Maybe if you just like shoot! Go, go, go, go, go! This is the way to do it, I think. Hey, welcome to Mythical Kitchen, where dreams become food. habausage. habausage. habausage, habausage, habausage. Habausage! Habausage! Habausage! Habausage! Habausage! Ha! The turducken it’s lost its appeal. It’s old news. People human centipeding birds together like it’s a game? No, no, no. No longer are we human centipeding birds together, we’re human centipeding pork products, because why? Because it’s Christmas. And Christmas you eat hams. And what do you wrap a ham in? You wrap it in sausage, that’s more pig meat. What do you wrap that sausage in? You wrap it in bacon. And then what do you get? Habausage! Habausage! Ha! Today we’re gonna make a habausage, it’s the new turducken. Probably not, but we’re gonna make it anyways. We’ve broken the recipe down to three easy steps. You can see the time stamps right there. Or, and I guess you can get the full written recipe down in the description. It’s the year the Habausage get with it or get lost loser. Sorry. Habau… Oh Nope, they stopped. I know what you’re thinking, you’re saying Josh, you talk often about being Jewish. If you make a Christmas Habausage, your Jewish God will light you a flame just as he did Moses in the Bush. That’s not the story. I grew up celebrating both Hanukkah and Christmas. My dad is just like a Christian adjacent, you know, from Pennsylvania, they’re generally Christian adjacent. So I did grow up eating Christmas hams as well. So we’d like have all the latkes and the gefilte fish and the chopped liver and the prepared herring and all that stuff on Hanukkah. And then just go eat a good old ham doused in a bottle of Coca-Cola. So I do have, Chris laughed, ’cause that’s the thing. You cook the Ham in Coca Cola. It doesn’t even like make it great. It’s just kind of there. So right now we’re gonna make a Christmas wet sausage to wrap our Christmas ham. That is my birthright as the son of a baby boomer because they love Christmas hams. So that’s what we’re doing. So we got a bunch of pork shoulder right here. This is a very fatty pork shoulder. You could supplement with some belly if you wanted to, to get some extra fat in there. But honestly, a little bit of leanness on this is going to help us out because this is gonna really stick to the hand because again, we are wrapping the sausage around a ham to create a what? Habausage! Habausage! Habausage! Okay, great stop. Okay now we’re gonna add some salt. Salt and sugar. That’s gonna start the curing process. I’m just going to add all my Christmas spices to this and then kind of let it sit on the pork and then grind it up. We got all the Christmas spices in here. So that’s stuff like allspice like all these kind of, you know, warming winter spices. You might mull a wine and a little bit of cardamom. I think it’s gon be really delicious. We got a little bit, this one’s the nutmeg. This one’s the nutmeg. This one is clove. And then we’ve got some nice black pepper. We got some coriander. And then we got some cinnamon. This spice blend is inspired by Pepsi holiday spice. Anybody remember that ill-fated soda? No, they put a bunch of this inside of Pepsi and you know what? I really enjoyed it. And so I’m going to toss this, get the salt coating it. That’s it’s going to start the curing process. And then we grind it. It’s really going to mash all the salt into that pork. And that’s what separates it from just the ground pork Patty and really makes it a sausage. This smells like a delight. It smells like mulled wine. Christmas traditions I used to do glogg Fest with all of my Swedish track and field teammates, we would just put a bunch of two buck Chuck bottles into a giant pot, throw some cinnamon sticks and orange zest and stuff like that in there, and then we’d just get this szlizzard off of a hot red wine in a college dorm room. That was pretty cool. But then you’d run out of like aromatics. So we started microwaving red wine and it was pretty gross, but that was a fun holiday tradition that I would recommend that you start doing as well. Glogg fest, shout out to the Swedes. . You’re welcome. All right, so we’re gonna start grinding up some pork on. There we go. Make it nice. Uh huh. it’s going. You guys want to hear some fun Christmas stories from my childhood, yeah? We were pretty poor so sometimes my dad would just wrap up like daily necessities, like there Christmas presents and it would be like, is this a X-Box? We would unwrap it. And it was like boxes of cereal or like once I got like a hairbrush. Fun Christmas stories with Josh. i already made the sausage, we got our ham, we just got to wrap that up. But first, I’m going to teach you how to make a nice rum and pineapple and maple glaze. That has another fun story from my childhood attached to it. You’re ready for more fun stories from Josh childhood? Hey, when I was a kid, I got Pokemon diamond for Christmas and I was really happy, and then now they just re-released it. And so I can be happy again like I was when I was a child. How’s that, was that good? That was good. I tried to steal a story from Trevor’s’ childhood that wasn’t depressing. All right, so right now we’re going to make a little glaze for this. I’m dropping in a bunch of brown sugar and I’m dropping in a bunch of pineapple juice. We’re going to add some maple syrup right now. We’re doing like a maple rum, Dijon glaze. And fun fact, when I was like 14, I started taking over making Christmas dinner for my family, so instead of just doing the ham boiled in Coca-Cola, I found a recipe from some like magazines ’cause we didn’t have internet access for some reason. It was like 2007, we should have, we just didn’t. But anyways, the recipe was something called jezebel sauce, which was like equal parts, horseradish mustard and apricot preserves. And it was the first time that I really like took control of our Christmas dinner and I made it myself. And it was really dank. So this is like a bit of a homage to that. We’re adding some Dijon mustard as well. So just whisk that together and then see if this pan ever gets hot. It might, like eventually it will. You gotta to think nah. Yeah, Trevor, where’s the whisk at. I got it, I got it, I got it. We didn’t want people to be like, whoa, we’re whisking in a non-stick pan. There are nonstick pans. Worry about your own non-stick pans. It’s fine. There we go. There we go. We’re gonna wait for that to come up to a boil. You guys wanna play another round of Josh’s depressing Christmas stories from childhood that other people may feel seen through and develop a sort of empathy for others? Yeah. Yeah! Okay, so we were too poor to buy presents. And so we were part of this charity organization that would send a rich family to the home of the poors. So it was like a scared straight for their rich kids. It’d be like, this is how poors live, but also give them presents. And turns out the daughter of the family was actually a girl in my class. And then she gave me a Harry Potter book and then told the whole class how poor I was. Anyone else, similar stories? We got a Jesus Christ from Maggie. That’s right. It’s his birthday today. All right, cool. For real, no, your circumstances don’t define you. Make your own traditions. Find your own bliss. Christmas is really depressing for some. Some people don’t have families to go back to and that’s perfectly okay. Drown your sorrows in Habausage. That’s what this is all about. So we’re just going to whisk this together. Apron came untied from the emotions. What haven’t we added yet? Captain Morgan. Another good thing if Christmas is hard for you. Captain Morgan, Captain Morgan, Chinese food and movies. That’s honestly a pretty good. If you can’t make the Habausage, do that one. You’ll have a good time. Hefty sprinkle of salt and some black pepper. Spice it up nice, and then as this heats up, all that rum is going to reduce down. We’ve got a lot of sugar in there with the pineapple juice, going move this down and bring it up to a boil, reduce it down, then we’re gonna start wrapping this Habausage, we’re gonna pop it in the oven, we’re getting it all nice and glazy, and then we’re going to what? Not repress, but actually process our childhood traumas. We got the ha, we got the bau, and we got the sage. and so now all we’re supposed to do is to wrap up this here habausage. So we’re gonna take all this nice Christmas spice sausage, I don’t reckon there’s an established way to wrap up a habausage. Not yet. We are doing the establishing, like I said, form your own traditions. That’s what we’re doing, and that tradition involves me slopping around in raw meat. Name one other YouTube chef who slops around in raw meat more than I do? Bet you can’t. Gordon Ramsay can never. Probably could, he probably wouldn’t probably like lose a Michelin star. Okay, there we go. Slap it around a little bit. That’s how you tenderize the sausage and it just feels good. Okay, it’s like the stress balls they’d have you play with in divorce counseling. Cool, so we’re going to take this and we’re gonna… Start packing around. Let’s just start kind of mashing sausage around this here ham. Use your hands mold the way that Michelangelo molded David’s little Schmeichel. Pack it around there. Here we go. I’m going to try and get it up the face of half dome like Alex Honnold. Hey a little free solo reference didn’t see that one coming. Kind of sloughing off a little bit, that’s fine. We’ll just attach it to the rest of the other sausage. That’s good. That’s good. We’ve got some excess cinch down there. Beautiful, patch up any little sausage holes. Patch up my sausage hole. What? And now it’s going to do the ole flip-de-doo. Then gently peel off your bacon. And then you can just kind of get a hold of it. There we go. Use your hands to mat the bacon up. And again, if you’re well panned, the bacon will not stick to your hands, and if you’re a Jew, the bacon also will not stick to your hands. There we go. Hold on, hold on. And a one and a two. Maybe if you just like, shoot, go, go, go, go, go. This is the way to do it, I think. Yeah, so here’s the thing. The top here is the scene. There we go. The top here, this is the ugly part. So we’re going to flip it, and then the bottom is going to be the nice part here. If you see. Look it, it’s nice. It’s pretty. Maggie, do you see my son tell him he’s pretty. He’s so pretty. Maggie, tell him you love him. Tell him nothing bad will ever happen to him. Maggie, you gotta tell him. Maggie come on. I can’t tell him. Come on, Maggie you know, you gotta tell him. Well, yeah, this is it. This is it, we did it. We wrapped it. We call this the nuclear football. We were up to ham and sausage and bacon to make Haubasage. Now alls we gotta do, we gotta bake this in like a 270 degree oven for, I don’t know, about 10 hours until it’s all cooked. Check back in 10 hours. Go, I don’t know, make an appointment with a therapist. Are you impressed? I’m impressed. We got our giant, atomic, Buffalo turd. That’s what they call them. You know what I’m talking about? Armadillo. Armadillo turd. Atomic armadillos turd. No you think Armadillo egg. Atomic Buffalo turd I think it’s the same thing as an Armadillo egg. Anyway, it’s a big, old thing wrapped in bacon. This is pretty freaking wild dude. We covered it. And we cooked it at 275 for like five hours just to make sure everything’s hot and swimming in there. And then we took it off and then we browned up the bacon and now we’re going to glaze it. And we have to fix our pineapples on our cherries because that is a food tradition I grew up on. Look at that. Josh has happy memories about holidays. Like, you know some, it wasn’t all, you know, we made it, we had to get them. I’m just gonna really spread and pour it on. We’re just going to brush all that glaze over. We’re going to get a nice sugary coating on this and then get the pineapples and the maraschino cherries. Do you guys get taught in school how to escape an avalanche if you ever got like avalanched? Because that was the thing they taught us to do, and the thing that you do is when you get buried in the snow, you might not know which way is up. And so you just like, oh, I don’t remember what they told us to do. I just remember that they said, you’re not going to know which way is up. You spit. You spit. You spit. You spit. Yeah, you did know. You did know you spit. Point is I don’t know which way is up on this here Ham. Ham Sausage. Do it. What? Spit on it. Ha! Not spitting. No I’m not spitting on it. I’m not going to, I’m not going to satisfy your sexual whims. All right. So, oh I felt a bone. Speaking of sexual whims, I felt the bone. That’s good. This is what you do. Look this bone everywhere now. What’s going on? All right. So we just got to put some pineapples all over this. And then… Why you laughing? This is gonna be good. Jared. This is prime white trash cuisine all right? This is the food of my people. Here we go. Love it. There it is. It’s like how you decorate like a buche de noel, except this is our Boche. It’s just a hambausage. Here we go. One on top. You don’t even need a toothpick for the one on the top but I’m doing it. Its just resting there. That toothpick went in backwards. That’s okay. Also what does a ham and pineapple do? Just gonna kind of get a hot and steamy on this ham. I don’t know why we do this, but this is the thing that we did. Okay? At least we didn’t boil it in vad of Cola. It erodes all your pans. Get some on the butt. Why is Nicole laughing? Trevors the one giggling. Trevor this is a Christian tradition. It’s Jesus’s birthday he wanted us to eat pineapple hams. It’s in there Annmarie’s laughing because she knows it’s true. It’s in Job. All right. The subtext to all this is we just did a little like jeopardy thing where Trevor was quizzing us and it was an old Testament thing. And Nicole and I are both Jewish. And we knew like literally none of them, it was great. It turns out there’s a Joseph in the old Testament and in the Sequel. The sequel? The squeakel sorry. This is it. This is all the hams is gonna to do. We’re going to pour some more glaze on it. Love that. And now we’re going to fly this in a 500 degree oven for about five, 10 minutes. Just to get it nice and glazed up. See if these toothpicks light on fire. Why did that bounce back? Habausage, habausage, habausage, habausage, habausage, habausage, habausage habausage! Habausage! Habausage! I went this entire episode without making a rum ham reference. Even though we glazed a whole ham in rum and I’m so stupid. Anyways, this looks pretty freaking rad. Ima cut into it. Lets see what the hell this thing looks like on the inside because I have no idea. I’m just going to carve up a nice, I don’t know where the bone is. There’s the bone. Yeah I found the bone. It was there the whole time. There’s a lot of bone huh? Maybe I’ll go to other, nope kind of fruited this one up. Maybe let’s go here. Yeah. Yep that’s what we, that’s what we knew it would look like on the inside. Definitely. Well, hold on, get some of that. And now we gotta put a pineapple and cherry. Where’s my glaze? And then now we’re going to paint a little bit of glaze on it. There we go. I don’t know how much, how much bonds, how much sids we got in this, but it but Jesus cray. I don’t know that we got to the ham. We didn’t get to the ham. We missed the ham entirely. The hams the filet and there’s bones everywhere. There’s bones, the bones, rain from the sky. They fill our mouths with Ash. Call back to a Tik TOK that no one seemed to like. All right Let’s give the habausage a try. Tryna get some of the glaze. You got to get to the cherry and the pineapple. And hold on let me get some ham and I got to cut off some bacon. This is going to be a really delicious, I mean there’s no way this could be bad. There is no way this can be bad. We’ve done it. Took a dumb thing made it good. A little trickery, a little higgledy-piggledy glaze. A little Glazier. A little bacon wrap there. Whole lot of time and patience. I think I ate a toothpick. It is a delight to me. To me it was fantastic. But Hey, don’t take my word for it. Take the chanting masses. They were in just throngs over here. But also were going to have to spork someone. I think we got a special friend. That sounds like someone I’m having sex with. I had just met and not like that. Not like a It’s Mike Paisley. We’re going to spork my, yeah, you’ll see. Hey Mike. Hey man you want to eat some habausage? So we took a whole Christmas ham. We wrapped it in sausage. Then we wrapped that in bacon. Wait do you have a table in your home? I didn’t cut it. I don’t know why I didn’t cut it. Wait. You want me to cut it? You cut it and I’ll spork it. You got to get some of the And pineapple? Cherry and the neapple. I know Mike loves the neapples. Mike how much do you love neapples? So much, man. Yeah. There you go. Yeah really really slap at that ham. That good? Really slap at that ham Mike. There yeah you’re bad. I’m gonna get a big bite. I’m gonna feed you with the spork. Yeah okay here. You ready? Yeah let’s just touch the tips and then you just kind of go in like that. Oh God, I see you went in there like a shark. Pull out, pull out. I’m trying to pull out. If someone has to yell pull out at you that ain’t a good sign. Mm that’s, good. It’s good, right? Its really good. Yeah. It’s like the sausage and the bacon fat kind of cooks through the ham. Let’s do another one. what? Lets go again. I’ve never had someone just demand another bite. That was great. Bring it in bro. Yeah, yeah. geez. That is just a sopping bite. Oh my God. Its so good. Like this is like the biggest compliment I can get. No one loves the food this much. You want me to just feed you the whole ham steak? No, I should probably stop. Okay that’s probably fair enough. Thank you so much for being a willing participant. Yeah thanks for having me man. I appreciate that. Thanks for cutting that wood. I do need to get back to that. Yeah that’s fair enough there though. Let me do a quick outro. Thank you so much for stopping by mythical kitchen We got a new episode for you every week. We got new episodes on our podcasts, a hot dog is a sandwich. Every Wednesday, we got your podcast. Hit us up on Instagram at mythical kitchen with pictures of your mythical dishes under hashtag dreams become food. We’ll see y’all next time. Merry holidays to everybody. Sorry about saying a bunch of depressing stuff. I said some depressing stuff. Aww. But it was nice in the way that like other people can empathize with. It needs to be recognized. Yeah, they feel seen. Because not everybody like, you know, has a family and you know, sometimes holidays are hard for people. Alright merry Christmas. You sloppy son of a biscuit. Get as messy as you want in your own kitchen. When you have the mythical kitchen towels available now at mythical.com