♪ I love you duck ♪ ♪ You’re the only duck I know ♪ All right, so we got our foot longs. This is so sopping wet. Do you wanna split it or are we eating a whole one by ourselves? I don’t wanna eat a whole one. I don’t wanna eat a whole one either. It’s a hot day in the car. It’s a hot day in the car, y’all. Okay, if we can just kind of- Oh, oh, oh. Look at that. Oh, my God, the cheese. Okay, so I heard them say inside quote, there’s too much water in the sauce after they made these. Really? Yeah, yeah, straight up. And so we got a real sopping wet. I mean, this is like a nice- I kinda like it ’cause it’s doughy feeling. It’s supple. This is a supple sandwich. All right, cheers. Okay. Mm, see that cheese. I mean- I haven’t had one of these since high school. Same. It would be the thing we did, volleyball camp. In the summer, there was lunch. You got to leave for an hour. It was like oh, my God. I’m in hell. Volleyball camp is hell and we’d all go and we all got meatball subs and then we’d come back to camp and be like this is worse. Look how the bread just gets immediately sogged and that turns into like a goo. That’s not cheese, that’s bread goo. Oh, you’re right. Yeah, yeah, the cheese is up here. The bread goo’s down there. Is it just me, maybe it’s ’cause we got bigger, but did the balls get smaller? I think that balls were always this small and if you have to ask if the balls got smaller, not a good sign. Kids, stay away from steroids. I’m just like, you know savoring the meatball moment. I feel, let’s savor our balls together. Cheers, so, we’re gonna- Dang, dude, what was that? I sucked the ball out. Sometimes you gotta, kids. Sure thing. Sorry, I was like- There was one more. Emily, look, there’s one more, wait. No, don’t do it. Ew, I don’t like that. I think I- Oh, my gosh, lookie, I got you. You got slurp on my- My bad. On my tit, okay. Can we say tit? I got slurp on my tit. The meatballs, I think that’s the biggest thing where we can improve the quality of Subway. There’s the obvious using Wagyu beef and stuff like that, but I wanna get a little crazier with that. I wanna start mixing animals ’cause that’s a big thing in Italy. You’ll do like veal, pork, all that type of stuff. Bread, obviously, I wanna do something kind of inspired by Italian herb and cheese, but get a little fancy with maybe the construction of it and then sauce, I mean like, if we’re going to Italy, there’s a lot of fancy delicious ingredients we can use. You ever had a cured cod roe sack? Did you say ri-cod road sack or just a cod road sack? Like the cod roe, like a cod egg sac. Roe. No. You’re about to. Chug the Red Bull. I really need the energy ’cause I ate all that bread in the car. How you feeling after that meatball sub? Well, I got a little sleepy, but took an open eye nap on the- What is an open eye nap? That’s not a nap. On the writer’s couch, it’s just when you stare at the thing you’re supposed to do that day and then just zone out. That’s just called working. No, it’s not, don’t tell them that. All right, so we gotta make our very fancy meatballs here and we got some very fancy meat. This is where we win. This is where we really beat Subway at their game. So, we have some A5 Wagyu. This is like the expensive stuff. This is a cow that is treated better than you and I will ever be- Looks like the set from “Dune.” Sexy Timothy Chalamet. So we got, yeah, it’s like it’s very white because there’s so much intramuscular fat. “Dune.” And I’m Zendaya, I was in it for like 18 minutes. I haven’t seen it. Everyone mostly watched it for her and then she’s like not really in the movie very much. What’s up with that? Kind of pissed off. A lot of Chalamet. Anyways, a lot of Oscar, no not Oscar, Jason Mantsoukas, he’s in that. And then we have Duroc pork. This is a heritage breed pig. This is a lovely slice of the leg right there. Well, shoulder, it’s like a front leg. All right. I don’t know. I was just thinking about Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson and it being like a pig, but it’s got like really jacked arms. Do you know Dwayne- I got distracted, sorry. Dwayne Johnson is very self-conscious about his abs. Because he does not have great ab development. And then we have a little rack of New Zealand lamb right here. I wanna combine all these and then, of course, just our normal standard Wagyu ribeye. So you’re making like a turducken of red meat. I like to consider it a human centipede of red meat. That’s probably more accurate. Yeah, yeah. It’s more of a “Caligula” of red meat. Yeah, but then we’re gonna add some fluids from other animals in there and then Emily that’s where you come in. So, meatballs typically made with like bread crumbs and a lot of Italian people for the pulpete, they think you should soak the bread crumbs in milk, so we have goat milk right here. Oh, good, I was very concerned about what liquids you were gonna talk about. What? Well, there’s other ones. Like what? I don’t wanna because I don’t wanna give you ideas. Try some goat milk. I have been asked by people of the show just like, “Hey, can you get horse semen?” And they think that’s an appropriate question to ask. I actually really like this. Yeah, it’s really good, right? It’s kind of sweet. It’s very sweet. It is nice. So you’re gonna take that. You’re gonna pour it into our dehydrated croissant crumbs right here. Ooh. Yeah, yeah, I’m gonna start slicing this up and getting this in the grinder. How much? Like, so it’s like half a cup and then you’re gonna gently toss it with your fingers. Okay. Emily, I trust you to measure this and you’ve never given me a reason not to trust you before. God, I hate you. I’m gonna start loading the meat into the grinder. Is that half a cup? A little bit more, one more splishy splash, one more sploosh. Not the other sploo word. Okay, does that look good. That looks great. I’m gonna start hacking up. So you said to just kind of do this? Yeah, give it a little toss. Try and get it completely soaked, ’cause the idea is that that’s gonna like add the nice supple tenderness to our meatballs. You know like the subway meatballs, you don’t really have to chew. You could have just gummed it down if you wanted to. That’s true. And I like- You’re right. That’s what I wanna go for with these meatballs. So there’s bread usually in meatballs? Yeah, typically bread and eggs are like a big part of meatballs. Oh, good to know. I’m gonna start hacking up. There we go, turn it on. There we go, meat’s coming through. Emily, after those are nice and soaked you’re gonna crack two duck eggs in there. I see them. I expressed the eggs out of the ducks myself. I held the ducks in my hands and I sang them a duck song that Emily’s gonna repeat to you now. ♪ I love you duck ♪ ♪ You’re the only duck I know ♪ ♪ The name is Gerald ♪ It’s a male duck named Gerald that laid eggs. Hey, listen, you could name a lady Gerald. Geri for short. Oh, that’s good. People don’t know this Geri Halliwell, Gerald. Wait, actually? Famous Gerald. Wait, now, are you serious? Yes. Meggy laughed ’cause you’re taking a piss mate. That’s what a British person would say, they’d say you’re taking a piss right now. How much meat we reckon that is. It’s probably about two pounds. You’re asking me. Okay, yeah, I don’t know. About two pounds of meat. Ooh, this is real stringy. Yeah, duck, duck eggs, big membrane. You know what they say about duck with a big membrane. What are you, why are you, don’t talk about Gerald like that. We’re taking a whole lot of fresh cut basil and a whole lot of parsley in there. We got the garlic. Fancy ingredient, jarred Calabrian chiles. Chiles from Calabria, south of Italy, they’re very spicy, they’re very smoky, they’re very delicious. They cost about $13 on the amazon.com. Did you know you’re not supposed to put the shells in the garbage disposal? Wait, why not? I though it helped it do something. You can put the yolks down there, eggs that have gone bad, which means you have to crack them and put them in the disposal- Why would you do that? And then dispose of the shells. It’s gonna make your disposal smell bad. Which I’m not doing that. I wanna make this a spicy meatball. Listen, I live by my own rules. You put the shells down the garbage disposal and you flush tampons. Don’t care what anybody says. Grating cheese, I’m gonna rain black pepper. How do I, is there a grater somewhere? Oh, my God. Did you think I was gonna grate you? I don’t know, I just didn’t know what it was. I expected one of those big graters. Okay, is it this way? Man, we’re sleeping on goat milk. This is a treat. It really is good. What kind of macros we got in this? Pretty solid, man. Ow, what is macros? Macros is short for macronutrients. That’s protein, carbohydrate and fat. And the good thing is that everything’s got macros. All the strong boys on Instagram are like you need your macros so you can eat anything you want. Oreos got macros, goat milk got macros. Oreos have macros? Oreos got so many macros, dude. Can I have this? Uh-huh. Thanks. Hey, I think I did an okay job though. Play with this. That? What do I do with this? Toss it, keep tossing it with your hands. Why? Hand toss. But then I’m gonna have to wipe. It’s like hand-tossed pizza crust. There we go. Ah, sorry. All right, here, dump that in here and then we’re going to try and very, Emily, how delicate are your fingers? I’ve never been asked that question before. I did just get a manicure. Did you? It’s a gel, though, so it could stay. It’ll probably stay on. I feel like that looks great. Yeah? I don’t know. I wanna mash it a little bit. How big are you gonna make these balls? Well, we need like somewhat big balls. I figured we were gonna make this gigantic. All right, so we’re gonna fry these off and then we’ll start making our sauce. Okay. Let’s do it. All right. Emily, we fried off our balls in Wagyu beef tallow. They look so pretty. Those are big honking swinging balls there. They are huge. Like when you see the guy at the dog park and you’re like you gotta get that thing neutered, man. That is obstructing when your bulldog is- I thought you were gonna talk about the slobbery tennis ball that has died a horrible death at the dog park, but you went there. Yeah. And I should have known. Right to- Yeah, at this point I know you well enough. That pan be smoking. Oh, that’s a great segue way. I’m gonna start putting stuff in that pan. So we’re making a Bottarga vodka sauce. Okay. Emily. Ask me what Bottarga is? I was gonna ask you first what vodka sauce is, ’cause, but now there’s vodka and I didn’t know that vodka was actually in vodka sauce. Yeah, so there is actually vodka in vodka sauce, but like you cook it out and you flambe it, so you probably don’t really taste it all that much, but it is a part of the sauce. Most people know vodka sauce one, as the hot girl Gigi Hadid sauce. Nicole knows what I’m talking about. She’s on her phone. We’re also gonna be adding some lovely Ca’Marcanda Vistamare into there as well. It’s a nice white wine, I hope. What was the other thing? Bottarga. Bottarga, yeah, what is Bottarga? So you take a fish roe sac that’s filled with a bunch of eggs and then you salt cure it for a long time and you get this weird little thing. Here, eat some. This is very popular with spaghetti ala Bottarga. You just grate this fresh. All right. This is a cured roe sac. Has the texture of a fruit roll-up, a little fish egg fruit roll-up. I mean, it’s not, huh! Oh, God. It’s got that earwax taste. I’ve eaten a lot of Bottarga before- What, you’ve never tasted your own earwax, come on. I do it all the time to see if it changes over time because I don’t worry about my pH balance. Listen, I used to eat my boogers, this is all I’m saying. I used to do it and so they’re the same color, you’d be like well, maybe there’s another place I can get this good good. God, it tastes like an iodine tablet. What the hell? And then you go for the ear and you’re like nope, no, this is not the same. What other of your bodily gunks to you ingest, Emily? Tell the people. I mean, I don’t think that the kids need to know that yet. I just think they do need to know boogers good, earwax bad. That’s fair enough, fair enough. Hey, do you wanna start cooking something? Uh-huh, sure. Can you dump all these delicious San Marzano tomatoes? Okay, you said I gotta massage them? Yeah, dump all those delicious San Marzano- Wow. Start breaking them up with your hands. This is how the Italian nonnas do it. Don’t burn it, you piece of crap, oh, my God. Okay, now we gotta move. They’re gonna burn in there, max, so here, massage them with your hands. We’re actually gonna pour it in here. I’m gonna dump some vodka in there. Go slow, go slow, everybody shoosh. Oh, my God, oh, my God, if you die. Hey, I need my bangs trimmed, I might need to be in front of there. Whoo! Was that cool, did you all think that was cool? I loved it and it was fast. Then you glaze it with a little bit of that white wine. When I’m massing them, am I supposed to be breaking them up? Oh, yeah, I didn’t mean just like fondle the tomatoes. I meant like really like break them up. Listen, I didn’t go to massage school for humans or tomatoes. Is that what you are implying that I also went to massage school? And it’s like this. I don’t know, you do a lot of things. I’m am amateur. You’re a man of many talents and interests. I don’t like giving, one, I don’t like being massaged. I don’t like people touching me. And also one time I made a massage therapist very uncomfortable. You farted. No, I didn’t. They go like undress to your level of comfort and then I was like, okay, and I started taking off my pants. I was leaving my underwear on because I was wearing long pants and they immediately go no, no, no. I went oh. What’d they think, you were just supposed to do the shirt? No, they were like wait for me to leave. And I was like, you should have said that. And the whole time, I have so much anxiety about like not making a massage person uncomfortable and when I called to book them, they were like, “Do you prefer a male or a female masseuse?” And I go, “Oh, I don’t even see gender. To me, it’s all, you know, it’s just whatever. I’m here for a professional massage.” And then I’m like game planned this whole thing and I started taking off my pants, they’re like, “Oh, no!” Which you never wanna hear when you’re taking off your pants. Never. Never, okay, this tastes bad we can agree? Yes. We still gotta put it in there ’cause we have it. It’s bitter, it’s really bitter, but I’m assuming it will add something. I don’t know. God, I hope so, ’cause I’ve eaten a lot of Bottarga grated fresh on the spaghetti and it’s really good. I’ve never felt that direct just iodine taste in the mouth. It was iodine, that’s so true. Trust the process, though, Emily. I believe, I believe in you. I’m gonna grate a whole lot of that Bottarga fresh in there. God, this better work. You know, never have I heard a name of something sound like the way it tastes. Tastes like a Bottarga. Yeah. All right, here. Add, this is good, all the vodka, all the white wine’s cooked down. Just dump I’m all those maters. Do you think I did it good? Yeah, we’re gonna bled it later. You didn’t really need to massage it. He does this to me all the time. Yeah, I just like to keep her occupied. It’s a good idea. Idle hands are the devil’s playground. Fantastic, cool. So we are actually going to braise the meatballs. We fried them off just so they can hold a consistent shape and so we’re literally just gonna nestle the meatballs in there and then pop them in the oven and let the braise for about 30 minutes and then the sauce, we didn’t even season it because I want the meatballs to season it first and then I’m gonna taste it later and then we’re gonna deglaze it with cream. Look how beautiful the balls nestle. Hey, Josh, where’s your phone? I know I put it here somewhere. Where’s there- Hey, there’s snake down here. Oh, my God, there actually is a snake down here. Oh, God, that’s good. You need a chaser for your phone? Yeah, I need a Razr, I need a beeper for my phone. Yeah, I need like phone cran. Emily, we gotta bake our bread, but hey, before we do that, if y’all wanna read about some meatballs, go check out sporked.com where they did a frozen meatball taste test so you can know what meatballs to microwave and shove down your gullet while you’re watching this episode. How would you know otherwise? You wouldn’t. No. Unless you had sporked.com. Exactly. They help me navigate the supermarket. Every day. From the comfort of your own home. All right, cool, Emily, we’re gonna make some bread. So my idea here, Subway’s got, you know we had the Italian herb and cheese. We have some Italian herbs and some Italian cheese here. Got it. What I wanna do is create a Genovase pesto, doing it old school style in the mortar and pestle here and then you’re gonna roll this out into a very thin rectangle. Then we’re gonna brush the pesto up, roll it up like a cinnamon bun or almost like a bobka and then bake it, so when you slice into that roll, you’re getting all these layers of pesto coming at you. Okay. Does that sound good? Yeah, I think I can do it, but I feel like you’re gonna look at me and be like just do it faster. No, don’t do it fast, here, I’m gonna be- Let me just play around. I’m gonna be bashing the leaves until it turns into a goo. Great. So just like play around with that. So this is like a no pressure type situation. No pressure at all. I’m gonna start screaming at you pretty quick, though, ’cause I watched “Coach Carter” recently. Oh, really? Yeah, yeah, yeah, Samuel L. Jackson, man, oh, if he was coaching me in high school basketball, I wouldn’t, I wouldn’t have crapped my pants. Did you know dogs can play basketball? Yeah, oh, did you watch that documentary or something about the dog who played basketball? Yeah, he was like a circus dog and then he like ran away and found this kid and the kid’s like, everybody’s parents are dead in movies. Yeah, yeah, yeah, but his parents- Yeah, I know dogs don’t play basketball, okay guys? Yeah, you’re doing good. See, you wanna get that just like a nice big rectangle. I’m gonna put some garlic in here and I’m gonna start crushing garlic with a little bit of salt just to kind of get that out there and then I’ll get some, put some pine nuts in there for texture right now. Yeah. So get it nice and bashed. So this is like a way that if you’re making pesto, all the Italians are like if you’re making it in a blender, that’s not real pesto, all that. So, you know, we wanna really honor this Bottarga vodka sauce. Bottarga, I was saying it right. No, you were saying like borego. Either way, what’s this? What’s the yellow goo? That’s egg wash. I heard you say it earlier. Emily, you’re like learning how to cook against your best efforts. Well, I thought it was a bowl of butter, but then I heard somebody say it and I was like I will remember that. I’m gonna say egg wash. Look at you. All right, I’m gonna get some more olive oil in there. What if I walked in one day and I just knew a lot of stuff? It would be like, ah, we’re gonna need to find a different. Emily, despite your best efforts, you are a YouTube cooking personality. I don’t think that’s what anyone could call this. I mean, it’s like it’s de facto true, you know. It’s true. I mean, God, someone’s gonna make me do something at Thanksgiving eventually. Oh, God, no, never get to that. I refuse to cook for anybody in my family. Why? And if they do, I’d say pay me. Well. Wait, so you don’t, really. No, I do, I do, especially for holidays we’ll like, do you do Thanksgiving? Did you ask that because I’m Jewish? I had a friend, when I was a kid, I had a friend ask to go, “Did you celebrate Thanksgiving?” And I was like, “Probably, like the ones in America, yeah. Like probably not like a Jew in Portugal.” But like- No, I know that you celebrate Thanksgiving, but I don’t know, all of your family’s dead, so I was like who are you cooking for? Well, the family that’s not dead, they stopped inviting me to Thanksgiving. Do you have a table like for this ghost. I have like a significant other. I go to her place for Thanksgiving. Oh, she she’s got a live thing. Yeah, her family’s alive, Emily. That’s a good- Oh, must be nice, Julia. With your parents. Yeah, spoiled. Ah, miss them, all right. Pesto’s looking pretty damn good. I mean, is this as skinny as you wanted it to be? What? Is this as flat as you want it to be? I don’t wanna make it too thin. Well, try and give me a little- More out, like get it to go out? Yeah, try and just roll this out that way and then I’m gonna roll and tuck. But why is this like that? I did that. But why? ‘Cause otherwise, you’re getting a little flat end, so I’m saying, if you take it like this. Okay, so I keep rolling that part. You gotta roll it out. You gotta give me a bigger runway to it more rectangular. I didn’t know you wanted it to stay like that. I didn’t know if that was like an artistic decision. Cheese, cheese and rice. All right, cool, so we’re gonna do, a little more olive oil. It feels like we’re making a pizza. I think I been bashing for so long I forgot what pesto looks like. I like pesto. I like pesto, you know, we can bond on that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It’s probably good, right? You wanna try this? Yep. Ooh. You gotta get more there. That thing is just not great in your mouth. Yeah, I don’t know why I did that. It’s like putting a doll hair brush in your mouth or something. I don’t like it. Tastes nice, though, right? It does, it’s like spicy. Yeah, and some raw garlic in there. Ooh. So I’m gonna take this. I’m gonna save some of it and I’ll add some butter in there to brush down that thing later. But why can’t I do this part? You talk about a guy’s dead parents once and then he’s like all mad at you. It was like eight times. It was like eight times. Well, are they still dead or what? Yeah, they’re still dead, Emily, oh, yeah, they’re still dead. Okay, good then. It’s like, you know, it’s a thing, a gift that keeps on giving. It’s not changing. Unlike your holidays. I’m gonna roll this up to make it nice and tight. Were you good at sleeping bags? What do you mean? Rolling up the sleeping bags. Oh, I thought, I think that’s like cope with my dead parents, were you good at like, was that a comfort for you? Yeah, putting the body in a sleeping bag and throwing it in the river, no. I did not kill my parents, by the way. ‘Cause she implied that. All right, I’m gonna roll this up nice and tight and then that’s beautiful. That looks great. I’m gonna kind of pinch down these edges, pinch this down. That’s lovely. And we’re gonna let this go through a second proof. Do you think that the egg wash might help it stay pinched? No, this is fine, this is fine. You just pat it out, you just pat it out like this. All right, okay, all right. Just pat it out, just pat it out and you just pinch it down and like grab me, here I’ll grab it, I’ll do it all myself. I don’t need any help. I didn’t have any help growing up, you know. I’m good. I’m gonna stick this in your mouth. ♪ Welcome to the darkest cooking show. ♪ Okay, I’m gonna chub it up a little bit. You always wanna chub up. Shut up. You always wanna chub up before we go in the oven. And then, yeah, we’re gonna let this go through a nice second proof. We don’t need this. We’re gonna wait for like an hour and then we’re gonna bake it off and then we got a bun. I can’t use the egg wash yet? If you want to. Well, I thought you said we had to wait now. Egg wash, egg wash, I don’t care anymore. I have bigger things to think about. Like what happens when you die? Nothing. Where are they? Nowhere. Oh, fair. Do you remember when we were eating that meatball sub earlier and we were like wow, I love the bread goo. We were so young and naive then. So young and naive then. We love the bread goo and so I wanna make like a goo for inside this sandwich so what we’re gonna make, we’re making a four cheese foam. We’re getting a molecular gastronomy on this. Okay. You seem like you know what all those words mean, which is good. You said mostromony? Mostronomy. Molecular astrology. It’s where you like make a little nitrogen frozen foam. That’s such a Taurus thing of you to do. I’m an Aries. Of course you are. That means so much to me. Here you take that cream cheese and that ricotta and put in the bottom of this bowl. Okay. I’ll show you what to do later. And then the sugar, too. The sugar’s gonna add a nice little- Sugar, interesting. Just to add some body to it. So I’m gonna start heating up this here goat’s milk. And then we’re gonna add in some Gorgonzola dulce to that. Yeah. You like bleu cheese? You seem like a bleu cheese girl. I love bleu cheese. Now that’s eating. Oh, yeah. What’s the different between Gorgonzola and bleu cheese, though ’cause they taste very similar. This one’s Italian. Oh, it has to be made in a region? Gorlami. I can add the rind in there ’cause- Yeah, I don’t mind a cheese rind. So you’re just snacking on parm. I don’t mind, I mind a lot of things. No, I don’t. Tell me about things you mind. What really grinds your gears? People who walk slow on the sidewalk and walk in the middle. People- Pick a side. Two people who walk side by side on the sidewalk. That’s some BS. You red rover that. Single file. You just red rover that. Single file, I’m busting through. No, and when I moved here from New York, I was a bad person. I’m a bad person now. Compared to the scolding example. Not as bad. Example. But like in New York you gotta get places and it’s like you know the rules of the sidewalk and I smoosh faced some kids. You’ve, oh, I thought you meant you kissed them. You know it’s just like a kid and you go get outta here. I thought you meant you kissed them, like you smooshed your face against theirs. I don’t wanna kiss- I was like you can’t do that. A kid, a baby, a nothing. Don’t kiss the children now. I don’t wanna touch. I agree with that. I hate touching. I certainly don’t wanna talk. And I certainly don’t want- What am I talking to you about? Your kid. You don’t know anything. Who are you talking to? I’m talking to America. Oh, yeah, there’s more people than Americans who watch this. Yeah. I’m talking to the world about how much I don’t wanna hang out with kids. You’re talking to a select 400 to 700,000 depending on where the algorithm shifts us that day. Mm. 15% of them don’t live in the United States. 75% of them are men, that’s weird, that’s strange. 75%? Yeah, yeah. Dang. I know. And I’m still single. That’s not true. 250,000, wait, you’re not single anymore? Yeah, yeah, I got a guy. You got a guy? Yeah. You have a new beau? I got a beau. Tell the world about him. He’s a nice guy. He does web development stuff. That’s fun. Take your personal life and then turn it into your content, tell him. He might not wanna be in on this. Nah, it doesn’t matter, doesn’t matter, you just do it. All right. Just do it. And people are oh, my God. We were besties in high school. Wait, really? Mm-hmm. We did forensics together. It’s a public speaking competition. What? Every time I talk about that and anything I’ve ever done, people delete it because it’s so boring, but today, I’m hopeful. Well, we got the editor of, Jagger’s he’s like- He’s right there. Jaggers, you gotta keep that. He’s there. That’s the most interesting thing you’ve ever heard in your life, right, forensics? Yeah, yeah, we did dramatic interpretation together. We did a scene from the Break- We got the cheese melted. We’re just gonna strain it through here and kind of push it through and then that’s gonna melt the cream cheese. Ooh. Yeah, yeah, that’s nice ’cause we’re kind of in like, the Parmesan, it’s not gonna melt, but we want all that flavor in there. It doesn’t smell good yet. What do you mean it doesn’t smell good yet? It just, I don’t know. Here, we’ll just- Okay, there it is. Hold that pot. I’m bringing in this cream cheese and then we gotta let this cool and we’re gonna put this in our CO2 charged canister and then we’re gonna boom it up. I forgot to do that. That’s the Jacques Pepin claim dance. You say that a lot and- It’s cause you keep doing it. But, no you were doing it. ‘Cause Jacques Pepin dances when he gets good claims, he goes like that. But who is that? Who’s Jacques Pepin? He’s one of those accomplished chefs and he’s not dead yet. Well, his name should stop sounding like a cartoon. So, Emily, we have all, oh, my God, everything is here that we made. We have our foam loaded up. Oh, whoa. That’s ready to explode. We got our pesto here. We’re gonna brush down on that. We got this vodka sauce. What we did is we took the sauce and the meatball braised in and now I’m just gonna thin it out with a little bit of heavy cream. Ooh. Yeah, make that nice and rich. This should be really nice Emily. That’s a good looking vodka sauce right there. Wait, you wanna taste this. Sure, yeah, I’d love to. Try that. Thank you. So I got some whole tomato junk in there. Oh, man. Pretty freakin’ good, right? Oh, man. A lot of the Wagyu melted in there. Why can’t that just be what tomato soup is. It should be. There should be Campbell’s vodka soup. Well, that sounds like something- That’s just when you mix a can of cream- That sounds like Saturday. That’s when you mix a can of cream of mushroom soup with straight vodka and then drink it warm. All right, hey, hold on, hold on. That’s so gross. Now I’m gonna take the bread and we’re gonna slice it and just see what we’re working with here. Okay. See what kind of striations we got going on. Ooh, look at all that airiness. Oh, here, snack on that, snack on that, snack on that. I’m gonna take this- Can I dip it in the sauce? Dip it in the sauce, yeah, yeah, yeah. Wait here soak some sauce, soak some for me. Okay. All right, I’m gonna split top this. There we go. I think it should hold together. Uh-oh, it’s not holding together. Anything can hold. Hold, wait, we flew too close to the sun, no, wait it’s still good. Here, Emily, pry the flaps open. But I got. But keep it tucked. Eat that first, eat that first. It’s nice? Oh, yeah. Okay, do you see the hand motion that I’m doing here? Mm-hmm. ‘Cause usually what happens is we got a lot of air flow from all the pesto absorbing. So you need me to hold it open while you put it in the balls? Yeah, smell the crack, though. God, there’s too many innuendos. Emily, smell the crack. Again. You sickos. Ooh, yeah, pesto. So here, kind of like try and pry this open because I want like a nice- Okay. Do you want me to mash this in? Try and mash it in a little bit. I’m gonna eat some, I’m gonna eat some meal. My God, we’re not even gonna have anything left to put the balls in. Hold on. No. Emily, you gotta leave it open. I thought that was the fire stick. No, what? I thought that was the fire torch. Torch fire. No, it’s not the fire- What is it called? I’m not gonna burn you. What’s the blow torch, yes. No, this is the cream gun. There it is. I like the thoroughness. Wow, that’s something. All right, cool, so now we’re gonna do, Emily, hold it open. I just washed my hair. Okay, pry this open, you’re gonna shove the balls in. You gotta eat your thing. Okay. Ooh, why did you suck it? I just wanted the soup. I can’t believe I was a part of that. We’re about to eat so much bread. You don’t fill up on bread when you’re about to eat your bread. I don’t suck bread, dude. That is disturbed. That’s where you and I differ. Your parents are alive, mine are dead, you don’t suck bread, I suck bread, it’s fine. All right, fair enough. You made a good point. I’m gonna pry and ball it myself. Here we go. Here we go. Do you worry we made the meatballs too big? No, no, get some sauce in there, get some sauce in there. Okay. Layer it in? Yeah, yeah. You’re gonna let me do it? Yeah, yeah, do it. This is an awesome idea. Nicole is holding her breath. There you go. Yeah, Emily, yes! Okay, more? No, that’s good, that’s good, that’s good. Here, I’m just gonna- The prestige- Get some balls in there. Just kind of pry it, stuff it, pry it. It is so foamy. It’s like a cappuccino of meat. Yes, yes, yes. Whoa. Perfect. Here, I’ll just kind of mash, here get some more sauce on top. Ah, yeah, yeah, okay. This is holding really well. All right, all right. There it is. Now kind of- Don’t go too hard. Sorry. Okay. That’s good. Where’s the towel? I feel like. I want more sauce. I know where the napkins are now. What? I’m just doing more stuff than I’ve ever done in an episode and I’m like stoked. Cheese, Emily, cheese. Cheese. The buffalo mozzarella. This thing? No, almost. That is cheese, though, you’re right, that is cheese. I know. That cheese, that cheese, that cheese. Put some on top. Okay, put it on top, put it on top. I need to scrape some of this off. Like that or do you want it inside the little- No, no, no, on top, on top, on top ’cause we wanna get that like nice and broiled and- Why are we rushing? I don’t know, I don’t know, I don’t know. But I think this should go anh. Shoot. What, what’d I do? Ben, no, put that back, Ben, put that back, Ben, come back here. I’m just gonna brush this with pesto and what are you slurping? I hear you slurping. I’m trying to get rid of this, but well, yeah, that’s fine. You were already doing it, so. I know, I’m so gross, right, there you go. Is that enough cheese or do you want more cheese. No, that’s good, that’s good, that’s great and we’re gonna broil it, one last thing, Emily! No! Borego. No, I don’t want it. We need the Bottarga. I don’t want it. Give me, give me the eggs. I don’t, no! I have, I have more eggs, I have more eggs. I hate it. Now we’re out of fish egg sacs, are you happy? We are not using this. All right, we’re just gonna go ahead and broil this off real quick, just get the cheese nice and melted and then we can, where did she go. Oh, God. You need people to get them. I did something bad. Now you guys have to find a snake and a bortuga. I’m just gonna go ahead and let that bake up and we aren’t touching it until it’s melty. You’ll keep pans up there. You gotta get ’em down sometime. We don’t get the pans down. You don’t get the pans down? We don’t get those. Well, then, that’s just a waste of space. What is that, what is that? That looks like another deep fryer. So what- Oh, no, that’s a punch bowl. It’s a bird bath. It’s a punch bowl. Emily, look at our beautiful hefty boy. That’s my boy. My son, I’m proud of my boy. All right, so I’m gonna take some pesto and just kind of drizzle that. These colors are so pretty. Drop there. You don’t get colors like this at the subway. No, you don’t. I’m just gonna kind of pull this over. You get ’em at Christmas. Oh, yeah, you get ’em at Christmas. That’s right, what else do you get at Christmas? Presents and time with your family. You brought it up. I just bring up Christmas and it doesn’t have to be like- all right, so we’re gonna grate- He’s such a victim. Just a little bit of Parmesan. Oh, my gosh, what else are you gonna put on it? A little bit of- No! How did you get this? What, I found it. You found it? I have eyes everywhere. It was either up in the dusty place or on the floor place. My spiders, they crawl. As I rub it on my butt, you can’t use it. Now it makes it more expensive. No. Weirdos on the internet would pay a lot for that. So we got that, beautiful. And now I’m just gonna take some basil leaves and I’m just gonna tuck them. I feel like this would be really, it would skip on a river. Beautiful. A very stinky river . We can go down to the LA river. Ben once- That is not recyclable, I just put it in the recycling. I’m sorry. Emily, we have our beautiful and delicious lookin’, I mean this is a bunch chunk of beautiful sub. It’s a beautiful boy. Let’s see how it compares to the original. Just got it loose in there. All right. We bought this at the same time that we ate it in the beginning of the episode and it has disintegrated into mush. It’s looking a little bit more flacid than before. Cheers. Hey, ain’t nothing wrong with a flacid ball. It is wet. Still good cheese, though. The cheese is goo. I like the goo. I like the goo. Ooh. I’m gonna cut this one up. Oh, yeah. You grow my God, oh, my God. Whoa. Oh, my God, is this gonna just burn us. Where do we go at it? I don’t know. I’m going at it from the side, but I’m gonna unhinge my jaw a little bit. I’m gonna go at it from the back. All right, fair enough. Cheers. Cheers, this is great. Okay, here we go. Oh, man. The bread is so fluffy. That is one of the better things that has come into my mouth. Me- What? You heathens, wait, where’s the sauce. Yeah, that is the move. I want to do it, too. Here wait. Aw, no more, no more. No more? No more. Sorry. All right. It’s like you have to take a lot of deep breaths before going in. Look at how hot this ball is. Look at it. Hey, are you gonna suck the ball out. Remember when you sucked balls out in the car? Oh, I remember. I’m hoping they’re gonna keep that in for reference. Now they have to. My heart hurts. Hey, Josh. Yep. How much is this sorry. Hey, Josh. Yeah. How much is this? Oh, my God. Hang on, let me try it again. Josh. Emily. How much is this? What if I told you, Emily, what if I told you, are you sitting down, sit down. 311 dollars 89 cents. What? Are you shocked yet? Is that the most money we spent on one of these episodes? No, I think it’s like the seventh most, but that’s, okay. Well, I’m talking about the ones I was in. Maybe, on, the Jack-in-the-Box, I don’t know. Well, that’s a good point. But I think this is the best thing we made together. I think this might be the best thing that you’ve ever made in my presence. All right. I’ve gotta fart. Thank you so much for stopping by the “Mythical Kitchen.” We have new episodes for you every week. We have episodes of our podcast, “A Hot Dog is a Sandwich,” every Wednesday wherever you get your podcast. Hit us up on Instagram, “Mythical Kitchen” @mythicalkitchen. The page where the hashtag becomes food. If you think about it, farts are like a downstairs whisper. We’ll see y’all next time. Hey, you, cook up your own feast while wearing the “Mythical Kitchen” apron. Available now at mythical.com.