphor somewhere in there. Somewhere, yeah. I don’t know how to open this lid. You don’t know how to open this lid? I don’t know how to open that lid! I don’t have fingernails. There you go, I hate that that worked, that’s gross. My teeth are fake. That’s right, we went through this. Yeah. A lot of dental trauma. Wanna smell that? This is what fresh vanilla smells like. Ooh., that smell is like the first smell that hits you when you’re near a Bath and Body works. Yeah. In the mall. I’m just gonna whip that buddy up. Well it’s gonna take a little bit of that pumpkin spice. Do a little bit of that in there. Alright, so this cream’s looking good. Can I lick the whisk? Yes, you can lick the whisk. I’m just gonna move this. Oh sure, my dad was just gonna go get cigarettes. No, – Are you okay? It was my mom who left. Oh cool. We got our whipped cream done. Just kind of… Oh yeah, that’s ready to go. Just gonna pour some of this coffee, and we want it to be cool before we actually put it into the frappuccino. Look at her shine. Oh man, that looks really pretty. It’s too hot. It’s too hot. Should we wait for this to get cooler? I think we should. Should we… What should we do while we wait? Don’t drink all of it! I think I just wanna do this show forever. Let’s do it! Cool. All right, let’s make it frappuccino. All right, so now coffee’s cool, do you wanna try it? All right. ♪ Best but waking up is cat poop coffee in your cup ♪ Woo! That’s like espresso. Yeah. It’s really good. So first step, we gotta take out our clear ice. Okay. See if it actually made it clear, then, okay. Ooh, it’s pretty! It’s mostly clear. So I don’t want to put the whole ice cubes in the Vitamix, so we gotta bash ’em up. Cool. All right. Oh boy. You guys wanna bash this up with a hammer? Yes. Figure it out. Oh wow, this is fun, thank you for this honor. There! Ow, my fingy. Did you actually get it? All right, that should be good. Okay. That should be good, so we’re gonna take this- That was super fun, except for the pain. Into the blender there. Okay. And then we gotta get a fair amount of ice cream. This looks so good. Oh yeah. That should be really good. So this is infused, all that pumpkin spice. We’re just gonna get a little bit fresh pumpkin spice. I’m just imagining some lady with a, can I speak to the manager haircut? Yes. Like waiting for this. Just sitting there, be like, what in the world is taking so long? Chill Carol! Chill it out, it’s gonna be really great. There’s came milk. I haven’t even tried fresh camel milk. Oh no. Now it’s food fierce. That’s good, it tastes like human breast milk. So we’re gonna go ahead and pour a little bit of that in there. It tastes the way that kindergarten smells. And then we’re gonna take- Like paper, and where’s my mom? Where is my mom? Oh, no, I walked right into it! And then blend this up, and we can add stuff as we go if we need it. Can I push the button? Yeah! I feel so powerful! I mean, another shot of this couldn’t hurt, am I right? And one shot of vodka, is that what she says? And one shot of vodka. stop, stop, stop! Perfect! That’s looking frappuccino-y to me. Crank it! All right, I think we’re ready. Okay. All right, so now we gotta start building this frappuccino, so what I’m gonna do, I’m gonna take some of that pumpkin bourbon molasses, and I’m just gonna get a nice, drippy drizzle all down the sides of this cup. Ooh, that’s pretty. So I’m gonna take all of our delicious frappuccino. Ooh! Then we gotta get our creme shanti on there. So this fits in regulated car cup holders, right? Oh, of course. And then for the finishing touch. Oh, magic. And then we’re just gonna stick a straw on there. And there’s our fancy frappuccino. Oh. All right, we got our fancy frappuccino all done. Can you pull out the other drink for comparison? All right, so if you see we got a little more height on ours, we got a bit of a darker color. I think there’s some more coffee flavor in ours, but the proof is in the frappuccino. And we gotta try these side by side. Okay. All right, let’s do it. Still not bad, you know? Yep. But I think this one’s gonna pack a little bit more punch. All right, let’s do it. Oh. Oh my god. What? This tastes like childhood. Really? Yeah. This was your childhood? Yeah, taste the childhood you never had. It tastes like the way Christmas smells. It’s so good. It tastes like pumpkin pie, but pumpkin pie for me is usually too thick, and it makes me feel like guilty and sad. Yeah. This does not make me feel guilty about drinking it. This is a guilty frappuccino. Yes. It’s supporting a good cause, it’s supporting Bob Dylan. Wait, so how much does this cost in the end? So in the end, totaled up to $214 and 89 cents. That’s more than my car payment. Oh. Today, one amateur chef takes on two very professional Mythical chefs to see if they got what it takes to hang in the kitchen. So without further ado, please welcome the talented, the hilarious, Emily Fleming. Thanks. Now Emily, you are a series regular on a cooking show, yet you have done almost no cooking on it. That’s correct. What will you be making today? I like to make stuffed mushrooms. It’s one of like the only things that I know how to make. I don’t know where I got this recipe from, I’ve been making it forever, so- When’s the last time you made it, and how was the reaction from other people? I made it at Jenna Purdy’s house for her and her bestie, Laura. And it was like, I think we were watching all of “The Princess Witch” movies. Who the hell are “The Princess Witch” movies? Let alone all of the- Hey, it’s a Vanessa Hudgens classic movies. But yeah, and then I made them, and they were a little like, really? At first, and then they loved it. Alright. Emily, Trevor and I are gonna make our best version of stuffed mushrooms. Okay. And then our judge is going to eat them and see if they can catch the imposter chef! Who makes stuffed mushrooms? Stuffed mushrooms are like a third tier appetizer at a restaurant that you’re like, you’ve been to a few times, you’re like, I guess I’ll try the stuffed mushrooms this time. No, nobody I don’t think has made stuffed mushrooms. Emily hasn’t made them in six months, apparently. So I’m gonna pop these in here. 400 for about 10 minutes. Surely I know how long 10 minutes is. I have a theory. So stuffed mushrooms, I mean there’s a formula, ’cause mushrooms generally something you put on top of things, right? You put mushrooms on top of pizza. So what we’re doing here, what my theory is behind doing pizza stuffed mushrooms, is that you’re taking the topping and then you’re making it the bottoming, as Josh would call it. Pizza tastes good with mushroom on it, so mushroom gotta taste good with pizza on it. Surely. So from over there, from over yonder, you probably didn’t hear it, but I did. I heard a, apron. And that was KG telling me to plug the apron. And if KG had let me get to my bit, you would’ve seen something like this. Oh no, I spilled cheese on myself! Well guess what? I don’t have to worry about that because I’m wearing the Mythical Kitchen Life’s Too Short to Cook on Medium apron, which you can find at mythical.com. Woo! Thank you. I’m just gonna pop these in this pan, surely I get ’em all in there. And then I’m gonna get those going with some garlic and some spices. Now, being a professional chef, I haven’t measured my spices, and I’m not going to. ‘Cause here’s the thing with these green leaves in here, they all taste the same, okay? The dried green leaves, you could argue that the fresh green leaves taste different. I’m still on the fence. The dried ones, they make a whole thing that’s just, they put ’em all together ’cause they all taste the same. They call that Italian seasoning. I’m just gonna keep those sweating in there for a brief moment, 10 minutes. You know, I kind of checked out of trying to be like good at cooking. After the whole Gordon Ramsey thing, you know, that was like, kind of like, I don’t know. Why? Why would I try? This is just like making a pizza, except instead of a crust, you have a mushroom. So, and I know how to make pizza, I’ve done that before, and I cook it for a minute. The mushrooms are done. And now this is the fun part. So we’ve done the mushrooms, now we’re gonna do this stuffing. We’re just gonna go in, we’re just gonna do a nice little dollop inside there. I’m making eight, because that’s how many stuff mushrooms a normal person eats. But I believe, I think the pizza theory is sound that I have, that mushrooms are good on pizza, so pizza must be good on mushrooms. I don’t know what the other contestants are making, but if it’s not something that previously involved mushrooms, then I think they’re fools. Mini pepperonis, how fun are those? These things don’t look like real meat. They look like plastic. And that’s what I love about them. I’m going three on each. I think that’s the move. Sound off in the comments if you think three pepperonis on a stuffed mushroom is good. Alright, mushrooms have been stuffed! You can see that I’m not lying to you. And I’m gonna put ’em back in until they’re done. Hello everyone. The pizza stuffed mushrooms are done. Time to put the finishing touches. Then a sprig of basil. And there you have it! My pizza stuffed mushrooms! And now, this is a dramatic portrayal. This is, oh my god, I can’t see, Analise, you are blind, okay. This is a dramatic portrayal of a Chili’s executive watching this video. God, this is genius. Oh my god, oh my god. You’re not gonna believe this crap. All right, I don’t know where I found this recipe. I don’t have a name for it. It’s blueberry goat cheeses involved. Sheep’s go to heaven, goats go to hell. I’m gonna turn on some heat here. Oh, it’s already on, cool, they didn’t trust me to do it. I’m gonna, okay, hell, ah. So goats, we got goats. What was that goat from the movie, “The Vich”? “Black Philip”, okay. These are called Blue Philips. Right? I like that. Okay, we’re gonna put this in here. This, oh you guys, this is so oily. My friend Jordan Morris is, Cotton Candy Randy, he’s on here. He’s also my co-host on a podcast called “Free With Ads” that you can listen to on Maximum Fun. We watch free movies from YouTube that you have to watch ads for, and then we talk about ’em. First, I’m gonna just take these mushrooms, which are very nice. And I kinda like do this on that. And I just leave them in there a little bit, ’cause I want ’em to be a little juicy. But basically, I don’t know where I got this idea from. I think I read it on something and then just… But I do think the blue cheese, not the blue. The blueberry goat cheese is kinda something I added, I think. At Thanksgiving, they tell me to get outta there. My sister can cook, my mom. I don’t think any of us can really cook. Sorry, Flemings. I don’t think we’re very good at it. My dad’s good at make it some real dry pork chops. The driest, like if you cough while eating it, it’s like dust. Like that’s kind of the vibe. While I let these guys hang out in there, is that camera getting it? Look at this technique. Okay, I like to chop up the stems ’cause waste knot wants not, I guess. Don’t look at my technique. I’ve watched people do it, and do like this kinda thing on TV. They do this thing, right? Are you nervous? They’re nervous. Also, I said that I wanted to drop my phone later. Did you get scared when I did that? Everyone’s so scared about me and knives. You know how many knives I own? I have one in every part of my apartment for intruders. There’s one in the bathroom, there’s a dagger hung on the wall, got it from the Ren Fair, and there’s just like, I don’t think the baseball bat thing really works ’cause they can just grab it. And yeah, there’s, I love knives. I’m fine. Ha! You guys loving this? Why am I not married? Could this be it? The next thing we’re gonna do is, I’m gonna put this in there with some garlic paste. I like garlic paste because it’s just no nonsense. I don’t wanna cut up garlic, and I don’t like the chunks. You know what I mean? The one that’s in the juice, that’s in the little jar. Jar-lic. Jar-lic, mm mm. I don’t like the little chunks. It’s like, ugh. And the juice in there. I don’t like it. I like a good paste. It’s no nonsense, it’s paste! Okay, so we’re gonna, I think this is fine. I’m just gonna take ’em out. And then we’re gonna put the little choppities in there, and let’s put some paste. Pretty much you’re gonna see a lot of eyeballing. Let’s see that. And then salt and pepper, that thing. Oh man, look at this. Now this is what the merch department, they did this. This right, this little, ooh, the suction on that. It’s nice. Love a good suction. There’s that, okay. And then love a pepper grinder. Love a pepper grinder. You know, my grandmother, she, RIP. She was so funny. We would go to the movies, and she would just be sitting there waiting for the movies to start, and she’d say things like, everybody loves the movies. Love a pepper grinder, you know? I’m just gonna go ahead and do the whole thing. I don’t, what? Waste, not want not! We can just eat some sausage together if I don’t use it all. You could make meatloaf. I’ve never made that, I don’t know how to make it. How do you think you make meatloaf? I think it’s like bread. Okay, all right, okay. Gonna chunk that in. Look at that big log, that big juicy log. I’m gonna mash this more, and then let it cook, and you don’t wanna watch that. So I’ll be back in a minute. I’m gonna, oh my phone. Gotta grab that. There’s not that much phone in here! It’s on low battery. Oh, all right. All right, I think that’s fine. So what you’re gonna do now, I usually get a big one, but that’s okay. Just dump that big tube. All right, I like to let it just get that chunk real hot. That’s pretty, look how pretty with that purple. It’s pretty, I think it’s pretty. So yeah, just stir it up until it’s like a goo. When I worked in a restaurant, I was fired from every restaurant I ever worked in. But when I worked in one, you had to wear your hair up. ’cause you get hair in there. And I never wear my hair up when I’m on the show. So I bet that you’ve consumed a lot of my hair. Yeah, I know. Okay, this is okay. This is looking kinda good. Look at it, this is grossing people out. I have a feeling. Can we get a slow motion on this? Ooh, yeah. That camera. Ooh yeah, ooh yeah! It looks horrible, what the- So what’s gonna happen is I’m gonna put this stuff in the mushrooms, right? Put it on a pan, which I guess is this a thing that keeps it from sticking? That’s cool. And then you put it on there, and you put it in the oven, and I don’t know how long you put it in there, you just keep checking it till you’re like, that’s good. And I’ll show you what I mean when it comes out and be like, that’s good, it should look like that. Kinda like the burnt sausage, you’ll know. Look how pretty they are. I hope you like brown. Well I, you know, I don’t care about winning. It’s more about, you know, trying. Listen, maybe this drizzle of balsamic glaze is exactly. And the pink plate, which is almost like a little bit of a mauve, little bit of a purple, little bit of a blueberry, right? The plate’s what’s gonna save it. So we got some balsamic glazed. Everybody likes the movies. I don’t like this bottle. Sorry. Hang on. Oh, why? Listen, we gotta make it like sacrifices. I washed my hands! Now I’m in my head. I think they look too watery, so I’m gonna put ’em back on the pan, I’m gonna put ’em back in the oven for a while, and I’ll just keep checking on it, you know? I’m sure Josh won’t mind. Dude, I just had a great idea though. Check it out. Piping bag, star tip, boom. Those go in the mu- We’re still figuring out as we go. Here’s the thing, haven’t cooked the stuffed mushroom in probably 10 years. To me this is, it’s a fun amateur dish, which I understand why Emily did it, right? It’s in there, it’s fun. Boy does it look fun and amateur-ish. I started thinking though. Thanks, Nicole. Nicole’s rummaging the thing. I can get it, yeah, I didn’t mean to like be demanding of… I didn’t, yeah. I started thinking, what’s the best mushroom dish I ever had? And it was simply mushrooms of, this is so abnormal! It was mushrooms with white wine, butter and herbs de Provence. It was while I was walking on the Champs Elysee in France, and then I thought, what’s the best potato dish I had? Also washing on the Champs. And then I thought, what’s the best potato dish I ever had? Also walking on the Champs Elysee in France. Oh, it’s just blue sausage, I hate that. It’s called tarti flat, it comes from the French Alps. I, ooh. That’s it, oh my god. It’s like if Salvador Dali made Hamburger Helper. Thank you, Nicole. Tarti flat, tarti flat is a great French Alps dish. It comes from like the region. People say that real tarti flat can only be made with. We got yellow potatoes and reblochon cheese. We got the two most Frenchy cheeses we found at the Ralph’s. So we got Port Salut, we got Brie over here. We’re gonna let that render down. We’re gonna get some onions in there, potatoes. Yukon Gold, it is a medium starchy and medium waxy potato, so you get like the best of both worlds. Josh Wine. Spend a night in with Josh. I’ve gotten about 60 bottles of Josh wine over my ears for birthdays, Easter, Arbor Day, everything, people go, Josh! It’s got your name on it! And I go, ha! It’s good, I love it! I actually do, I think Josh makes a great product. Their pinot noir is my favorite. But anyway, shout out to Josh Wine. We got some cream, we’re gonna chuck some cream in there. I’m gonna throw a little bit of butter in there. I’m gonna save some butter. So Josh, what made you decide to be a huge nerd? I’ll tell you what, I think it’s really incredible to have just like a general fascination with the world. You know what I mean? I don’t know, anywhere you look around you, there are untold stories, you know- Nerd! Unseen little events. Dropping the onions in with the bacon, and gonna get these sauteeing a little bit. I’m gonna throw some herbs and Provence, so I’m gonna get them nice and toasty in there. Oh, we got the herbs of Provence with with lavender, which is really fascinating because, hey! Don’t call me a nerd! Do not call me a nerd for this. Herbs of Provence do not typically have lavender in there, however, American companies, when they start selling it, they realized that lavender buds grow in Provence, and they just figured they’d throw in there to make it seem more Provence , even though they’re not typically in the herb blend. Don’t say it. How fascinating. Gonna open up this here brie. I don’t want to get the rind in there. Emily, you wanna save this Brie rind for later? I don’t like rinds, but I will eat the brie. Actually no, Brie wine is good. Emily, was that spoon in your mouth? Yeah. That’s fine dude. All right, Josh Wine. It was also in Josh’s mouth. This one, do you you eat the orange? I’m gonna eat the orange. I’m just gonna take all those wet onions and bacon. I’m really gonna mash the hell out of this. Nerd! Stuff the mushrooms. Mm, that design isn’t as cool as I wanted it to be. Yeah, the chunks of bacon are really making it hard to design, and then this just. It’s not okay, it’s not a fart, but sometimes when air gets forcibly trapped in there, something, you know, I’m heating up this butter. We should get a fair amount of flavor from those herbs de Provence in there. Lovely, I’m just gonna stuff these mushrooms. We’re gonna get these bad boys in the oven about 425 for about 12 minutes, come out, brush ’em down with some more herb butter. See where we’re at, check back in a sec. These look great. I got a little bit of potato spilled. I’m not too worried about that. I’m gonna take the butter underneath. Sorta just flap that on top, that’s lovely. I wanna get this cooking and butter, almost like escargot . Boom, boom, boom. Let me here you say way-o. Way-o! Thank you, that’s fun. And then just some chives on top. Chives, potatoes, mushrooms, lard on. And I’m calling it done. We did it, stuffed mushrooms, tarti flat, herb de Provence, rustic French Alps based cookery. This is a popular apres ski meal. Welcome Jordan from spork.com. Hi, thanks for having me. Before you, you have three stuffed mushroom dishes. Please enjoy. Okay, I feel like I wanna pick ’em up and eat ’em with my hands. Is that okay? Analise? [Analise] Please. Hm. Mm, that’s really nice. I love the little pepperoni cups. It’s juicy, mushrooms and pizza, it’s so, makes so much sense. How could you be mad at it, you know? It’s so good. I don’t know, I really, it’s just like standard, right? It didn’t blow me away, but because I already thought it was gonna be good. I saw this, I said that looks good, it was good. This looks more like what you would order at a restaurant when you hit a stuffed mushroom. Hmm. Okay. I’m gonna take one more bite ’cause I feel confused. Mm, okay. Seems like it’s filled with mashed potatoes. I don’t fully get it, but it’s not bad. It does taste good. Okay, and then last but not least, this looks wild. This looks like something from “Dune”. But I see, you know, hopefully a little balsamic glaze. What is this? Is this all just sausage? And that was the coldest one. Okay. All right. Okay, it’s kind of good. It feels like something my mom would’ve made in 1997, and my family would’ve been like, this is it, this is cutting edge, food has never been like this before. It tastes like it has Morningstar crumbles, the vegan meat crumbles, and balsamic glaze, and a mushroom. And I don’t really taste much else. Once again, good, ugly, but it doesn’t taste bad. Okay, Jordan, so what we wanna know is which dish was your favorite? And then we wanna see, can you guess which dish was created by the imposter? Okay, my favorite dish was the pizza mushrooms. I’m going to make these at home soon. They’re delicious. I think I’m like, if I only knew who the chef was then it would be easier to guess, that’s the whole point I think. I think maybe these are the imposter chef because they are very one note, or I guess I should say three notes. You just get sausage, mushroom, balsamic. I don’t really get anything else in the filling, so that’s my guess for that. Jordan, you are correct. Nice! That dish was made by one and only imposter chef, Emily Fleming. Hi. Hi. I’m impressed. Really? Yeah. Oh my god. Now that I know it’s you, I am. It’s cooked, and it’s very delicious. Thank you! It tastes good. So the only thing I used, I shouldn’t have used so much sausage, because there is blueberry goat cheese in there. Wow. Got none of that. Yeah, yeah. I think next time I’ll know not to use the whole, I put the whole brick of Jimmy Dean sausage in there. You know what I’ll say? I don’t think you need less sausage. I think you just need more goat cheese. Thank you. You haven’t seen how much leftover sausage there is. If you wanna take a baggy of sausage home, Jordan, you can do that. All right, I normally do when I leave work. Yeah. But these are both delicious. Whose is this, yours? Yeah, I know. It’s delicious, I love Trevor’s food always. And then this is yours, it’s very fancy. Thanks, it was meant to be tarti flat, which is an apres ski dish from the French Alps. Sure. Jordan, thank you so much. Emily, you’ll be paying for your sins somewhere. Thank you so much for stopping by Mythical Kitchen, we got new videos out every week. You know the deal, we’ll see y’all next time. Can I finally eat one of these? We love stuffed mushrooms. Yeah! Is that good? You wanna do it? Yes I do. Ooh! What up? It’s your boy, Josh, AKA the one, two crunch, AKA, the Pillsbury E boy, AKA. ♪ What did you do with my, oops all berries ♪ ♪ What did you do with my, oops all berries ♪ ♪ Crunch to start your morning ♪ And it’s that time again. Time to take two iconic snacks, smash ’em together and see what kind of beautiful snack baby we can create. We asked you which two snacks you wanna see smashed together and you said… Captain Crunch Berries and Pillsbury Toaster Strudels. Will this new snack be a smash? Find out, because this is Snack Smash. And like we have to make something. I know. Every time I come here, you make me do that. Yeah, yeah, and if history’s proven anything, it’s that it’s gonna go pretty well the whole time. Yeah, yeah. All right, so right now, we’re gonna start on the filling, right? So if you look inside a Toaster Strudel, it’s just kinda like a red goo. So we need to make a crunch berry flavored goo. This is burning my hands. Do you want this? I feel like I’m supposed to feed it to you. I’ll lick it. All right, so what I’m gonna do to start this process, you can eat that, you can do whatever you want. You can throw it on the ground. What if I drew it on the ceiling, it just stuck there forever. Try it. Do you want a piece, and I’ll take a piece? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, ake a wish. One, two, three. Oh! No, it didn’t work. What’d you wish for? World peace. I shouldn’t say what I wished for then. It’s kind of the opposite. To make the filling, we’re juicing actual strawberries, and then we are juicing the crunch berries with those strawberries to create a crunch berry strawberry hybrid emulsion. I need you to separate the crunch berries, because inside crunch berries, right, you have the golden crispy squares that are flavored like corn and chemicals. Uh huh. And then we got the little berries that are also flavored like corn and chemicals, but there is actually strawberry concentrate in there. So we’re gonna try and capture the flavor of that to make a goo by using our own strawberry concentrate that we’re making, and also a bunch of artificial berry flavored extracts. When Josh gave me berry sorting duties, I was very excited because I can’t cook good, and I knew I could do that. We’re gonna throw the crunch berries in the juicer with the strawberry. My theory is that if you can juice a strawberry, you can juice a crunch berry, just not before marriage. And it starts. I’m confident that crunch berries and strawberries will juice well together, because strawberries are extremely wet, and crunch berries are extremely dry. That way, when you juice them together, you’ll get half wet, half dry sort of sludge. This is how my mind works. This is actually how I think about cooking. So I got all these strawberries trimmed up, so now we got a fair amount of berries. I think we just, oh god! There’s not enough red. I’ve never used a juicer before. You haven’t? No. You’ve never used a juicer? I don’t know, sorry. You? What does that mean? You seem like a guy who juices. No, I’m not a juice guy, I’m all natural, baby. Though there was a Reddit thread about whether people thought I was on steroids, and I’ve never been that flattered in my life. Only two people said I looked thick in the last video- Yeah with two C’s? Which I two seats considered, yeah. Which I considered to be a win, because yes, COVID makes a bitch thick. I am a thick bitch as well. Toss in he crunch berries, then I’m gonna follow ’em with a couple strawberry chasers. I feel like we’re doing Powerball! No, that’s good. I have never played Powerball, but I would love to host. So if you’re a local town, needs a lady to handle balls. Yeah, and then I’m gonna throw on the strawberries. That’s not fitting! Ha, no doggy! Josh’s method for like grinding up those berries with the real strawberries was about as I expected it to be. I don’t think we need this, this is like an optional thing. You should put a rolling pin in there. Don’t tempt me. I’m just really glad we didn’t break anything this time. So we’re gonna take this, and we’re gonna pop it into a sauce pan, and we’re gonna get that reducing. Ooh. So to put this purple goo inside of our Toaster Strudel, I need to add, smell that. Whoa. It’s like the essence of Nesquik. It’s just pure imitation strawberry extract. Smells great. I’m gonna dump that in there, but also, the flavor of Captain Crunch is so confusing. So I wanna kind of confuse this by throwing some imitation cherry extract in there. I didn’t get to sniff that. Sniff it. Thank you. What’s it smell like? Kind of smells like a porta-potty. This smells like ? You know that air fresher? Uh huh. Oh, I’m dumping it A bunch of corn syrup. So is that bad? Yeah, taste it, this is thick liquid sugar. It’s pretty good. It’s kind of good, right? That’s why it’s in it’s good. Yeah, good. All right, so I’m just gonna stir this up, and we need to let this boil for about 20 minutes. I’m also just gonna take a lot purple. Yeah, there we go. Nice purple squirt. Sometimes you get the purple squirts and you gotta go to the doctor, you know? We’re also going to start using a little bit of chemical. So we got xanthum gum, and we got agar agar. So we’re gonna add our thickeners, we’re gonna blend it up, and then we’re gonna reduce it, and then it should be a hefty, thick purple goo. Okay. You man the hand blender, Emily. I’ve never used one of these. I trust you. So how does this thing work? Oh, I see. Oh, you gotta dump it out, this is gonna solidify so you gotta dump it in, blend it. Jimmy it, there it is, now fully submerge it. There it I, now we’re blending! Is my stance good for this? Yeah, no, you kinda of wanna squat more like a crab. Like you ever seen like a lamas class? They’re not mixing up that good. Yeah, lemme do it. Okay. Lamas class? Why would I be in lamas class? Because lamas breathing helps you calm down in any situation, so it’s not just for pregnant women. But it’s a great way to meet pregnant women. I’m pretty happy with this goo. It is so pretty, it’s the prettiest purple I’ve ever seen. Right? And like I was trying to kind of match the colors of all these, but I think this was kind of the perfect mix, I dropped another one in there. It’s gorgeous. Ivan Ooze would be proud. Are you a fan of the original Power Rangers movie as well? Of course! Oh my god! I have, “Uh Oh, We’re in Trouble” on my iPod workout list. I have a crush on the the yellow ranger. Oh, Trini? Trini was my crush. She died. Not Kimberly, she’s dead? In a car accident. That’s unfortunate. But Amy Joe Johnson lives! That’s the pink ranger, that’s my favorite. Emily, we gotta make a strudel dough. How much strudel dough have you made before? So much. All the time. That’s, whenever we hang out, we make strudel dough together. That’s what we do. Say strudel dough . Strudel dough, strudel dough, strudel- Ah! To make the pastry crusts, we’re making a laminated dough, which is somewhat similar to a croissant. So we’re mixing some actual ground Captain Crunch squares into the flour, and then we’re blending it into a dough. I’m gonna mix all of the wets in this bowl. We’re going milk, water, egg, corn syrup, and I need you to measure out three cups of flour and put it in there. Okay. So measuring flour can be a really tricky process. We need to get it exactly right. Is that good? Yeah, that’s great. Yeah, in here? Dump her, dump her in. Okay, so we getting the flour in there. I’m gonna measure out a half cup of the Captain Crunch. I think that was three. What do you mean you think that was three? I was very sure that there were three cups in that mixer. I just wanted to make Josh nervous. All right, so we’re gonna spin this up, and then you’re gonna gradually pour that in here while it’s mixing. Can I just pour it all at once? Pour it all at once, pour it all at once. Yay! We’ll crank up the machine. While this is mixing, I’m gonna add in the sugar and then toss in the salt, and then we’re also gonna add a little bit of maltodextrin. So maltodextrin is a thing that’s commonly used in a lot of processed baking goods. It’ll actually kind of absorb the fat and emulsify it into the rest of the things, which should help us prevent leakage. No one likes that. No one likes a leaky bottom on their strudel. So we’re just gonna dump this out, and you can start mixing it with your hands. Okay. Just, just do it How you do it. It’s like mixing together sawdust, Get out, get out, get out. No, I got stuff. You just gotta get some muscle into it, it’ll come together. Oh. Yeah, yeah, there it is, this is the power stance. Are you gonna smack it? Yeah, yeah. Yeah! You like it? You wanna do it? Yes, I do. Yeah, this is called nothing. This isn’t a thing. Oh! I thought it was gonna stick. It’s fine, it’s fine. That was so unexpected. When Emily bounced the dough on the ground, I didn’t panic. I saw Trevor and Nicole panic, but I’ve been here longer than them, and things like that just kind of happen around here. So you’re gonna go ahead and take your dough, and here we go, this is the old flip. So it’s a common Austrian technique. They’re known for their very clean floors where you actually take the dough, and you smash it on your counter, but then you let it roll, and that’s gonna aerate it on its way to the ground. I would like to apologize, but I also don’t believe in regretting things, so I don’t apologize. And then you’re gonna take the dough, and you’re gonna put it onto a sheet tray, and then you’re just gonna mash it out a little bit into a square, and then you’re gonna go ahead and cover this and fly it in the fridge just for all of that fat and sugars to really set up again. A classic Austrian technique. And then you’re just gonna put this on the floor, Just step on it a little bit with the shoes. We’re not even drinking. Emily, we have our dough here, and just give it a good slap, feels good. We’re gonna roll it out just until it’s big enough to fit in a large square of butter. This is butter that has been solidified into a square. You’re gonna fold the pastry around that butter, roll it out until it’s thin to try and create a solid butter layer. Yeah, you’re doing great. Yeah, keep making that noise. Yeah. Yeah! Yeah, roll it out like a gremlin. Master. yes, master. Like a Dobby? Like what’s going on here, are you a , or like a? That’s not Dobby. No, Dobby is like this. That’s a good Dobby. Dobby’s like this. Dobby has burlap sack for clothes. I think he’s some sort of racist generalization. Oh, is he? Uh, you know. Well it is you know who, who wrote the thing, so. JK Rowling was the real Voldemort the whole time. So I’m just gonna coax this into a square with my hands. Ah. Full disclosure, Trevor is coaching me alongside, because he has pastry experience and I don’t. I learned from Trevor today that baking is a nightmare in that it’s something I should not be allowed to do. Yeah, Trevor’s good. I learned that Trevor is a man of many facets, and talents, and he’s not to be trifled with. Trifle, I think I made a pun, but I’m gonna have to google it. So now we’re gonna take the butter block, and we’re just gonna overturn it right in the middle. I’m very excited about this. Tadow, hi, uh oh, oh no, just shift it. Yeah, yeah, there we go. So you don’t want the butter to be too cold, but you don’t want the butter to be too warm. Ooh, that’s really pretty how you do that. Yeah love that. Oh! So we’re gonna make our little butter ravioli here. So we’re just gonna fold this towards the center and try and create a tight seal around that butter here. Are we folding it like a present, like I pop in the corners there or no? Yeah, yeah. Alright, so we’ve created an airtight butter block situation. We’re gonna take this, and we’re gonna start pressing it out, and then we are going to roll it out and try and get it to about a quarter inch of thickness. Yeah, I don’t know what I’m doing when I do it, so. Yeah, well you can like, here, look at that flour. I’m just gonna go ahead and roll this out, and again, I’m trying to keep that butter intact, because the butter is actually going to create a sort of aerating effect inside the dough, but it’s got to stay intact. It’s really hard to concentrate on you, and the flour, and all those the same time. Okay, I’m sorry, no, no, take your, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to. Okay, good. We’re gonna do tri-fold here. Like George Wallace’s cap. It kind of looks like you’re bundling a baby. Feel that? Oh, no, no, no. Emily not now! I need positivity! Oh, you- Toaster Strudel needs a whole factory for this, okay? We have us! We were doomed from the start. I know, I know, okay. Positivity, positivity. Okay. You have hair. Yes, I have hair. And it’s long, it’s long hair. Mmhm, thank you. That’s like, that’s crazy you can grow hair. Not that bald, bald people are great too. I mean, we’ve got crushes on bald people. I like bald women. You like bald women? Yeah. Hmm. Trying to think. There’s some at the lamas classes. So now, you just need to grab the filling. We need to roll it, we need to cut it- Okay. We need to seal it, we need to bake it, and then we need to toast it, and then we need to frost it. So we’re almost done. Okay, great. Where are you sweating from? I’m sweating from a couple places. Mostly the pits, but I have holes in my corn shirt, so it It’s all good- I only sweat from my- They’re airing out. I only sweat from my lower pits. Lower pits. After long last, our beautiful, laminated strudel dough. We have the purple goo that we made. Ooh. Here, you’re my goo gal now. Magoo. I’m gonna go ahead and grab- I’m blind enough to be a magoo gal. Grab a couple strudels. If you see these, they only have one fold on it. The rest is all sealed, so we’re gonna try and cut a double length. Wait, I’m really bad at figuring out patterns. So we need double the length of here. Trevor. So I’m gonna mark that there. You might wanna- Emily, we’re gonna get these done. We’re gonna have beautiful Captain Crunch Berry toaster strudels with our beautiful purple goo. What I look for in a good goo is color first. The color is so important. Wonder if I put this on my head, if my hair would be purple. Oh god. What? What’d you do? Nothing, nothing, nothing. We’re fine, we’re fine. And also just like, will it look good when you pull something apart coming out of it? They do that in a lot of things. I can’t remember specifically a commercial, but there’s always you know, that good, good. So we need a fair amount of goo. Okay. How much goo? Like that? Yeah, I think it’s a good amount, yeah, yeah. And just get it only on one side. Oh man, it smells so good. It’s like that is the goopiest goo, but look at how goopy this goo is. You’re right. There’s tons of different things you look for in a good goo. You gotta look for viscosity, you gotta look for goo-ness. Do you want more? No, no, I think that’s the perfect amount of goo. I think there’s a little hole there. Get it in the good hole. The good thing is you can always look right through the goo hole to get a nice visual. So we’re just gonna go ahead and press this out. We got the one fold here. I’m just gonna fold this underneath a little bit. Oh, I think we made a toaster strudel. And I feel comfortable with the amount that my fingers have sealed it. I will say this, there’s a little bit of something coming out right there. Right in that goo hole? Just plug the goo hole. So I’m just gonna cut four little vent holes in there. Kinda wiggle the knife. Cute. Vent hole’s different than a goo hole. How many are there? Talk to your kids About all the holes. We made one, but now I’m gonna make more. I’m gonna go ahead and throw these in the oven, and then they should be toaster strudels. I’m really excited about this. I’m also excited about this. Yeah! Okay Emily, our strudel has been baking for about 20 minutes, yeah, let’s pull it. Oh. Come on baby, why not pull this through though? Come on baby, why you laugh like that? Come on. So these are good. So they’re a little pale right now- Right. But if you look at Toaster Strudels, they’re also pretty pale. Yes. So we want to take these, and then we actually want to see if they can toast like you would a normal Toaster Strudel, ’cause you’re not just pulling ’em outta the package and eating ’em frozen. Although now I kinda want to. So Toaster Strudels obviously come with the little packets of frosting goo. Oh yeah! So we need to make our own. I thought we’d do a little light blue as like an homage to the Captain’s. Ooh, would I rather between the Pillsbury Dough Boy or Captain Crunch? I’m gonna go with Captain Crunch, ’cause he looks like a human man. I would rather the Pillsbury Dough Boy, ’cause here’s the thing. The Pillsbury Doughboy is basically like a sentient body pillow. And the only thing I need out of my body pillow is for it to be able to whisper in my ear every night, things are going to be okay, and then go ooh hoo hoo! So I’m adding a little bit of Crisco to our powdered sugar, and then we’re just gonna add a little bit of milk, and then Emily, here, you whisk that up. Okay. ‘Cause it should come together as frosting. There it is. Master. That’s good. Master, Dobby do a good job? Master gave Dobby strudel! I would honestly be very surprised if this was a smash, ’cause here’s the thing. We dropped a lot of ingredients on the ground. Want one drop, oh, there we go. And then I made this real pasty. Now it’s just looks like you made a drumstick. Now it’s stuck in the whisk. A chicken drumstick. I’m just gonna finger the whisk, just finger in the whisk. It’s sugar. I do think that this is gonna be a smash. I mean, Toaster Strudels are amazing. They’re referenced in “Mean Girls”. That is smurf blue. That’s fine, we got the strudel, we got the frosting. We’re gonna toast these up, we’re gonna eat ’em. First, let’s check out that box. Emily, this looks pretty incredible. I’m super stoked. Yeah, the captain on there, he’s smiling, look at it. Got his hat on there. Yeah. Look at that, we got our strudels! Ooh, look at these. We got packets of goo! So we’re gonna pop these in the toaster, and then we’re gonna see if they toast up fresh. Okay. On three. I can hear them scream. Let me out of my . Dobby wants to come out of the toaster. No more Dobby. Toaster Strudel’s done, does anyone have a fork? Don’t put a fork- Ow! In toaster, you dumb dumb. How am I gonna get out the strudel? Well it toasted up really well. That’s a win for us. That is a win. But let’s take the goo packet out. I’m just gonna grenade it. I am gonna do the hat. I’m gonna try to do the hat that you guys did so I’m do the hat too awesomely on there, okay. Yeah, yeah, gonna do the . I’m just gonna make the base of the hat, and then here is the brim. Did you, I hate you. Why? Hang on, let’s see, am I doing this right? I did it, it’s a good hat. You’re a good hat. Okay, let’s . It’s a flying saucer, okay? You ready to take a bite? That’s what I meant for it to be. It’s too hot. I don’t know which side to, ah. Oh wow. Okay, okay, I’m thinking. We have to decide if this is actually something that Captain Crunch and Pillsbury should do. Grab your patented pass, or smash paddles. And on three, we’re gonna decide if this smashes or if this passes, all right? On three. Okay. One, two. I’m saying pass. You’re right in the middle? I like the colors. Yes. And I do think that the way you’ve made it, and I know this is like, I’m not trying to give shade to the good people of Pillsbury, but it’s not as wilty and floppy. I agree. And I don’t know if that has to do with the Captain Crunch cereal actually being mixed into the dough, maybe. I love the fact that you get some of the Captain Crunch, and our dough is crispy. Like you get that lamination and the butter in there, and it’s actually a dead ringer for toaster strudel dough. But it also doesn’t have that sort of wilty chew that you want from a toaster strudel. So for me, it is lacking a little bit. Also, I am covered in Blue Food dye, and I think that’s probably my bad. I mean, it’s a very beautiful color, and it’ll bring out your eyes. It’ll bring out my eyes, and I’d like to think we did the Captain proud who is now sitting in a military jail somewhere. We should send him some snacks. Thank you so much for stopping by the Mythical Kitchen. We got new recipes for you out every week, we got new episodes of our podcast, “A Hotdog is a Sandwich” out every Wednesday, wherever you get your podcasts. Hit us up on Instagram at Mythical Kitchen with pictures of your mythical dishes under hashtag “dreams become food”. See y’all next time. Today we’re making what should have been served at the Fyre Festival. Two cheese sandwiches. Today’s historic meal is inspired by the infamous Fyre Festival. In April, 2017, roughly 5,000 people spent hundreds to thousands of dollars to attend the Fyre Festival, which was created by rapper Ja Rule and millennial tech entrepreneur, Billy McFarland. This was supposed to be the ultimate luxury music festival on a private island of The Bahamas to see music acts like Blink 182 and Major Laser. They were promised a real life island fantasy with luxury accommodations, gourmet food, and even the chance to party with celebrities like Kendall Jenner and Bella Hadid. But instead of luxury villas, festival goers scrambled to claim a limited number of tents with soaking wet mattresses that had been left outside in the rain, and if any influencers at the event were planning to share the beautiful local Bahamian seafood on their social media, those dreams were crushed. Instead, photos circulated online of cold cheese sandwiches in foam containers the attendees were actually served. Today, we’re making what should have been served at this event, Bahamian style sushi, local Bahamian seafood, and curry chicken tacos. Time to slip into something more comfortable for watching Major Laser and pen some little island pigs. You are the original dawn. It’s time for… “Meals of History”! Okay. You look a little lost. All right. Are you okay? This looks like, this looks better. This just looks like shelter. Where did you come from? Oh, I was just, I mean, I just, I got here, well, I’m from Tallahassee, Florida. Adds up. Yeah, I’m an aspiring makeup influencer. I don’t like that word aspiring. And I’m so excited to be here, but when I got off the school bus, shuttle, it looked a little, it looked a little suspect. But this looks great! You ended up in the right place, ’cause this is the R and D kitchen. I will be feeding 8,000 festival goers from just this food we have in front of us. Okay! So welcome. It’s gonna be fine. Yeah, no, I- I bet that there’s other people like you. Yeah, yeah, sure, I’ve been told, but if I’m being honest- There’s other spots with people making food. You’re not the only guy. If we’re being dead honest, so the catering company, Starr Events, which was owned by celebrity Chef Steven Starr, pulled out of the contract a couple weeks ago- Oh. So they’re not here per se, but we have some lovely Bahamian style hand rolls and sushi here. If you read the brochure, that’s what you were promised, so that’s what we’re making today. Well I got the $500 package, so I don’t really know what I was promised. And- Honey, you’re gonna wanna start looting toilet paper from the tents, ’cause it’s gonna be brutal. Listen, like I said, I’m a Florida girl. And that was the fanciest plane I’ve ever been on. So I’m having fun, but I am a little worried about the, it’s the, okay, the mattresses are wet. Yeah. I don’t like wet mattress. Again, Florida, normal, but I don’t wanna… But I will say this, the Pilates are really paying off. I can carry a wet mattress. That’s huge . Positives. Like I could pick one up by myself, I just like- You’re manifesting it. I really am, I’m a tough broad. There was a guy deliberately peeing on mattresses because quote, he did not want neighbors around his tent, And he admitted to that on the Netflix documentary. But we got some lovely conch right here. Have you ever had conch before? This is a sea snail that is indigenous to The Bahamas and several other Caribbean islands. Is that what the smell is? Yeah, yeah, try it, try it, try it. Nope, no I’m good. It’s really, no, you’re gonna wanna, you’re gonna wanna. Uh uh, no, I’m good. You’re gonna wanna throw up all the jager that you just drank because- Josh, I’m not eating the snail. She don’t eat the snail. But I do like festivals. I feel like I’m a little too old for them now. My body can’t handle it like it used to. Well that’s if you do it like an adult, then you, you know. What festivals are you going to? I’ve only been to one, and it was Bonnaroo, let’s see. Oh, yes you did. It was 20, it was 2009. My dad was playing. Do people know about your dad and what he does? My dad is in a band called The Steel Drivers. They won a Grammy, and they were nominated for three. So sick. And so they were doing Bonnaroo. But yeah, so it was cool, but no one showed up for the show, because Jimmy Buffet did a surprise concert. Ah, thwarted by Jimmy Buffett again! And so the steelheads went parrotheads, and they left, and that’s why my family has a thing against Jimmy Buffett to this day, RIP. I’ll join you in that- In hell. Alright, so I’ve added some cucumbers, some mango and some avocado to this. We’re gonna throw some crab stick in there, AKA , also, I didn’t get your name. Amanda. Amanda hug and kiss? I don’t think my last name should be said because it looks like there’s a camera here, and I don’t know if I- You’re gonna wanna wash your hands completely clean with being here . Yeah, I know that I should want a camera because I am the next big makeup influencer. But not right now. Can I ask why you came here? Well, it was because I thought this would help promote my brand. The good news is, they bought $2 million worth of alcohol. And so- Oh sweet! If I’m being honest, I kind of understand where the event founder, Billy McFarland, was coming from. Oh yeah. Because he’s like, hey, the party’s gonna be okay if we just have enough booze. And I’ve been there several times before, although mine are on much smaller scales, and nobody was charged any entry fee to get into my parties. Well, I didn’t know about the booze, so I’m gonna go find that, ’cause that sounds great. This is gonna be a party, it’s gonna be fine. Yeah! Alright. It’s gonna be so good. Blink 182’s still coming, right? No, they canceled. Oh. Alright, I’m gonna go get drunk, bye! Go get drunk, go get drunk. Okay, that was a bad idea. What happened? I had to fight a guy. Who’d you fight? Was it Ja Rule, did you fight Ja? He can’t go back to jail! I don’t think he’s coming. Yeah, yeah. That’s sad, okay. If that’s the worst thing that happens at Fyre Festival, you’re gonna be completely fine. Does my makeup look okay? You’re so good. Oh, it looks great. One of the Jennerses is definitely gonna hire you. Oh my god, the Jennerses? The Jennerses. The Jennerses, uh, fun fact. So the initial, I’m sure you saw the commercial that they shot, right? That’s exactly why I came. Emily Ratakowski, Kendall Jenner, Bella Hadid are all in this commercial. Oh, yeah, and the pigs, and the jet skis. As a girl from Florida, that’s why I really came. That’s fair. Listen, I understand completely. Jet skis and pigs? It’s my kind of people. It’s also my kind of people. Alright, so we got the conch in there, like I said, it’s a sea snail. Some people pronounce it conch outside of like the islands and Florida. Like Concha, is Latin for shell- The Florida? The Florida. No, the island, the island’s in the Florida. And now we’re gonna do a little bit of a marinade. We got some scallions, we’re gonna pour some soy on there. And then we got a little bit of sesame oil, and we’re just gonna drizzle that on the conch. It’s gonna be nice. You know, you deserve good food. This is a real event. They were right next to a Sandals Resort. Which is also hilarious that people would’ve been so much better off if they just went to Sandals. Yeah! Listen, this is like how Air BnB’s became really popular, and then people are like, just go to a Motel Six. They clean your room for you, and it’s cheap, and they don’t try and harass you for cleaning fees. That’s great for a last minute hookup. We’re gonna go back to Sandals. We’re gonna… No, but the Sandals also seem sketch to me, like- Why? I don’t know. Those like commercials for Sandals, I’m like, number one, it’s- Definitely a swingers resort, right? It’s named after the worst shoe. And like, so it’s like… Now if it was named like Birkenstock Clog, then I’d be like, those are my people. I’m satisfied, listen, listen, listen. This is the best sushi roll in the world. Now, am I satisfied with it? Absolutely, given the other options at this island, I think this is absolutely good. We’re gonna take some rock shrimp, and we’re gonna take some lobster right now, and we’re gonna tempura fry it. We’re gonna top this roll with it. Listen, we’re making the best out of a bad situation here. Oh my god, I forgot my iPhone Four is charging- Oh no. In the tent. Oh god! I gotta go find it. Oh, to go back to 2017. I’m not a makeup influencer anymore. I found my true calling, and that is Leader of the Fyre Fest. Has the deed been done? Is piggy dead yet? No, there’s oh, the pigs died? No piggy, it’s a “Lord of the Flies” reference. Right, yes! Piggy from “Lord of the Flies”, I’m a reader. That’s why I came to Fyre Fest! Read the fine print and everything. I don’t think a lot of . But yeah, I don’t care about influencing anymore. This is where I belong. Fyre Fest will never end, and I will never die. No you won’t! You know why you won’t ever die? ‘Cause you’re gonna be all plied up on Monster Energy Drink! Here, take this, this is you. Oh, cool! And if you wanna know which Monster Energy drink you are based on your Zodiac sign, go to sporked.com. I am monster Nitro because I’m a Taurus, and I watched too much American Gladiators growing up. How did you know I was an Aries? We- Oh, how do we know you’re an Aries? I know, we had an email. We gotta make food, all right? You’re gonna need energy to do all your stabbing. You know if you take over this- Hey, I wanna talk to you about god. I’d love to hear it. Listen before I got on that, hang on. Yeah, crack that open, you’re gonna want that. I’m gonna start muddling garlic for the spice face for the fish. Oh no, oh! Now Fyre Fest is kicking off! Ja Rule, get in here! We got, we booked Ja, right? He’s only like 30 bucks on Cameo. This is actually really good. Yeah, it’s nice. All right, god. Gimme some. No, no, no! Listen. Oh the mic is down here, sorry. Is that okay? Can you still hear me Tally? Can you hear me in my tiddies? Before I got on that plane to come to Fyre Fest where my destiny was, there was a hurricane, and it was like god saying- Was there actually- Here’s your out. There was actually a hurricane? Yeah, yeah! Oh my god. I didn’t even know about . And God was saying like, oh this is the sign. But then I was like- Oh, that’s so rough, man. Don’t be a buzzkill, god! Because I am god now. I am your god, Fyre Fest! There were actual Bahamians who put in a lot of work into this festival, and who were out a lot of money. One of ’em was Maryanne Roll, owner of the Exuma Bar and Grill, who she literally put her entire life savings into keeping workers fed. And then she was out a ton of money, and then afterwards, over $250,000 was raised via GoFundMe to pay her back, and she was like super sweet about it. And so we’re making some Bahamian seafood that was promised to the festival goers. So right now we got a fried red snapper. I’m making a spice paste. I’m feeling a lot less powerful after that story. Yeah, yeah, there were actual human, you know, nobody died in Fyre Fest, nobody got seriously hurt. One drunk person got taken to the hospital. Oh no, I don’t see people as humans anymore. Uh oh. I gotta work on myself. Oh man, you and Billy McFarland. But you know I’m an Aries, so… I’m making a spice face rub down to the fish. We’re eventually gonna fry that. Do you wanna get on the mac and cheese? This is Bahamian mac and cheese, it’s actually a really cool dish. Yep, might as well do that at this point. We get a little bit of mango in there. Bahamian mac and cheese. Macaroni cheese is a bake thing in the Caribbean and Trinidad. We’ll call it macaroni pie. So all you’re gonna do, we’re gonna see if this is cooked. I know how to see. What? Grab, okay, grab a noodle. Grab a noodle, see if it’s cooked. God, if I get- I’m a god, I could see noodles. I was- Macaroni pie, in the Caribbean, you get a lot of different styles. In The Bahamas, they tend to boil it with the onions and the bell pepper in there. You got some… Power. I got a lotta stuff. Power juice? A lotta places. What do you call it again? It’s commonly eaten with fried fish as a nice little lunch dish. It’s typically eaten room temp. I wanna flick that fish in the eye. You can do it if you’d like to. No, I don’t think that people would like it. You sure? I think that people would probably like it. It’s just a little intrusive thought. Yeah, I get those too sometimes. And sometimes you just go, I wanna say it out loud so it doesn’t have power over me anymore. You can, I’m giving you permission to act on that intrusive though. . But then it’s like with the vegans. It’s dead, it’s dead. Listen fish- It’s so jiggly! I’m not a Christian man, but I do like to take points of the Bible and use it to justify my own lifestyle. Oh! And when God granted man dominion over animals, I’m just like, hey, I dunno. We’re eating fish, it’s delicious. I’m gonna take some spice paste and rub that in there. We’ve scored the fish, and you really want open it up. Ooh, I like these kind of noodles. Grab the spice paste. I think- And I’m just gonna jerk the spice paste over these lobsters. I’m gonna see- Yeah, that’s nice. Just get some in there. There’s a hot noodle. Perfect, hold on, hold on. We’re just gonna toss – I think this is good! What are you doing? I’m checking the pasta. Oh you’re eating, sorry, I thought you were gonna stab me. They’re kinda al dente Billy McFarland- I don’t know what- Do you know what al dente means? I think it needs to cook a little longer. Okay, I’m gonna take this fish. We got it salted, we’re gonna add it to the seasoned flour right here. Just gonna get it nice and covered. Billy McFarland’s out of prison now, right? I think so, you know what’s crazy? He was 25. Yeah, . Somebody trusted a 25-year-old to do this whole thing. And Ja Rule. These investors have no one to blame but themselves. Oh, 100%. I’m sorry, at this point I don’t even blame him. Heads up. ‘Cause at 25, you’re not an adult, I’m sorry. Heads up, going in the fryer. You shouldn’t have to- Also, celebrity chef Steven Starr had nothing to do with Starr Catering by the time that this all came out. Do you know that he divested from the company two years ago? Sold it off. I was into the Fyre Festival thing for the celebrity chef drama of it all, I didn’t care about any of the music. So was that the only celebrity chef? Yeah, yeah, and he was not a part of it, and the catering company that he sold off two years ago had pulled out of it. So there was literally no plan for food . I had never even heard of this guy, no offense. You don’t know Steven Starr? You’ve never been to the Continental in Philly? No, no, I’ve never even been to Philly. You wanna drain that a little bit? Yeah, yeah, just like drain that a little bit more. There’s a little bit of water going on in there, that’s fine, that’s fine, we got the fish going. We got the fish going. You just literally give it a little shake, you know, see there’s a lot of water pooling there? Yeah. The water will eventually cook out. Noodles done? I like water. It’s actually a really cool technique. Putting the air in the water. Yeah, this is cool. that pasta. Wow. We’re just gonna mash everything in there with our hands, you think we can handle that? Well I’m gonna wait for it to be a little cooler, weird hot boy finger man. The whole business model, right? NFTs, all this stuff, it’s all classic pyramid scheme. It’s getting people- for real, guys. At the top, you know to be the people at the bottom. But this dude started a, effectively a Ponzi scheme credit card company. This guy? Called Magnesis. Magnesis. Where he was trying to make like an invitation only- That’s the discount X Men villain. Dude, honestly. But you see psychology when he was trying to give members exclusive perks, and he would promise them like “Hamilton” tickets. Oh. And they’re like, oh my god, he got the hook up for 200 “Hamilton” tickets, and that is really this when you couldn’t get Hamilton tickets in 2015. Yeah. And then what he did is he just bought a ton on StubHub at a three times markup, and then he goes, oh crap, how do I pay for these Hamilton tickets? Then he promised people like Demi Lovato meet and greet tickets. And then he is like, ah crap, how do I pay for these tickets? Then he promised people Super Bowl tickets in the good… Any good pyramid scheme, you don’t have an actual physical product, you just lie about it. Yeah, just sell leggings that are wet in a basement. That’s what I’m saying! Like that’s the way to go. My favorite thing is I was listening to like a documentary about… Whoa, that’s cool looking. Look at that whole fried fish! This is lovely, okay. fry up these lobsters. That Seth McFarland, not Seth McFarland, what is his name? Billy McFarland, ow! Billy McFarland, I’m sorry Seth McFarland, but also I heard you’re single. Hey-O! if you’re into this. Gotta crack the eggs in there, man. I thought that, oh that was butter. All three eggs? There you, you’re so, look at you cracking eggs. Hey I wanna do it! You do the eggs. I know you do it with it’s flat, but I don’t like the flat, but I’ll try. Okay. I’m dumping this into the pot, right? Lobster’s done. Lobster’s done. I think that was efficient- Lobster’s done. I don’t know what’s so funny. It’s fine. Let me do it! Do it, do it, do it. We go, okay, yeah it’s happening. No, no. They eat this, we have no food waste. Everyone just runs in here like vultures. As KG goes, hey guys, quiet on set, we have a merch promo. Oh. That stays in the episode, it’s too real. What merch promo? What? What? I don’t know, buy the apron if you want. Yeah. It’s a merch promo. Or I’ll kill you. Oh the troops are getting restless. The cops just stopped by, they said a woman was threatening Diplo with a spear? Well he wouldn’t stay tied up. Kept squirming around. How could he press play on a MacBook if he’s tied up? Am I right? Okay, right now the final boss of all of the Fyre Festival packages was again, Billy McFarland kept needing more cash to pay for all these things that he had no money for, and so he offered a $250,000 experience that nobody bought on a private yacht with a private chef. And so we’re making chicken curry mini tacos. So we’re getting our aromatic sweat in there. We got some all spice, we got some curry paste. We’re getting that with our onions. We’re gonna make a nice little paste right here. Emily, open that up. Oh yeah, the whole thing. Heads up, clear up, clear up, clear up. We’re just gonna blend this. Drop it in there. Lovely. to get it, oh. Wave your hands in the air like you just don’t care. Did I shave? I shaved! Can I get a round of applause for my shaved pits? Thank you, thank you. Drop a little bit of vinegar in there. We’re gonna get a fair amount of cilantro. Just twist it off, nice and rustic . I have a scheme that I wanna do. What’s your scheme? ‘Cause here’s the thing, I’m susceptible to schemes. Okay maybe it’s not a scheme, maybe it’s just a good idea. So I’m… , what’s your scheme? Maggie says to get closer to the hot oil, and I’m like, okay, no! I’m gonna wait, okay. Yeah. You know, my wrists are getting a little, you know, ouchie as I age, and I wanna get like, you know those kinda, what do you call ’em for the people with the typing, and it like, ouch? What? What’s it- Carpal Tunnel Syndrome. Thank you, Nicole. Carpal Tunnel Syndrome, those like supportive wrist things. Nobody’s making ’em cute. Nobody’s making ’em cute. I wanna make gauntlet style like Renaissance Fair wrist, like. It’s actually pretty solid idea. Yes, thank you, I think bedazzle ’em, make ’em look cute. That’s a really solid idea. Because it is kind of cool. You look like Xena Warrior princess with arthritis. You ever try this? Try some of this. Sounds good, just like put it on your yeah, yeah. Flavor sauce. If there was a band at Fyre Fest- that would convince you to go, who would it be? System of a Down. That’s like- told me to go anywhere. That’s pretty good. And you know there was a vague promise of a boat and $2 million worth of liquor, and it is taxed at 45% in The Bahamas. I’m trying to think of what band I would go to see. It would probably be like something that classic? Like Fleetwood Mac or something? That’d be good. I don’t know. Jamiroquai. Ja, ha! Jamiroquai? Heck yeah. I love Jamiroquai. Goo Goo Dolls. If you got Jamiroquai and Goo Goo Dolls there together, I would, it’s over, it’s over! Fyre Fest 2024, System of a Down, Jamiroquai, Goo Goo Dolls. Yes. We’re coming, and we’re going to Catalina. Maybe Sting. That’s it. If Sting was there, oh yeah. Okay. Sting. I’m gonna start filling up these tacos. Not Jimmy Buffett though. Screw you, Jimmy Buffet. RIP. Listen, there is a Margaritaville like retirement village situation. Oh god, of course there is. Yeah, but I think that sounds kinda fun. Yeah. I don’t know. I bet those guys take Cialis like a good guy. ‘Cause listen, millennial dudes should start doing it. Like there’s no shame in the game, right? We have the medical disclaimer come across the board again? We only have it for Emily when she starts talking about male enhancement drugs. Some of y’all need it, and you don’t think you do, but boy, you need it. Don’t go to 711 and buy the pills that are hanging up next to Five Hour Energy Shots, don’t do that. No, no, no, no. These tacos are looking great. Thank you. If you care about the tacos. I know you’re all hyped up on adrenaline. I do, I also love that we’ve got the base of a fish tank here to like, you know, serve it on. When you’re on a yacht and you have the private chef experience, this is the level of luxury that our guests at Fyre Fest will expect. I do have equity in the company. They are not paying me in cash. You ready to eat? Yes I am. Let’s do it. Alright. I’m so hungry. Can’t wait to eat all that food we made. I can’t wait. Where is it? No, no, no, no, no, no! No! Not again! Foiled by, if I had a nickel for every time Ja Rule has foiled me on this show. Yeah, Ja rule. 15 cents. I didn’t expect myself to get a little bit sentimental about Fyre Fest, but this is cool, and it could have been really cool, and a lot of people were duped. Could you imagine? They were duped! There’s no way he could’ve made this happen. I know, but it sounds so cool. Also, what people don’t remember is that it was all to promote an app where it was about like being able to book talent very easily. I would love to be on that app. 1500 bucks, bring me to a birthday party, I’ll do whatever. Honestly, yeah. I don’t even wanna do cameo though, ’cause I’m that disorganized. I mean people who’ve bought jewelry from me, they know. We’ve had some shipping difficulties. But it’s solved now. Eat some macaroni, look at that. Ooh, I made this! Dig in here. Oh man. Josh says it’s watery in the middle, so I’m not gonna- No, it’s fine. Listen, listen, they would’ve killed for watery macaroni pie. Truly. I wonder if anyone found love at Fyre Fest. Oh definitely. You think so? There’s definitely Fyre Fest babies. There has to be at least one Fyre Fest baby who was conceived on the island in one of the pee tents. I mean, it’s free to do that. These are really great though. This is amazing. Could be more solid, but like all the bell pepper and the in there- Yeah! come through. And who knew if you just dumped an entire five pounds of cheese in something, it would make it good? Here, eat a whole fried lobster. You want some lime on it? That’s a lobster? I just thought it was a freakish shrimp. What is lobster but freakish shrimp? Well, yeah, that’s true. Oh man. Oh my god, I don’t deserve this. Yeah, Major Lasers being like. Yeah, and you’re eating a- and then you just, aw. A big ass lobster, yeah. time. Oh my god. Oh that’s nice time. Oh my god. I wish I had 16 Red Bull vodkas to wash it down with. Oh, thank you, is this the, what is this? Whole fried snapper. Snapper. down the spice face, there might be bones, watch out for bones. I got a little bone. Well are bones fiber? Yeah man. I need fiber. fiber. I got one. But you know, in a past life, I think that I liked eating bones. Like, like Emily Deschanel bones? You mean like Zoe Deschanel’s sister? Yeah, starred in “Bones”. Wanton tacos, little curry chicken in there. This is like- We can pause. I think this might be the best “Meals of History” meal I’ve ever had. It’s also fun. The lobster. Also good. Do we have soy sauce? ‘Cause I wanna dunk this. I’ll give someone 20 dol, I’ll give someone. Look at how pretty, it’s got gold on it. And then are these four leaf clovers? What is this? Thank you. Radish sprouts. Radish sprouts. Couldn’t splurge for the four leaf clovers, huh? No, they promised it in the fine print. So is this that weird fish stuff that you were making before that was stinky? This is conch, yeah, yeah. So conch is a sea snail, really good, typically, they’ll put it in fritters. But if you’re making Bahamian style sushi. All right, I’m gonna try it. I don’t have a lot of faith in me liking this. Mm. It’s not bad. It like pops in your mouth. Mmhm, the crunch is the snail. It’s all right. This look amazing. Yeah. Here you are, sir. I don’t do chopsticks good. Let me show you. I always struggled with it as a kid. Oh, I’m so good at it! Oh my god. All that food wasted at the Fyre Fest. I do this way. Wait, what? What are you doing? I don’t know, I can’t do it the other way. How are you holding that? In between the two middle fingers and then these like this. That is unbelievable. I don’t know, it’s the only way I could do it. That’s like some sort of synesthesia of the hand. Probably. Ooh, that’s good. Amanda, I wish you nothing but the best- Thank you. In your future aspiring influencer career. I did just see the charter plane pull up. They said they’re getting people off the island, so unfortunately this meal’s coming to a close. Is everyone leaving? Yeah, you gotta go home. You gotta go back to real life. I’m not a quitter. This is my home now. Fyre Fest will live on. I, Amanda, will throw the next Fyre Fest. Pre-order your tickets! We got a link in the bio below, and it is definitely real! Fyre Fest 2024 happening in Oxnard. Kesha will be there. We don’t need it anymore. We don’t need that anymore? No, just, we don’t need it. I’ve just been doing that for an hour? Yeah, it was occupying you, I don’t know. Which sandwich are we getting? The sriracha curly fry. Yes! I love how excited you are. I’m so hungry. Yeah, dad took me to Jack in the Box! Thrill of my life, daddy! [Drive Through Worker] Hello, welcome to Jack’s, how may I help you? Hi, may we do two sriracha curly fry munchy meals please? Yeah, it’s 2:00 AM somewhere, you know? Curly fries are so freaking good. Jack in the Box curly fries up there with Arby’s. That’s what I was gonna say. What do you think? Arby’s or Jack in the Box? Don’t pit two hot queens against each other. You know? Yeah. I’m not getting this burger. I’ve never had this particular munchy meal. Me neither. Huge fan of their other munchy meals, but this, oh, look at the amount of mayonnaise coverage. Oh yeah! That’s what I wanna see. Their burgers look kinda weird. They look a little like particle boardy. I call that a school lunch burger. That’s exactly what it is! I’m gonna get a, ooh, there’s a nice cheesy. I just got a piece of bone in my burger. And you know what? I’m not mad about it, I’m swallowing it. Oh, I swallowed something that was too thick. Yeah, yeah, yeah, definitely. Mm. I’m gonna rip open the hot sauce like a grenade. Yeah, that hot sauce is not as like creamy, cheesy as I thought it was gonna be. But we can make it better. good. For our version. Curly fries and the taco. Ooh, that’s smart. Jack in the Box tacos are the lowest level of food that I’m willing to consume. Wanna know a really weird craving I had the other day? I just wanted to open a can of Manwich and eat it with a fork cold. What is that? Are you expecting? Definitely not. I got a great lamas class to recommend you. I go there to meet women. Yep. Not like, not romantically, just kind of for friendship. So now I’m like your wing woman? Yeah, you’re exactly my wing woman. Jack in the Box has the perfect setup of everything. It’s the curly fries with the regular fries, the tacos and the cheeseburger in the same meal. But there’s definitely ways that we can make this fancier, like- Oh yeah. I mean one, buffalo meat. What? We’ll figure it out, we’ll get there eventually. I didn’t bring my bow and arrow. I just sounded like Moira Rush. I didn’t bring my bow and arrow. Bow and arrow. Well, alright, so now I feel a little bit sick. I don’t, I feel great. Oh, I’m all hopped up on mayonnaise and trans fats, baby! Let’s go fancify this thing. Yeah, get Jack, Jack in the Box. Emily, we got all our buffalo parts out here, but that’s actually not the most expensive part of this. Not by a long shot if you go by weight. This is some incredible product. This is roasted bamboo salt. Just take a nugget and pop it in your mouth. Ooh. Really think about the flavors, it’s one of the most incredible things I’ve ever experienced. It’s a little eggy. It’s not just a little eggy, that is incredibly eggy. Anyways, I’m gonna start breaking down this buffalo meat. Do you wanna pour all that in here? Let’s switch. What? I gotta pour what- I don’t, well, I mean, do you trust yourself with a knife? I don’t think it matters, ’cause everybody’s telling me I gotta do stuff in this episode. I can’t just stand there and make jokes. Is that a deal breaker for you? Well, I just, you know, I thought I was getting away with it. I thought I was just getting to come on here and do nothing, and just talk. And then Ben noticed. What am I doing? You pour all the peppercorns in there. Okay. And then grind ’em up. Oh, this isn’t broken anymore. Yeah, I’m just gonna separate these into their chops, and then we’re gonna take- All of these? Yeah, yeah, we’re not gonna use all of it, but might as well have it all ground up. And so we’re actually gonna take all this, and we’re just gonna chop it until it literally looks like ground beef, and then we’re gonna get that, we’re gonna baste it in some buffalo butter. We’re gonna get that fancy Korean. So I call it Fart Seoul, is that insensitive? I don’t know, again, I think it’s medicine because look, it’s got like a doctor on it. Doctor Insan, master of herbal medicine. I think we’re using herbal medicine on our burger. I don’t know if we should do that, But that sounds good! Okay. I think it’s for pregnant women. I think it’s, and you know my feelings on pregnant women, You have really got that on the brain, man. I can’t, I just, I can’t. But it’s not, again, it’s not like that. The ability to create life is like a superpower! Yeah. Women is the future! Join us next time when we make sushi and get Josh’s sperm checked. Follow Mythical Society to see my sperm count if you’re a platinum level member. While I’m doing this, do you wanna start hacking at this meat? But save this nugget. Ah, okay. So then you take this meat. Do you want me to kind of demo it for you? Sure, yes. All right, so you’re gonna do it like this. Very simple technique. It’s so big. So you wanna sort of like get some sort of aggression out. Like imagine you’re, I don’t know, hacking up like the YouTube algorithm that won’t let us drink on camera or else we get demonetized. For instance. But if they don’t see us drinking, then it’s not a big deal. I dropped my phone. Oh, that’s just too bad. We both need to get that phone. Nicely done. I almost got my phone. Nice, okay. Cheers. Phone fell again. Oh god, that’s good phone. I found it! I had three Twitter notifications. Oh man! Well hey, so I’m gonna go ahead and just keep chopping up this beef. You keep hacking away at that. Okay, I gotta hack at it now. Suddenly I feel more confident about it. I feel more confident about anything. The world seems a little bit lighter. There it is, that’s good. Yeah, actually this is very fun! Yeah, we just gotta do that for about a half hour. You were saying you wanted to work out more, right? I was thinking Jazzercise or something- This is Jazzercise! There’s no outfit. Do you realize how many rich white ladies in Brentwood would pay money to do this while I yell at them? Four, that’s enough. Did I chop it good? You chopped it good, Emily, your service here is done. I’m gonna finish chopping this, then we’re gonna season it up, and then we’re gonna hit it in that cast iron. Gimme about another 10 minutes here Emily! All right! I got another 10! Woo! All right, hey, so welcome back to mythical shows. Put the top on that, and then spin her up. Yeah, it’s blend that. I’m gonna start forming this into a burger patty. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is this good? Oh, that’s perfect. So we’re only gonna use that to season the outside of the burger. Speaking of burger, I’m gonna take this and I’m gonna fold the burger over. You know what, maybe it’s gonna be easier if I do this. I’m gonna create a wreath around this hamburger. Kind of mash that on top of that filet mignon. That is ridiculously large. I don’t think so. Okay. And now we’re gonna go ahead and pan roast it. So we’re gonna do a reverse sear on it, which means we’re gonna hit it in the oven for about 45 minutes at 200 degrees, and then we’re gonna get it in a screaming hot pan with a bunch of garlic and rosemary and buffalo butter to go on our buffalo. Ooh. But this ain’t kosher bro. I’m so damp. We’re just gonna flop that in there, and then what we’re gonna do is we’re gonna nestle some butter on top of that. The butter’s going to melt through it. So take that butter, cut it up and start arranging it around that. I’m gonna start palm heel striking some garlic. Probably gonna cut this wrong. Am I doing this right? You’re doing it perfectly. There’s no wrong way to do it. Thank you. So all we’re trying to do is sorta get some of that butter infused in the meat, ’cause buffalo tends to be a little bit lean. We are using the ribeye, but filet mignon in there is also pretty lean. So we’re gonna let that butter melt all around that garlic. We’re gonna spread some rosemary on it. Lovely, lovely. Smells good already. Alright, so this is going in the oven. No stabbing. We got a lot of knives and carnage around here. We sure do. All right, all right, Emily. Now I play the waiting game. Needs to be in there for about 45 minutes, and… Where my phone go? Oh, oh. Know I saw it somewhere around here. There it is. Oh! Drinking from daddy’s phone. Emily, I have the most important task in all the kitchen for you. Can you open that bag? Yeah, I can. I don’t… Use that, yeah, use that. So we’re gonna make our curly fries right now. We use these beautiful fingerling rainbow potatoes right here, and we’re totally gonna get a lot of curly fries out of each one of this is the most efficient way. Oh, you gotta brace it with your hips. Oh, that’s cute. Is it working? Yeah! Is it peeling it or are we going to eat the peel? No, no, skin’s fancy. You ever go to a fancy restaurant and they got the skin on the fries? So you know it’s fancy. So we’re just gonna grind these, and we’re gonna get ’em into these lovely little shoestrings right here. Okay. Do you wanna do one? I would love to do one. All right. So you just gotta like kind of insert the potato tip into the hole, and then keep cranking. Okay, so you’re doing it? All right, I’m gonna it start making some batter. ‘Cause we’re gonna do a really loose batter, because like the fries at Jack in the Box, right? They’re so delicious and crispy because they have a very loose, heavily seasoned batter on ’em. So love- There is some purple juice. Love that. Yeah, yeah, it tastes like purple. So we’re gonna add some of that Timut peppercorn. That’s that Nepalese peppercorn. Wow. Smell my fingers. It smells like grapefruit. It does, it’s super, super citrusy. That’s one of the reasons it’s so prized. It’s like a cat that ingested something he doesn’t like. All right, now we’re doing smoked paprika. So- Smell that. Ooh! Huh, smells kinda like bacon, right? Smells like a nice wood cabin. Now I’m adding some of this truffle flour. It’ll go nicely- Whoa! With our wood meat. Smell this. Ooh. Little bit of garelick. And then a lot of bit of salt. All right, we’re going to make a batter with this Jack Daniels that we’ve never tasted. Do you think they’re buying it? Oh, they’re buying it, they’re buying. I’m pouring some water in this batter. So we’ve got a red one, I should get a yellow one, right? Ah, crap! What happened? Son of a biscuit! I spilled water everywhere. Do you want me to pour the water and you stir? Yeah, yeah, pour the water, I stir. Gimme about a one and three quarter tablespoons. Stop! Thank you, and then pour in about a double shot of Jack. Yeah, yeah, you’ll Sandra Lee pour. There we go. That’s good. So liquor is actually gonna help this get really crisp, I believe. We’ll see what happens with this. We’re gonna keep cranking out these potatoes. These are long. I’m gonna start breaking ’em into individual fries. Hopefully, like that’s a good one. When your dad made you ramen, did he chop up the noodles, or did he let ’em be long? I was, you know, some parents are there. Oh yeah, I forgot. Sometimes they’re not. You know? I forgot about that. Let’s talk about childhood trauma. The red link of all these fun childhood stories. And all mine just get cut ’cause they’re sad. Okay, we’re getting there, we’re getting there, we’re getting there. It’s time to drop, it’s time to drop. How many more do I need? Well, well like 10 times this much, my god. What? Do you see how big that burger was? It’s ostentatiously big. I know, I’m working, I’m working, I’m gonna go faster. So I’m gonna get these in some batter, and then I’m just gonna take ’em. It’s like a little curly pigtail, right? And I’m gonna let ’em go one, a two, a how do you do? Oh. And then just kinda switch it in there and drop, see what happens. It’s looking pretty good though. It looks cute. I think I might wanna fry even hotter, ’cause we’re only doing a single fry on these fries because we got that wet batter in there. I don’t think these little pink ones are very good for this. I think you gotta push harder. I think here, you man the fryer. Yeah, gotta grind hard. Reminds me of summer camp. What did you do at summer camp? No. There we go, that’s looking good, they’re kind of thick. Okay is this a good drip a drip? Yeah, that’s perfect, toss it in. Okay. See this one’s going. This looks almost like a curly fry, right? It does. First Do you want it? It’s too hot. You just flick it right out of the fryer? It’s not hot. Owie! Hot is a mindset. It’s not though. This is really incredible though. That batter is so incredibly light and thin. It’s pretty. I think we just salt these right out of the fryer, maybe put a little bit of that Timut pepper on there. Woo! Oh my god. It’s really freaking good though, right? It’s really good. Yeah, all right, Emily, I’m gonna keep dropping these. We just need about four to 500 more. What? Four, what? Oh, my keys. Oh, oh god. We’re making the Jack in the Box taco. So this is a whole leg of lamb. Okay. I figured we used beef so much in the show, we’re already using bison for the burger. I feel like we should just use a whole leg of lamb to braise and then chop up in these tacos. Whatever you say, man. Oh, you don’t have any opinions about the lamb leg? I don’t. We’re gonna go ahead and take these Chile , I’m making a taco sauce that we’re also gonna use to braise the lamb. Well, actually we’re pressure cooking it. So can you take the lid off the intsapot? I watched you do it once where you were like this. Put the meat in the bucket. With the string on it? Yeah, yeah, keep the string on it. That’s how it stays tight. Hey look, it looks like it’s at Coachella. Okay. Yes. What do I do now? Can you go ahead and, that’s fine. What’d you do, you put it in the blood! It’s fine, we’re cooking it all. Oh, okay. You’re gonna peel it. So that’s fresh turmeric. That’s a really fun ingredient to use. We’re gonna add that to- I don’t wanna put it in the blood. Here’s my thinking, health gurus, right? gurus, Gwyneth Paltro, she’s a very fancy lady. She steam cleans her holes. So she uses fresh turmeric, believes it has anti-inflammatory properties. So we’re gonna put it in our hot sauce. Oh, that’s a good idea. All right, so we’re gonna put a couple cloves of garlic in this too. I wanna go pretty simple on this hot sauce. and this beautiful chili , and then I’m also gonna use, speaking of health gurus, Miracle Cleanse Concentrate. Oof, yeah. So we’re trying to use this taco sauce as a full all service cleanse. So this is just gonna, you know, everything in and everything out. It’s like Jack in the Box already does. I’m just gonna pour some of that concentrate in there. I’m gonna go ahead and put a little bit of Fart Salt in here too. No! Just a couple. Fart Salt? This is $90! Fine. Half the show is jacking up the price tag with useless things. We’re not trying to make the best tasting thing. We’re trying to make the fanciest thing. Have you ever seen anything this fancy? It’s got a doctor on it. You should get your own Fart Salt. Welcome, Mythical Fart Salt, I’m your host, Fart Salt. So we’re gonna put some Fart Salt in there. And then we also got a little bit of this fresh jalapeno powder because nothing goes- I’m not sniffing that. Nothing goes with farts like jalapenos. So we’re just gonna add a little bit of spice in there. That’s gonna be nice. See how it’s cool and green? And now just a little bit of this Miracle Cleanse, just for a little bit of acid to round it out. Did you put the turmeric in there? What are you doing? What’s going on, have you? This is all you told me to do. You do not peel turmeric with a spoon. It might not be the mechanism itself. . Fart Salt. Oh my god, are you okay? I don’t know, gimme a blender, someone. I need to blend this, I need this thing to be over. Josh! It’s not blending with the stick blender! Do you want me to do it? ‘Cause it’s not bothering me. Yeah, yeah, yeah, do it. I’m just burning myself now. You whittled the weird finger. No, we don’t need it anymore. We don’t need that anymore? I’ve just been doing that for a hour? It was occupying you, I don’t know. Yeah, go fast. I know it’s splashing everywhere. Not a good, not the right tool for it. Faster. Doesn’t matter. it doesn’t matter. Pour the whole thing in? Just… Half it, half it, half it, save it. Do you realize what happens when you put things in instapot? The steam has to release. Okay. It’s gonna shoot right in my face, I’m gonna vomit. Well then I’ll do it. Yeah, okay, you said, it. Okay. You ever used an instapot before? No! No, I’ve never done anything . But we’re trusting me, right? I pushed something, did it do anything? I don’t… Oh no. What do I do? I’m pressing the yogurt button. Porridge. Yeah, we’re gonna go ahead and porridge this lamb. The turmeric made my fingers orange for no reason. We all have problems, we all have problems. So now, we just gotta wait for this to cook, and then we’re gonna chop it up and make some tacos. Is it doing anything? Wow, look at this. Does it smell? It doesn’t… Doesn’t smell as much like farts anymore. You get a little gaminess in the lamb. Can you go ahead and cut our little lady outta those wet clothes? Yes. So while you’re doing that, I’m gonna go ahead and just stand here a little bit. I’m gonna compose myself. Things got a little outta hand during the last segment, and I apologize for that. Yeah. I lost composure. It’s never happened to me before. We found Josh’s kryptonite. It’s that salt. An evil doctor who made that salt. All right, I’m gonna do this thing where I flop it out. Whoa, it looks weird on the other side. Did I not visually do a good job with flopping it out? Ooh! Okay, so we got that. Now we have a little bit of these pan drippings that we’re just gonna take and kinda like dab on top of there. We’re gonna take some cheese, and we’re gonna put it in the tortilla, and then grab me a fistful of lamb meat. Okay. So I’m gonna try and enclose this. What Jack in the Box does is they fry their tacos with all the stuff in it. I think this is enough. Like. I think this is just gonna work. Oh god, oh god, oh god. Oh god, okay. No, and we have to do more than one? Lean your face away, why are you looking at it? Should I just start stuffing another one for you? Jesus Christ. I think this looks pretty good. Gimme a smaller fistful lamb meat. We’re gonna try this again. We need two, again, I’m not unhappy. Is that a good fistful, you think? That’s a good fistful. Okay. All right, this is fine, it’s gonna work. Okay. Just can’t look at it. Why? Can’t look at it’s bad luck. Okay. Nothing can go wrong if you close your eyes. No, I would never close my eyes around you. You just lost all the meat. No, the meat’s still good. Let me, let me have, can I try one myself? Yeah, yeah, do it, do it, do it. I’ve proven to be an abject failure at this and other things. Now Emily, you have the mantle. Thank you. Can you say like a mantra to me while I’m doing this? Like you’re my sensei? Don’t die. Okay, please god. Yeah, you got it. Emily, you’re crushing it. I am? Okay. You’re doing a great job. Just stay calm, stay calm. Don’t make me lose my concentration. I mean, what? Tell me what I need to support you in lamas class. We use, you breathe . I could definitely use some more of that phone. Is it done? I can’t drink it when I’m like this. I think I did it. Emily, you did it. That is at least the best one that we have. It’s a little- There’s no room for my perfect child! Here, here, I’ll hold it with my strong hands! Ah! So I think we have two perfectly cooked tacos. All we have to do is fill this with a little bit of this lovely watercress. It’s a watercress, very delicate green. You can squirt a little bit of that hot sauce in there, and then I’m gonna get- What is this? This is water cress. Did you go get some four leaf clovers? Yeah, yeah, yeah, it’s lucky. Did you notice how we didn’t die? All right, open up that taco. That one? Yeah, yeah. Okay. And then we’re just gonna get a little bit of that beautiful cress. What is that? And then just a couple, this is the hot sauce. We made this earlier. Is this the fart juice? This is fart juice. Oh. And so now we’re gonna close that up, and here, we have our beautiful fancy Jack in the Box tacos. Now all we have to do is, I hope no more. We’re ready to finish it, so all you gotta do, we gotta sear off this burger. We’ve cooked it to exactly 120 degrees inside. So that filet in there should be medium rare. How are you gonna pick this up? Hands. So I’m just gonna go ahead and- Really? Put a little bit of duck fat in there. You see the pans already smoking, that’s really lovely. We’re just gonna give this a nice showering of salt. Emily, you seem confused. I’m just worried. I’m worried too, I’m not gonna BS you. This is not something I normally do. Okay. We’re just gonna take this and step back on three. One, two. That’s something. So now we’re gonna give this a nice showering of salt. Okay, so we have this beautiful pumpernickel bun that we baked yesterday at the grocery store. We went there and baked it ourselves. So we’re gonna go ahead and put that on there. But meanwhile, can you make our sriracha aioli? Okay. With creme fraiche, cafeteria fraiche? How much of each? Like- Both. Well I thought it was all three of- All the time. Do you want the mayo in there? Sometimes. Can I do it? Oh, big time. All right, It’s gonna suck. Dufinitely. Dufinitely? Dufinitely, dude. So I’m gonna go ahead and I’m gonna flip this burger. There we go, look at that. I can’t believe you did it! It’s absolutely gorgeous. I’m just gonna mash all of our cheese on there. Cheese is gonna melt. This smells really good though, all that duck fat. I was so sure you were gonna screw that up. Nah, nothing ever goes wrong here. I’m gonna throw all that butter in there, and I’m gonna take this rosemary and toss that in. I’m gonna skate the butter around it with my hands, and I’m gonna broil this for 30 seconds. Gonna melt that cheese. All right, Emily, count 30 seconds. One, two, three. Alright, burger’s done. Oh god! Oh, Emily! Behind you, behind you! Okay, okay, okay. Oh my god, look at that burger. What an obscene beast! That’s pretty good, should I put the hamburger on it now? Yes. There we go. Oh you did it, you did it! You did it, you did it! Woo, we did it! Thanks. No one believed in us. Uh, you did, I need to create a false nemesis to feel any sort of accomplishment. Me too. So now we’re gonna take all these french fries, and we’re gonna mash ’em on the burger, ’cause that’s what they did. Here, can you like claw some of that out? Claw out some of that bread meat. While you’re doing that, I’m gonna go ahead and dip a couple paint brushes in this duck fat, and then get it on our fries. Sorry, it’s bison fat, duck fat, and a little bit of butter. All in that rosemary. How’s that? Fantastic. Then we need to drizzle some sauce on top. Emily, this is something. This feels wrong. Somehow, I think fancy and grotesque. You’ve seen “Eyes Wide Shut”, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. They kind of go hand in hand sometimes, I think. Definitely. The crowning? The crowning. Emily, we did it. Look at this freaking thing, it’s unbelievable. It’s so thick. Can you go ahead and take out the original munchy meal? We need to see how it compares. I think ours might be a little bit bigger. It got outta hand at some point. I don’t know how it happened, but I mean, if you look at it, it’s like, how are their tacos bigger? That makes no sense. No, that doesn’t. Whatever, the rules of fanciness sometimes are bent. So our curly fries, we got these beautiful heirloom potatoes on there, multicolored. All we gotta do left is eat now. Hamburger mouth, in or on around. Can I make one observation? Go ahead. I like that both of these have butt cuts, but this one is Jonathan Taylor Thomas, and this one is Christian Bale from “American Psycho”. Which one’s better? You know. Emily, we gotta eat this thing. Yeah! Whether we want to or not, at this point, it almost seems like we’ve come so far that I don’t wanna eat it, but also, I really wanna see what the inside of this thing looks like. I’m just gonna cut it right down the butt crack. This is right down the Jonathan Taylor Thomas. The Jason Bateman. It’s Jason Bateman? Is it Jason Bateman? Wait, hold on, hold on. Let’s see what we’re… Holy crap, you see the filet? The filet is medium rare. How are we gonna fit this in our mouths though? Any way we can. It’s the size of a derby hat. The french fries have just emulsified into a goo with all the sauce. Oh my god, it smells so amazing. We gotta do it. Should we mash our middles together? Yeah. Mwah! Okay, one, two, three. What the hell? Ah, okay, ah. I just got a bite of steak in, it’s a perfectly cooked steak inside of a hamburger with the blue cheese. Unbelievable. You have a tiny mouth. Whatever’s happening here, it’s really good, so maybe the Fart Salt really loosened something up. the Fart Salt, take a taco. Okie doke. Mm, mmhm. No farts in my mouth. Wait, Josh, how much is all this? $419, 21 cents. That’s not bad, that’s not bad. Think about it. That’s like a whole buffalo in here. My god, this is unbelievably decadent. Emily, thank you so much for being here with me. I’m so glad you had me, and you know what? Trying to cook was fun. Yeah, you sound totally convinced. When your voice rises up, that means you’re serious. I’m gonna make a vow that I will try harder from now on. Thank you so much. And thank you so much for stopping by the Mythical Kitchen. I’m gonna gesture with my large ostentatious hamburger. We got new episodes coming out every week, we got new episodes of our podcast, “A Hotdog is a Sandwich” every Wednesday wherever you get your podcasts. Hit us up on Instagram at Mythical Kitchen the pictures of your mythical dishes under hashtag dreams become food. Wait, do you see my phone? Oh, I think you dropped it. There it is. I’m gonna throw up. Welcome to “Mythical Kitchen”, where we are recreating some of the most notable meals throughout history. Today’s historic meal is inspired by Cleopatra’s Banquet from Mark Anthony, as documented by Roman historian the Elder in 77 Ad Cleopatra became ruler of Egypt at 18 years old, and was equally charismatic and ruthless, using both qualities to further Egypt’s political aims. Legend has it that in 41 BCE, Cleopatra wagered that she could stage a feast more lavish than her lover Mark Anthony ever could. Today, we’re recreating parts of this historic banquet, bringing the best that ancient Egypt had to offer. We got roast goose, cattle, stuffed pigeons, and we’re topping things off with a dulcis coccora, AKA tiger nut sweets, which are one of the oldest recipes ever found. And that’s not even the craziest part. As the story goes, Cleopatra took the pearls from her earrings and dissolved them in a glass of vinegar, and then drank it as a mind blowing grand finale that caused Mark Antony ultimately to lose the bet. And on that note, I better mind blow this popsicle stand and get my costume on. It’s time for! “Meals of History”! Well, I guess I don’t have to ask what your persona is anymore. What do you… No, okay, yeah. No, most cats tend to do that. At least she didn’t bite me, which I kinda thought she’d do. What, she gonna . I’m coming back, but only because I want to, and not because you want me to. Do you want me to put my car keys there, and you can just paw them off the counter? I’ll paw whatever I want. Yes, you will. I didn’t give myself a butt hole, and I think that I should have. Because cats always show their to you, don’t they? They really do. Just imag- Do it in post. Yeah, yeah, add a butt hole in post. That’s what we pay our editors for, good job. Make it, oh, you remember those things that cats did? By the way, I’m Cleopatra’s cat. Yeah, that’s what I was doing. Cats were a big symbol in ancient Egypt. They were used in a lot of religious rituals, and cats weren’t per se, owned by people, but they sort of had their favorite cats that were always hanging around. They were associated with several deities. Yep. And their butt holes. Cleocatra, can I call you Cleocatra? No, I haven’t heard that joke before, oh my god. Yeah, it’s a bit derivative. But right now, do you wanna help me? We’re making some of Cleopatra’s favorite foods. As we mentioned, she and Mark Antony, they were one just debaucherous. I mean they were just going at her all the time. But they were also huge foodies, because for Cleopatra asserting… I can’t, the cat is distracting me, and I’m gonna distract the cat, and it’s gonna be a mess today. It’s gonna be a mess. Cleopatra used a lot of social influence to actually curry favor with people. So stuff like food, which was. Stuff like food. Stuff like food, which is a huge status symbol. She could kind of show her Egyptian-ness because she wasn’t actually, let’s say ethnically Egyptian, she was from the Ptolemaic dynasty. So she was Hellenistic or Greek, but a lot… I’m dying! Point is, in Egypt, they ate a lot of game birds, including the Egyptian goose, which is very common. Birds? Do you wanna kill it? Kill it. Birds? Get it, get the goose, Cleocatra! We’re making Egyptian goose. Very, very common bird, and there was just a lot of roast going on. There were a lot of banquets, they were always courting people because the Egyptian empire was closely tied with Rome, so they had like the Syrians, the Armenians, they just a bunch of different, the Nubians, a bunch of different people they had to entertain. So they’d always make food. So we’re doing cattle. God, the cat’s gone, that’s fine. I’m taking over the show now. The cat comes back when the cat wants to come back, and that’s fine. It was nothing, I thought I saw a rat. Can you start crushing some coriander there? And then you’re gonna add in the dates with pomegranate juice and honey. So that’s gonna be a lacquer for this roast goose. There are a lot of spices, a lot of nuts, a lot of dried fruits used in Egyptian cuisine. Again, this is like before the actual Roman Empire. So a lot of the influence is gonna be coming from Greek. So I’m taking a lot of these spices. We got cinnamon, we got a lot of black pepper. We got salt, we got cumin going in there. Beautiful, beautiful. So we’ve done a lot of like, kinda ancient Roman cooking on this, and haven’t done a lot of Greek. And it’s funny because people talk about Cleopatra being, you know, the last Egyptian Pharaoh, which is true, but also she was part of the Ptolemeic dynasty. Ptolemy me was a homie of, what’s the name- Patolemy. Patolemy, I’m sorry, I don’t know the pronunciation. You guys in present day, you really. Mess up the pronunciation? It’s Patolemy, and also, Caesar is Kazer. Kazer Sozay. Kazer Sozay. No, I will tell you that as I was. What’s happening? I’m not doing a hairball thing that is just really… It’s pungent, it’s nice. A lot of pungent spices. A little spicy. Again, spices were a way to show your wealth, and consolidating power is really big because Cleopatra’s rule was like, you know, the legitimacy of it was often questioned. Her brothers died in a lot of various circumstances. A lot of people think that her family is just known for killing each other. Yeah. They’re also known for marrying each other. Yeah, that was a big, well that was, you know, common. I’m not here to justify. I watched “House of the Dragon”, and I didn’t think that’s right. Well listen, I could, I wanna talk trash about all of her husbands. Yeah, you didn’t like ’em? I mean the first one was like her little brother. Yeah, Ptolemy the 13th I believe. Yeah, that kid was like 10. Yeah. And he did not know how to hold me. I don’t think he knew how to hold Cleopatra. It was like a lot of this. And I was like, he should not have a baby, number one. Yeah, he’s a shaking, yeah, yeah. So, but he would do that and then he would like- Here I’ll mash the dates. You tell your stories about Ptolemy the 13th, you talk about the cat. He would pet me like really hard and fast, and it’s like you gotta, you know, warm up the cat before you go in hard and fast. Yeah. That’s just a good life lesson for you out there, you know? Now Caesar and and Mark Anthony, they knew what to do. They were, and they were hot. They were really good. Mark Anthony had abs. Yeah, yeah, they were good. Everybody knows that Also, Patolemy the 13th and the 14th… Okay, yeah, that happens, that happens. I’m gonna fist this goose real quick. So I’m gonna take these onions and shove it into the goose cavity. I’m, kitty, give me one second. We got a bunch of wine, we got a bunch of dried , we got rosemary, we got this lovely roast of cattle right here. This is a beef shank. Cattle is a huge status symbol. And also the bull was a sacred symbol. Go ahead, you were talking about Mark Antony’s abs. So, ugh, no, Patolemy the 13th, the 14th, let me tell you. They would sometimes, like, they’d throw a ball and be like, go get it. I’m like, I am not a dog. I got one. , you ever seen anything like that? I’m gonna, I got this beautiful lacquer. So this is coriander, this is dates, this is pomegranate. I got a lot of seasonings back then. Woo! That looks like blood. A lot of seasonings back then were really just like kind of fruits and nuts, and they had a lot of warm spices. All right, Cleocatra, I’m gonna call you Cleocatra. Please don’t, my name is Horace. Sorry Horace. We got this goose is nice and lacquered right now. I Googled up a bunch of names that people gave cats back then, and that was the best one. I would name a cat Horace today. Yeah. So we got our roasted goose, again, this is like the big centerpiece of the banquet- Do you want me to paw that down. Aw, yeah, yeah. Here, you paw it down. Yep. Is it hot? No, it’s not hot. Okay. Also my cat does not care if it’s hot, it’s going. All right, so we’re just gonna roast that goose off, we’re eventually gonna cover it, we’re gonna tint it. Again, these would’ve been just roasted over an open fire by a court cook, because in Egypt, they had this big sort of Greek dynastic rule, and they had a whole lot of cooks employed. All right. And the cat’s gone. Okay, that’s fine, now we can finally talk. Oh god, it’s back. I need a spray bottle. I hate you so much. Hey, you forgot your giblets. Wow, V, thank you for delivering our giblets, and you look so fashionable in your Mythical Vacation sweater. This is made of a fabric called boucle. And I knew about it before two minutes ago. What are you doing? And it’s available, I’m sorry, this is my cat. Just the cat loves fabrics. Just can you be chilled with the cat? Can you not? I don’t like that! You can go to mythical.com to get your official Mythical Vacation sweater in gray and blue. Apparently during the big feast that Cleopatra was doing to impress Mark Anthony, she put a pearl in vinegar, and then it disintegrated, and she did a shot of it. Yeah, she drank her own pearl. Yeah, which is kind of similar to what I do with whiskey, but it’s not that impressive. Apparently they’re like, oh, I’m worried. What do you do with whi, what do you put there? Well I try to impress guys on . Oh yeah, that makes sense. But I like look how much whiskey I can drink! But you’re not like eating your own jewels. No! I don’t know. That was the point of what she did. So we don’t have, we just have plastic pearls. But I’m just gonna put ’em in there anyway for fun. See how many you can swallow. Yeah. If you wanna help cook, it’d be awesome if you can chop up these giblets. So Hamam Mahshi, this is stuffed pigeon. This was actually probably Cleopatra’s favorite dish. It was something that she served, a lot of foreign dignitaries, ate a lot herself. We got some pigeon over here, AKA squab, and we got giblets, we have that’s what we’re stuffing with. So I’m gonna start by sauteing off some aromatics, and yeah, I know it’s a lot. Cooking’s distracting. So we got our butter going, we’re gonna toss in these onions right here, there we go. Can you chop the gibs? So the giblets, these are the internal organs of the squab. So we got kidney, we got heart, we got liver in there. And then of course you’re in ancient Egypt, you’re not gonna waste the good organs. Mmhm. I can do it, I can do it. What do you want me to chop up? Chop these, I was- Those? I thought you were trying to make me chop that up. No, those are the whole birds, these are giblets. Oh my god! Just start hacking, just start hacking. So testy! Start hacking, if you want, here instead of doing that, if you wanna just put lemon juice on these, I can chop this up. Okay. Because we’re gonna eventually gonna saute the with some all spice, and some cinnamon, salt and pepper with these giblets. It’s almost like a Cajun dirty rice, you know? Yeah! Yeah, there we go. Oh, that heart looks like a nipple. Why do hearts look like nipples? What the heck do your nipples look like? Wait, I know what the nipples look like, you show them off all the time. I know, this is a heart doesn’t it look like my nipple? I can’t make a visual on it. Doesn’t my nipple look like a pigeon heart? My cat growing up, he was like feral, and then, but we took him in anyway. Boy, he was wild. But he would kill everything. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And one time, maybe I shouldn’t tell this story. Tell the story, Emily. When has that ever stopped you from doing anything? No, so my cat like killed a rabbit, and then ripped off its ears and then left it on the front porch, and he was like, ugh, right? Check it out. So Hamam Mahshi, what we’re gonna do is we’re gonna take the squab, we gotta rub down with lemon juice. We’re gonna hit it with some salt and pepper, and then we are going to stuff these, and we’re gonna get it, get them roasting in a clay pot. Oh, it smells so good. So she tried to impress him by showing up with food and stuff like that? To Mark Anthony. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not to be confused with Mark Antony. So Mark Antony, I feel like we, hold on- No wait! Antony is the one we’re talking about. Marc Anthony is a singer, Mark Antony was Cleopatra’s lover, and what had happened was, Cleopatra effectively seduced Julius Caesar. Whatever seduced means, we don’t know if it was explicitly sexual, but they did eventually have a kid together. Oh yeah. And so what happened was, basically, big old Roman civil war. Egypt relied on Rome for protection, and then Rome relied on Egypt for resources, but Rome had the bigger army. Also the oranges, you know? And so basically there was a civil war, and it was, you had like General Pompey in the west, and you had Julius Caesar. They basically fought, Pompey gets driven out, Julius Caesar is sort of the rightful, this is the pre emperor days technically. Well, Cleopatra’s brother definitely screwed that up. Yeah, and so what happened is Pompey flees to Egypt in exile, he’s like, I’m gonna peace out right now. I just lost the Civil War. And then Cleopatra’s brother, Ptolemy the 13th, who’s like a child at the time, basically, they kind of captured Pompey, and they’re like, yo, what do we do to make Caesar like us even more? And so eventually Caesar sort of lays siege to Alexandria, Ptolemy the 13th dies drowning while trying to flee in full armor. There was just like, I, well, okay now I gotta fix this. How do I do it? I’m gonna seduce him by disguising myself as a carpet, which I think is rad. She was an incredible, an incredible states person out there. She was using her wiles and her guiles out there. Her whole dynasty was just crumbling, it was sort of the end of the Pharaoh age. Egypt was such a diverse culture. You had a lot of Hellenistic people, you had Romans coming down from all across the empire. How do you keep this stable? Seduction. You okay? Oh, cat fell asleep. Yeah, cats sleep a lot. So I’m gonna take some of these pigeons. Just gonna fist it, and then we’re just gonna stuff our filling in there. You know what? What’s up? I feel like Cleopatra, you know, is impressing him with all this like Mark Antony with all this, you know, wealth and stuff. It doesn’t usually work. I pay for dinner a lot on dates, and I feel like you could see in their face they’re like, hey, that’s my thing. Yeah, yeah, a lot of- That’s fine, but you took my thing I complain about. Hey! That’s true. Now I have to like be good at conversation and cunnilingus. Against all odds, these look really good. Ooh, those do look good. Our pigeons are nice and stuffed, they’re nestled in here. Especially like the clay pot. The clay pot, so this was a legit cooking method. Looks like it’s for baby cactuses. We’re effectively gonna roast it and braise it. Here, hey, do you know that Mark Antony, at any given time in the palace had eight wild boars roasting at different levels of done-ness, ’cause he just wanted to be able to walk into the kitchen and go, hey, gimme some perfectly cooked wild boar? The guy sounds great. He sounds pretty rad, he’s just a dude that knows what he wants. All right, so we got the chicken stock in there. We’re gonna bake these off, probably about 45 minutes just to sort of let ’em do a quick braise, get that stuffing hydrated, and then now we gotta make some dessert. You know, cats let us do that, they go. So yeah, . Horace, the totally normal cat. We’re making. I am not normal, I am a royal cat. Horace, the royal cat, I’m sorry. You will address me as such. I have addressed you as such, Horace, the royal cat. His cat of catliness, the holy cat emperor of all cats. Am I establishing that I’m a male cat? I don’t mind that. You can be a male, you can be whatever you want. Yeah, I’m a male cat. Horace, the male cat. We are making Cleopatra’s favorite desserts. These are called dulcis coccora, AKA tiger nut sweets. See, you just described exactly who I am. You’re the tiger nut sweet? I have tiger nuts. We all have tiger nuts, you know what I mean? I know, it’s like we forgot to mention also, I know that you’re supposed to think like, why is she an orange cat? Well guess what? Roll the tape, Analise. There’s a whole like drawing. What tape is Analise rolling? It’s not tape. What tape is she rolling? Emily, do you have a tape roll? It’s one image, it’s one image we found where the cat is orange when it was drawn on the wall. And so now I’m saying that all of the cats were orange. The oldest known recipe for dulcis coccora dates back to 1600 BC. Oh yeah, we’re cooking. It was actually found on a shard of broken pottery. And we’ll be making both that version and, since Cleopatra was just born in around 69 A.D. Nice. Nice, we’re going to make a somewhat more modern version. So you got cinnamon tigernut flour, some walnuts and dates, and you’re just gonna blend that in here with some honey. So just add that in there, and we’ll put some honey in. All of ’em? Yeah, yeah. And then this version that we’re doing, again, would’ve been more modern around Cleopatra’s time. This is very similar. All of it? Dump it, dump it. This is very similar to the Greek – What about this? which are like a honey syrup donut. Yeah, so that’s the tiger nut flour. So drop that in, we have more to add if we need. All of it? I’m gonna drop in some of this honey to make a honey syrup to cook our dulcis coccora in. Yeah, dump that cinnamon in, come on! Sometimes you have stuff that it’s like you’re just supposed to put a little bit of it in. I know what you mean, yeah, we’re pretty confusing about it sometimes. My favorite thing is you get all these little dishes out, you could just put all the stuff in there at once, and then- I know, but the little dishes look nice on camera. But it’s for you. It’s so you can see how much of stuff is supposed to- I’m adding figs, walnuts, and warm water- I get it now. To a flour dough, and then I’m just gonna mix this up until it forms a paste, and then we’re gonna boil that in the honey syrup, which is gonna be really good. ‘Cause I love Loukoumades. Big Greek food guy. Why’d you laugh about Loukoumades? What’s funny about Loukoumades? I don’t know, I’m just trying to be alive. She asked me to deliver a letter today. I forgot to do it. What letter? What was the letter? It’s one that’s like, I think… I think dying sounds good. Oh. That one. No, she wouldn’t say that. But she lives, she already lives so much. I mean, I’m a cat, I can’t read great. That’s fair, you know? But like, It kinda of seemed like something. Yeah, she’s going through something though, for sure. Also I have to like find a snake, which I- Yeah, I don’t like snakes. Well it’s kind of, you know, you were like protecting her from snakes, but now she seems to want a snake? Well, as we’ve seen from the cucumber situation, I’m not great at that. That’s true, that’s true. They scare me. You have to tell me they’re coming, and then I’m like, I see it. We got one tiger nutball. So this is what it is, this is like a real rough and tumble donut situation. Ooh. Gonna boil that in the honey syrup. Wait, I wanna do that. Yeah, here you, yeah, you like making tiger nut balls? My favorite thing is, there’s like a lot of, well it’s not doing it now. I’m gonna do this, I’m gonna do this, I’m gonna do this so that we don’t get stuff on it. There we go. Yeah, I like what’s going on. You’re more doing what I would call a biscuit technique, where you even out biscuit dough. You like making you like making biscuits, don’t you buddy? This is what I like to do. Oh, big stretch, oh, big stretch! Oh, there’s the big stretch. I like to make a lot of eye contact, especially when Cleopatra’s taking a . We’re blending again, this is the ancient recipe. pound it out in a mortar and pestle. They ain’t have no food processor. This is pretty true to it. We had a little bit more tiger nut flour in there. Then one ball’s gone. One ball’s gone, but that didn’t stop Lance Armstrong. We got dulcis coccora, this is a tiger ball. That looks different. Yeah, well these are different. I explained how they were different like while ago. Why do we have different balls? We had different balls because this is the oldest recorded recipe that would’ve been about 1500 years before Cleopatra, we still wanted to showcase to them. I guess all of them are amazing. That hey, look at this cool ancient recipe. You know? Yep. Can can you put, throw on the syrup, throw on the syrup. This one? Is it too big? Did that one fall on the . That’s huge. Yeah, That’s the floor one? Where’d you get the floor one? Did one of you give it to her? She’s a cat. Morgan, don’t give the cat the floor treats. We gotta pull the roast outta the oven, then we got a couple other accoutrements, and then, cat, you ready to eat at the dinner table like people? It can be adorable. I get to be on the table? You to be on the table now! I don’t usually get to be on tables. Horace the Cat, Emily the Furry, thank you so much for joining us. We are finally at Mark Antony and Cleopatra’s epic banquet. We got the dried fruit, we got the dried nuts, we got the pomegranate, we got the honey, we got the olive oil, we got wine, we got beer, we got perch, we got bread, we got rose water, we got balls, most importantly. You also got the, the cup of vinegar with the pearls in it. Cup of vinegar with the pearl. Let’s try this roasted ox shank right here. This is looking like a big old thing, a Tex-ass barbecue right here. I just wanna see if the pearls- Ooh, the fork would not have been invented in ancient Egypt. Dude, look at that. Cat, kitty cat, get in. Thank you. The plastic pearls did not disintegrate in the vinegar unfortunately. Aw, you should still eat ’em, and then you’re gonna poop ’em out, and then we’re gonna have to take you to the hospital for a prolapsed anus. I really did have to do that to a cat once. But the thing is that maybe it would just be like a string of cat hair holding them all together. And then. hair ball. I’m good. She does this all the time. I’m good. This roasted shank with all that wine and the figs is silly good, try it. Hang on. Mm, no, dip it in there. Vinegar is very good. Did it look like I drank anything? Because there’s nothing in this cup. No, no, no, nothing. It’s dangerous to drink vinegar, don’t do it, kids. Dip in the juice. Yeah, I imagine this is how they did it at the table. This is how Cleopatra really seduced Mark Antony. She was just like, so what’s… What’s Rome like? What’s Ro, so what’s Ro- Wow this is a big chunk. You got a lot of meat. Oh, I need something. This is not beer. I’m gonna carve up some goose, you want some goose? Mmhm. I wonder if like conversations on first dates like this were as awkward as real life. I’m awesome on first dates. Really? Oh, do I kill it. What do you do? Tell them the facts about literally everything in the room? Yeah, and everybody loves it without fail. Wooden tables were actually invented by- Yeah, it’s! I can’t figure how to get this off, hold on. You gotta go hands, there it is. Yeah, we got it. Okay. The fat is rendered nicely. I mean the skin is lacquered. This, they knew how to eat, man. Most of the time, can I give advice about first dates to y’all? Son of a biscuit, god, that’s good. The lacquer on this is so good with the pomegranate. If you had to ask about someone’s family or their job, you’re not that interesting. Asking about what Julie did. She was like, hey I listened to a really interesting podcast. You should listen to it, and then we should talk about it. And we did. No, not podcasts. No, it was about the right to be, to have your digital footprint deleted when you die. Huh, but then how will people remember you? Well that’s the thing, it’s like hey, you know, do you have the right to privacy in a modern digital age? You know, even after death? And then I was like, ultimately I don’t think it matters day. I don’t know. Considering nothing happens after you die. That’s what I’m saying. Who cares? This goose as good as hell, man. Josh. Goddam. You know what’s fun to think about? What’s that? When we die, this video will still exist. Yeah, this is here, you want some bread? I hope! Here, take some bread. All right. Egyptians might have invented fois gras? What did you say? I was afraid that today I was gonna come in here, and this was gonna be gross. Nope. Gonna be more fish sauce. Shoot man, that’s good. And this is gonna be more weird stuff but dang! Dig into that pigeon’s anal cavity. Alright. It’s tied! Yeah, yeah, wait. Good, so this is that stuffed pigeon that we got. We got all the in there, we have the internal organs of it. Here, take a knife, take a knife. Use your claws, use your claws. Josh, can you untie it? I lost my knife. There’s a lot going on at this table. You do it. We can all just get our own. Okay, but now, yeah, there we go. This reminds me of the opening of “Trueblood” when there’s like this , yeah, nevermind. I’m really obsessed with this goose. I love the stuffed pigeon. A little bit of a lean meat for me, but goose man that is indulgent. Ah dang. I’m into this bread, I’m gonna start dipping this in, honey, we got some cheese. So did they not have napkins in Egypt? They used their servants. Servant! , if you wanna eat some of that fish, go for it. Uh uh. That’s perch. You have been trying to force feed me fish for as long as you’ve known me. It’s true. Do you not eat fish? I do, but not your stank ass fish. What do stank ass fish? This is perch, this is a good Nile River fish. That thing’s still got eyes and stuff. Cleopatra ass fish. Is this the one that was on the floor? No, so this is the ancient ball, this is the new ball. Whichever one you wanna eat. I’m going ancient ball, I go balls. Okay, I’ll go ancient ball first. What is that? Do we dip it in that? You can if you want, that’s just honey. What is it? Honey. Oh. whatever you want, man. Okay. So at a Mark Antony and Cleopatra party, there were no rules, right? It was all pleasure, baby, it was all debauchery. I don’t like it. Why not? It’s just a wet, wet sweet ball. But it’s like doughy, it feels like it should have like, ugh. But this is like 2,000 years ago. What did you want from ’em? They didn’t have dunkeys back then, you couldn’t- You know what, this is like a Cliff Bar but in a ball. It is though. And I really think Cliff Bar should be Cliff Balls. I’m really impressed by these. To me, these are something that would hold up. But again, a lot of the techniques used in Ancient Greece that would’ve come to Egypt by way of that Hellenistic tradition. Like there are a lot of things that we still kind of use to this day. Again, this dish right here is still popular in Egypt. I’m supposed to find a snake. She asked me for a snake, and I don’t. Oh, there’s one. That’s fine, I’m gonna just keep it. What’s she doing with the snake? I don’t know! I don’t know, she’s been locked in her, in the tombs for like a while. Yeah, yeah. She like cut off her hair. I think she’s going through a breakup. I don’t care what she needs it for. I just give her whatever she wants. Well hopefully it all ends for Cleopatra. Hopefully it all ends well for you, what a segue. Horace the Cat, thank you so much for helping me along this journey. Not a problem, don’t do anything weird. I had a lovely time, I’m glad I saw your butt hole. And thank you all so much for stopping by the Mythical Kitchen. Send this episode of “Meals of History”, or send a better one to a friend, and then watch all the other ones as well, that’d be really cool. The snake pooped. We’ll see y’all next time. Hey, welcome back to “Mythical Kitchen”, where we all gotta eat, and sometimes we gotta level it up. Today, Emily Fleming, we will be leveling up five different grilled cheeses. This is your favorite food. Yes. At least one of your favorite foods I’d say I eat this once a day. You eat this once, I thought you were gonna say like once a week, maybe like once a month. No, I eat it once a day, especially at this office, because they got really good bread here, and they’ve always got at least three types of Char Sargento. Sargento? Charr, I’m a pirate that loves cheese! Sorry, this isn’t “Meals of HistorY”, I don’t know. Well no, but I mean part of this is a little bit of recompense for you being on “Meals of History”, because we’ve gotten to eat some really good things, but also- Really gross things. Sometimes we have to feed you really gross things. Yes. And I never just get to cook you nice food, and frankly, you deserve it. Thank you. For the amount of work you put in on this channel. Is this because I complained? In the past “Meals of History”? Then we’re gonna take the beef tongue out, and we’re actually going to rip off the membrane along with all of the actual taste buds, ’cause that’s what we were feeling with your hand, and then we get to chop up the tongue meats. What did the people on last meals get to eat? So we’re gonna make you five different versions of the grilled cheese, each one getting more complicated than the next, and hopefully getting more delicious, but we’ll see if we push it too far. Okay. And you are going to rate them on a scale of one to 1,000 Joshies as established by Ben Schwartz the first time we ever shot this episode. I give it 775 Joshies. I like that you’re doing a 1,000 point scale, you know? Right. Yes. Seven commas, , yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh wow. I have a story about Ben Schwartz. What’s your story about Ben Schwartz? I interned for Upright Citizen Brigade Theater when I was 19? Oh god, in New York. And so I worked the, I was terrible. They had a bad flood in the theater, which was in a basement, and it was my job to let the beer guy in, and I went in there and there was like knee deep of water, and I just walked away. I just left and went, didn’t see that. Did you ever come back, or that was just the last time you were ever- No, I just went back to the office, and I was like, I let the beer guy in. I just pretended that I didn’t see anything. That’s exactly what I would’ve done. Especially when I was a kid, but as a 19-year-old- Yeah. What do you stand to gain? And I’m not getting paid. That’s paid stuff. I’m not getting going knee deep in some toilet water in the basement of a grocery store. I get that, you know? So sometimes people would come by and visit me at my little desk if they were bored, and Ben Schwartz would come hang out with me sometimes, ’cause I watched a lot of movie trailers. I loved movie trailers. And I showed him the movie trailer for that Terry Gilliam movie “Tide Land” that was gonna come out. But he was so nice to me that I thought, surely he has a crush on me. Oh. Maybe I should- Do you mistake that often? Yeah. Yeah, well yeah. At least you’re honest about it. Yes. And I think Ben Schwartz is the ultimate man who just wants human connection, and that’s what he values, so you and him- He’s just nice, he’s a nice guy, and I was madly in love with him, and I asked him if he wanted to like go to a movie later, and he goes, oh I have a girlfriend. And I was like, no. Aw, aw! No! Ben and Emily. But hey I shot by shot! The ship that never sailed! I tried, I tried. That’s all you can do. He wasn’t into it, but man, he’s on the show so much. And you- Why are you doing that to me? Like it’s just like I have to keep looking at this gorgeous, talented man who I can never have. He’s, yeah, he’s gorgeous and he is talented, but he’s also just like the best guy I’ve ever met. I know! If you’re watching, which I know you are, I was blonde, blonde long hair, I wore flip flops every day in New York City. What the f? No, I like that. I was flip flopping, I get it. I wore flip flops in New York though. My feet were like in water with rats swimming around. And I’m wearing Old Navy Bermuda cutoff shorts every day, and an alternating old Navy tank top in different colors. That’s what I wore every day. Yeah. And boy, were they like, this turn up truck hillbilly showed up in New York, and I’m like, Ben Schwartz, you wanna go out with me? Like a piece of wheat in my mouth. , I think this is a good, okay so wait, we gotta talk about the grilled cheese. So we’re doing a classic American grilled cheese. This isn’t like Kraft singles American cheese, even though James Kraft did invent American cheese, which kinda gave rise to the popularity of grilled cheese in America. Oh. Post World War I, which is a fun time. Along with that, the invention of sliced bread, which was around the same time. But we’re using a boar’s head American cheese, which is really good. It’s kind of got like, if you think about American cheese as just a mixture of like cheddar, plus milk, plus loaf. I never knew what the makeup of American cheese was. I thought that American cheese was just not cheese. Like it’s like- Well legally. It’s American, so it’s fake. Like a little bit, ’cause America did pioneer so much of the industrial food movement, and that’s what American cheese was. It was like how do you make cheese more shelf stable so we can get it to more people? And so that’s what Kraft did. They bound milk with sodium citrate and cheese, which allowed it to be pasteurized without the oil separating. You could be hung over like a champion in New York. Yeah. ‘Cause there were bodegas, and you’d get your bacon, egg and cheese on a roll for like $1.50, and then terrible coffee. Yeah. But it, that terrible coffee set you right instantly. Well that’s donut shops in LA for me. ‘Cause all the donut shops, they sell breakfast sandwiches, sometimes breakfast burritos, coffee, you can get cigarettes, you can get lotto tickets. Mm. You know, to me, that’s like Cambodian owned donut shops. Do you get lotto tickets? No, I’m actually really ethically against the lottery. I think it’s just a tax on poor people. Doesn’t the lottery help to fund like, you know college? Yeah, yeah, half of it does. But then I think what they should just do is tax rich people instead of preying on the hopes of poor people. This refrigerator, shut the up! a lottery to do it. ‘Cause here’s the thing, you’re buying a lotto ticket, it’s ’cause you’re doing it from a place of like despair and hopelessness, right? You’re not doing it if you’re a rich person. Do you buy lotto tickets? I punched it and it stopped! No, it just stops periodically, but it’s coincidence because when you hear it buzzing, you’re gonna want to go over and punch it. I punched it and it stopped. But if you just had that thought and not gone over there, it would’ve also stopped. I don’t think so. Do you buy lotto tickets? I think I have the magic touch. You seem like you would really love lotto tickets. I like a little bit of gambling. I went to Vegas recently. God, every time I go to Vegas with a guy, it’s horrible. Yep. I can’t go with dudes anymore, I gotta go with my girls, I think from now on. ‘Cause sometimes you go with a guy, and he disappears for a day ’cause he . And he’ll be like, take that out. Might wanna take that out. That’s what happened two weekends ago! Hey, at least it’s not Reno, am I right? That’s what happened two weekends ago- We’ve all been there. I went with an old friend, and he just disappeared, and I was like, where did you go? And he was like- I do wanna keep talking about this, but our grilled cheese is done. All right, cool. And this is just your perfect to be continued. This is your perfect, average grilled cheese. Tons of butter, I don’t like the mayonnaise smear on the bread. Can we slice it? White bread, yeah. And I’m gonna, I think grilled cheeses should be down the middle. Not a triangle? No. You’re the guest, I’ll let you decide, but I’m . I think well I do a triangle sometimes, ’cause that’s what they do in the Velveeta commercials or whatever when they do the pull. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I think I wanna do little girl style. Let’s get little girl style. That’s how my dad . You’re our little girl today, Emily. Well so grilled cheese is like, this was a staple at my house my whole life, ’cause I was very picky. So it was ramen noodles, and my dad chopped up the noodles. I think it’s because he didn’t want us to choke, and that’s why he did it. I think those things just dissolve in your throat before you even choke. But they were like little tiny noodles, and when it was long noodles I was like whoa, where’s this been? This is so much better! Like, but you- The best dining guests are easy to please. We don’t have any ramen noodle around there. Well then that is a mistake. This is just level one, I agree. Had I known beforehand. Oh pretty. It’s so spongy. There’s nothing better than that. We got four more to see if there is something better than that. That’s 1,000 out of 1,000 Joshies. Yeah? Yeah. One, you said that, that’s going real high, two, you said you were gonna make up a new scale other than Joshies. Okay, what should I do? Joshie, not Joshies. Daddy cringes? That’s good. We made up, I’m mommy cringe, you’re daddy cringe, so I’m gonna say 1,000 daddy cringes, as cheese falls outta your mouth. That was bread too. Oh, bread too? I was open mouth, go flying. Ooh, get you a girl that could do both. We started with a really high bar. Okay. 1,000 out of 1,000 cringe daddies. Yep. But now, we’re going on- CDs. CDs ,as they call ’em. We’re going on to level number two. This is the French version, it sounds fancy. It’s called a. Ah, love it. Ah, oui oui! Now, I don’t know if I would technically even call this a grilled cheese. So the way that we kinda figure out, there’s not a lot of ham in there. This is very much a cheese sandwich, and the ham is there to just accent it. We have so much ham here ’cause this is just snacking ham. Here, eat it. I don’t wanna eat it. This is . I’m gonna hold my, hold my tummy. Hold my tummy high. What am I saying? Hold my tummy high, it sounds like a child’s Christian rock song. I don’t know, I didn’t sleep very much. Every time I’m about to come into the kitchen, I get too excited, and I can’t fall asleep. Aww, Emily! That’s the sweetest thing I’ve ever heard. You know like, when I was a kid for Christmas, and I would just stay up looking at the clock being like, ah! And then you wake up your parents at 5:00 AM, and you’re like, this is morning. That’s actually really nice that you feel as excited about me making grilled cheeses as you did like a Christian demigod breaking into your house and leaving you treats. Banging my mom. And banging your mom. Is that what Santa does? I’m Jewish, I don’t know exactly what his powers are. Well, that’s that song, “I saw mommy kiss the Santa Claus”. Yeah, yeah. Which it took me a while to realize this, that’s just their dad dressed- The dad. as Santa, and that makes it so cute. And they have a sexually healthy marriage. By the way, my mom watches everything. Aw, well yeah, maybe you can talk about it. Maybe this will spur an important discussion. Speaking of here, so- Anyway. This is what we’ll do. I do see them kiss. They’re very affectionate with each other. They are the standard for marriage to me. Yeah? Which is why I’ll never get married. You can never live up to your parents? No, uh uh. I think that they’ve really, it’s just, I’m very romantic about that. That’s the standard, also, ain’t nobody like my dad. There’s nobody. I actually think that one of the reasons I so badly wanted to get married and have kids- Yeah. Is because I had such a low bar set for me by my parents that I was like, oh if they could do it, and I’m still glad that I was born. I do think there’s something to people who have like a perfect childhood not being able to have stable relationships, and then people who have a tumultuous or like, you know, childhood actually being able to go out, make a stable relationship, have a good partnership, and then want kids and everything. I do think that I turned out okay, don’t answer that. I really , you have a lot to be proud of. But, I think I, lemme tell you. I can’t believe I made it here, and didn’t get meningitis from wearing flip flops in New York. I was around a huge meningitis outbreak too, I had a big fear. Man, colleges. UCSB 2011. Kids were getting limbs amputated. I heard about that! Yeah, I was there. And UCSB, and everyone was touching on each other, you know what I mean? Well that was also staph infection was a big thing at my college. I got staph, yeah. You did? Yeah. Where? My knee. No! I fell off a roof during Halloween, and as a joke I was like, ha ha, let’s get this- You got roof staph? What? Yeah, yeah. Well no it was also Milwaukee’s Best Lite staph, because I tried to clean it with beer thinking it was funny. Oh no. Like, oh, it’s like vodka on a cut. But no, it was beer. What’s the worst medical malady you’ve gotten? A hernia? Oh yeah, we’re both survivors of hernias. Yours was probably ’cause you were really pushing yourself. Mmhm. Mine was ’cause I’d never lifted weights before, and then when I was playing volleyball, she was like, alright, it’s time to do bench press and all this stuff, and I’m like, I don’t know how to do that. And I got a hernia, but I got out of preseason hell workouts for sophomore year. So it all worked out. Oh, it was great. I got an audio recording of air being squeezed outta my scrotum, like a whoopee cushion. Where’s that tape? Roll that beautiful . I don’t have it, I was making a joke to my surgeon, ’cause he described the process to me. Oh my god! No, let’s get in this, we’ll see, because we can wait here. So what they do is, a renal hernia- Least appetizing conversations on the show ever, by the way. Is when a man, for a man, because your testicles start up inside the body when you’re young. Oh. And then they descend through, so there’s still kind of little holes where they descend when you’re a child. That hole stays there, and if your abdominal lining slips and intestines can slip in there. Oh. So your intestines end up in your scrotum, which is not ideal for life. So that’s what happened to me. Yeah, and so air? And so what they have to do is, they have to actually inflate your scrotum. And this is just valuable . This is one of the top five most common surgeries that men get. Oh. And so they inflate your scrotum just so they can see better, like a balloon, and then they- No. They go in there, and they just kind of shove it back up, and they put a net in the hole. So they did that, and they actually fixed both sides for free, so that was pretty big for me. That’s great, I- The guy was like, hey, the other side, just in case I just put a little net in there, I was like, thanks doc. I really wish the camera could catch the two men crouching in the floor, like terrified, it’s so funny. Yeah, yeah, yeah, So check this out. So I’m trying to make a joke outta this to deal with my own, you know, scared nature. And I’m like, hey, when you inflate the scrotum, when you deflate it, does it make a silly little noise? And the guy goes, yes. And I go, can you record it? And he goes, absolutely not, that’d be unprofessional. And then I’m like, that’s fair, that’s fair, ha ha ha ha, I’m very scared. What year was this? 2018, I was working at Mythical at the time. There was a week where I only wore shorts, and had to sit down a lot. That was recovering from my hernia surgery. And then anyways, so after I get the surgery, I wake up and he goes, ha dude, check this out. And he plays a sound for me. That’s just like. And he goes, I recorded it! And I was like, ah! Oh my god! Super cool dude though. I didn’t know that you got a hernia while you were working here, I figured it was was while you were like in college. I’m gonna close this up. Boom, we’re gonna grill this up. But yeah, and so, that was it. That was my hernia. So right now, the inside, and the bechamel should be kind of melting together, forming almost a cream sauce. Just a little bit of ham in there, because I agree that the difference between a grilled cheese and a melt has to do with the ratios inside. Okay. I think if it’s still a 70% dairy or cheese to other things ratio- Derriere. Correct, I think. I think it’s still a grilled cheese. Notice how I completely disregarded that and kept talking about what I wanted to? And I didn’t let you go, I didn’t let you have that. Are you, do you paint? No, I don’t, why? I bet you’d be good at it. I don’t think… I think I have like a learning disability where I can’t imagine things in my head. What does the voice in your head sound like? You know, for a while it sounded like comedian Pete Holmes. No way! Yeah, . He’s got a great voice. He does. And Pete Holmes was the voice of my consciousness for years. Mine is me, but like really stressed out. It’s just like, ah, too many thoughts! Can you just focus on one? Yeah. Like one thought. But usually the thought that it focuses on is negative. Yeah, it’s always . That’s the thing people don’t realize about hyper fixation, is that you hyper fixate. You don’t have a choice. It just goes wherever it wants to go. Yeah. And then you can’t get out of it. Yeah, I don’t control my own emotions and thoughts. You’re stuck in the fixation. But you know what, I can control- Mood stabilizers, highly recommend. What I can control, yeah, I’m gonna actually get on that. Oh my god, mood stabilizers changed my life. Wellbutrin? No, I take Lamictal. I’m gonna put this in the broiler. So we got the bechamel and the in there. Gimme a sec, but I wanna get back to this conversation. We got our fresh out the oven. All right. So we initially put it in in a frying pan, and then the broiler was taking too long, then realized, oh snap the bottom’s gonna burn. And so then, we actually burnt the bottom. Burnt the bottom. We finally, we made it. But before all that, we were talking about mood stabilizers. Mood stabilizers. I also take an antidepressant, and it took me a long time, I was resisting that. We’re good. Bitch! ‘Cause I thought- Guys, who got the cheap foil? The hell is this? Uh oh. Okay, we have it, I think there’s no metal on it. Gonna hit it with some chives. Oh, chives. I should have garnished . That’s the tiniest little chives I’ve ever seen. Here, we got it. We got our croque monsieur- Let’s do it! with and chives. Do we cut this, or do we eat it with a knife and fork? You’re supposed to eat it with a knife and fork, but I’m American, so I believe in eating everything with my hands. Yeah. The Americans and the Bangladeshis, we’re like that when it comes to eating stuff with our hands. Are you just gonna open it up with your hands? I was just gonna grab it, part it like it was a, like I was a cave woman. Are you one of those people that’s like, oh, I was born in the wrong era, I should have been a cave woman? No. Okay, look at that. All right, let’s check for the foil, I think we’re good. Bon apetit, oh my god. Oh no. We’re gonna have to extend the numbers. This is so good, but I still don’t think it holds a candle to the original. Josh. Some people on the internet find me very attractive. I know, but not when you do that. I’m gonna give this one 900. I’ll take it, but do you think we could just cut off some zeros and call it like a nine and a 10? What? Emily, are you from Tennessee? I sure am, I’m the only 10 you see, yeah. Now I was gonna say most men rate you a seven or eight outta 10, and I think- I’d say a solid seven. Which I’m fine with. We’re making Nashville hot chicken. That was not a comment on your appearance. I think you have a lot to offer romantically. I don’t care, the comments, do whatever they want. We’re making a grilled cheese inspired by Nashville Hot chicken. We didn’t want to put a whole piece of chicken in a grilled cheese sandwich, it’s no longer grilled cheese. So we’re like, how do we get the essence of hot chicken inside a grilled cheese? So what I’m gonna do is, I’m gonna fry only the skin. This is amazing. I’m gonna chop it up, I’m gonna add that to a Nashville hot oil, and then we’re gonna add that inside. Just a little bit of collard greens. Okay, love it. In there. Just kinda add a little bit of complexity, some of that porky flavor in there. I’m glad to know that that’s collard greens, ’cause I was like, are we eating a forest? Like what is that? Baby Ruth? This is like a KFC Double Down if like, you know what I mean? Yeah! I thought you were gonna use this as the bread. No, oh god. Just straight chicken skin? Chicken skin tacos? So we’re just gonna flour up the chicken skin right here, and the flour’s just seasoned with Tony Chachere’s, greatest condiment in the game. I was breaking my habit of Celsius. I was being very good. I was even bragging in this room to people about it. She really was. And then I started hitting a wall, and I was like, you better gimme that Celsius. Oh no! as much surface area in here possible. Also, you know, we used to do this pretty fun bit for a couple episodes where I’d talk to Dylan. Yeah, keep that up. Dylan, if you… If you had to be an animal in the next life, like, what would it be? Axolotl. What the hell is that? An axolotl? Dylan! Tell us what it is. It’s this amphibian cool little guy that swims, and he always has a smile on his face. All right, I take that back, I like that answer. Oh, that thing! That thing is cute. Okay, I’m gonna add- all right, okay, Dylan. A bunch of cayenne pepper, chili powder, garlic, onion, brown sugar. Ooh. And yeah, it’s gonna be our national hot base, pretty classic. What kind of butter have you been using? It smells so good. Land O’Lakes! Land O’Lakes. What the hell does land O lakes mean? It’s a land or a lake. I’m guessing it’s a probably made from- Like I don’t, what do you mean land of lakes? So Minnesota’s called the Land of 10,000 Lakes. It’s a land with a lot of lakes. Yeah. Sorry. Okay, cool, well I’m gonna pull the chicken skins! Okay, so we’re gonna start building a sandwich now. We got just some classic country white bread here. This is Aleppo pepper jack. You should try it. Okay. It’s really good, just a wonderful cheese. I love pepper jack. Dude, same. Well I, no, I don’t like it, I can’t go back. I have to go back on all the things I said. I don’t like- Okay, all right. This is a really good cheese, but I do think that you should just use a good cheese and then put whatever peppers you want. Okay. On it separately. Look at that, we got the Aleppo jack, we got the sharp cheddar- Whoa! We got the greens, we got the fried Nashville hot chicken skins. Nice. This is gonna go right in that pan, we’re gonna grill this off, and then brush it with Nashville Hot grease. All right, this is nice and melty and crispy. I’m gonna plate it at, but Emily, we’re not done yet. What we’re gonna do is, we’re gonna take some of that Nashville hot grease, and we’re just gonna paint it- Dang. Right on the bread. See, I think you would be a good painter. Yeah, I don’t know, but I think it’s about what to paint. ‘Cause I can paint grease onto a sandwich. That’s an interesting thing. Right? I like to paint things that people made with AI, because they stole those things from other people. So they didn’t actually make the art, so I steal from them. And that’s real art. Bitch. Is just to live in your own apartment as you go, haha! To some schmucks. Yeah. I made it. Oh my god. I made it, Nashville Hot grilled cheese. That was in my face. Are we slicing this like little girl style? No, this is big man. No, this big girl style. The kids are saying the phrase big back now. Do you know what it means? Does it mean you have a big butt? Maybe. Damien? Yes? What’s big back mean? Oh our… Big butt, okay. Yeah, all right. I love that we have a resident young. Oh dude. Wow! Bro! Okay. That’s something. That chicken skin with the Nashville Hot grease. This is gonna be very silly. I can’t see. I can’t see if I’m blind. What’s the word? That is a 980. You know, life is good. We get to make silly foods with our friends. We do this as a job. I can still find ways to complain about it though. Do you have any idea what any of this is? Do you have any guesses as to what we’re making? Nope, but what is that? Is that wine? That’s wine, you can drink it, try it. I can? So this is the wine called Madeira. It’s actually like kinda one of the oldest wines in America, and that should actually give you a little bit of a clue, because we are making a grilled ch- No! Not in the Madeira, the Madeira Celsius colada. We are making grilled cheese that is inspired by a historical dish that you and I have made. Try that. This is, this is the new Gator wine. This is wine. That’s nice, that’s so good. I know, it’s so bad! That’s so good, damn! But here’s the thing, you add liquor to most things, I’m gonna like it. You’re gonna add some shallots in here. Okay, what do you think the best dish that we’ve ever tasted on “Meals of History” is? I mean, it’s pretty hard to beat the first one. Titanic? That pate on top of the steak- Yeah. Was like crazy. It was so good. This is how- It was that kinda delicious sauce that was made with a fortified wine, like a Madeira, and shallots and butter. It was crazy. And thyme, and you mentioned the pate, and- Yeah, is that… There’s actually truffle. Oh my god! You’re doing it! Oh my god, we’re putting it in grilled cheese! I can’t believe it! That was one of the best things. You knew I was gonna say that. No, I didn’t, I was worried you were gonna say five other things. That was amazing. Also, look at this tiny little whisk. I love it. It’s called a babish whisk, ’cause . Oh wait, I gotta get my tiny fork. Get your tiny fork! Okay, I’m adding the skins of the truffle. ♪ My tiny fork ♪ ‘Cause right now we are building a Madeira sauce, because I wanna serve this. We haven’t done any tomato soup with the grilled cheese. She’s climbing, she’s a climber. And so I’ll just tell you, I’ll tell the camera. No, they’re both fixated on her. Who’s, looking at me? Taylor, you’re looking at me? So anyways, this is a tornados rossini inspired grilled cheese, so we’re making- My knees! We’re making like a mounted, fortified bordelaise sauce with pate. It’s not fois gras, ’cause they illegalized it in California, even though I’m pretty against the illegalization, that’s totally fine. Geese have no gag reflex, that’s all I’m gonna say about that. So we’re gonna deglaze some Madeira wine here. That’s all going great, don’t be alarmed. I’m like shielding the fork like it’s my daughter. Let the sugars on that Madeira wine cook off a little bit, this is gonna- Where did this come from? What? This little fork. I actually had no idea that was there. You just knew that was there? Is this from the American Girl doll store? Do you just want to eat a cube of pate while you wait? No. All right, fair. I’m gonna drop just a couple cubes of pate. So this is just emulsified liver with other fat, which is gonna be great in that sauce. Okay. And then I’m just gonna kind of let this get a little bit of creamy. This is gonna be like a dipping sauce for the grilled cheese. So then we actually have veal demi gloss, which is just veal bones that have been just reduced down until it basically becomes meat jello. I’m really excited about this. So we’re just gonna let this reduce real quick, and then we’re gonna add some fun cheeses to this bad boy. Ooh, okay. So we got some mimolette here. I’m loving this bright orange- Here, try this. situation you got going on. Yeah, so mimolette, it’s a French cheese, and one of the few French cheeses that’s actually gonna be this orange. And that’s just colored with annatto. All cheese is white. Some cheese is slightly yellower based on the type of grass that the cows eat- Whoa. And the season. That’s amazing. Me mullet. As a way to kind of stiff the Dutch. me mullet. Me mullet! Two and a half, three years ago, I had this haircut, and nobody told me how bad it was. Nobody, and I blame you all. It was bangs that went into like, it was so bad. It was like a bowl cut from here around, and then it was just, it was bad, guys. I thought that I looked chic. And then we’re also gonna use a triple cream brie. You wanna try some brie? Ooh, yes. I love Brie. I went to- Brie Larson? The Hollywood Forever Cemetery recently, and had a picnic with my friend. Watch out, it’s sharp. Oh. One moment, please. Give it. I want half. Oh. Oh shit! Ah, hell yeah! Wow. Gah dammit, that’s good! I brought a picnic with my friend, and we had brie, and we had raspberries, and I fed squirrels raspberries from my hand. That’s pretty cool. I know, the squirrels in LA are ballsy little shits. I don’t know why they’re like this. I think it’s ’cause of COVID when there weren’t people around. All of the birds and the squirrels were like, this is my land now. This is my land O lakes. my gah damn beef. Gah dammit. Found my beef. While he’s doing that. Check this out. Oh. So remember we had that nice steak? Yes. So we made it, but then we froze a little bit just so we can run it through a meat grinder. Ooh. But just a little bit. So we’re gonna slice this tenderloin. This is basically what filet mignon is made out of. Yep. We’re gonna slice it super, super thin, and then I’m gonna put that into the sandwich. Hold on. We turn this off, sauce is looking good. I’m gonna strain that. That’s for your dipping sauce. Now we’re gonna, hey, keep telling ’em. Tell ’em about the best part of Hollywood Forever Cemetery, which is Chris Cornell’s grave. Chris Cornell’s in there? Chris Cornell’s grave is in the Hollywood Forever Cemetery. I didn’t know that. Yeah. I saw a dude, I saw I was gonna do my job, and then I don’t want to. Chris Cornell, lead singer of Soundgarden, and then of course Audio Slave with the band from Rage Against the Machine. We got our mimolette, our triple cream brie. Now I’m gonna put on just a couple slices of beef. I don’t wanna make this sandwich about the beef. I want this to be about the cheese, and then we’re gonna dunk it in that very beefy sauce. Ooh. But I do still want to get a little bit- It’s so pretty. Ooh, ooh. Look at that. See, you are a painter. Here we have it. Our tornadoes Rossini inspired grilled cheese with mimolette triple cream brie croissant bread, thinly sliced chateaubriand, fresh truffle, and then a Madeira sauce infused with liver. I’m just gonna give that a nice little whisk. Oh my god. It looks like a cappuccino. It smells so good. Okay, lemme slice this up. Okay. I’m very excited. Ooh, look how gooey. Oh no. Creamy! Oh, I’m gonna eat it once without a dip, and then go right in the dip. I’m going dip. Go dip? All right fine. Go dip. I’ll go dip. I’m blind again. Is she in the bushes? Is she in the bushes? I can’t see, I’m blind. I gotta touch grass. I’m in the bush now. Dude, what? What? Oh. Listen. The brie squirted down my throat. I don’t think there’s enough cringe daddy points to explain. Holy shit. What this is like. No, the next one can’t be as good as this. Should we just not even do the next one? You can cut it at four, . It was, it’s such a stupid one too. I’m gonna give this 1 trillion Cringe Daddy points. I don’t know about this. Me neither. You can already tell it’s getting more science-y here. I know. ‘Cause we’ve broken out the ISI whipped cream canister. But what I really want to do is, now we’ve been to the mountaintop, and as Nietzche said, when you get to the top of the mountain, what’s left for me, for… As Nietzsche said, when you get to the top… As Nietzche said, when you reach the mountaintop, what is left for me but lightning? From I didn’t think you believed in top of mountaintops, I thought everything had to just be like this. No, we we’re gonna make a grilled cheese beignet. So we’re gonna use the ISI canister to make the beignet, we’re gonna shove a piece of Velveeta inside of it, so it should be like a burst of flavor. Then we have an eight year freeze dried white cheddar powder that we’re gonna dust on top of the beignet. Whoa! We’re gonna add a little white cheddar crisp crown. Cute. And then we’re going to put mascarpone, and a little bit of caviar on top of that, and then I have another surprise for you. But right now, I really need to focus. You need to regale them with your best stories. Tell ’em about other comedians that you’ve tried to go on dates with, but they refused. I don’t think I’ve failed at any other one. Who, okay, who’s the most, who’s the funniest comedian you’ve ever banged? No, I don’t think I’ve ever banged anyone very funny. I don’t think I’ve ever banged anyone very famous. Oh! No, I’ve told that story before about how I was accidentally a prostitute. No, it was ’cause I, I ba… Did you? Have I told you that story? Well, let’s get into it. Okay, so I piped some, a little bit of donut batter into this. I’m gonna try and get a little bit on top of this, and then check this out. What I’m gonna do is try and submerge it in here, and then it’s gonna float up. And then I’m gonna give it a little ladle, and then I’m gonna give it like a one two skibbity doo. Now gimme Emily one, two, skibbity doo, flip! Ah! Ah, we did it! No one believed in me! I can’t see it, so I don’t even, I believe in you, but I don’t even- No one believed in me but me. Basically, I went on a date with a guy who was a politician. And I stayed with him in a fancy hotel room, and the next day, he left $500 on the nightstand. Oh! Yeah. Politicians are so used to paying for it! I think he, I know, I was like… That’s crazy actually. I know, but I was, I kind of really liked him, so I was hoping for a second date, but I’ll take $500. Okay, you gonna take the white cheddar powder. You should just eat a little handful of that, ’cause it has a texture of like a shaky Parmesan, but it’s actually an eight year cheddar that we freeze dried. Oh, you know what? I should use some of this time to promote- Let’s do this. The show I have on Mythical Society. Now I’m gonna take a little bit of this caviar. Do you like caviar? No. Okay, okay. Leave that, hands together. Okay , I got one more surprise, Emily! All right, anyway- You know how you love drinking? Please go watch my show on Mythical Society. I love doing it, it’s so fun, and it’s second to third degree members, and I always have a cute outfit. There. That’s a fun thing. Oh wow! Don’t drink it yet, don’t drink it yet. So this is our grilled cheese and tomato soup martini. What we did, chef, is we have a beluga vodka. And what we’ve done is we’ve fat washed that with rendered cheddar cheese, fat and butter, and then we froze and then skimmed it off, and we strained it through a cheesecloth, And then we did a 50 50 martini, which means it’s equal part spirit and vermouth. So we actually infused the vermouth with tomato soup, and then clarified that. So that’s in here, but then we got, I got some more garnishes to put on it. So what we’re gonna do is just a couple drops of basil oil. Y’all, I don’t deserve all this. Y’all are amazing. Emily, you do deserve all this. This is gorgeous! Thank you, Josh. Oh my god, this is so pretty. I love these colors together, actually. Should I do a necklace made out of this? Also, I have a jewelry business called Phlegm Gems. It’s off and on Etsy, but I’m gonna try to get a website started up. I just really don’t understand Squarespace. I’m not good at, I’m not good at stuff, and I’m gonna need some help. Someone’s gotta stand behind me and teach me. You know how to do it, V? V’s gonna help me with my Squarespace. So soon, Square, oh! Ah! A tiny little grilled cheese! We did it! A tiny little grilled cheese! Are you kidding? Are you kidding me? Here We have… Oh, little baby. Yeah, little baby grilled cheese. I need my American girl doll. I need to bring her down here. Can I get her? Yeah. Okay, I’ll be right back, ’cause she’s gotta… I’m so sorry, this is so fun. Ah! So she’s finally officially lost it, right? Okay. She got here as fast as she can. Look at these boots. Isn’t she rad? She’s so cool. All I know is that thing is gonna come alive and try and murder me, and it’s gonna be voiced by Jennifer Tilly. No, so if you watch my show, on Mythical Society, “Emily, Have You Seen This?”, you will know that the soul of my grandmother is inside this doll. Oh, she’s fine, she’s nice. You wonder why Zach Cregger makes villains that sort of remind you of yourself? What do you, is he the one who made “Weapons”? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I’m not that old yet. He’s really scared of old women with saggy tiddies. I think there’s something about his mother in there. Yeah, I’m sure there is. That I think he should explore, but you gotta find something else scary than old women there, buddy. Okay, hold on. I’m making my own janky version of what I made you. So I’m gonna eat that whole thing. Look, Felicity, look. Here you go. I hate, . Oh no! Now you’re gonna wanna soak it in the alcohol. Also, I wanna say that Lily made individual loaves of brioche just so she could slice it. Where’s my tiny fork? And turn it into… We lost your tiny fork, I’m so sorry. Where’s my tiny fork? Felicity? Oh no. Oh no, she’s losing it, man. I had a tiny fork for you. I probably ran with it and then I lost it, it’s okay. Oh shit. It’s under her leg? Look at this, look at this. Okay, you gotta, I know your jacket’s kind of tight, girl. But you gotta, I mean, are you kidding? Get that kid in there. She’s got a… Anyway, come down here darling. Okay. Anyway. Okay, so this thing, that’s what I’m supposed to eat, right? I already ate mine. Okay. It’s so delicate. Take a sip of the cocktail. Hey, now that’s- Woo! Wow! What a- That is intense. I don’t know how you feel about it. To me, this like shockingly really works. I’m glad that that does that for you. What do you think about it? I’m gonna give this a five. Hang on, let me. Yeah, eat the liquor soaked grilled cheese. Dang. This is a Lily, Lily Cousins original . Now that tiny little grilled cheese, I’d give that one 800. Which averages out to- But this, uh uh. You don’t like it? I think I’m spoiled from the last thing we just ate. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It’s not blowing my mind. It’s not particularly grilled cheesy. What was that? What was that? Yeah, it’s not blowing Felicity’s mind either. I don’t wanna have to answer for Felicity . Do you know? So in my apartment, I put her on my bed, and I’ll leave her sitting there facing the door, so if anybody breaks into my apartment, they just see this. They just see this. Oh no, now I can’t get this on right. Oh, oh, oh no! Someone help me. Someone put Felicity’s sunglasses on right. Well that’s been five levels of grilled cheese ! Emily, how you feel after all that? I want you to know I’m a little buzzed. I’m gonna have to go do my show right after this, and it should be a very interesting show, so please go watch that. Also, this is not fancy fast food, but do you wanna know how much this outfit is? Do I wanna know how much your American Girl Doll’s outfit is? Yeah. Yeah. I’d say it’s about $75. For a doll’s outfit. You know, that was actually cheaper than I thought. I thought it was God, I am so bad at money. We’re at the top, top of the parking garage. It’s the fun place to be. This is the Scenic Point in Burbank. That is, wow, you’re really going for it with that bag. Yeah, I just really, I’m ceremonious . So grab your Five Guys burgers. So what we gotta remember about these is we’ve gotten every single topping on it. Huge. Bacon, green peppers, grilled onions, raw onions, lettuce, tomato, mayonnaise, mustard steak sauce, literally all of it, and we have done that. Yeah. This is a wet burger. Dang, it’s so big. Five Guys makes, they make a nice cheeseburger. Mmhm, I like how doughy the bread is. It’s a nice, spongy sesame seeded bun. The burgers are griddle cooked super, super hard. It’s really good, but how are we gonna make it fancy though? So they got like thin cut bacon. I’m thinking we do some thick cut pork belly, We braise it, we fry it. We got some cool flavors in there. We’ll figure that out later. But all the condiments, there’s cool stuff to play with that we haven’t seen in burgers before. Gimme that. What are you doing, silly? Like mushrooms, right? Like mushrooms that we can do fancy, wild mushrooms. We can do maybe a French preparation with some red wine. I don’t know, maybe some sort of caramelized onion situation. We can do a jam or a marmalade. Okay. And green peppers. I mean, these are things we’ve never worked with before, which is why I’m really excited to fancify this. Can we make it really, really big? We’re gonna make it comically big again. It’s not gonna fit in our mouths, but we’re gonna try. That’s just gonna happen. Emily, we gotta start making the burger patties for this here fancy Five Guys burger patties. So we have American Wagyu beef right here. We have an American Wagyu ribeye, American Wagyu New York strip, American Wagyu tenderloin. We’re gonna take all three steaks, and we’re gonna sort of grind and mash ’em together. Okay. Then put ’em into a burger patty. What is Wagyu beef? Okay. People say it, and I just go, yes. Indeed! So Wagyu literally just means Japanese cow. So “gyu” is the Japanese word for cow, and then “wa” is a, what’s that word? A prep is prep, prefix, prefix, prefix? I’m a writer and I don’t subscribe to any of that. But it basically means that it comes from the lineage of the famous Kobe beef that they like feed the cow’s beer to relax ’em. I wanna be that cow. Can you turn on the meat grinder? You want me to do it? Yeah, find a button. So it’s literally just got on, off and rev. What is rev? Yeah, we’ll see what it does! I’m scared. I don’t know, I don’t use the equipment. Emily, just keep your digits clear. But I have to touch it. Unless you really like see something shiny, then you’re gonna wanna reach the fingers down in that hole. Get out of there. So I’m gonna sort of try and stagger these here. I’m gonna need you to plunge the hole eventually. Are you a good hole plunger? Oh, boy. They all knew we were gonna say something like that. We’re getting there, we were getting there one way or another. All right, so turn this on and start plunging the hole. Okay. You plunge the hole, I’ll catch the meat. It’s not necessary, I just wanna do it. Yeah, really jam it down there. I’m jamming! Is the rev not the thing? Hold on. Wait, turn off the… Where’d the beef go? Well I was pushing rev, ’cause I thought that meant I would have control over the button. Oh! No, I think Rev maybe just makes it like rev, like it’s in idle. Like it’s… Well! That’s reverse, it stands for reverse! That’s what you do! That’s, no, no, no. The reverse function is when you have- Did I break it? The reverse function is when you have ground beef, you run it back up, and it turns into a steak again. Listen, let the record show. I said, what is rev? Baby don’t hurt me. Why would there be a function just to rev the engine? There we go. Yeah, push it harder. Wait, turn it off, turn it off, turn it off. So if you see this kind of a log jam meat right there, that’s ’cause our steaks weren’t cold enough. Alright, so we need to get the steaks cold. So we’re just gonna pop ’em in the freezer, wait a little bit, and then hopefully it’ll work. All right. I’m hopeful. I wish I was helpful ever. Alright, so the beef is now frozen, so it should be able to go through this grinder. I’m gonna mash this in here. It is on. There we go, there we go. Get all this beef ground up, that’s fantastic. Well look at this, we successfully did a simple cooking task. Yeah, we is a fun word to use. Alright, so we got all the beef now, so now we’re gonna form some patties. So what we’re gonna do here, grab that bottle of vegetable oil. So we gotta lube up. Is that what this bottle is? Yes. It doesn’t say vegetable oil, so- Lube me up. I always like to lube up when I’m making lubey . Should I lube up? Yeah, lube up, lube up. I always like to lube up before grinding burgers. So I’m gonna take this, and I’m just kinda like form it in my hands. Don’t wanna smash it too much. So why are you using vegetable oil instead of olive oil? Yeah, so that’s a cooking question- See, I have value! We could give them cooking tips! Anytime you use olive oil, olive oil has a really low smoke point, which means it doesn’t like high heat. That means olive oil on the outside, even a small amount, can burn. That said, olive oil also just has a really strong flavor that you may not want with beef, right? Okay. The more olive oil on your beef, the less it’s going to taste like beef. Okay. Although an old roommate of mine swore by coconut oil. Ew! Don’t know what to tell you, it’s not toxic? I don’t like that. I don’t think that that would, I don’t want sweetness. I didn’t like the sounds coming from this room. These look pretty good, we got some big old, thick boy burger patties. We’re gonna let these rest, we’re gonna get on working on the other condiments for this here burger, and then we get to cook these. This is gonna be, this is dummy thick. I can’t wait for this. This is dummy thick, woo! Slap the burger, it feels good. We’ve made bacon once, we’ve made it 1,000 times in the show. Yeah, sure. You know, I assume. There’s bacon on this Five Guys burger. I thought we could jazz it up a little bit. So what I wanna do is, I wanna make something kind of like bacon, but in the style of Filipino pork belly adobo, which to me is one of the most flavorful, beautiful dishes in the world. I make it all the time. Are you ready for that? Sure. First, you need to start palm heel striking all those garlics just to crush it to release all that allicin in there. Okay, I wanna take. So that’s gonna be- I’m gonna take off my scrunchie, ’cause I don’t want my scrunchie to get garlicy, so… Stack the elbow over the wrist and it’s just gonna be a downward motion. Yeah, yeah, so we’re gonna lose about 80% of these garlics, but that’s totally fine. I don’t know if my palm is that impressive. Do it, do it, do it. Yeah, ! No mercy! All right, so all I’m gonna do, I’m gonna add the peppercorns to the pan. if one falls off, I’m gonna kick it up and snag it. Snag it? Yeah, and kick it, watch. Ow. That one’s a hard one! You’re not, you gotta stack the elbow and go down. Oh, go like that. Yeah, yeah. Okay, okay. All right, so we’re just toasting up these peppercorns. Ow! Waiting for ’em to get nice and fragrant. These are thick boys, ow, ow! There it is. Drive the hips down, Emily, no weakness! This one came out- We’re just gonna add a little bit of water to that pot right there. This one went on the floor, we can’t- Lemme start adding all… what? The floor is… This is worse than a movie theater floor, by the way. No kidding! I’ve been on movie theater floors, and I’ve been on this floor. What do you think- There’s more – Oh, that one just, that one did it just really nice. I’m adding some bay leaves to the pot. So right now, we just got water, we got peppercorns, we got bay leaves, I’m gonna add some onion. Some people might saute this before- Ah! No, I lost all of the garlic. No, just scoop it up and throw it in the pot. You know- Sometimes 80% of your garlic’s on the floor. This really reminds me of like the time I really wanted to be a Power Ranger, so I got my parents to give me TaeKwon, to pay for TaeKwonDo classes, and then I left after the first class, ’cause I was really uncomfortable calling a grown man I don’t know, master. Yeah there’s some, I’ve seen 50 Shades- I don’t know you. It gets, you know, it’s not for some. So this is a big old thing of skin on pork belly right here. You see, I mean this is bacon right here, right? Like this is the part that bacon comes from. So we’re gonna do, we’re gonna braise this down in all these aromatics. Ooh. And then we’re gonna chill it. We’re gonna slice it thin like bacon, deep fry it so it’s crispy, and then hit it with a reduced clay. So what we got going on here, our main flavors in adobo are vinegar and soy sauce. Some people do a one-to-one ratio, some people go like as deep as two to one on vinegar to soy. I typically like to stay at like a 1.25 to one vinegar, soy. So we’re just gonna measure it. Math, everyone loves that. I’m just gonna pour that. I need to wash my hands ’cause they’re stinky. No, you’re fine, you know what you need to do? Drinking has been, you know, ehh, fraught relationship with the old YouTube algorithm, so I think I found a solution. Uh huh. If we can’t drink alcohol, we can at least drink other things that have been aged in alcohol barrels. So this is whiskey barrel aged Shoyu soy sauce. Let’s give that nice little sip. Are we gonna shoot it? I heard Ben say shoot it. Shoot it. Alright, cool. Ooh, it’s so good though. This is really freaking good soy sauce. Really good. Big round, tons of umami, nice mouthfeel. I wish there was a cocktail that had soy sauce in it. Is there one? No, but we can make one, just not in front of the kids on the YouTube. Right, at adult time At adult. I don’t like calling adults master, and I don’t like saying the words adult time at work. No. What we’re saying, we’re gonna pop a lid on this. That’s also just a big old pizza pan. And we’re gonna let that boil for about three and a half hours. Well actually we’re gonna drop it down to a simmer, and then we’re gonna chill it, we’re gonna slice it, we’re gonna fry it, we’re gonna glaze it. And finish that bottle of soy sauce. We are not finishing a bottle. We’re getting sick. Yeah, we’re gonna do it, we’re gonna get kidney stones by the end of this. Ew. Oh, I thought you liked to party. I don’t, well… We have our pork belly. This has been braising for about three and a half hours. We got it in the fridge, it’s chill for two hours now. And so what we’re gonna do, is we’re just gonna cut out little thick boy slices of this. Yeah, and then we’re gonna dredge this in rice flour. Dredge tastes like fudge. Oh yeah, can you tell the people a little bit about your fascination with what words taste like? Thanks to the great world, wide world of TikTok, I found out that I have a weird form of synesthesia where some words have flavors to me. What does my name taste like? I hate when people ask me that name stuff. That’s not really how it works, and then- Oh, sorry for misunderstanding! Well no, I think, and I’ve, Jo, I told you what it tasted like, and now I can’t… Oh, Pepsi! Yeah, yeah. My name tastes like tastes like discount Cola. It tastes like Pepsi, Josh. Well you have to say it, and pronounce it a certain way ’cause you go shh. Does it just- It tastes like carbonation. Oh, I thought it just tastes like Pepsi, ’cause I look like my… Like Josh is the name of a waiter who would go, is Pepsi okay? No, Josh! Pepsi’s never okay! Well sometimes it’s the word that sounds like another word, and then that’s what evokes the flavor. Like dredge and fudge has that at the end of it. Right, so we got this pork belly cut. Not that we’re doing a thing here. Not to disrupt you. I mean I’ll talk about it later, but- We dredged some of the pork belly. I cut this one in half, ’cause I want us to just try this. We’re gonna drop that in a hot fryer. We’re gonna start frying up the other pieces. I wanted some snackies for us. We got a long road ahead of us. I wanna do it. Do it, yeah, yeah, dredge it. So this burger, Five Guys, I figured the fanciest thing we could do is everything in excess, right? That’s fancy people- Is that what they’re kinda known for? Yes, they literally call their double cheeseburger a normal cheeseburger, and then if you just want one patty, they call it like a junior cheeseburger. They’re like shaming people. Like, oh, you want the little kid size with just one beef disc? Tiny, little small, weak man. So we’re making this double cheeseburger, and then they have you like add on your own toppings manually. So I figured we’re just gonna do all the toppings. So we’re getting the bacon, the cheese, the green peppers, the onions, the pickles, the jalapenos, the mustard, the barbecue sauce, the A One, the ketchup, the mayonnaise, we’re doing it all. Do you think that they’re like, it’s all about excess, ’cause there’s too many guys?- Yeah, five guys is too many. We could’ve been just one guy, but we’re five. This is looking pretty awesome. Whoa. It’s looking super nice and crispy right here. I just kinda wanna hack this up. You wanna eat it? It’s probably incredibly hot. Okay. Owie. Whoa, whoa. Golden nugget of deliciousness. Ooh, it’s really peppery. We didn’t add any additional pepper to it. It’s literally just the flavors from the braising liquid that are infused into this pork. It’s really good. And then we’re also gonna get all that flavor back on top of it. Alright, so check it out. So we got all this crispy fried pork belly outta the fryer. I mean this is just silly at this point. And now we’re gonna take it, and we’re just gonna add all these to the glaze and we’re gonna reduce that. We put just a little bit of sugar into that adobo at the beginning, and normally I wouldn’t even do that with adobo, but I really love getting a little bit of sweetness in my glaze. So we’re just gonna let it kind of like chill in there, let the glaze cook into it a little bit, sort of . Does it smell like a Panda Express to you? I just heard that I’m never gonna dance again song, and I didn’t hear anything you just said. Don’t sing it, don’t sing it, we can’t do that. I’m gonna take these out and get ’em resting on this baking rack. Look at that. The color is pretty too. Yeah, it’s really gorgeous, I mean all that super dark barrel aged soy. That is a thick boy, boy! Yeah, but the good news is it’s just, it’s going on a whole hamburger with multiple patties, and also every single condiment. It also looks like Nicole, doesn’t it look like brisket? Why do you take her validation over mine? Well, ’cause she talks about brisket sometimes- I talk about brisket. And I seek her approval, you know? I seek Nicole’s approval too. Nicole, tell us we’re doing good! Like I want Nicole to like me so much. This is for snacking, we need to keep our energy high. we got a lot more to do. Yes, yes, yes, yes, we need it. So Five Guys, they got all five guys back there, and they’re grilling up mushrooms. That’s what we’re doing right now, that’s what I’m saying. Oh, you’re making me do this again? Last time you seemed to be worried about how much garlic you’re losing. What I want you to worry about is hand speed. ‘Cause that’s what’s gonna get you. I’m not worried how much garlic I’m losing, I just have, I have arthritis all of the sudden. What if an attacker comes at you in parking garage, you think you’re gonna worry about your arthritis? No, you need a hand speed, you need a hand speed on the palm meal strike. No, . We’re teaching women’s self-defense, and also proper French mushroom cookery. I want one of those extendable sticks. These are baby king trumpet mushrooms. They’re like little, little prince trumpet mushrooms. Oh, that’s cute! They’re very, very, very cool. King trumpets, I love them ’cause they have a super meaty texture, and so- Okay can I try one raw? I guess it’s gonna get like, probably kind of weird. I don’t know, just eat that. It has boobs, look! Tastes like styrofoam. Ah, whatever, . So I’m gonna deglaze these mushrooms with all that wine. I’m gonna get ’em searing right now in a screaming hot pan. Also, so this is , this is Celtic sea salt. This is gray sea salt. Truly fantastic, here, eat some salt. There it is, you know, I got a perfect little rock. I’m gonna take all these shallots, dump that in there right now. I wanna get a fair amount of color on this. I wanna get some nice char on those mushrooms. That’s really gonna go well with all that beefy flavor from the stock. So what we’re gonna do, we’re gonna deglaze it with this incredible wine right here. Typically, you use the bordeaux wine, but we’re using this Italian . The spirit has possessed you! That’s how I feel right now. Anyways, this is a blend of Cabernet, of Cab Franc, of Merlot. Got a ton of tannic structure to it, which is what I really want for this. Give it a lot of complexity, gonna go with that beef stock. Uh oh, uh oh. Uh oh. The babies are out of the basket. Babies are outta of the basket, what? Listen man, I just, something came outta my mouth, I didn’t plan for it. Babies are in a basket? That’s where you put babies, right? That’s where I put my ba- Then you put ’em in the river. what? Well, like in a safe basket. That’s like Moses! Like a floating basket! Like a ree, one made of reeds. Don’t put your babies in the river. Don’t put babies in the river. So I’m gonna deglaze this with wine. Well, I don’t know what people do with babies. Yeah, there we go. So we want a really high heat, just to deglaze . Emily, strip this thyme! Okay. Yeah, look at that, look at that, look at that. Ow! What? The steam! It’s fine. You don’t feel pain, and it’s so weird. So we’re gonna add some beef stock to that too. I know that if he got menstrual cramps though, he couldn’t hack it. Oh god, no. Cheese and rice, that seems like a nightmare. I’m so sorry that you have to do that. Aw, that’s nice. Okay, so this is very cool. This is very fancy butter, this is centrifuge. So this is Italian butter that is actually made in a centrifuge, so you’re gonna get an even bigger sort of like moisture loss on it. What’s a centrifuge? Are you familiar with What they call the god particle? Or particle accelerator, have you ever read a Jane Brown book? Oh god, how many things are you gonna have to explain to me? It’s literally, it’s a big old machine that spins stuff real fast. So it essentially spins the water out. And that’s, you know, butter’s typically made slow churning. This is incredibly fast churned butter. I want this to reduce a little bit more till the liquid is like almost, almost gone. All right, so this needs to reduce. Wait a bit, what are you doing with that baby? Don’t put it in the river! Emily, come help me find this baby! We gotta save it! Oh god, that’s good. Baby, you’re gonna be okay! Ooh, that’s pretty good. All right, I’m gonna get a whole lot of butter in this, ’cause I want all that butter to soak up into them ‘shrooms. And then go ahead, Emily. Give that a toss, give that a toss. Just let the melt. What does that mean? Why don’t you to do something? Just like pfft, just like pfft. Here we go, telling me I don’t do anything again. Just like move it around. No, like move the whole, like sweeping motion. Like a sweeping motion. Ooh! It looks like it’s getting all creamy now. Yeah, there we go, that’s the idea, is we want all that wine in the stock to reduce, to essentially concentrate all the flavors, and the butter is just gonna add a ton of that creaminess, it’s gonna soak into the mushrooms, and then we’re just gonna kind of put that on a burger, almost as like a half condiment sauce, half you know, vegetable component. You wanna try it? Sure. Yeah, try that ‘shroom. Thanks. All right, mushrooms are done. One of our vegetable components is done. We got two more, two more hyper stylized like Brian Adams vegetables. That’s better . What? That’s even better than the bacon. Yeah, this is gonna be a flavorful freaking hamburger. Oh my god. So they have grilled green peppers. You can get ’em grilled, you can get ’em raw. They also have grilled onions. So I figured we’d jazz it up a little bit. Okay. So instead of making grilled onions, we’re gonna make a nice, balsamic onion jam. We got this legit balsamic . Ooh. Any balsamic that doesn’t come from Modena is not balsamic at all, yelled my Italian roommates at me when I got them Trader Joe’s balsamic. It’s just a real story. Anyway, so making a balsamic onion jam, I’ll get that going. What I need you to do, we’re gonna make some sort of problem solve style marinade bell peppers, typically would be red bell peppers, but we’re gonna use green bell peppers. That’s what Five Guys uses. We’re gonna hit it with some Arab de Provence. But first the crap outta these bell peppers. So take our double fire breathing dragon blowtorch right there. Is it these buttons? Yeah, yeah. Oh my god. So I’m gonna get just a bunch of butter into this pot. Yeah, light ’em up! We got butter in the pot, and now I’m gonna add all these here onions. I feel like Tank Girl! Yeah, Lori Petty, oh my god great movie. Lori Petty rules, everybody Ice Tea as a sexy kangaroo. Why is it sexy though? Those kangaroos ooze sex appeal, that’s why. They really do. So we’re gonna add black pepper, a little bit of gray sea salt, and then turbinado sugar. So turbinado sugar, sugar in the raw. That’s gonna add some lovely, nice sweetness. Nah, you got, I mean you gotta like hold it there and torch it. Yeah, like get close to it. We want that blackened skin. It’s fun though, right? It’s really fun! Have a good time. And it smells really good. Yeah, that’s how you roast peppers. There you go, yeah, all over, completely black. Nature’s marshmallow! I’m gonna take some of this balsamic vinegar, I’m just gonna get a whole lot of that. Real balsamic vinegar should be nice and syrupy like this, it shouldn’t be super runny. So we got the onions kinda soft, and we’re getting a lot of that syrupy, sugary balsamic in there. Then all we’re gonna do is continue cooking this down for about 20 minutes. Got it super, super jammy. That’s nice, yeah, the pepper might start moving. The pan might warp, don’t let that deter you. Why is the flame ever off? Flame should be always on, just keep going. I like to take breaks. We don’t take breaks in the kitchen. Well I’m- We’re like legally, like we do. There we go, there we go. Yeah. It’s hard to get it in the crack! Yeah, sometimes you just got, you got two options. Chop harder, or lube more. Can I grab this? I don’t know, can you? Yeah, easy. So we’re just gonna get that in here, and we’re just gonna start sloughing off all that skin. This is kinda what it smells like when the Chuck E Cheese band like overheats? Yes. Well I talked about my grandpa’s nose, and how he liked to drink. He would take me and my sister to Chuck E Cheese a lot. Yeah. And he would just drink a whole picture of beer by himself, and watch the band play, and my sister and I would go, you know, get pee on our jeans, ’cause there was always pee in the tubes, in the hamster tubes. Growing up is learning that adults mostly went to Chuck E Cheese with you so they could drink. So I’m gonna cut these peppers into like nice, large, big chunks right here. So what we got here is the mason jar. I’m gonna add a ton of Herb de Provence in it. Emily, smell it, smell it, smell it, smell it, smell it out. Smells like licorice. Smell like licorice! That’s probably, there’s fennel seed, there is lavender, there is rosemary, there is marjoram, there’s thyme, there’s oregano. But lavender is the thing that we mostly associate Herbs de Provence with. So I’m gonna add a bunch of this oleo verde. This is a nice, young, green olive oil. Should get some nice seed to go with those herbs in there. Yeah, yeah, so start just like massaging that pepper in there and try and get all the black stuff off. So we’re getting a lot of olive oil in there. We’re gonna hit it with a little bit of salt. The goal is just to marinade these peppers really nice and lightly to get a little bit of lightness in this three pound Wagyu beef cheeseburger. What? Like, come on, what are we doing? This is fun. And then sherry vinegar is one of my favorite ingredients to cook with. Just gonna get a little bit of that in there. We’re not trying to make a pickle, we just wanna get a little bit of acid in there, and then we’re just gonna start packing these in. Ooh, this is fun. Hey look, Emily, cool, wow! We made marinated green bell peppers in Herbs de Provence, that’s pretty chill. That is, my hands are cold. And then I’m gonna let the onions cook down for like another five minutes. Is this enough stuff off of it of it? Or do you really like want every single little- We only needed the one bell pepper the whole time. Is me being honest. I wanted to give you something to do. We can start making the burgers now. Oh we can? Yeah, no, I did all the stuff. I just wanna play in my tiny little dirty bathtub. You can do it, I’ll take the ingredients and just kinda like, you know, go . We got it, I’ll grab the next . Can we go save that baby again? you keep playing! I wanna save the baby again. Oh, there’s that baby. Emily, we have our large beef babies in our hands, and now we must put them in the basket. Aw. Okay, so I’m going lube up this griddle a little bit. So on three, try and flip it. Try and hit this side, I’m gonna try and go this side. On three, one, two, go. There it is, and so now we’re gonna let these griddle, we’re gonna press it in a little bit. All right, so now we can peel off the paper. Look at that, these big old beef babies. All right, so we’re gonna season up. This is that beautiful Celtic sea salt. Here, grab a pinch, season up that burger. There we go, love it, and then some nice telecherry black peppercorns here. I have heard a rumor that Five Guys does not salt their burgers, but that means that I don’t really miss it at the Five Guys. That said, I refuse to cook an unsalted burger. So that’s why we’re adding salt to ours. You got more pepper on, and so I’m gonna put more pepper on it. Bonanza! Sorry, did I get your eye with the pepper? I felt it, but I think my excessive amount of mascara has blocked it. It’s not excessive, you look great. I think it’s nice. Thank you! Yeah. We’re gonna let this cook for about another 60 seconds just to get a really hard sear on it. Okay. We don’t wanna cook these like fully, but get ’em to like about a medium well, and then if you see this, we got… Holy crap! It’s so pretty, and it’s so thick like a yoga mat for babies. We never set out to make like giant food, but like I had three pounds of Wagyu steak, and I wanted to use it all. Things just kind of got outta hand. I don’t think it got outta hand. Oh no, this is gonna splatter. Yeah, it’s gonna splatter. Okay, Emily, put cheese on top of that one, I’m gonna put this one. Oh my God, I love this. Look at how beautiful it is! Love it, here, I’m gonna go under, you go over. Now I’m gonna put this one. Ha! Watch out for splash. If you run that way, then you won’t get the splash. Great, and then you’re gonna add cheese to that one. This cheese is just blanketing over the whole . I really love this cheese. Nicole really crushed this. Nicole, you nailed the cheese, girl. You crushed it. Oh yeah, I’m supposed to mention, that in New York there’s a bar above a Five Guys that you should go to, and I forget the name of the bar, and the people I know there are gonna kill me. I’m just gonna kind of- This is nuts. Support this in the bottom, get this off. All right, Emily, you ready to finally build this finally burger of the finalities? Okay. Ooh, snacky. Ooh, I’m not touching it yet. Okay, good. So we have a nice big, beautiful voluptuous buns made by Trevor. Ooh! If you go to Twitter and search hashtag Trevor’s buns, you’ll see a bunch of fantastic pictures. So we’re gonna take this and we gotta start stacking all of the condiments on there. So we’re gonna use every single thing that Five Guys uses, except fancy. So this is mayonnaise, it’s Sir Kensington’s fancy mayonnaise. And this is just like a fancy relish? Yeah, fancy, we get some fancy relish on there. Ooh, that looks really good. Fancy mustard. I used to not like relish. Yeah, that’s enough. We gotta be judicious with our condiments. And then scatter some pickles around. You keep using that word. Judi… I do not think it means what you think it means. Put some cornichons on there. That’s the little baby pickles, little peppers. Baby pickles! Yeah, get some on there, and then I’m gonna start getting, yeah, yeah, yeah. Try and get, get some of the edges, ’cause we, this is gonna be like a heavily architectured burger. Oh man, I like these pickles. So these are called what kind of pickles? Cornichons! I thought they were gherkin, what’s a gherkin? Gherkin’s a less fancy name for a cornichon. Oh cool, so I was right. You were right. All right, now can you get some of those mushrooms? Hard to tell if they’re onions or mushrooms at this point, ’cause they’re just like- Yeah dude, I don’t know what’s going on with any of this stuff. This just looks like, you know, a log that got mushy in the river. Yeah, but it’s fancy and nice. Okay, this is good, this is good. Spread this out evenly, we need to make a nice, large base for all this delicious adobo glazed pork belly right here. Gonna mash that down. We got all that stuff, so now can you hold this? This is the burgers, obviously. And now, see if I can just get under it. Yeah, yeah, brace it, and just slide that right on there. Ooh! There we go, fantastic, fantastic, and now we have to start getting some veggies on there. So I’m gonna take some of these green peppers. What are you doing? You dancing again? Where do I put this? You said you were never gonna dance again, Emily. You said, you told me, you look me dead in the eye. Feet are so guilty. And you said… Guilty feet. They have, they ain’t got no rhythm. Ain’t got no rhythm! Okay, so we got this, so now lettuce, just like a couple – What kind of lettuce is that? Nominal. Are you serious? It’s a very stupid, that’s a bad joke. That’s a… This is just beautiful, beautiful, gorgeous red leaf that we got from the local Farmer’s Market. Ooh, look at those tomatoes. And then we’re gonna take some heirloom tomatoes. Can you scatter those heirloom tomatoes? Like try and, try and like kind of get some around the rim here. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that’s beautiful, I love that, beautiful. It’s slippy. That’s okay, that’s okay. Now we got a condiment up the top bun. So we got barbecue sauce. This is like some bougie barbecue sauce that we got that made a joke about like Kate Middleton on the box. That’s how you know it’s bougie. Yeah, that’s enough, that’s enough. All right, and then get sun dried tomato ketchup right there, that’s fancy, ’cause they’ve dried tomatoes in the sun. What’s fancier than the sun? Nothing, it’s a star! All right, and then get some Peter Luger’s steak sauce. It’s coming from my own kitchen. I cooked my girlfriend a lovely meal using Peter Luger’s steak sauce ’cause it’s her favorite restaurant growing up, because I’m endearing! And truff. This is white truff – Never had the white truff, how much? Ooh, and then that’s good, that’s good, that’s good. All right, I’m just gonna kind of mash this around, and then get some of those pickled Fresno chilies. They do jalapenos at Five Guys. No, we’re fancy! We’re using Fresno chilies, they’re from Fresno, the fanciest town in America. It’s a joke from – I’m sorry. About Fresno. Oh god, it’s dripping on me! I got cut on my fingy, and it hurts! Ooh, ew! That means the cut’s in our food! All right, we’re good now. It’s just like a little one. A one, a two, how do you do? Let’s give it a light little smush. And press. Emily, are you ready to eat this dang thing? Yeah, yeah. There’s certainly been a lot of buildup. But first, we had to look at how it compares to the original Five Guys Burger. Wow! We… I’d like to think it was an accident that how big we made this hamburger. That is the most terrifying snowman I’ve ever seen. Or is it the most beautiful snowman? Well, I’m gonna cut this in half, we need to taste this. So just remember what it tastes like, so claw. Oh god. Emily, claw the hamburger. Okay, its structural integrity is, yeah. All right, hamburger, okay. Let’s see if this one’s a little bit different. Oh man. How are we gonna eat this? How are you? Grab a half. Gah dang it. We did it again, and we made burger too big physically eat again. Oops. I mean, look at all those layers. It looks like a . Like you get all those layers, you get that balsamic onion jam that’s just bleeding all those condiments. You ready to do this thing? You just… Ding. Gosh. Whoa. Flavor bomb! Oh man. For how much crap we loaded on this burger, you get a couple very defined flavors. I’m tasting the Herbs de Provence of all things. I’m getting the lavender on the back of the palette, and then I’m getting a lot of that soy and vinegar, and take out some of those freaking pork belly, which is the best part of this whole burger. I have stuff in my nose. Let’s be real, the top layer’s fluff. Get the lettuce off there. Okay. Get the tomato off there. But wait, Josh. We’re gonna crush this. Hey Josh. Huh? How much is this monstrosity? Mm, $379 and 81 cents. We’ve learned, that with proper cooking technique and good friendship- Aw. You too can make the . Chew. Well, I’m trying to talk them. Oh. You too can live the life that you wanna be in the world. Yeah. And that’s the fanciest fast food of all. Thank you for joining us for Sunday School with Josh. Thank you for joining us in the Mythical Kitchen. Find new episodes out every week. We got a new episode of our podcast every Wednesday, wherever you get podcasts, that’s pretty cool. Look at that drip. Hit us up on Instagram, where you can grab lewd pictures of Emily dripping burgers juice at Mythical Kitchen. We’ll see y’all next time. Try and follow kind of where mine’s going here. We want it to be a little bit circular. Well, I messed that one up. But I am a rat, so. I’m just- To understand the meals of our present, we must first understand the meals of our past. That’s why we’re recreating some of the most notable meals throughout history, and today, we’re doing something that would break Carol Baskins’ heart. Oh no, is there a peroxide shortage? No, we are recreating a meal from the Franco Prussian War. It was cooked on Christmas on the 99th day of the siege of Paris, where all the meat supplies were cut off, and they were forced to eat zoo animals. It’s time for… “Meals of History”! And before we get into the meat of this episode… It’s a good joke. This is gonna be the only new video on the channel this week, because we are doing an all day live stream on Thursday with Rhett and Link on the Good Mythical Morning Channel. You’ll be there? Yes, I wouldn’t miss it. That’s gonna be a fun time, check that out. And then next week, the only video we’re gonna have is on Tuesday, and then a new podcast on Wednesday, so check that out as well. All right. You gonna check it out? Do you listen to the podcast? All right! So Emily, the meal that we’re recreating today, this is from Christmas in 1870s. This is the 99th day of the Siege on Paris by the Prussian forces that was led by the Iron Chancellor, Otto Von Bismarck. They had surrounded Paris, there were a ton of different crazy political things that went into this. French government was sort of on a decline, Napoleon III on the way out, a new Republican, pseudo democratic government coming in, but Paris was under siege during a particularly harsh winter. And so they had already been eating horses for a long time to sort of just get a cheap source of meat, but then by this time, all that meat had run out, and so they had to turn to zoo animals, but the aristocracy was still such a big deal in Paris that these restaurants were still serving these lavish meals. So here, we see a full tasting menu with zoo animals. This is one of the craziest artifacts of history. You see, you got your typical stuff. You got radishes butter, you got sardines, and then you got a full stuffed donkey head. Whoa. Because that’s just what they were doing. So we are actually gonna be making some of these. We’re not gonna use any of the animals that are like illegal, or like super messed up to eat, but there’s some on here that are commonly eaten in other cultures. Like you see, you got the roast camel, you got a kangaroo stew, and so to me, this is like one of the most fascinating times in history, and it shows what people can do in times of great strife. I see d’elephant. Yes. Which is elephant with a D in front of it. Yeah, that’s French. France. The animals that went first were the ones that are similar to the animals that we eat, right? You had yak, and antelope, and the kind of ruminants, but eventually they got down to elephant, including two very famous elephants that would parade around the Luxembourg gardens named Castor and Pollocks, and they too were eaten for meat. Again, war as hell, this is a dark time in history. True. Come on, folks. It’s survival of the, I don’t know. Of the Frenchest? Yeah, of the Frenchest is the right way, yeah, yeah. It really was. You see this is a full tasting menu. You got your little salads here, ’cause they still have the gardens. And again, they’re French, so they were drinking wine and eating cheese with every single meal, and the siege would end up lasting for five months, because basically the Prussians didn’t wanna waste their artillery going after the French, and so the Parisians were really just locked in with nothing to do, no information in or out. All they had was just their French culture, and their zoo animals to eat. I’m gonna try to get excited about it. Maybe the. Sauce? I’m guessing you’re not a French speaker. I took it, but did not retain it. Well you think you can sort of cobble together a character? I imagine you got a whole dramaturgy written up. This may be my greatest challenge. God, I can’t wait. I’ll be right back. Hello to you, sir. Ah, I bring you some meat that is different. May I ask what’s different about it? It’s camel. It’s camel. Where did you get the camel meat? It’s not important. So you were the one who was wrangling up the meat. Also, can I ask you are a rat? Yes, I am a rat. Thank you for noticing that I’m not a mouse. This seems maybe derivative of a certain Disney property. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. I am the rat that, that is based on. Okay. I am not Remy, my name is Lenny. So yeah, I started working in kitchens around the time that we’re going to be discussing today. Great, so I mean, do you wanna like, do you want me to pop on a hat and you kind of hop under it, and- Oh no, that’s one of the main differences for me. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He was in a tiny hat pulling the guy’s hair around. I was really in a guy’s pants looking through the zipper, also pulling a guy’s hair to make him do stuff. It’s similar but not the same. Please don’t crawl in my pants. If you insist. Okay. So this is camel, and this is coming directly- Correct, it’s not rat, that’s what’s important. So we have these standing camel rib roasts right here. Yep, yep, yep. I don’t need to tell you about that, you’re a chef, of course. No, I mainly just find the meat. But I do a little bit of seasoning from time to time. Let’s go, well do you want- But mostly it’s like, look over there! Don’t eat a rat. Do you wanna help me tie this up? Yeah, sure. Lift up the camel meat. Get your little paws in there, get your little paws. Ooh, it’s nice and cold. Also, I was hoping you’d go way more like Marissa Tome from “My cousin Vinny”. Anyway, keep it, keep it lifted, keep it- No, I am clearly a man rat. You are clearly, I’m sorry. Wait, no, keep, keep the camel lifted, keep the camel lifted, I’m gonna lay all these in here. Keep lifting, keep the camel lifted. So we’re making what is. Which is roast camel in the style of the English, I suppose. Hold on, just keep it lifted, and I’m gonna keep going. Oh, I just got an idea about the Mr. Tome thing. Go ahead. Because it’s like the beep thing. It’s like it’s clock, it’s ticking, like yes! Is that good? That was good, that was- That’s a good reference to a movie that no one watches anymore. We’re just gonna be cooking this like a roast beef essentially. So this is like an English style roast beef, and this was served at the restaurant Voisins on their Christmas day, 99th day of the siege tasting menu. This is one of the main courses. So this is just cooked like an English roast, prime rib, whatever you wanna call it. How tight, how tight we think? Pretty tight, because the goal is to get this as even as possible. Oh. And so like, just try and follow kind of where mine’s going here. We want it to be a little bit circular. Well, I messed that one up. But I am a rat, so. So what jobs were available for rats outside of the kitchen? There was the poop ball gathering. Yeah? I kind of graduated outta that. Yeah, you don’t, you don’t poop ball gather anymore? No, no, no, no. It’s one rat’s job, usually the one at the bottom of the totem pole in the kitchen to just gather it all, and then roll it out. Yeah. Some would be concerned about the amount of rat poop in a kitchen. Well that’s why we have the roller. Okay, I’m so sorry, yeah. We handle it, we handle it. I don’t mean to come into your world. Well, it’s okay, you don’t know how my kitchen works, I don’t know how your kitchen works. You don’t see me making assumptions. Your kitchen might be cleaner than ours, despite all the rats. We’re being honest. I’m just gonna tie this in. I’m just gonna, I’m not saying you did a bad job. No, no, no, no. During the siege, what else is going on? I mean, were you scared? ‘Cause like you were used to freewheeling Paris as you know it, you know? But I mean, during the siege, normal days for you? Or what was going on? Well, I was a little scared, mainly because of the whole, like, people were like, maybe we should eat a rat. But mainly it was just because the leftovers were a lot, that the trash wasn’t really a lot of food in there anymore, ’cause people didn’t have food. Yeah. So I was like, what are we gonna do? Oh no. And then I started, like, I’d hang out in the zoo sometimes. Yeah, and then you started finding the zoo animals. So that’s how- Well I like the zoo, ’cause there’s like a big cat called a lion. Yeah. Behind the cage. Yeah, so you . Well, while most of the Parisians were worried about the political future of France and also Europe from Prussian aggression- Right. You were just more worried about taunting the big cat for being a stupid idiot behind the cage? We’re not political rats. We’re gonna be here no matter what. That’s true! No matter what happens, we’re around, just unless you eat us. That is the main thing. I think there’s something beautiful and simple about that. Yeah, it’s a good life. But I mean like, Paris is like the center of art and culture throughout all this. I mean, did you- Yeah! Did you see plays? You know, do you like architecture? What’s your thing? I did enjoy the gas lamps that Napoleon III started putting up. Or, prince president, as he called himself for a little while. That’s so funny. You said you weren’t political, here you are rattling off Napoleon III facts! He was a funny guy. He was a little funny guy, and he said weird stuff. But he got all these gas lamps, and that’s why it’s called, you know, the City of Lights. Of course, people burned them down. Yeah, it makes sense. Paris went through a lot in like 100 years. They were just bombed constantly, sieged constantly, but still, they kept just putting out food, putting out art, being the center of culture, look at them. Yeah. They survived like rats, the Parisians are rats. The comment section is gonna be rough for you. Alright, so we’ve tied up the roast. We’ve got this all salted. Again, this is a very simple preparation. This is to let the meat shine, and camel is a meat that is pretty commonly eaten ish, albeit for special occasions all across the Middle East. So this is gonna be really delicious, I think. Oh yeah. We’re gonna make a quick little jus right here, we’re gonna add flour so it thickens up to just some, we’re gonna call this antelope stock, ’cause they also ate antelopes. I’m sure you were out there scouting antelopes. I remember, I remember. I didn’t know much about them. I didn’t socialize with them a lot. Yeah, I mean, you haven’t been outside of Paris. You hang out at the zoo. Do you know what these animals are? Like did you think they were edible? Oh, I was friends with a few. The hippo, I really liked that guy. Yeah, it’s kind of a giant rat that eats and mauls people, huh? Kinda, he was very- We’re adding Worcestershire to this by way. They’re very fun to spank. You go on top of ’em, and you’re like, hey, how you doing? And spanking the hippo is not a euphemism for anything? No. So we’re creating the base of the jus here. So this is a stock, it’s flour, it’s some Herbs de Provence, it’s some peppercorn. We’ll take a couple of garlics. Does a rat know what a palm heel strike is? Well, I don’t have much of a palm as a rat. Kinda like a tiny little, little doodad with just- Yeah, you like claw it or something? Like- Yeah, yeah. No, no, do it, do it! I just realized that my rat scrunchie might be in the way. So there we go, all right, all right, I’ll try, let’s see. Yeah, that was close. That’s close, that’s great, you did good, you crushed the garlic. Nice. We don’t even need to take the skins off, we’re gonna strain this later. Okay. And then we’re just gonna pop that roast on there. That is beautiful. Right? I think it’s gonna be really good. Ooh, that smells nice. And the thing about this is like, only the aristocrats were eating this, right? ‘Cause like, not the Aristocats, by the way, that’s triggering for you, and I understand that. I do love that movie. Even that couldn’t shake you? Well, I mean, if cats could sing, I wouldn’t mind what jerks they are. The good cats. But they’re not, they can’t even sing. I’m like the only animal I know who could talk. So why are cats so- Wait, so none of the, I’m sorry, none of the other rats talk? You’re the only talking rat? Yep, that’s kind of how I got- How did this happen? I don’t know, I just started talking. I guess! But only in English! And only in a Brooklyn accent. Have you ever been to Brooklyn? Do you know what Brooklyn is? I’ve been to Brooklyn, Paris. We’re gonna pop this in the oven, we’re just gonna let it go, we’re gonna revisit it later. I’m gonna tint it with foil just to get the temperature up, and then I’m gonna take it off, blast it, sort of crisp up that camel fat cap. I cannot stress to you enough. This is a camel, and I’ve never eaten it before, but I’m pretty excited about it. They’re jerks. They’re jerks? Yeah. They spit? Yes, yes. Screw ’em! I’m a tiny rat, I can drown. To all the camels out there watching, don’t spit on rats. Yeah. She just wants to live. Pick on someone your own size. Fight the hippo. All right, we’re gonna pop this in the oven. Whoa, Nelly. All right, and now we’re gonna let that go. All right. And you, speaking of kangaroos. Huh? Can find me one? Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Lenny. What’s up? You got me the kangaroo. Did you strip the meat off of its flesh yourself with your tiny razor sharp claws? No, I just know a guy. Just… You just know a guy. Well, do you wanna butcher this down for me? Sure. Do you wanna cut it into like large stewish cubes? So what we’re making, right now is called civet de kangourou, Which was on the actual Christmas day menu. Yeah, there you go. At restaurant Voisins. Civet actually means relating to chives, which is why we have a bunch of different alliums here. This dish was typically made in the spring, and it was also typically made with a wild hare, or a . Religious symbolism of this dish is that it is thickened with its own blood, so we also have some blood. You did though, leach the kangaroo of its own blood? I told you, I know a guy, I don’t do that kind of stuff. I just go, hey, kill that thing. I believe you, I mean look times were tough back then. You had to do what you had to do, you know what I mean? I know, I know, I know. Right. So this is for Christmas? Yeah, this is the Christmas day menu. Rats, they celebrate Christmas, or are you Jewish coming from Brooklyn? I celebrate everything. Sure. I like all the holidays, but this feels very pagan. Yeah, it sure does. Well, I mean, a lot of these rituals were from paganism, but this dish, it was for the springtime, sort of Easter, you know, resurrection of Christ, and the blood was used to thicken it, which I’m really interested in, because it’s a very cool culinary technique called liaison de sang, which means like a blood thickener in a stew. So I’m pretty stoked on this. Can brown the meat first. You know what? Yeah. Start tossing it in the pot. Cool. Toss it in the hot lard. I’ll salt it and pepper it, and then we’re gonna remove it. Then we’re gonna start sweating down all these to toss it in. You seem to know French pretty good. I actually took five year- This meat stinks! You ever eaten kangaroo before? Nope. No, me neither, me neither. No? It is really popular in Australia though. There’s actually a big government mandate, because kangaroos are such an invasive species in Australia, and so there’s like this marketing competition to see who could have the best idea of what to call them to put ’em in stores. So now you can actually find kangaroo in Australian grocery stores, and a lot of high-end Australian restaurants. So that’s pretty cool, so we’re gonna get a taste of like old country France, as well as modern day Australia. Interesting. I wonder what, like I’ve seen the videos of the kangaroo trying to take a golden retriever into the woods. Well, and the owner like fought the kangaroo and got his dog back. But I’m like, what do kangaroos eat? Oh, kangaroos I think just eat leaves. I’m pretty sure they’re not carnivores- Well it was gonna do something with that dog, so- We don’t know what it was gonna do with that dog. Maybe him and that dog were, you know. I’m gonna take this meat. It’s nice and brown, I’m gonna remove it, and then once I get all this meat out, just start dumping in all the vegetables. It smells like beef. It does, it smells beefier than beef, which is crazy. And the funny thing about this dish is that you see the care that the restaurant kind of took in actually crafting these dishes, because rabbits and kangaroos, I believe are both… In a similar- What are they called? Species or whatever? What are they called? Not pachyderms, that’s an elephant. Well, I always thought that rabbits were rodents. I think rabbits and kangaroos are related. Someone fact check me! Rabbits and kangaroos, related. Well kangaroos are, is it the marsupials? Marsupials, the marsupials. So I don’t know. I don’t know. They’re big rabbits that like to box people also. They’re buff and sexy. Beep, beep, beep. Lord, what did you make this as? What is this? What family is this in? I’m gonna start dumping in the onions. We got our green onions in there. We’re gonna take our cipollini onions. Ooh, those look good. Some , and then do you wanna start chopping up the rosemary? I’m gonna strip the thyme. Should I do it with this knife though? Yeah, it’s all getting cooked in the same thing. All right. Also, you’re a rat in the kitchen, you’re worried about health codes? That’s right. Listen, I don’t care about my health, I care about yours. Did they have health inspectors coming into the restaurant? ‘Cause they made- Oh yeah! A big deal about that in the movie. Oh yeah, we had ’em. What’d you do to ’em? Well, we didn’t do anything to them, I just would like stack myself on top of the rats, wear a little trench coat, like hide out in the back. That’s smart. Hope nobody asked any questions. Like a silly ’90’s kids movie. You weren’t there. The kids took it from us. I’m adding the meat back to the pot, just gonna get that nice and brown. The stew is coming together. This smells so much better than trash. Yeah, dump that in. Dump that in the pot. So you weren’t allowed to eat at the restaurant that you worked at? No, they wouldn’t let us eat. They also like, when they got their best wines for the dinner, for the Christmas thing, they got all the best wines and stuff, and then they wouldn’t let any of the rats, like- That’s a shame, yeah. I got a present for you. they’ll cook us in the wine, but they- I got you a Christmas present. Heaven forbid they let Fievel get blitzed! Fievel, I want you to get blitzed off this wine after I dump some in the stew. Nice! Because that was a really cool thing, right? Is that in Paris? You know, it was all the fresh meat that they really struggled to get, and all the fresh produce and all that. Yeah. People still had their gardens, and they still had a giant stockpile of the best wines in the world, and so they were just hammered through this entire siege, which is how I want to go in a siege. I’m just gonna be rocking the high noons and white claws all the way through. Ooh. Yeah. What’s a white claw? That’s kinda like, I’ve got those. It’s like a wine, but for frat bros. Oh, you know what I think is the frat bro of the animal kingdom? Kangaroos. Really? Problematic bros. They’re not like bros with the heart of gold, they’re the problematic bros. Well, I mean, have you seen ’em? Yeah, they’re jacked. They’re always coming at you like, ugh. They’re a real like gym tanned laundry kind of animals. Okay buddy, like… Alright, so the wine’s reduced. We’re gonna add some stock, and now we’re just gonna cover this, let it go, and then we actually have a really cool condiment to go on this stew. Ooh. And then meanwhile Fievel, have had it kiddo. I’ve been west, but I’d like to go south. Ah, my back, my neck. Lenny, the stew’s boiling, how does it smell to you? Ah. Use your rat palate to inform what we need to add to it. Yeah, yeah, that’s good. It ain’t trash. You are hanging out in a man’s sweaty pants all day though. Has that affected your sort of olfactory senses? No, actually I think it’s better for my PH. God that’s great. Live amongst the musk. I love that for all of us. Thanks. War really is hell, so is living in a man’s pubes. Hey. So uh- As long as it’s warm. So sort of hacking up those herbs, if you wanna pick off the bigger part of the stem. So again, we are making just a simple herbed mayonnaise. It’s kinda like they would add a, what’s called a to a , or certain stews, that’s very common in French cookery. So if you like pick off some of those herbs, you just kinda take it and just rip it apart. Oh cool. I’m not too particular about the stems. Pop it in the blender, we’re blend that up. What I’m making making is called the liaison de sang, which is a blood thickening agent that we’re gonna add to this along with some firm breadcrumbs, and a little bit of this giant jug of wine- Yeah! That we’re gonna get through before the end of the siege, got dang it, Lenny. It’s just you and me, Lenny. Just like it’s always been, and the lion, which apparently they just couldn’t figure out how to kill. They would’ve eaten the lions and tigers if they could have figured out to kill it with 1870s technology, but they could not. So I think it’s hilarious that they were just spared. They ate a lotta horses. They did. Before we got to this point. And they bled a lot of horses to make their blood into puddings. But cars weren’t around for like another 15 years. So you’re just killing your car. Ain’t nowhere to go! That was literally the thing, the Prussian strategy, they literally called it a war of masonry, because the Prussian strategy was just, yeah, this is the section where I talk about Prussian battle strategy! Yeah! So they literally had Paris surrounded, and the Prussian strategy was just to wait, because the French military generals, they knew that if Prussia attacked, they would just burn themselves out, waste their artillery attacking a city that could not really be invaded, and there was no reason for Prussia to do so. So they literally just waited there. That’s why this siege was five months, and that’s why by the third month, people got bored, and they were like, well, let’s continue making these classic French dishes for the aristocracy out of camels, and kangaroos and rat, I mean, and cats. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, you’re, you’re fine. You’ll do great. Keep that under wraps, rats. Wraps, rats? All right. So I’m gonna take, this is a typical way to finish this dish. I’m gonna take a little bit of this red wine, and I’m gonna add it to the blood to thin it out, because once you add blood to heat, it starts coagulating. Then we’re also gonna add some breadcrumbs to that, and we’re gonna stir that together, then add it to the stew, take it off the heat and the blood should thicken it nicely. Do you… I was gonna ask, do you know how they killed the horses? Yeah. Sledgehammer! I do, and I think that that was a bad move. Brutal, golly! Aren’t horses kind of helpful in battle? You’d think. Yeah. But again, what are they gonna do right outta the city? There were some French generals that tried to capture outer cities, ’cause they were like, we can inspire the French to rally. And then they went out there, and they tried, and they failed. People were like, nah, we’re good, we got our wine, we’re chill, we’ll wait it out. Yeah, but the French were like all gung-ho for this war in the first place. Yeah, it was Napoleon III’s last stand pretty much. Yeah, the people wanted to do it. The people wanted it! They were mis… Misinformed. Yeah, oh, you know. All right, so I’m gonna add this blood and wine to the stew. Oh gosh, there’s the breadcrumbs. And then I’m gonna take it off the heat, and I’m gonna kind of temper it in there. Just to thicken – This just looks like grass are you sure? You’re the one that got it! You’re just bringing grass into the kitchen? What are you doing? I know, I just wanna make sure I did a good job. It matters to me, if you like what I do. You’re good, toss it in there, toss it in there. All right, cool. All right, I’m gonna dump in the mayonnaise and some of that in there. This is fresh homemade style mayonnaise that I got from a jar, sue me. Mayo’s hard. Heck yeah. I can see how this blood’s thickening it. This is actually working really, really well. Ooh, it smells good really good. We don’t have plums going. We’re gonna wait for those breadcrumbs to thicken up, let that boil off for just a second. All right. Is this, do I need any more of this? I’m gonna chop up some shallot real quick. Oh, okay. Shallot’s pretty common. This is a sauce that actually dates back a long, long time. Comes from like an Oxatan tradition where they would just like blend egg yolks, and oil and herbs into a bunch of stuff. Is this the chef who made all this stuff? Is this his famous sauce? This is his famous sauce. I mean, back then they, the French cannon of cookery was so codified by that point, and a lot of it was actually under Louis XIV. I mean, you had, you know, the early people in the late 19th century, like Augustus , but already by then, I mean there was such a tradition among the French aristocracy, these insane stews. Like this stew would literally take three days to make typically. ‘Cause you had to marinade the wild hare in cognac. You just had to like let it soak in there. And I bet they didn’t let the hare have any of the cognac. You’re more worried about the justice for animals in this, and I love that! I just really think we deserve to be drunk. Gonna add a little bit of vinegar to this just to thin it out, and we’re just gonna blend it up. I imagine you didn’t have Vitamixes in your kitchen? No, no, I just mainly, it’s kinda the same thing as the wine, we just get in there and be like, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap. Like on this thing, and we’re like, we’re chopping it up with our tiny little feet. So you would’ve just stumped on these herbs. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I love that for us. It’s gonna turn a nice, beautiful green color. I love that, I’m gonna get a couple more herbs in there. We got tarragon, we got chives. We got, what else we got in here? We got some fresh parsley. This is just a weed whacker. What did you do? Is this how you prepped for the chef? Well, most of the time, I just don’t like to be noticed by other animals or other people, ’cause they might go, hey big rat. Let’s get it! It’s literally fly by night in this kitchen. So I run out and I just go, ah! Okay, here we go! Run, drop it and throw it away, hide back in the pants. Yeah, just bring it in- Your hat! My hat! I thought there’s gonna be a tiny man under your hat. Sometimes there’s a tiny beret, but not for today. And blend it up., there we go. That’s the color that we want. All right, let’s see, let’s, let’s get your tasting notes on this, Lenny. Okay. I’m curious to see how this… That is adorable and disgusting, equal parts. Oh, I love it. You love it? I love it. I got your approval! It’s tangy, it’s like got some tangy to it. And now it’s gonna kind of marinade you from the inside out, so you’ll be seasoned when the time comes. Really committing to this. We got the sauce done, we got the civet de kangourou, this is nice and thick. Once the temperature drops, it’s gonna get super luscious. We’re seeing it get there right now. It’s smelling really fantastic. It smells absolutely amazing, I’m excited to know what’s gonna combine together. How it’s all gonna be put together. You ready to feast? You ready to enjoy Christmas dinner during this troubling time? Sure! Let’s do it, Lenny! Yeah. I wanna get in on the accent fun too! Lenny, I imagine this is your first time at the dining room table. How does it feel? It feels very good. So we have our chameux roti a l’Anglais right here, that’s that roast camel, that beautiful jus. We got the bloody kangaroo stew, but we also got some other things, ’cause again, this was a tasting menu during Christmas, during the siege, and all these restaurants that were catering to the aristocracy, they still had their gardens out there. So you got your watercress salad, your buttered peas, you got your radishes with the butter. Some tin sardines, ’cause they still had access to all the preserved food. Then of course your classic French cheeseboard. Ooh, I love cheese. Grab some cheese. What do you wanna dig into first? What’s calling your name right here? Which animal do you hate more? I’m gonna have to go with the roo. Let’s go with the roo, let’s try it. The roo stew. All right, here, grab some of the sauce verte, I’m just gonna dollop it. Oh, this is that stuff where I put the grass in in. Yeah. That’s our grass sauce. Find a nice big chunk of meat. Ooh! It congealed really nicely with the blood, I mean, this is a fantastic looking stew right here. Cheers. All right, cheers. Did you wash the little hairs off your paws? No. That’s okay, that’s okay, that’s okay. I also just finished ball duty. Oh, the poop ball, not the- I just said… I didn’t even mean to make a pun. Let’s eat the kangaroo, Holy crap, that is freaking packed with flavor. Whoa! It’s a really lean meat, so it is a little bit tough, but that said, the actual stew itself, it’s got the beautiful richness and thickness in that blood, and then the green sauce just cuts through it all like a knife through butter. Hot diggity! Wow, that sauce is really, really good. That’s insane. Yeah. They were eating well. I mean like not really, ’cause again, this was a kangaroo from the zoo. But given the circumstances, I mean, they were able to make really tasty food. Yeah. Want some camel? Yes, oh man. I got you. I got you, Lenny, you’re my boy, Lenny! You are very generous to me. Do you think we’re gonna be friends after this? I hope so. I do too. I mean, many people who say they’re my friend end up just ignoring me after a while, ’cause I smell. Yeah, I feel that too. But… Me and Lenny have something in common. I can’t wait to tell my friends and my family about your kindness. All right, dunk it, dunk it in the jus. I’ve never eaten camel before, so this is exciting. I have not either. Dig in. Wow. Mm. That’s good though. Really good. It’s got like a more irony taste than beef to it. And actually, those camels have more movement than cows, so there’s a lot more blood sort of flowing through the musculature. It’s tougher, but it’s not like super tough. It’s like meat chewing gum. It takes a while to get through the camel, but- It’s definitely a cud. The sauce is so good, man. You’re real good at sauces, Josh. I mean, so are the French, and that’s why all this food is so freaking delectable. And again, this was only reserved for the aristocracy and the occasional rats that pulled their pubes to make the dishes happen. Yep, yep, well, I mean, we would go through the garbage afterwards. There wasn’t much left over, but we got a couple little, you know. Well, I have another really nice treat for you. I actually have a large wheel of cheese over there for you. Just ignore like the wooden structure, and the metal bars hastily placed over the top. She’s a delicious piece of cheese. My very own wheel of cheese? Your own wheel of cheese! You are so generous to me. No, Lenny, come on. We have a special bond here. It is true, I feel very bonded to you, and I will never forget you. I will never forget you, Lenny. My family will remember your name. Thank you, go get that cheese. Okay. Go, scurry away. Scurry away. I have a baguette! I won’t forget! Aha, I know you! You love your bread! Lenny loves this bread. Here I go! Okay, scurry away. Here we go. Ooh, I see it! Yeah, so we’ve, yeah, we’ve run out of zoo animals, and now it’s time to go for the, for the rats. Hey, there’s a the thing I gotta get under here, what is this? Hey! Yep. Hey, I’m here. It had to happen, I’m so- Lenny I’m sorry! Lenny, the food’s running low! We got soldiers outside the restaurant, we gotta eat. The cheese is good though. It’s good cheese? Goodbye forever. Goodbye forever, Lenny. Thanks for the cheese. I’ll never forget you, and thank you all so much for stopping by the Mythical Kitchen. We got new videos out right here every week, we got new episodes of our podcast, “A Hotdog is a Sandwich” every Wednesday, wherever you get your podcasts. Hit us up on Instagram at Mythical Kitchen with pictures of your mythical dishes under hashtag dreams become food. We’ll see you next time. Was this supposed to kill me? Nicole, get the sledgehammer! No, no, no, no, no, no, I’m not done with the cheese. We’re screwed, we’re screwed, we’re screwed! Walk away. Walk away, we’re done! Today, Emily and I are attempting to outdo all the Nonas of the world and make the fanciest Olive Garden chicken and shrimp fettuccine Alfredo. I think it’s gonna go great. Will cooking help Emily forget about her recent breakup? Now this feels like a spanking, and it’s just making me sad. Will she be able to talk about anything besides her recent breakup? Is she going to be okay? Ask Kevin Costner. Ah, Kevin Costner, whew. Don’t fill up on unlimited breadsticks, because you won’t wanna miss this expensive take on an Olive Garden classic. I’m covered in filth! I haven’t messed up anything. Where’s the cheese? I need my cheese! Yet. Take off your sunglasses. Oh, okay. You hung over again? Oh, this is- I’m more than that, but I’m trying. Okay, there’s shrimp and chicken? We got the shrimp and chicken Alfredo. Here’s the thing, it’s not technically on the menu, but it’s my favorite thing to order at the Olive Garden. Okay, I like this. ‘Cause I’m a fancy young man, and Olive Garden is a fancy restaurant. We all know that. It is fancy for people like us, who are trash little people from smaller towns. You were handpicked for this episode by me, because I was like, there’s no way that Emily didn’t go to Olive Garden before prom. Yes! I totally did. But like, Olive Garden was a fancy occasion where I’m from. Why can’t I get? These noodles are short, I don’t like that. Mm, the sauce is coagulated on them. Oh yeah. Oh, look at that big old piece of chicken. It coats your mouth with a film. Is it grilled or is it breaded? Both. So they put it, I think in a little bit of flour, and then a ton of butter in the pan. Mm. Yeah, we’re gonna use a ton of butter in ours. Tight. Also, this is the first day I’ve been out of bed since a breakup. Wait, oh no, it happened? I know. Oh, I saw you subtweet about it. The healthiest way to deal with a breakup is to tweet about it. You’d have to give a shit about me to be looking at the stuff I post. I give a shit about you, I look at the stuff you post. Aw, thanks! You know? You could like it every once in a while. Yeah, I don’t do that, I don’t do that though. Oh my god. I don’t do it. Yeah, if you can’t tell by the state my car’s in, I’m also in between . Yeah what is this? Your fiance like puts up with this mess in your car? Listen to this. Can you hear it? That’s not real, that’s a foley artist adding the sounds in. She’s not doing it. RIP, people with headphones. Julia’s been outta town for a month, and my life’s gone to hell. Oh my god, we relate to each other so much right now. I know, this is gonna be great. Let’s put all of our manic energy into making the fanciest possible shrimp and chicken Alfredo we can. Can we break some stuff in the parking lot first? Break stuff in the parking lot! Let’s do it. Hey, welcome back to “Fancy Fast Food”. Emily is in emotionally vulnerable goblin mode right now. That’s exciting, and we are gonna make chicken roulade. I’m gonna- So what we got, Emily, you wanna take out your aggression on something? We got a bunch of chicken tiddies right here, and you’re gonna beat the crap outta them with the hammer, but- I was told I can’t. Yes, that is correct. You need to beat the crap out of it gently, and this is a perfect time, I’m like your therapist now, to learn how to practice restraint. Boy, you need a raise. Practice restraint, you’re gonna just beat the crap out of it, but gently, with tenderness, and understanding that you know it’s an emotionally vulnerable place for both the chicken and you. Okay? ‘Cause we need this to be in one solid piece. ‘Cause what we’re gonna do now, we’re gonna blend all this stuff together, we’re gonna make a little paste, we’re gonna roll this up into a very fancy chicken roulade, base it in truffle butter, and that is gonna go on to our Alfredo pasta. One moment. What’s she doing? What’s she doing? If she goes to bring up her text log from the person she just broke up with, I’m gonna be so mad, but I also wanna see them. Oh no, is she bringing up the text log? Oh. Someone dropped their phone, and people should pick it up. Where’d the bottle of non-alcoholic wine go? Oh my mic. Alright. Is this your phone? No, that’s a backup phone. I left my phone in someone’s car. What is going on with your life? I know my life looks like it’s in shambles- I’m fine! But my god! Fine. You’re okay, okay. You’re gonna totally beat the crap outta that. All right. I’m gonna dump all this duck breast in here. We’re making like a duck sausage. Am I doing good, Lily? Yeah, you’re doing great. Do really lovely. We’re just gonna, I gonna pulse up the duck first. That’s gonna take the longest for this to go, You know, now this feels like a spanking, and it’s just making me sad. It’s making me miss things. Reminds you of, okay. Every unhappy relationship, it’s just a little bit different in its own way. Tolstoy said that. Tolstoy make you happier? There it is, that’s more, that’s more what it was. How does that song go? All right, I’m gonna chuck in some shallots. So we’re getting a little bit of cream in there. We wanna add some fat because duck is a really lean meat, and against all odds, we are going to end up with a final dish at the end of this. Emily’s gonna be crying, I’m gonna be crying. I’m done crying. I was crying for two days in my bed, not getting out. I ordered two 711 pizzas. I regret nothing. This breakup sponsored by 711. Whoa! I think all breakups are sponsored by 711. Fair enough, fair enough. Those taquitos, mm! I’m the opposite, I go pure spartan mode, and all I do is eat Greek yogurt for a month, and I live in the gym, and I just blast metal music. Hey, I went to the gym yesterday finally. Do it, use it! Boy, that felt good. I hate it when I go to the gym though, and men talk to me. Yeah. Don’t do it, please. Men, am I right? Please don’t do it. I know I’m doing everything wrong, okay? So we got our shallots, we got our herbs, we got just a little bit of breadcrumbs to keep it tight. Some salt in there, I think it’s gonna be really, really lovely. And also, this is comfort food, right? When you’re going through a hard time- Yeah. You wanna be comforted by something. You’re right. Why are your eyes like that? Why are my eyes like that? They’re kinda like twitching and scrunching. I’ve cried a lot, and they’re kinda red. Analise keeps going, aw! Aw! She’s the only empathetic one, I’m- I’m gonna be fine, we’re all gonna be fine. Just a little splash of wine in here. Julia’s gonna come back one day. He’s gonna be fine, they’re gonna be fine, Taylor’s gonna be fine, Maggie’s gonna be fine. I don’t know you. Oh, that’s Dylan, Dylan, meet Emily, Emily, meet Dylan. Hi, Dylan, nice to meet you! Dylan’s vegetarian. You’re gonna be fine too! Dylan, where you from? Where you from? That’s where he was from. We’re gonna go ahead and keep pounding this out. And eventually we’re gonna stuff it with that. Look at all those chickens! Our chicken’s pounded out, we’re emotionally healing, I think everything’s going according to plan. The wine’s gone. Who knows where that coulda gone? The ‘s gone! All right, we’re gonna season this up with salt. Can you take the prosciutto, peel it off from the wrapper? Okay. And then just gently shingle it along all the chicken. I’m sorry, Emily, I’m sorry. I know that I said I wouldn’t get in your way, and we- How about we do that? We shouldn’t be codependent. Okay. You know? But I just think, you know, part of relationship… I wonder if we’re comedically codependent at this point. I feel codependent on this whole dating gimmick that I keep doing on here, so I’m gonna not talk about it anymore. I think it’s gonna go great. Do you watch basketball? Oh boy. That’s where, okay. What am I doing with this? Shingle it on, I said it! Shingle! But you were thinking about your relationship. I don’t have one! Even, I know ,exactly, you were thinking about the absence, the absence of a relationship . I didn’t know I had one. When I went in guns blazing, being like, you don’t appreciate me! You won’t make it official! We’re like, make it, I feel like we’re in a relationship, and he’s like, we are in a relationship, but by that time I’d already said. Yeah. A lotta stuff. Fear, false evidence appearing real. Yeah. I like the term shingling. That’s a good one. Also, if you’re over 50, get your vaccine, for shingles. Is this guy over 50? No! I don’t know! No, no. I don’t know if you’re dating the Gordon’s fisherman out here, like, I dunno. Listen, it’s a good, good steady work, he makes good hand battered fish. I used to do that, date older men in their 50’s and stuff, but then they never got my internet references. But you need to find somebody that’s like mine age. Not like- Your age? Phonogram age. You’re younger than me. I didn’t want, I’m off the market, I didn’t- I know! I don’t want you! Not that you’re not very attractive, I never- And you deserve the best. I think we’re both very attractive, and we both deserve the best. We are attractive. We’re a package deal. You can’t even read the underneath of my shirt, my tits are so big. My are tits so big, I can do this. Yeah, I can do this. Do you want us, do you find us attracti-? All right, so we’re just gonna start rolling this up. You better keep that in! What? Make that the opening scene. I thought you were yelling at me, and you were saying- Make the boob thing the opening scene, and we are gonna get some views. And if I was holding a kitten, even more. So we have our beautiful duck and morrell mushroom- It’s on y’all for having a kitten. in here. The prosciutto’s gonna add such a lovely little meaty, savory layer in there. It’s kind of reminiscent of like a beef wellington. A little bit of the mushroom. Ooh! You know? And we’re just gonna try and roll it up really tight. There we go. There we have it, and then now you take the outsides, and you just do one of these. Uh oh. Oh, now that reminds me of something else. What the, what did that remind you of? Oh my god, it was like… Oh my god, oh my god. Alright, well we’re gonna wrap this up, get it in the fridge, it’s gonna tighten up, and then we’re actually gonna drop this in a little, oh Jesus. It, and see if it, it looks like a subway roll. We’re gonna drop it in the bath. Oh my god, it’s like a baby’s arm holding, ugh. So we’re gonna go ahead and drop it in the bath. I’m never gonna have babies with arms. We’re gonna cook it, and everything’s gonna be great. I’d like to start out with something. Oh, go ahead, no, you have the floor. I said that a few people will be okay, and I left some people out. Tally, you’re gonna be okay! V, you’re gonna be okay! Lily, you’re gonna be okay, Trevor, you’re gonna be okay, Nicole of course is gonna be okay. And then Morgan’s gonna be okay, and Analise is gonna be okay, and you’re gonna be okay, and you, yeah, you’re gonna be okay. Oh, KG! KG is gonna be so, okay. We’re witnessing Emily’s Tony Robbins moment. Tony Robbins moment? Which I’m very exciting. Oh no. You should do that, you should pay, have people pay, come and you just yell at ’em that you’re gonna be okay, and then you start crying in their face. No, I want the, I wanna be like Drew Barrymore and make them cry. Oh yeah. I wanna sit and crisscross applesauce- Dude she’s – in front of them on a couch and be like, my pain is like your pain, we are the same. I didn’t have time to process it. I just put some buffalo butter into a pot. We’re gonna let that melt, we’re making the Alfredo sauce right now. We’re gonna make a quick with the buffalo butter, we’re gonna add a bunch of cheeses to it. This is from my favorite creamery in all the world. It’s called Cowgirl Creamery. Ooh, I like that. That sounds like a creamery I’d wanna hang out at. I’m a cowgirl. No I’m not. Alright, so we got Mount Tam right here. This is a cow’s milk cheese, super, super mild. Almost got a little bit of that like triple cream brie stuff going on, you wanna try it? Ooh yeah. Notes of butter, and more butter. It’s a very buttery cheese. Oh my goodness. And then, we got here Red Hawk, try Red Hawk. It’s gonna be a little bit funky, a little stronger. Yes, yes. What , ooh, good, gooey! I like funky cheese. Mm, and that’s a funky cheese. Yeah, the fish sauce stuff that you do. That’s a different kind of funky. I think it’s the same kinda funky, which is why I kinda find it beautiful. Nope. You’re gonna be laminating pasta, so- Woo! Simple egg-based pasta right here. Okay. What you’re gonna do is you’re going to layer it on top of each other. You’re gonna put fennel fronds in between, so it’s gonna press the herbs into the pasta, it’s gonna infuse it in the flavor, and it’s gonna look absolutely gorgeous. Okay. Do you feel like you can do that? So… This is how I think you- Oh no, my hair is already in it. That’s fine, you wanna laminate some of your hair in there too. That’s how you know it’s fancy. Little bit of flour and the butter. We’re gonna create a doing like a simple bechamel sauce right here, and then we’re gonna add a bunch of cheese into it. I can’t wait. Cannot wait, you didn’t let me try this cheese. That’s just Parmesan Reggiano. We got Parmesano Reggiano as well. Oh my god. And we got some herbs that we’re throwing in there. I think Parmesan might be my favorite cheese. It’s a good cheese, it’s the king of cheeses. The king of cheeses? Is that a known fact? I feel like Kevin James would star in a sitcom called “The King of Cheeses”. It’s like the “King of Queens” goes even more like a red state leaning, and it’s just like- Oh yeah. In a conservative town in Wisconsin. Kevin Costner just announced he’s gonna divorce. Oh, there’s no love left in the world, Emily! I know, and but here’s the thing. God, Kevin Costner, whoo! Hey, Kevin Costner, if you see this video, I am recently available as well. I hope this works out for you so much. You have no idea how much I’m rooting- Can you imagine? I’d be like, mom, dad, I’m bringing Robin Hood, Prince of Thieves home for Christmas. Drop a little bit of raw milk. I would actually, I have a really fun story. Can you try this? I think it’s dangerous. It’s raw milk. I don’t want it. It’s not actually dangerous. Listen, it comes straight out of the teat of the cow. You know, government’s trying to step in and say, you can’t have your raw milk. Well, you know what? Government, check this out. What would Yellowstone do? Now I got a little bit of E. Coli, and that’s fine. Do we think these herbs are enough? Oh, that’s lovely. Yeah? I think it’s perfect, I think you’re doing great. Thank you. Okay, I’m gonna laminate it. Do I put it butt in first? There’s one thing I know in life, it’s always go butt first. There you go. Seal it off a little bit, and then we can run it back through there. Emily, you’re doing great. This is the most cooking I’ve ever seen you do. The amount of motivation you have now. Check it out, Kevin Costner, I can cook. Which way do I go? This way, or clockwise? Mm, I’ve never been good at that. Oh no. I’m not good at spatial reasoning. Just go, just do it, here, do it. I’m doing it! Do it- Back off! I’m sorry, I know you’re the strong independent woman who don’t need no man, except for Kevin Costner. That’s so not true! Except for Kevin Costner, all you need is Kevin! Oh, this cheese is funkalicious, look at that. Oh. I’m not doing- You wanna lick it like an ice cream cone? Mm, nom not for the internet. You don’t have to, you don’t have to, you don’t have to, you don’t have to. I don’t think so. Sorry, sorry, sorry. Bridge too far sometimes, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Maybe with the baby leg, we can get into that. Don’t put the cheese on it, don’t put the cheese on . Oh no, that would suck! A rash. Cause a rash, all right. Sauce is coming together, it’s looking great. Got all the cheese in there. The pasta’s looking great, I think, yeah, yeah. Go finer and finer on it. Go, go gadget pasta. This is going really great though. Typically when we cook together, it doesn’t go as great. Well, I feel like this is more my element. I feel like you’ve, you do a lot of cool things with meat. Yeah, thank you. And I, I don’t, I don’t get it. What do you mean? I think this is super fun. Things with bread and cheese and stuff, I’m like, oh yeah. I guess we’ve been doing this together for like three years-ish, and I’ve never asked you what you- Four. I’ve never asked you what you wanted to cook. And I’m sorry, Emily, your needs are important. Your needs should come first, and I feel like I’ve failed you. Emily, what do you wanna cook? Do you even wanna make this? We don’t have to. What do you wanna cook today? No one’s ever asked me this. I know, and I’m sorry, you deserve better. All right, cream sauce is coming together. I’m gonna turn off the heat, and I’m gonna add some of these delightful herbs. Just gonna add it, it’s in a little glass. Do I drink that? Drink this like a shot? The fact that the wine’s gone is, you know… I’m not gonna make a big stink about it. Ah, smell that. So this is called savory, it’s like really simple to rosem- It’s like if Rosemary had the texture of tarragon, am I right? I actually dunno, am I right? Oh, you asking me? Yeah. I don’t know what tarragon is, Josh. Maybe I can just kinda shake it at it. There you go. Oh my god, it’s huge. Do I really need to put it through again? All right, lemme see it, lemme see how thin it is. So you do want pasta to be like thin enough to see your fingers through. I think it’s pretty good. I think we leave it, I think we call it. You kinda let it fold over on itself, that’s not great. I did something. But- I don’t think I’ve ever done something. No, but this is awesome, you did it. Like this is a big sheet of pasta. Let me do it. We’re gonna do some knife cuts on that, we’re gonna let the herbs infuse in our cream sauce. And then- Why is there a boot? There’s a boot mark. Oh yeah. No, that’s, Dylan climbs up on this sometimes. Dylan! Now you know another fact about Dylan. Dylan, you just got here! I just learned your name! Dylan’s been here for like three months. Oh. Yeah, we love Dylan, man. I don’t know him! I know him now. All right, we’re gonna- Dylan, what’s your favorite color? Emily, we got a lot to do to finish this dish. We can’t be distracted right now. We gotta have supreme focus- I would like to interrupt. Okay. I forgot something. Mindy, you’re gonna be okay. Emily, thank you so much. I’m gonna be okay, guys! I’m gonna be okay! Thank you. Thank you. Hey. I value the work that you do. Okay. Thanks, boss. Problem. All right, okay, okay, okay. Look what happens when I do it. Whoa, it’s like an Amazon woman! We’re gonna ahead. Gonna drop a fudge ton of butter. Boy, it’s a good thing we know how to focus. Right into the pot. We’re the best at focusing. Neither of us have any debilitating conditions that would cause us to not focus. Very supreme, right? I didn’t take my meds today. Okay, we got the Alfredo sauce here. That’s feeling great. We got our pasta right her, this is feeling great. We got the butter melting, we’re gonna gently just warm, slightly roast and sear off our chicken in that butter. Now you, what you can do, you can stare at those shrimp. Actually, do you wanna palm heel strike those garlics for me? Get some aggression out. Okay. Do I get to peel this and stuff? When you eat it. You can peel it when you eat it, you can rip the face off of it. Take the little poop string out. Take the little, I like to eat the poop string. There you go. There you go, here, get the capers out. Atta girl! Ooh. Who has commitment issues now? Not her. Ow. All right. Beautiful. Now my hand’s gonna smell like garlic forever. Yeah, probably, probably will, probably will, probably will. You ever notice that like, at least when I handle, like even cut onions, or handle garlic, my pee smells like it? No. You don’t have that? I’ve never smelled your pee. That’s, ugh. That’s not what I meant. Oh, you smelled my pee? Is this bad for HR? Is this something I shouldn’t say? I don’t know, honestly. Especially when you get us in a room together. I know, I don’t know! If anybody feels uncomfortable, everybody close your, everybody close your eyes right now. Everybody close your eyes right now. Okay. All right, everybody’s eyes are closed? Mmhm. Everybody’s eyes are closed, so we don’t know. Oh my god, get on with it! Raise your hand if you feel, have ever felt uncomfortable here. Trevor, you’re fired! You got tricked! Oh my god, everyone? Chicken searing off in truffle butter. This is pretty exciting. We’re gonna pop that in a low oven right here just to get it up to temp, that’s great. We got a brand new pan, we’re gonna crank this all the way to high. We’re gonna put a lot of butter in that. I have like 20 seconds ’til Emily comes back, and I need to get as much cooking done as possible. There’s a lot of cool knives over here! This is what happens. Yeah, she’s distracted, that’s good. Just heat for the love of god, get hotter! I’m gonna drop the pasta in there. I’m gonna keep it separated, we salted the pasta water. That’s lovely, I’m gonna pull that out, I’m gonna drop that into the Alfredo sauce. I’m gonna get the Alfredo sauce heating right now. Emily, you’re back. I’m back. Okay, do you wanna sear off the shrimp when this gets hot? Sure, so just put ’em in like this? Yeah, but we’re gonna try and get a good sear on em, ’cause I love the flavor of a roasted shell on shrimp. Okay, and there’s… It looks like there’s… Okay, when they’re pink, does that mean they’re already cooked, or is it different kind of shrimp? No, so, oh, right in here we have giant red spot prawns. Ooh. Which are very exciting, these are from up in Canada. And then we have some giant jumbo Mexican white shrimp, both of them equally fantastic. White shrimp to me, has a better texture. Spot prawns, they’re known for their like super, super sweet flavor. Ooh. So I wanna get both of them in there, this is gonna be fun for us. All of, do I dump ’em all? Or just put like- Don’t dump ’em all. I’d say get like three of each in there, and try and space ’em out- Okay. So they get a nice sear on ’em. Oh my god, their legs are so weird. It is looking lovely, fresh pasta needs about a minute. Ugh, the poop! It needs about a minute. Oh my god, it hurts so bad. Why did I do this? Are your hot boy fingers not as strong as they used to be? We’re screwed, we’re screwed. We’re screwed, walk away! Walk away, we’re done! There you go. All the pasta right into the pot. We’re gonna cook this down until the sauce really absorbs into that. That’s gonna be nice. So, I don’t have a thing to like stir. Oh, it’s this. Your hands, go with your hands. I don’t have hot boy fingers. got a minute. Need another minute. There it goes again! All messed up, man. I’d like to point out, I haven’t messed up anything. Where’s the cheese? I need my cheese! Yet. Ah, god! Now there’s just two that are in love. I hate you! I’m gonna get in a ton of butter. And then here, take the wine. Let’s at least let them have fun. Take this wine, thank you! Pasta’s boiling over again, big surprise! Real original, pasta. I don’t have anything to grate the cheese with. I’m try and do this, that’s wet. It’s not gonna work. I’m gonna try and just scratch it off like Ben Stiller in “Mystery Men”. Oh, didn’t think I was gonna hit a Ben Stiller in “Mystery Men” reference? You know who loves Janeane Garofalo more than me? Nobody! This is a real, this is $130 bottle of wine. This is called Fidelio from something called – It is? Yeah. I’ve just been putting my mouth on it. Wine in there. Oh, it’s white wine! You drank this. I thought it was red! Off camera. I did not drink it, YouTube. We get some of that in there. Get the garlic, get the garlic, get the garlic. We’re gonna get the garlic in there, we’re gonna get some capers in there. Against all odds, this is actually gonna be very delicious. Get a whole lot of lemon juice. Is this annoying? It’s gonna be lovely. Smoked salt, we have smoked salt, this is really good. This is Birchwood smoked salt. You’re gonna pop on them shrimpies. A little bit more white wine in there. It’s actually kinda a sweet wine, so you don’t want too much. I put a lot in there. These are going to steam, all that garlic’s gonna get nice and aromatic. $130, huh? covered in filth. I’m covered in filth! We gotta, I gotta wash my hands now. I got cheese under my fingernails. Where do we keep anything in this kitchen anymore? Where do we keep anything in this kitchen anymore? Josh is stressing out, can someone help him? Where do we keep anything in this kitchen anymore? So our past- Look, one of his eyeballs exploded. So our pasta’s just finishing in the sauce right now. I’m gonna add a little bit of cheese just to bring that together. The shrimp is simmering away beautifully, look at that. Emily, I think you can pull the shrimp off. I think they’re done, Emily, pull the shrimp off, Emily, pull the shrimp off. But it’s hot! So good. Put it where? Where do I put it? That’s a good question. You know, I used to work at kind of a weird oddity slash taxidermy shop. The least surprising thing ever. And I, you know, I care about animals, yada, yada. But we had to make money. And so we had bats in the jars. but they didn’t just show up in the jar, you know. You had to work for it. So you get a big old bucket full of bats and formaldehyde, right? And they’re all like, ugh. And then when you get ’em, you gotta break their wings, and then you gotta put ’em in a jar full of alcohol. And I didn’t realize that the formaldehyde was doing stuff to me, and so my coworker opened the door, and I’m like this, and my pupils are huge! And I’m just sitting there like. So the pasta’s simmering in the sauce right now, and I think it’s absorbed it in a really nice little way. We’re just gonna go ahead and plate this up, and then we gotta, here. Wasn’t there chicken that was supposed to go in there? How many bats were in each bucket? Emily, We done did it. We got our fancy chicken and shrimp fettuccine Alfredo, we have our hand rolled fettuccine pasta noodles that’s laminated with fennel fronds. We got our Alfredo sauce cooked with raw milk, with Mount Tam and Red Hawk cheeses from Cowgirl Creamery, we have our chicken roulade stuffed with a duck and morrell mushroom farse meat, and then of course we have our lovely prawns on top. I’ve never sucked the head of a shrimp. You’re about to, but first we gotta try the original Olive Garden. Oh, In there, break it out. We gotta remember what that tastes like so we can then taste the improved version, hopefully. Don’t play with the . All right. Oh, it’s been in the hot car. That still looks pretty damn good to me. Fresh! Oh my, look at the steam! You know? This is incredible. Emily, grab a bite. Okay. Grab a bite, I’m gonna get a shrimp. Happy prom. Can you imagine? Everybody got like a fancy dress, and then they just had a gut bomb in the middle of that fancy dress. Do you know how hard it is to go to the bathroom when you’re wearing a prom dress? You gotta scoop it. What are you scooping? The dress! Oh, okay, sorry, I don’t know. It’s like a huge dress you gotta do. I thought you were scooping, okay. It’s such a bad idea for a prom to eat this stuff. But it’s a good idea for this guy. Yeah, y’all got pants. It’s a good dish. Lot of oil, a lot of cheese. A little bit lacking in flavor. Mmhm. Mmhm. Mmhm. Let’s jump into this. Here, do you want a Mexican white jumbo prawn? Canadian jumbo spot prawn? Just. Hang on. I’m fine. All right, I wanna suck the little one. Break the head off the shrimp. Okay, how? Like, what does that mean? All right- So this? So you’re gonna find the joint right there, and then just like pull it off. There you go. You kinda got a little bit more, well, here take, suck that then. Okay. And then you got, I’m gonna dip it right in the pan. Okay. That Lillian V did suck all the heads off the other shrimp, respect. I feel like a bad Southerner that I’ve never done this. Oh my god. Oh, I was supposed to suck this. Huffing paint in the pearly gates of heaven. That’s the head. I’ll tell you what, man, that is good stuff. All right, now- I wasn’t expecting that. Did you like it? It’s a rush, isn’t it? It makes you feel alive. It’s definitely a rush. Dang, I’ve never eaten a shrimp this big. Yeah, it’s a good time, isn’t it? The tail’s not that big, it’s more a big head. Boy, I don’t like that. What? What I just did. We all do things we regret though, you know? I still, I want it to be gone from my mouth. I think these are little nightmare bugs of the sea. What are we, I’m gonna wrap- Shoot, that’s good. I’m gonna wrap the shrimp in a pasta noodle. You gotta get into that shrimp real quick. Hang on. We’re messing up the edit. Sorry, Taylor. Sorry Taylor. All right, I’m gonna do this. Look at that, isn’t that nice? He’s wearing a little dress. What’s that? What’s that herb that you, oh, there was still a little shell on there. Hold up. Little lemon there. Don’t look. Little lemon there. I said don’t look! Move over. I’m sorry, are you going back to the original? Oh. No. Try the chicken thing. The chicken thing? Chicken thing with the duck sausage. Okay, we didn’t get knives, I guess. Nope. Okay. Hmm, mushrooms in there? Oh wow. Now get some lemon in it. Yeah, do it! Dang. This is comfort food, man. You know, I really do feel like today, when you’re here. What, I don’t got it? When you’re here. Oh, when you’re here, you’re Oldsmobile. $241 and 87 cents! Good lord! Crazy, am I right? Good Lord! Spent too much money on shrimp. I mean, the pasta was really just the fruit of our labor. Yeah, pretty much. Yeah. Pretty much. Which, if we were to sell that pasta, That’d be like $9 million, I think. You know, we should really sell pasta that you make in here, but also feet picks. Thank you so much for stopping my Mythical Kitchen! Emily, wow, what a goddess. We’re gonna be back. Hey, Dylan. Hey, we. What’s your favorite animal? Deer. We got a new episode of “Aprons Off” where we’re drinking smoothies and guessing what’s in ’em, oh my god! Isn’t that the craziest thing you’ve ever heard? Were there deer in California? We’ll see y’all next time. You wanna go break stuff? We’re really gonna do it? Take the pasta. Bring the wine. I’m so excited! Whoa! Oh my god, I don’t know, I’ll get behind you. That’s good stuff. This feels dangerous. Yeah! I’m just gonna stuff this mic pack in my butt. Sorry, Tally. There you go, Emily! There you go. Hit you, hit me. Get me, I like the pain. We should . I like the paint, yeah I do, come on. We should clean out this parking lot more. Get it. Aw, yeah, that’s what I’m talking about! That being alive, baby! I want you to know that those glass bottles that we shattered in the parking lot, were not in fact glass, but they were made of sugar. It’s movie magic, folks! There was no danger. Some of them, some of them might have been glass. Well, anyways, thank you so much for watching, and thank you for watching throughout all the years. I really do appreciate it, and there’ll be more to come. We’ll see y’all next time.