Oh, no. Trevor. Yeah? In 1993, Pizza Hut introduced a cryptid inspired pizza that was so big that delivery drivers thought they couldn’t fit it through the average doorway. But much like Bigfoot herself, The Bigfoot pizza was never to be seen again. It’s time for. Past food! Trevor, let me bring you back to the swingin’ 90s. Okay. We realized the failures of Reaganomics, the.com boom was looming. Elon Musk was like balding, and Jeff Bezos wasn’t yet on supplemental testosterone. Nice. Are we gonna get sued? The point is America wanted more. Yeah. We wanted bigger. We wanted the freaking Bigfoot pizza. This was 12 by 24. This is two square feet of pizza. You could ask. Why wouldn’t you just buy two pizzas? No, this is one contiguous pizza, but like, this is the most nineties pizza of all time. You see it in that font that was on like the Bubblicious gum packaging right? Yeah The bubble letter almost half graffiti. I remember seeing commercials for this when I must have been like five years old and I was like, I wish I could taste this. And I never got to because it was expensive at the time. It was $10.99 for three toppings. And then suddenly they upped it to $10.99 for six toppings. But to me, this is much like Bigfoot. The one that got away also, I made the bold claim that Bigfoot is a woman, but you have a hat that says Bigfoot is real, And he tried to eat my, I think that there’s, there’s a, a spectrum of Bigfoots out there. Yeah. I think that Bigfoot can be whatever Bigfoot wants to be. The Bigfoot gender binary doesn’t exist. It’s true. It’s a social construct, and Bigfoot is not outside of that. Anyway. So the pizza itself, it wasn’t that special outside of the advertising, but they did make an entirely new crust. It was thinner than their pan pizza crust. It was thicker than their thin crust. And they said, quote, “It had a slight sourdough base.” So we’re gonna try and sort of meddle with that a little bit. We got the ingredients from Pizza Hut that we’re gonna put on it. I see we went with the 3 toppings instead of the 6 toppings. Times are tight. We are operating within the window of time in which they had not yet introduced the six topping thing. Okay, okay We’re after the OG Haley Joel Osmet commercial, which that is hilarious. You gotta watch. [Commercial Speaker] Recently an object was sighted. It was big! Bigger than big! Huge, huge, large, astronomically, big. Big could be an understatement. Very big, huge. Also Sixth Sense. Spoiler alert. Bruce Willis is what is, was he he dead? Yeah, I think so. No way man, he’s a ghost the whole time? The whole time, yeah. ‘Cause the kid talks to dead people, and he’s the only one that talks to Bruce Willis, like the whole movie. If you pay attention, it’s pretty obvious to pick up on. Did the top fall down? No, I don’t believe so. So we’re gonna make our own crust from scratch. And then we got the pepperoni, the sausage, the green peppers and the cheese for pizza. We’re gonna make our own sauce because Pizza Hut did indeed change their sauce from the 90s. What did you have to do to get a bowl full of cheese from the Pizza Hut? Dude, you know, you really break the fourth wall, and just ask for what you need and go, “Hey, I work for a YouTube show, I understand this is a strange request.” And you go in with sort of empathy and also no expectations. Okay. Some locations will say no, some are just like that weird, but okay. And they’ll give it to you in a little thing they put their desserts in. foil bowl full of cheese. And now it’s here. It’s called cooking, baby. Trevor, are you ready to bring this, hop up. Get on. Okay, okay. Back from the past! Nice. Hop off What? Oh, high five. I was trying to hump you off. I got him in the bean bags. He got me right in the nads. Right in the bean bag. Oh no you go No, no, I didn’t have anything. Oh, I thought, well, okay. I, I was gonna say we gotta make a pizza dough. Oh! That’s all I had. Oh, that’s all you had? Okay. I probably could have done something better. We’re making… You know, actually my first line was gonna be, “Trevor what other cryptids would you want to eat your,” like, I don’t know if we can say that. Anyways, we’ll get back to that Loch Ness Monster, long tongue. So what, what I’m We gotta make the Bigfoot pizza dough. Mothman. As I said, Ooh, as I said, this is thinner than their pan pizza dough. This is thicker than their thin crust, but also it has all that delicious Pizza Hut, chemically taste to it, which I really do love. I’m a huge fan of Pizza Hut. So that’s why we’re using dough conditioner. Not dough shampoo So funny. So dough conditioner is actually something it’s the reason that Vietnamese baguettes, have such a, a light characteristic chew to them. It’ll be certain ingredients like azodicarbonamide, or hydrochloride, or ascorbic acid, and Trevor don’t hit me, dude. I’m sorry I was doing it was a silly little bit. Now he is looking at me like a horny goat. You know, I don’t like that. What? Goats get aggressive when they’re in heat. Do you wanna dissolve that yeast in that water? No. Me neither, frankly. It’s instant yeast. You don’t dissolve it in water. I don’t know. I thought we were. I just, this is out of my realm. This is baking thing. I don’t know what to do. It’s okay. I got it. I just added a couple teaspoons of salt. I’m gonna do a tablespoon of sugar. I’m gonna do a tablespoon of yeast. Active. Not active, dry. Instant. The yeast is going to eat the sugar, like Bigfoot eats. Yeah. Dough conditioner really, that’s like that’s what’s gonna give it this really nice structure to it. And hopefully a really light chew. The way that all Pizza Hut pizza has. Yeah. You don’t go to Pizza Hut to get like the best Neapolitan chewy pizza you ever had. Yeah, I do. Right? Why are you holding your mouth like this? Well, I don’t know when the, why do we have vinegar? That’s a great question. So we have vinegar because people have said it has a sourdough tang to it. Again, I never had the pizza. So we’re just gonna add some vinegar in there to make it sour. Of course, traditional sourdough bread is made from a long fermentation process. Yeah. But I do not believe. They’re doing that at the Hut. I don’t think the hut, you know, was doing the long ferment on their pizza. So that’s what we’re gonna try and make. Why do you think when they made Pizza Hut, they chose a hut, and not per se a house, or maybe the pizza bungalow? Why do you think they chose hut? I read about this and I can’t remember. Wait actually? Yeah, no, no. Cause Nicole and I did a whole podcast, it’s called A Hot Dog is a Sandwich. We did a whole thing on Pizza Hut, and there was like something else was like trademarked, right? And they had to choose a different thing. But that said, I like the small town feel of a hut. You know? The small town feel of a hut? Yeah, like you, you go to any shack, right. Shacks serve the best food. If you were to go to like a clam townhouse, that wouldn’t be nearly as cool as going to like a clam shack in Providence, Rhode Island, A clam townhouse A clam townhouse is absolutely lame. So yeah. Pizza hut, I think has a nice small town feel to it. And also I, I love Pizza Hut. This is like the prime era of Pizza Hut because this is when Pizza Hut still had the salad bowl. So you go there and you get that, and all you can eat pizza buffet, and you could do, you don’t remember any of this? No. What is the world? I don’t know the last time I went to a Pizza Hut. What has the world taken from our youth? One, a future without, you know, climate induced disasters. Two, Pizza Hut salad bars. They didn’t get to experience either of them. All they get is just crippling FOMO from Instagram. I’m sorry to the youth of America and abroad. I’m sorry. Thank you No problem Thank you, on behalf of the youth of the nation. So the dough’s kneading right now. Yeah. Which is elongating the glut, the “gluteus masomenos” Yeah Yeah, yeah. Okay. That’s good. Yeah. It’s looking real good, it’s gonna need to go for another eight minutes. You got something to fill time? It was more about anal-lingus, and cryptids. Well, go ahead. We got time. The Wendigo. It was the Wendigo Their teeth are sharp! What? Wendigo have sharp teeth. Oh yeah, they do. Hey, hey. Hey you over there. Are you going to Mythicon? Are you thinking about going to Mythicon? Are you a little, I don’t know. Mythicon curious? Well, I used to be just like you until I went to mythicontickets.com, and it answered all of my questions. Cause I thought, what am I going to do at Mythicon? Oh my God, Josh, let me tell you what you’re gonna do. There’s gonna be a mythical kitchen eating contest. There’s gonna be karaoke with Emily. There’s gonna be a tattoo parlor. There’s gonna be meet and greets. There’s gonna be a freaking rhinestone cowboy disco party. And so, so much more. So much more Trevor, thank you so much. So gonna mythicontickets.com to have all of your fears assuaged. It’s the official, it’s the official slogan for Mythicon, assuage your fears at mythicontickets.com. It’s gonna be really fun. I’m really stoked to go to Austin. I can’t wait to see all of you fine folks out there. It’s gonna be good. Is assuaged a real word? Assuaged. Yeah. Someone Google assuaged. It’s a good SAT vocab word. We’re gonna make the sauce. Yeah! We gotta make the sauce. The reason we’re making the sauce, and I didn’t call up Pizza Hut and go, “I’m a YouTubie, can I have a sauce?” Like I did for the other ingredients. Just I’ve done that way too many places. It is because they changed their sauce back, I believe in the early 2000s. Okay. And so if you look at the ingredients on any fast food pizza sauce, right? If you go to a nice Neapolitan pizzeria, they’re using nice, crushed, San Marzano tomatoes, you got a Domino’s and the Pizza Hut, they’re using tomato paste mixed with water, and a whole lot of sugar, probably corn syrup, but we’re, we’re rocking the sugar right now. And so I’m gonna take just a whole lot of this here, tomato paste, because think about like, you get a Pizza Hut pizza, and like the sauce is kind of burnt into the crust. Yeah. There’s no liquid to it. No It’s just a paste that burnt. Normal tomatoes don’t singe into a crust in just a burnish red hue. Yeah. So we’re just gonna go ahead… Are we using..? ..and we’re gonna dump a bunch of tomato paste and we’re gonna dump all this sugar in here. Okay. Because Pizza Hut sauce is F’n sweet and I love it. Yeah. Are we using the same recipe that we used when we made the triple-deccaroni? ‘Cause we.. Indeed, indeed we are. Because, this is from the same era. Okay. This, this is from a very audacious Pizza Hut era. And I’ll tell you what, after the .com boom, came the .com crash. Yeah. Right, and so that’s when I was really eating a lot of Pizza Hut pizzas and we were poor. And so we got what we’re called the “Pizza Mia’s” Does anybody remember the pizza mia? It was three pizzas for $5 each and all pizza hut did, was make them worse and cheaper. And that’s why they were $5 each. And so I grew up in that era, but I missed this big, like ambitious, optimistic pizza era, you know, built. Steve Jobs was out there. Wait a sec, take a step back. Yeah, go ahead. How did Pizza Hut make their regular pizzas worse and cheaper. Oh. Oh man. You never had a pizza mia. Like, it was just equal parts, like cardboard, wood, pulp, and flour. – [Trevor] Nice. And the crust, the sauce was just extra corn syrupy. I mean, some people have actually asked us to recreate them and I utterly refuse. Like nothing good happens to a recipe when they say, “We made it cheaper, and more.” It doesn’t get better. You know what I mean? And so I resent, I look back and it’s like, I made it out of childhood poverty, so I never had to eat pizza mia’s again. Okay. You know, we’re getting full priced, full strength, Pizza Hut pizzas now, that’s my American dream. Yeah. And that’s why I’m recreating the Bigfoot pizza. ‘Cause I never got to eat it. Yeah. Okay, you know? This is big, this is a big moment. That’s why Trevor I’m dumping garlic powder, oregano, and salt in here. And you’re saying that’s not enough spice. And I say, ..yep. That’s what it is. This is looking nice. And you think this is nice and pasty enough? Yeah. Did you want me to do anything, or are you good? No. Stir it, stir it. Okay. I was actually reading something where there’s been an, an epidemic of watered down pizza sauces at Pizza Hut, that are being served with the bread sticks. And it’s because I guess they switched from like a concentrate. They had to had to add water to, to just the sauce straight up. But not all the employees are being told that you don’t have to add water to it. I did that one time, I was doing a sporked taste test and they didn’t see “condensed chicken soup”, and I was like, “this is so salty!” I was like, “why is this one so salty?” And then I looked at the can. I was like, “did you add water to this?” But it was still good. Oh my, ow! God, you got Trevor! Ow! Something bit me! I’m never cooking again. Yeah. Probably for the best. Well, let’s taste it. How’s it taste? What? Dude, this, wait a little pinch of salt. More salt. Yeah. You’re gonna want it to be salty. We just added .2 cents to this recipe. Try it though, this like actually brings you back to Pizza Hut. It’s singeing hot. Okay. Well let me get a spoon. You’ll need the icy heart of the Wendigo to come, cool your… Why is so hot? ..running with the cryptid theme? Yeah, let’s do it’s it. You know what’s funny is the Windigo is often depicted with antlers. Whereas in the indigenous first nation’s tales, it’s just a humanoid. And they think the European settlers sort of imparted their own werewolf mythology onto the Wendigo. What a bland pizza sauce. I know, but good, right? No, yeah. – [Josh] It’s bland in the way that reminds you of Pizza Hut. You’re not sold. I’m telling you, I don’t remember the last time I ate Pizza Hut. Oh my God. Trevor, you are in for just a world of discovery. Like the scene in Pleasantville, where Toby McGuire sees in color for the first time. That is what this pizza is going to be for you. I’m so excited. Toby McGuire. Nice Irish boy. Trevor, that growth in that dough is so bulbous. Do you know what flying craft it reminds me of? What? A blimp! Did you know that Pizza Hut actually had a Bigfoot pizza blimp that had to make a, an emergency crash landing? Wait, actually? Thereby creating more publicity for the Bigfoot pizza. Then if it just had been a successful crash. So if you can arrange some sort of accident where nobody dies to promote your business. Well, where did it crash? If you got an Etsy store. I don’t know. Maybe grab a hang glider and see what’s up. You know what I mean? What? Don’t do that. Don’t do that. Well, unless you just enjoy hang gliding.. Don’t do that. And your Etsy store. So. Pizza. Yeah. This is, I’m gonna oil up this because Pizza Hut pizza is exceptionally oily. And that’s why I. Can I tell the people about my contraption. Trevor’s made a contraption. Yes. So what you’ll see here is a large tin foil rod. That is because the dimensions of this pizza are so precise that we couldn’t find the exact pan shape to fit it. So I had to make a tin foil rod. Much like the Bigfoot pizza, 12 by 24 sheet pans were discontinued in the local Burbank area back in 96. And so we made our own, you wanna flop the dough in there? That looks good. You want me to start pressing it out? Yeah! I was thinking about it. Skunk Ape. Skunk. Ape? If I could spend a day with a single cryptid and we’d just do whatever, and no one would know about it. I would be skunk ape. Hmm. What is a skunk ape? I’m glad you asked. Skunk ape lives in Florida. And it’s an ape that smells like poo. That’s it. There’s not much more to it. That sounds like a real thing. Yeah, and people think that it might just be a black bear with mange. Okay. But anyways, it’s a, an ape that is the size of a human, but smells bad. Okay. Skunky. You wanna know mine? – Go ahead. Okay. I really like the Dover demon, ‘Cause he’s just kind of a silly, goofy guy. I love that. He’s like a little prankster, like all the, all the reports are of just like these scared kids that were like riding their bikes at night. And they saw this little guy off in the like bushes and it had like red eyes and then they ran home like screaming to their parents. And so he is just kind of a prankster and I’d feel like that’s, I’d like to do that. Well do they smell like poo? No. Well that’s where, that’s where the skunk ape really has the advantage there, Trevor. Cause he smells like poo so much so, that he got the moniker, “skunk-ape.” Yeah. Dover Demon sounds scary, even though he is a goofy guy. Yeah. Skunk Cape sounds like it smells like poo and he does. How do you know? Wow. Listen, I don’t know. People say they can write it off. You know, they just, maybe it’s messed up looking bear, you know, maybe it’s just a dude having a bad day out there smelling like poop, looking like a monkey. He’s just some dude. Some dude. Just some hairy dude. Skunk ape is just Jeff, just Jeff from Ocala, Florida, you know, on a bender. Not Ocala! Jeff’s out there. I got a couple friends from Ocala. Sounds terrible. Yeah. They’re just like, we’d go kayaking and just be hitting gators on the top of the head. I’ve been to Florida like once. I went to one of those restaurants where they just have like the pit of, of gators, like at the restaurant, What?! It’s like a sightseeing thing. That’s a thing? Yeah. It’s like, it’s like, “Hey we’re in Florida! Come check out our, our hole of gators!” I love that. Yeah. And then you could like throw food, like morsels down to them. People diss Florida too much. I want to go to the wild Southeast of Florida. Yeah. – You know? Yeah. – I want that man. Bring, bring some energy back. Imagine if Red Lobster had a pit of gators instead of a thing of like live lobsters, you can choose? Oh! You wanna know what it was called? It was called “Fudpuckers”. And I remember that, ’cause I, it was like, I was in third grade and I came back home from this trip and I got in trouble for wearing a shirt that said “Fudpuckers” on it. You can’t say Fudpuckers anymore? I don’t know. My teacher.. – We’ve taken from our youth. We’ve taken from our youth, a future free from climate disaster. We’ve taken from our youth, the Pizza Hut salad bar. We’ve taken from our youth. The ability to say Fudpuckers. Fudpuckers I think it’s ’cause there’s so much opportunity to say that wrong. Yeah, yeah, yeah. How you doing there, buck-o? I keep trying to press the dough out, but it keeps slinking back on me. Yeah, that makes sense. That’s how it’s um.. I think we can just, here if you just top it, then I can keep mashing. Okay. Can top it while I’m mashing. Coming in with hot sauce, coming in with hot sauce. Here, I’m gonna remove this. What!? Shut up Trevor! Not now. Do not doubt my methods right now. What!? It’s been a long day. I’m a little tired. I’m a little wired. Everything’s going wrong. You just freaking trust me! You took out my rod! For once! You took out my rod! Separate your attachment from your rod. Yeah, there we go, now it’s back and now we’ve pressed it against the edges, and the pizza’s perfect. Chef. What did you just do? It’s a “C” for chef. What did you, “C” for chef. – And then you kissed it. And yeah, and then I did the chef Boyardee Italian! Hold on, I’m docking you with a boning knife. Docking, Trevor! Explain to the people what docking is. So it’s a practice where someone of what I would say religious descent, and someone of a more secular. Just.. No. So you poke holes in the dough so it doesn’t get air bubbles. Wait, what was the first thing you were talking about? Anyway, we’re back. Welcome back. I didn’t just explain to Josh what docking is. Well, ’cause it’s not just a religious practice is it? Well, no, I know. I know, but I was trying to make it clear. Yeah, yeah, I get it. There wasn’t another clear way to say circumcise. We poke holes in the dough so it doesn’t. Yeah. So it doesn’t puff up. How much sauce you want on this bad boy? Pretty saucy because this is luxurious pizza. Okay. You know, this is, this is what Bezos was eating in the 90s, you know. Started Amazon, he’s in his garage, he’s like “maybe people will buy books”, and then boom. Now he’s making murder drones, you know, oh how things have changed over the passage of time. So yeah. Keep spreading that, you want me to cheese it? Yeah. If you like the amount of sauce. I like that amount of sauce. I kind of just went for it. I’m just gonna go for it with the cheese man. Okay. It’s a hefty, this is a hefty pizza. Yeah. Just get all this cheese. Yeah, so are we gonna eat this whole thing? Yeah, I think, I think we should probably keep the cameras rolling until we finish the whole thing. Right? Okay. Cool. Is that, can we, can we all commit to that? No. Ben come on. Come on. You never believe in us. When have we ever disappointed you? Literally never. Wait. Did he say we were talking about eating, too much or no? I don’t remember. I can’t remember, dude. I wasn’t listening. No, I know, I ask questions that I don’t listen for the answers. So we’re actually modeling this after the original Haley Joel Osmet commercial. Which, name your favorite Haley Joel Osmet role on 3. 1, 2, 3, – A.I – Oasis. I went with A.I, dude. I panicked. I went with the single Amazon pilot based on one of my top five favorite books of all time, called The Book of Strange New Things. It was a great sci-fi. It was supposed to be starring Kit Harrington and then, no, not kit Harrington. Other guy, Rob Stark who played Rob Stark. Do you wanna follow me with the, with the green peppers? Sure. Do you want to talk about anything? Oh, I ate a lot of Bubblicious. I liked Hubba Bubba. Mm that’s where we disagree, but still we’ve remained friends. Do you think that were only friends because we’re forced to be friends? Like if we had met out in the wild, would you have wanted to be friends with me? Absolutely not. No. We’ve lived such different lives. We run in entirely different circles. We have completely different hobbies. You would’ve just been like a person working at a bakery. But like you like hanging out with me. I like hanging out with you. Yeah. But I think proximity is a huge part of it. It’s like, it’s like people who believe in the concept of a soulmate. It’s like, bro, there’s like, like half of the world’s population lives in India and China. It’s like proximity’s 99% of the battle. Do you want to hang out later? Yeah, of course I do. Yeah not, You’re not even tonight. Cause I’m. Coming to my party. We got friends in from out of town. I don’t know what to tell you. Like I don’t control this. Julia just got back from a work trip and now, you know, I feel like it’s right to have to choose between. Should we put it in the oven? So we’re gonna go ahead and put this in the oven. About 450 degrees. You’re not gonna bake it super hot and fast. Then it’s gonna be done. Trevor, are you ready to see the Bigfoot pizza?! Yeah! The biggest pizza that Pizza Hut has ever produced! The most 90s pizza, there.. Wow. Sorry. There it is. Oven. Wow. There it is man. That’s a big old pizza. It looks like a pizza! Man. But you know, it wouldn’t be past food if we didn’t, cut to the packaging! Trevor, before us, we have the Bigfoot pizza. Yes we do. But I think it’s also a metaphor. For what? I don’t know. Childhood dreams all growed up. I don’t know if the anticipation has killed this for me, but let’s find out, unsheathe it. I’ll hold it. You pull. I’m gonna.. – Yank it. – We don’t. Trevor, just yank on it! Jesus! – It’s stuck. The table’s sticky. This table is so sticky. Look at this! It’s the pizza that you saw. It’s too big for the camera to see! We can’t see the whole pizza! Here, get this, here, put it up. Back. We have garlic sauce and ranch sauce and, and we’re gonna drink it also. Trevor, grab your diet Pepsi. Well, No judging. What am I supposed to do with this? You want me to wear it like a damn hat? Wear it like a hat. Yeah. It’s like I’m at the crispy cream. Oh Oh no! It spilled, so much! Trevor you ready to dig into this pizza? The heck is this? There’s none. Okay. It looks. Why do we have all these things here? It looks like, you wouldn’t believe the amount that I spilled, ’cause it looks like nothing came off the top, but there’s a pool of diet Pepsi. I’m gonna dip mine in the garlic sauce. It’s so good. It tastes like Pizza Hut. This tastes exactly like Pizza Hut. It’s thinner than the pan pizza. It’s thicker than the thin crust. The garlic sauce. That’s just nacho cheese mixed with butter and garlic powder. Yeah. The sweet sauce. You get that little bit of tang from the vinegar. You ever? I am. I’m like six years old again. It’s like I’m watching Matthew Broderick fight Godzilla in the 1999 classic, Godzilla. Childhood me did not overly fetishize this in the way that Trevor’s overly fetishized Bigfoot. I think this is incredible. It’s very good. Do you think? Wait, what they say about the Bigfoot pizza is that the slice in the middle is wetter. This is a very wet pizza. ‘Cause it’s so big. Yeah. The oven had to do so much to heat it up. It’s wet. Oh yeah, that is wet. Yes! They’re here! We got the red plastic cups! Cheers. Trevor, to the youth of America, who have been deprived of the future, free from climate disaster, saying the word, Pud, Fudpuckers. Saying the word “Fudpuckers” and, and the Pizza Hut salad bar. But we brought back the red plastic cups Yes we did. And we are bringing back the Bigfoot pizza. You know why Trevor? Because this deserves to be brought, Back from the past! Thanks so much for stopping by the myth Thanks so much for by the mythical kitchen. We got new episodes for you. Every week. We got new episodes of our podcast, A Hot Dog is a Sandwich, and also Trevor’s podcast. Trevor, tell ’em. Trevor Talks Too Much. That’s right. Wherever you got your podcasts. And it’s up on Instagram. Excuse me. I need to drink my Cola. Hit us up on Instagram and TikTok, at mythical pig at mythical kitchen put pictures of your mythical dishes on your hashtag dreams become food. We’ll see you next time, unless we both get fired. Bye. The mythical kitchen’s favorite way to obliterate garlic, immortalized in t-shirt form. Get the Palm Heel Strike Tee now at mythical.com.