(somber organ music) – You know, I really thought I would have some kind of experience like at the end of “Aladdin” when he’d get his gold bracelets off when they died. (all laugh) Guess not. Still here. So what I have right here is little thing called an NDA, nondisclosure agreement. When Smosh signed with Mythical, I was required to sign this NDA so that I couldn’t leak Rhett and Link’s secrets. Now that they’re dead, the NDA is lifted. So I could say whatever I want. (people chuckle) So it says here, yeah, all information relating to Mythical Entertainment products, businesses, and operations are to be kept confidential. These items are including, but not limited to the following. In any formal capacity, Ian must refer to Rhett and Link as big daddy and bigger daddy. (all laugh) There’s just a little background info that they didn’t want leaked. In the beginning, Link agreed to be the shorter of the duo. They were originally the same height, but they wanted more diversity. (all laugh) You may use Rhett and Link’s toilet, but do not discuss the poop knife. (all laugh) Little more background information. Rhett donated his chin to charity in 2004. (all laugh) Ian is required to stay single while under Mythical, which is why I don’t have a girlfriend. (all laugh) That is why. Rhett’s last name is actually And Link. The person we’ve known- (all laugh) The person we’ve known as Link is actually Rhett’s bodyguard, but only to protect him from not being the weirdest looking guy in the room. (all laugh) This last one has an MP3 link to it, and it says, “You must not mention Rhett and Link’s unreleased country song.” So let’s play it. (upbeat country music) ♪ One time we kissed each other’s wives ♪ (all laugh) Thank you. – [Keith] What the hell. (all applaud and laugh) (somber organ music) – Sorry, sorry. Excuse me. (Trevor clears throat) Hello, everyone. It’s me, Trevor. Before Rhett and Link died, they gave me the passwords to their Twitter accounts so that I could continue tweeting in their honor. And I read through some of their drafts, and I really just think it gave us a great look into, you know, who they are as men. Passionate, loving, and insightful. So I’m just gonna read through some of their Twitter drafts for you today. These ones, first ones are from Rhett. “They call me Arby’s the way I have the meat.” (all laugh) That man loves to barbecue. “Jessie got me going straight Nutter Butters.” And that’s a man that loves his wife. (people laugh) This next one’s really beautiful. “Neighbors ask if I got a new dog. How do I tell them it’s just me horny howling at my beautiful wife, Jessie?” (all laugh) – [Keith] Oh my God. – “Busy week for me.” And then in parentheses, “Having diarrhea.” (all laugh) “Trying a new sex position with Jessie tonight called wacky missionary.” (all laugh) “Looking forward to doing my wife Goofy style.” (all laugh) Ugh, it’s my dead boss. (laughter continues) “I am in the middle of shooting Good Mythical More. About to take the wackiest thumbnail, and my braless wife brings me a plate of cookie flavor nachos, not asked for, as I answer the age old question. So how is your day going?” (all laugh) This one’s just a P, but I would like to imagine that if he were to have finished it, it would’ve said something like, “Please, God, let me get off work early so I can give Jessie sweet missionary.” (all laugh) (Ian screams) – Stop! (laughter continues) – [Shayne] Another banger. From Rhett from Mythical Kitchen. – “My wife is a talented interior designer. Lucky for her, I’m her interior destroyer.” (all laugh) – Oh my God. (laughter continues) – This one is a classic reference to Good Mythical Morning. “Jessie McLaughlin, will it missionary sex?” “Yes!” – Oh my God! – I have to get out of here. – And this last one, just to tie it all up. “I’m the Jack Harlow of having”- (all laugh) “missionary sex with my wife.” To move on to Link, he didn’t tweet as much as Rhett did. – Thank God. – So he had a lot of drafts. So I’m just gonna go through some of the highlights. “They really put their whole Jamba Jussy into this smoothie.” (all laugh) “Excited to bust it down sexual style on Good Mythical Evening, tonight. Goated with the sauce, perhaps.” (all laugh) “Just went dicko mode on ham sammich. Mm, nice ham.” (all laugh) “Just made a core memory of giving Trevor a swirly.” – Jesus. – It’s my first day. Great. “I did not (beep) the peanut butter.” Okay, it’s weird that you have to defend that. “If Josh tries to feed me bull peepee one more time, I’m going to feed him his own peepee. However, being the sick freak he is, he’s probably down.” (people laugh) “Okay, I (beep) did the peanut butter.” (all laugh) Here’s a good one. “Just watched a Smosh Try Not to Laugh video. Didn’t have to try at all.” (all laugh) Dang. And then this last one. “To everyone directing hateful comments towards Mythical crew on Twitter, we kindly ask you to refrain from attacking them on their personal accounts. I berate them emotionally every day, so I got it covered.” (all laugh) Yeah, I mean, that’s just a look into, you know, what kind of great men they were, and they’ll be missed by someone. Probably their wives. Maybe. (people laugh) Thank you, everyone. (all applaud) (somber organ music) (people laugh) – I was tasked with performing the autopsy of Rhett and Link. I know many of you don’t know me, and there’s no need to get to know me. These are by far the two most (beep) up human bodies I’ve ever inspected. And I typically do autopsies for beached whales. (people laugh) Rhett and Link both have the livers of an 84-year-old Moonshiner and the internal intestinal tracts of a 14-year-old gamer. (all laugh) Being in the same room with their dead bodies is technically a biohazard. Nobody should be in this room right now. Nonetheless, I have been asked to share the findings of my autopsy with you all. Their stomachs are what we call a medical anomaly. Inside, I found blood, bile, worms, fish eyeballs, bull testicles, spaghetti jello, pig anus, and Arby’s. (all laugh) There were so many anuses in their stomach, I had trouble finding their own. (all laugh) We discovered completely new life forms living inside their stomach that had just begun developing language. These organisms had begun to build tiny hobbles out of french fries and Cinnamon Toast Crunch, but they are now dead and we will have no chance to examine them. It’s not sad. – Okay. – It’s a (beep) monstrosity. Based on all the artificial chemicals in their system, me and the coroners actually have a bet going on about their bodies called “Will It Decompose?” (all laugh) I have $2,000 on no. (all laugh) Link’s hair is more akin to a LEGO piece than human hair. (all laugh) We used a buzzsaw to crack through the pomade alone but didn’t find very much beneath it. (all laugh) Link is dumb. (all laugh) When inspecting Rhett, we shaved his beard and were completely unable to find a chin. Fortunately, we attached a new chin using the same glue that holds Link’s eyebrows in place. (all laugh) A glaze has fallen over both of their eyes. This is a natural human response. Trying really hard to look enthusiastic about things you really couldn’t give a (beep) about. (all laugh) – We found a tattoo on Rhett’s chest that says, “Do not resuscitate. I would do it better myself.” (all laugh) Back to Link. I attempted to find a sample of Link’s muscle tissue but after inspecting his arms, legs, chest, and ass, I found nothing. (all laugh) So I had to collect a sample from his forehead. (all laugh) We did some research and they were both organ donors, but everyone on the transplant list said that they would rather wait for the next one. (all laugh) And while I’m standing in front of all of you today, I would like to let you know it’s with a heavy heart that I will be quitting my job as a medical examiner. I’m already applying to a job twice as stressful as working in the medical field, being a producer for Mythical. (all laugh) Thank you very much. (all applaud) (somber organ music) – I can’t imagine my life without these guys. (people laugh) They really saw me for me. They are more than just bosses. They were Rhetty pie, Charlie. They’re my best friends. We’re best bros. You guys helped me grow. Not physically, but you know, you helped me grow. (all laugh) We just got each other, us three, you know? We had something so special. It’s always, like, you just rib on each other, like three best bros do, you know? (all laugh) Like that time that Rhett made me kiss him when I was dressed as a little prince. (all laugh) It was so special. And then got you back. I gave you little nibbles on your hand when I was dressed as your little vampire. Remember that? (all laugh) And Link, you know, we had our little repartees, too. You tried to poke me with your dart that one time. And I feel like you’re kind of trying to send me a little signal and so- – [Keith] Oh my God. (props clatter) – Oh, sorry. (people laugh) I’m getting a little warm as I’m thinking about these moments that we had. So I returned the favor by giving you my little beautiful dulcet tones, right? That’s what you called them. When you made me honk like a monkey that one time. (all laugh) I just feel like no one’s gonna really fill the void- – (beep). – That the three of us had. (all laugh) Who could come up with such fun, little back and forth things like smearing peanut butter all over my face, or while I was acting like a decapitated zombie. That was just- (all laugh) That was only the kinda thing that three best friends can do, right? You and I, we had something I don’t think I’ll ever be able to recreate. I just… (all laugh) I feel like we were just able to care for each other in a way that no one else could. That’s why I used to like to get naked and go in your office. (all laugh) You know? Like when you think about it, I don’t think Mythical started when you two became best friends. I think it started when we became best friends. (all laugh) Mythical established May 2014. And so to honor your memory, I just wanted to break one last apple for you. – (laughs) What? – Got it right here, and this message, it’s for you guys in the great beyond, okay? (Chase grunts and moans) (all laugh and applaud) (all laugh) – No! (all groan and laugh) (somber organ music) (all applaud) (somber organ music continues) – So much bigger in person. (people laugh) Hello, everyone. As you know, I’m here to read the will, and you know that I wouldn’t be here if I hadn’t established myself in this format. (all laugh) (Tommy clears throat) Two communities have been shaken today by the loss of these men. The artist community will dearly miss Jason Momoa drawn from memory. (all laugh) And the political world will dearly miss Rachel Maddow. (all laugh) Without Rhett and Link, YouTube will never be the same. What will 38-year-olds put on in the background while they consider going outside for the first time? (all laugh) Without Rhett and Link, what would YouTube push as recommended videos to make the other videos look just a little bit better? (all laugh) Without Rhett and Link, what content can carry on the legacy of sit at table and food at table? (all laugh) It is truly the biggest loss that the YouTube community has seen since Smosh turned down all of my sketch pitches. (all laugh) Unfortunately, I had never met Rhett and Link. And to think that they’ve passed me in the hallway many times. (all laugh) I have today with me their joint will, which they wrote together because they knew they’d only be successful as a duo. Oh. Hey, Ian! (all laugh) Onto the will. Keith will receive Rhett and Link’s talent agent because we gotta get you out of here, man. (all laugh) What are you still doing here? Are you trapped? Are you okay? (all laugh) Chase, noted here as, quote, “Mythical’s Spencer,” (all laugh) has been asked to continue his role on Good Mythical Morning as their token some guy. (all laugh) – Anything for you, too. – Trevor, noted here as Mythical Tommy but with a girlfriend- (all laugh) Or Mythical Tommy but respected by the place that they work at- (all laugh) Has been asked by Rhett and Link to dunk a breadstick in some Cheeto dust since that’s what Trevor looks like. (all laugh) Ian will get the deed back to the Smosh name. Ian, Rhett and Link have some words of wisdom for you, something they wish they did ages ago. It’s never too late to stop. (all laugh) Shayne has been asked to open a wrestling match for the Smosh fans and Mythical fans to fight in. They suggest the fight be called W-W-E-A-R-E-V-I-R-G-I-N-S. (all laugh) – We are virgins. Nice. – Courtney has been instructed to put Good Mythical Morning in an airtight Tupperware container to ensure that the content doesn’t get any more stale. (all laugh) Stevie will receive a copy of the movie “Signs.” They thought she’d like it since she’s also absolutely terrifying. (all laugh) And Tommy will be terminated immediately. That makes sense. (all laugh) Please return your badge, gun, and the IV we use to suck the life out of you. (all laugh) Rhett and Link’s final requests are this, that their corpses are added to the background of the GMM set so that they can live on to keep the title of oldest people on YouTube. (all laugh) May they Rhestt and Links. (all laugh and applaud) (somber organ music) – I’m absolutely devastated today to be speaking after Tommy. (all laugh) For those of you that don’t know me, I’m Stevie. I work closely with Rhett and Link. You may have heard of my work, my ideas as either Rhett’s, Link’s, or Rhett and Link’s. (all laugh) Before he passed, Link reflected on not being for everyone. He was known for putting his foot in his mouth. In fact, just weeks ago, he apologized to me for saying I’d look really good pregnant. (all laugh) Of course, during that apology, he subsequently told another Mythical crew member, Morgan, that he was real good at getting people pregnant. (all laugh) – Oh, no! – Turns out that Link was keeping a running list of apologies that he asked me to read after his death. – Oh, no. (all laugh) – He gave me the list last week, which is really suspicious. It’s weird. (all laugh) So here it is. I, Charles Lincoln Neal the third, want to apologize to the following people, places, and things. To anyone who has been standing within several yards of me when I’ve chewed anything ever. To Alaska Airlines flight 312 premium cabin crew members and fellow travelers, I was letting out little poots the whole time. To caterpillars, I’m sorry I said you’d never amount to anything special. (all laugh) And there’s a lot, so I’m gonna kind of speed through. I’m sorry to the entire latex industry, Wendy of Wendy’s, the traveling ensemble cast of “Dear Evan Hansen,” (all laugh) anyone who had to sit behind my hair at an event, Jesus Christ and associates, (all laugh) my shower for all of the weird (beep) I did inside of you, (all laugh) To the young girl I saw struggling to carry a large basket full of precious baby kittens, so I said, “Let me help you with that,” and I grabbed the basket. But then I tripped, and the basket flew, and the kittens tumbled out across the road just as a high school marching band was headed towards us. But they were a blind high school marching band, and they were all wearing golf cleats. (all laugh) – What? – To the blind high school marching band, I thought it’d be funny to switch out your normal shoes with golf cleats. (all laugh) To the kittens, I was letting out little poots the whole time. (all laugh) I’m sorry to albinos, left-handed people, Rachel Maddow, right-handed people, cryptozoologists, all the jars of peanut butter I never got to (beep), (all laugh) anyone who owns a snake, every busboy at every restaurant, anyone trying to merge on the highway, Old Navy customer service, people who clap on roller coasters, tweens, gingers, tween gingers and/or ginger tweens. To Rhett for never confessing or acting upon my completely real homoerotic feelings for you. Man, I always wanted to do anal with you (all laugh) and other gay stuff like blow jobs and kissing hard. (all laugh) Specifically us doing blow jobs and kissing hard because we are two dudes. (all laugh) To all women, I’m not sure what to apologize specifically for, but I’m sure when you see me, something comes to mind. (all laugh) And to everyone at my funeral, I’ve been letting out little poots this whole time. (all laugh) Well, that was a lot. Oddly enough, Rhett also gave me a note to read on his behalf. And surprisingly, it’s also a note of apologies. (all laugh) I, Rhett McLaughlin, being of the absolute soundest of minds would like to issue the following apologies. I’m sorry that I’m better than all of you. (all laugh) I’d like to apologize to the younger generation who could not see me continue to prosper as the Michael Jordan slash Tiger Woods slash Tom Brady slash good baseball player of taste test videos. (all laugh) I’d like to apologize for this video that you’re all currently watching because it’s not as funny as it could have been without me being able to speak. (all laugh) And I’d like to apologize to Link for never doing gay stuff with him, too. (all laugh) For the record, I am not apologizing nor will I ever apologized to cats, people who attended community college, and the city of Rochester, New York. Goodbye. I’m gonna miss talking at each and every one of you. (all laugh) Bye, guys. Apologies accepted. (all applaud) (somber organ music) – That’s a big man. (Courtney laughs) – Hold on. (people laugh) – Howdy, y’all. I’m Merle Haggard. (all laugh) – And I’m Lionel Richie. – Hi, y’all. I’m Dolly Parton. – And I’m Lionel Richie. (all laugh) – And I’m Merle Haggard. (all laugh) – We were asked to speak at Rhett and Link’s funeral today because we heard they’re huge fans. – Two guys who built their entire personality around liking a band. I had no idea you both were still in middle school. (all laugh) – Now, Rhett and Link didn’t idolize me as much as they did the boys, but I’m still here because this is a Smosh video. And I heard they just love cleavage in the thumbnails. (all laugh) – You know, I realize these jokes that we’re saying, they’re perfect for a white person. – Or a Black person. ♪ At the Red House ♪ – That’s a little reference to when Rhett and Link used to make comedy. (all laugh) In fact, I think I met you both. At one point, you both harassed me for a photograph, I believe, in the total pitch darkness. – That’s right. – Merle, they’re dead. – So? So am I. (all laugh) – Anyway, so we wrote this song together so that, you know, people remember you because we don’t. – Someone will. – Take it away. (gentle country music) ♪ They told us two legends have been laid to rest ♪ ♪ But we looked through your channel and we’re not impressed ♪ ♪ I worked hard as hell and made 38 hits ♪ ♪ All your hard work just gives you weird (beep) ♪ (all laugh) ♪ Link and Rhett ♪ ♪ Never forget ♪ ♪ They can say it but it’s true ♪ ♪ If we knew you there’s no way we’d like you ♪ (all laugh) ♪ I built Dollywood and I funded Moderna ♪ ♪ You built your brand on if sex dolls will burger ♪ – How did you do that? (all laugh) ♪ You covered my songs, “Easy” and “Hello” ♪ ♪ But if you asked me permission ♪ ♪ That’s and easy hell no ♪ ♪ Link and Rhett ♪ ♪ Never forget ♪ ♪ They can say it but it’s true ♪ ♪ If we knew you, there’s no way we’d like you ♪ ♪ Yeah, there’s no chance in hell that we’d ♪ ♪ Hallelujah, oh yeah, hallelujah ♪ ♪ Said those praises with the moola ♪ ♪ Shout out to my shooters ♪ ♪ See I know just what I’m doin ♪ ♪ Started from the ruins ♪ ♪ Now I got the juice and bread ♪ ♪ Call that shit communion ♪ ♪ Said she always ’bout whatever ♪ ♪ Told me now or never ♪ ♪ So she hit the door, she left her panties on the dresser ♪ ♪ Said that school just wasn’t for her ♪ ♪ I swear I wouldn’t trade ya, so I told ‘er ♪ (all laugh) – Are we demonetized yet? (laughter continues) – [Trevor] Holy (beep). – I didn’t know what was happening. I just went with it. (all laugh) This is just what I wear. (all applaud and cheer) – My left ball almost came out. (all laugh) That’s the last time I’m doing that. (all laugh) (Rhett gasps) (all gasp) (all mutter) – Hi. – [All] Hi. – I would say I’m surprised that I jumped back to life during my funeral, but I’ve been doing keto. (all laugh) So I have some notes. (Rhett clears throat) I was awaken this morning by my fifth assistant, Donovan. (people laugh) After he dressed me, he said we were having a funeral today at Smosh. I asked him, “What’s Smosh?” (all laugh) He said, “Sir, you own them.” (all laugh) So thanks for having me today, Smosh. You know, I always assumed that I would have my own funeral. (all laugh) But Link had to be here for this, too. (all laugh) That little (beep). (all laugh) You know, Link has gotten himself into trouble a number of times throughout his life for speaking without thinking. But I’ve never held that against him because if my brain moved as slowly as his, I wouldn’t make my mouth wait on it either. (all laugh) – [Keith] Oh my God. – But you know what? There’s a lot I’m gonna miss about Link. I’m gonna miss the way he complains about it being too hot. I’m gonna miss the way he complains about it being too cold. (people laugh) I’m gonna miss the way he says, “Can you not talk so loud?” when I’m not talking loud. (all laugh) You know, he lived life aggressively. So I’m gonna miss the way he aggressively chewed his food. (all laugh) Even pudding. As if it is alive and must be subdued. (all laugh) I’m gonna miss the way he aggressively applies lip balm every hour on the hour like he’s waiting for a kiss that’s never coming. (all laugh) It’s not gonna happen, man, (all laugh) – Oh my God! – I’m gonna miss the way he aggressively slurps from his giant ass Hydro Flask that he carries around with him at all times like he’s in one of those high school classes where you’re learning how to take care of a baby. And it’s like the Hydro Flask is the baby. (all laugh) He cares for that thing way more than he does for any of his own children. (all laugh) I’m gonna miss the way he lets you talk for over a minute and then looks at you and says, “Oh, hold on. I wasn’t listening. Can you start over?” He hasn’t heard a damn word of this speech. (all laugh) I’m gonna miss the way he meticulously picks food from something he’s eating like a tomato on a burger and then offers it to you. (all laugh) That’s not how it works. It’s not that I like tomatoes so much that I want tomatoes that come from your burger that you pick off of your sandwich with your damn hands and then offer to me. That doesn’t make any sense! (all laugh) And if they have food in heaven, he’s gonna do the same damn thing in heaven. So you know what? If they do have food in heaven, send me straight to hell. (all laugh and applaud) I’m really gonna miss him. I’m gonna miss Link. (all applaud) (somber organ music) (Rhett grunts) – Aw, man. (Link gasps) (all gasp) – [All] Oh. (Link screams) (Link laughs) (all laugh) (Link sighs) (all laugh) – I did it. (all laugh) I outlived his ass. (all laugh) (Link exhaled deeply) I was not prepared for this. At all. (all laugh) I can’t believe he’s gone. I can’t believe that a person could die from thinking that they knew everything. (all laugh) You know, so much of my life has been experienced with this guy, you know? The vast majority of it. And so now that he’s gone, there’s a gaping six foot seven hole in my life, right where a six foot, seven inch (beep) used to be. (all laugh) Seriously, I don’t know what I’m gonna do without him. I mean, think about it. Since first grade, we’ve done so much together. I mean, how am I ever gonna eat a meal without him saying, “Are you gonna eat that?” How am I gonna learn random trivia, (beep) that nobody cares about? Just last week, he told me, “You know, I think my dog comes from a line that was bred in Ancient Egypt in order to pleasure Egyptian princesses.” What am I supposed to do with that information? (all laugh) What was he doing with that information? (all laugh) I always admired him, and I’ll always admire him for his drive. This guy lost his virginity to a mattress. (all laugh) And the mattress said he apologized way too much. (all laugh) I wasn’t there for that. – It was two mattresses. (all laugh) – That’s drive. You know what? My only regret is, I mean- We went through so many ups and downs, highs and lows. My only regret is not being there for him when he (beep) his pants while driving his family to Dollywood. (all laugh) I would have laughed in his face. Just like I laughed in his face in “Buddy System” season one when he had to shave his beard and his entire jawline came off with it. (all laugh) Do we have a photo? Let’s show that photo. This is how Rhett McLaughlin would like to be remembered. (all laugh) – Oh, no. – He had a wife, two kids, and psoriasis. (all laugh) It says a lot about him that only one of those is here today. (all laugh) But you know, he never complained about his psoriasis because he was too busy constantly complaining about his long ass back hurting. Meanwhile, I’m the one bending over backwards in every single episode of Good Mythical Morning to make him come across as likable, (all laugh) talented, (all laugh) and occasionally funny. Now, good buddy, I want you to know… Yeah, let me. (all laugh) You’re crying. He’s crying. Get a close-up of that. (all laugh) It’s actually a freaking tear. – I’m talented, man. – You’re dead. Shut up. (all laugh) I won’t be far behind you. I promise. Just kidding. Not going anywhere. I gotta find a new basic white dude who’s too full of himself to be my cohost now. Not you, Trevor. (all laugh) What about you? That dude from Smosh I don’t know. (people laugh) That could work. Oh, you know what? Shayne, you got a bright future ahead of you, which I think consists mostly of you just praying that they never cancel “The Goldbergs.” (all laugh) Could be Ian. If not, it could be… Well, who’s kidding. I mean, I know you’d do it, Ian. (all laugh) But if I ever look over at you and you’re closing your eyes saying, “Oh my God. You’re so funny, Anthony,” it’s over. (all laugh) Let’s do this. (all laugh and applaud) (somber organ music) (Link screams) – [All] No! No! No! (Link groans) – Dang it. – Rats. – [Both] Also, who the hell is that guy? (somber organ music) – [Director] And cut! (all applaud)