if I could offer you a surgical procedure right now the next five minutes and it would turn one of your fingers into a canister that you could store stuff in fully functional though would you do it five seconds make a decision without you pay for it it’s free for me I pay for it sure deep in the underground labyrinth of labyrinths a single tear from the eye of a man with terrible allergies standing in a field of pollen fell into the fiery hole of everlasting flavor germinating the sleeping bud of crazy and subsequently conceiving the mythical show with rhett and Link on this week’s show beat the heat with Myka kitty grab it lightning July holidays Paul Scheer and more and now get a rift and Link welcome to the mythical show your half-hour of not having to click around on the Internet we got a big big show this week people many special things are happening including a very special secret announcement that won’t be secret by the end of the show about something that might go on your foot and may or may not be mythical it it could be a sock could be more like what goes on the outside Rock all right so if that’s not enough to keep you around with me telling you about my experience at the movie theater is um Lincoln and I very recently decided to choose on a father-son just for people who might be tuning strip first time na’toth resident named Lincoln I like chant I like have a anse meeting the ghost formerly Ryan and I so we do it what we wanted to do a father-son hangout time and he wanted good he wanted to see a movie it’s good for the kids so you know I got a pick a movie that is uh Lincoln appropriate but maybe I should let you speak with you you know where I’m going with this thanks for that so a Lincoln appropriate movie is something that you know chances he may enjoy it may be appropriate for him but I may not enjoy it that’s what pg-13 is for unless he’s not 13 dude he’s 8 years old a little bit of stuff for the adults a little bit of stuff for the kids pg-13 right how we would do it my house no that’s not Howard but that’s the case that I’m at risk of not being entertained unless there is a new Pixar movie out so monsters University ding ding ding I’m like yes this is gonna be a winner for everybody we’re not sponsored by Pixar I wish we were but you know I am you know how it is just this half of the duo sponsored by Pixar you know when you go to the movies to see a Pixar movie everyone’s going to be entertained because their moves is so better you don’t even come from here so better there’s so much that’s why that’s why you’re not sponsored by Pixar because they’re tagged not behind on is not fixed so better so we go see the movie and you can’t judge it against other animated movies because this Pixar but I figured out the way to judge a good Pixar movie and it’s the amount of independent times I cry during the movie the more times you cry that are like totally isolated points of crying during a movie the better the Pixar movie is it’s not my weeping or tearing up a I mean all different scales I mean that’s what the scale is and I give monsters University a – we / – are – we / I had to you whipped twice I had to wept twice I weep did twice I had two specific instances of weeping huh a Lincoln didn’t weep well he’s young right that’s cuz he was entertained and I I wept it was it was great well I really relate to this because as you know having seen many movies with me and maybe watch some television programs with me I’m a crier yeah we I am a crier at TV and movies and sometimes commercials I’m not kidding I’ll see like a commercial for like turkey brings the family together I’d be like it does and is that a commercial it should be I have turkey brings the family together yeah like a turtle the turkey Council is a is a weeper for you nothing brings the family together like a big fat bird but no I seriously seriously the smallest little things would make meets Europe Pixar you look like you’re tearing up right now because I’m has so happy up you know up starts on that really really intense note now you mean the turkey commercial operation not Pixar Pixar movie okay about the wife dying and the old man being alone I was like yeah I was like three minutes into the movie I’m like oh yeah you got you from you first like I’m like heaving a little bit he heaps of weeping listen I mean I people be sensitive of a man most people wouldn’t describe me as a sensitive man but I and I get this from my dad because I’ve seen my dad cry commercials and no one would describe my dad as a sensitive man but there’s just something about the way it happens in two dimensions or maybe three dimensions if is a 3d movie that just really gets me going so I I do recommend them I don’t apologize for it but then I come home and we had some friends over for dinner and we were talking with them and I was telling them what I am now telling you and inevitably when you talk about weeping in a movie what happens now you tell me what comes to your mind in terms of other movies like if you’re going to take the conversation from me like this is handled I cried twice during monsters University what would you say there’s like Blue’s Clues and you give them a space to answer I don’t understand what’s going on yeah and they’re right the notebook ah that’s a – so we started talking about the note a little sparks yet and I didn’t believe that I’ve actually seen the notebook but I was like yeah I’ve seen the notebook I could barely see it through my tears I mean I could kind of make out that is a Ryan Gosling and you can’t even tell that it’s animated I mean Pixar did an amazing job with that one and so we’re talking about it and then all of a sudden and the conversation just went let’s watch it right now this is a bad idea so after two hours of watching monsters University two hours later Here I am on my couch watching The Notebook and I’m like okay now I think it’s good this is cathartic for me to get to a point where I’m like crying more I knew this is gonna happen at the end of the movie and then you know it gets to that point where it’s like well there’s the first one where it’s like I wrote to you 365 days and I cried but then there’s like the bigger cry the very end of a notebook I don’t want to spoil it for anybody because it’s such an amazing animated movie um but I’m getting to this point and I’m like here it comes the biggest cry of the whole thing and at that point I get a call on my phone from me Rett called me I didn’t know you’re watching it and I hate for ruining I should have I should have put my phone on notebook mode there should be a mode for that so I’m about to cry so then he calls me I got to go into the other room I come you know I’m talking to you about business I come back in there and everybody’s just a wreck and I’ve missed the whole thing I apologize for that yeah that’s what I’m getting I’ll make it up to you I need an apology me and you watch the notebook later thanks Jim yeah it looks like it’s gonna be a hot one this summer people are finding all kinds of ways to beat the heat ice cream watermelon swimming full obstacle touch screen sickle follow prada sprinkler hideaway shade shady hi baby I see slowly slicing these lemonade Arnold Palmer freeze breath quacks bikini shorts Macaulay Culkin is allowed to loss in New York shoulder or beat sore thanks love cold mouth grunts I say and we’re going Steve Austin Nicole Kidman reptile baby snow woman show person the other side of the pillow Antarctica iceland iceland centralina cold liquid nitrogen I’m Julia the rainbow fishy and I’m Kayla the to fall and we were from Burke Virginia and you’re watching the mythical show hey y’all I’m red revitol moonshine and this is Lana I’m lightning we’re rabbit lightning this is how to write a sad song and and it’s the sequel to how do I love song because as we know all love ends and said I think what you should do is you should start by thinking about the happiest thing possible that you could think about the happiest I’ve ever been is it Six Flags Over Georgia when the roller coaster got stuck I was on it by myself and it got stuck at the top of a loop seems like only yesterday I want tickets to a ticket cuz I was by myself right and I’ve got that disorder where I get a euphoric feeling when I’m upside down something about the blood rushes to my head well the point I sleep it’s a sad song and they let me hear that left me for dead and left me for dead one of the things that makes me happiest in my life is dogs I had a puppy once then um I called him do G and it was because it was written on his house do G spelled dog that’s creative how did you find the og was he a rescue we need to contact a breeder I contacted a breeder about a rescue I wanted to rescue something that wasn’t it wouldn’t breed so just he’s a sterile dog that’s right cookies are not sterile naturally he this is a naturally sterile one he hadn’t been under procedure once acquires never no he was fluffy he just swung at a home well the sad thing is I actually ran over the og so I took him to the vet to put him down and the vet said well he don’t he can survive with just three legs poor dog started staring it up of three legs but I happen to run over him going for soft-serve called I don’t know why they don’t put soft-serve in the tubs the stuff in the tubs the hard stuff it originated a saucer I don’t believe that I want something that when I take it out of the tub I can just take the hole I could take my whole hand just come on scientists somebody figure that out sometimes life gives you lemons and the lemonade you make is poisonous gives you and women runs with lemon that’s when we the first time I’ve gone there now it’s got to go to a much darker place and those women turn out cannibalistic ooh there’s a good one sometimes a knight gives you women and those women turn out to be terrible what if we just made some really lonesome sounds no and then out of the woods comes oh that help comes in the form of an army how come the form of an army but then you realize it’s an army of the undead and the army turns out the piece army this is a bad night the teeth sink into your neck you are becoming the undead right there before I get it I don’t want to sing a song as from the perspective of a zombie I think it needs to wrap up pretty quickly after you become undead three legged dog comes over the horizon driving a truck and runs up for your leg it’s a pretty bad day we will check back in with rabbit lightning later to see how their sad song turns out but now it is time to celebrate there are 31 holidays in the month of July now you could celebrate each holiday as it comes or you can do what we’re about to do and celebrate them all in one sitting back to back to back to back to back to back to back to back to back 31 times ready set go little scarecrow yeah I’m tired of all these crows were asking me in the studio oh you know what I’ve got a scarecrow you think that thing repels UFOs you have no problem after work Oh your beard is looking so bushing Wow mr. mirror I like your red border and your reflective surface good job mirror I don’t think you get it in that day well I’m proud to be an American where Lee Greenwood still see one holiday oh man I really gotta clean up these pins in like get all this work going together and follow these memos what are you doing I’m still on vacation man quit being such a workaholic nothing day not Roy today hey Ren I made this for you excuse me tough to eat this macaroni now that you’ve glued it to this board don’t put all your eggs Google just huge omelet man hope you didn’t make put all those eggs in one omelette no I left you one right there of your house laughing Oh health plan hey mister houseplant here’s some fresh air that’s not fresh air and I don’t think this is a house play I’m raw potato salad what did you bring teddy bear I didn’t know you had a teddy bear you don’t know everything about me that’s my blueberry mother day hey Rhett I made your favorite muffins poppy seed no banana nut no chocolate chip no conker no blueberry I’ll pass eat your dough today son you’re gonna make this Joe and I want you to eat it big your job no no excuse it I’m afraid of day your job it’s Wiggly Oh embrace your deaconess day what are you doing I’m watching Hitchhiker’s Guide to the galaxy on Google glass with my right eye and I’ve read even watch me with my left eye our cups on flowing blank you national news excuse me but what it doesn’t is I didn’t wear pants today we’re underwear I’ve been worried wondering about that yo you’re you know I make this a little less awkward gummy worm and probably putting our shirts back girls oh wait hold on what’s that in there with the gummy worms oh look it’s rush finish mat great called a low as your refrigerator running is your refrigerator running listen link I know what you meant I appreciate today I’m so appreciative of cows cows thank you so much for this milk oh and for these red leather pants I can’t thank you aware of patch I’ll put them all when you are looking Oh your tongue out day Oh hot dog cool I think I’m gonna take a nap all these muffins you don’t wanna keep doing the holidays day I got something to wake you up and it’s your favorite bling is your favorite oh whoa oh man look at the rat catch it that was easy gorgeous grow on it hey red I’ve ever shown you a picture of my grandma like your grandma is gorgeous runs in the family total joke did knock knock who’s there tank tank ooh you’re welcome I’m a busy man Jerry sir FBI you’re under arrest for arson you went undercover as a caveman and it worked Oh God so happy oh yeah yes I won’t know we got three more holiday to go let’s hurry up get this over with following day I didn’t know buffaloes had wings yeah the hardest secrets are so tiny very herbal college what oh don’t tell me we actually got much oh goodness and that’s all the holidays in July July this is lucky he’s actually up for adoption details in the description you know you want to take lucky home looks like Falkor from neverending story any kind of decision your arms like a baby link well I think as you’re holding in that way he’s lying about it he likes it adopt this dog please come on we don’t know how to take care of a dog I don’t even know how to hold a dog now next on the show we have special guest Paul she you know him from the league on FX name is my name is slim shadey and the YouTube channel blah I mean you have more people than him you know like a lot of guys in your posse but I’m glad you’re here speaking of dogs we met Paul at a dog park here we did well here we are in a dog park both of you seem too relaxed and we’re surrounded by animals that descended from wolves I feel like you should be in more like a ready position yeah but we’re in California most of the dogs are like super chill here they live like good lives they’ve left that wolf behind them like meditate they eat or only organic dog food likes the job you see that he’s fine that’s the student cardio that’s as a dog doing cardio he’s not even trying to run which one’s yours I don’t actually have a dog wat what about you guys I don’t have a dog I’ll have a dog the dogs my big issue with dogs just people who talk to their dogs like they’re humans yeah and it’s like you know is that come on we’re gonna go over here now let’s go over do you want to go the store dog has no idea what you’re saying right be like here sit stay that’s all they’re getting from you yeah you really should just make guttural sounds towards the animals yeah just be like ruff now it’s all should be hand jobs if you get angry yeah a little huh goes a long way yeah these people have these long conversations like who you voting for I don’t care these dogs don’t care about DOMA prop 8 I’ll tell you another thing there’s nothing more humiliating than picking up after the dog I see the people like on the sidewalks to hand in the plastic bag you can look like most dignified person yeah in the world until you put that plastic bag on your hand and bend down and pick up dog crap oh yeah what if we surgically attached metal bars so when they poop it shoots into that thing and it is prepackaged so it comes out in a clean plastic bag like a sausage exactly yeah you get a sausage casing that way even if they poop in the houses like I just have to pick up the sausage casing not bad I think that you could train a dog to drop the sausage in a little receptacle in your house we basically get like this litter box the dog will go in this litter box and then then it would somehow be turned over and then the power is sucked from it and then it would power your house I mean look at this guy this thing about how much power this guy right here could generate come everybody could you imagine this Paul I mean thank you out it he could power like a three-bed right yeah I wanted to say that I’m a big fan of yours it’s all the Beethoven movies you’re great I know Charles Grodin can be a tough guy but you handle it like a pro well you know over the years they’ve pulled off a lot of amazing things with dog breeding and I’m just wondering if they could do some sort of selective breeding that eventually leads to a dog that doesn’t actually poop at all we could get some dogs we can start breeding them we could measure the sizes of the craps and eventually over a series of maybe I probably take us 25 30 years we might get some puppies that barely crap at all we could call it uh no Shih Tzu like that name wise you’re rock of the name was right biology wise I’m concerned how about this yeah we get a dog that eats but he eats a little bit yeah and he has like an 18 month 18 month lifespan yeah and at the end of the 18th month he just explodes in your living room you say explode I picture an explosion of like epic proportions on couches and on TVs you know what you put them outside for that day all right we’re gonna put water in the backyard he’s gonna explode you look I’m all for that I’m glad we had this meeting you know look if you ever want to come back and chat with me about dogs I’m here well should we take these chairs with us you did know these these are mine I bought these all right create a seat yeah see will jog back in and you know when I shook your hands with no problem because I know that none of you picked up yeah I don’t want to die like that yeah how many like him yeah the mythical male boater swells this week we got among many other things a pink bow tie from autumn in Oak Island North Carolina a hula girl from Jacob in Springfield Missouri and a crusty the clown doll from Alex in Sacramento California what a mail or something visit facebook.com slash rhett and link for more information thank you in its complete form but still in its infancy the saddest song ever copyright us rabbit lightning used only by permission and we don’t give permission it seems like only yesterday I want to take it to Six Flags Over Georgia I got stuck at the top of a loop-de-loop and the man on the intercom said there’s nothing we can do for you and they left me for dead once I acquired a sterile dog he was fluffy he just needed a home Oh but I happened to run over him in my truck on the way to get a soft-serve ice cream cone and I took him to the fair but we didn’t let it get us down cuz sometimes life gives you lemons and the lemonade you make is poisoned us sometimes a knight gives you women and his women turned out to be cannibals to make you your helper and then he’ll comes in the form of an army the army turns out to be zombies and as a teat sinks into your neck and just before you become the undead a three-legged dog driving a semi comes over the distant horizon anyone julie’s and then you become one of those zombies that dragged himself around by his arms which is the saddest thing that can happen to a man so sad song I had to cry moments and really so it’s like it’s right there were monsters universe I’m down yet and and the notebook in the third washing see because you start grinding less ladies and gentlemen it is time for the big announcement that you’ve all been waiting for a few years back we along with your help many of you mythical beasts at least we developed and designed the first ever shoe designed by the Internet do you remember this you were there right it’s kind of foggy actually refresh my memory no yeah the mythical shoe the mythical shoe the twink and rhettandlink mythical shoes awesome I own a pair renew then over subsequent years in addition to black there was a blue one which came out same time and then there was like a cream color on one yeah ladies and gentlemen now ever every time I move like my leather pants kind of make don’t wear the way Jim please for a number of reasons yeah I can I can give you a number of reasons I’m sweaty and make a lot of noise yep but they are fashionable speaking of fashion drum roll please well hell yeah let’s make this more dramatic let’s cut the lights off I’m gonna go in dramatic voice and let’s play some dramatic music we’ll do that in post okay ladies and gentlemen it’s been over well a few years since what isn’t that dramatic is it let me start over ladies and gentlemen ladies and gentlemen it’s been approximately a few years since the launch of the original mythical shoe the first ever shoe designed by the Internet and now I guess it’s time to update that shoe in a cool and awesome way that’s worthy of making a new name for the shoot and we’re gonna call it the mythical 22.0 how’s that good kind of sucked here we go three two oh look at that a brand new mythical shoe obviously we’ve got a new color here got a little gray going on it’s leather it’s got a brand new wing construction you see that it’s got a solid embroidery of the black minutes a boulder wing says hey I had an old mythical shoe but now I got a new boat or mythical shoe 2.0 2.0 still got the con because that’s the trendy thing to call things now I still got the the the pick holder from the original shoe but especially excited about this you know I hope you know these first of all you get different laces BAM if you prefer the hot pink ladies let’s go gentlemen I know I don’t add doesn’t post hot pink laces and it also comes with something to fill this little window that we’ve always had on the mythical shoe but you only get this with the mythical 2.0 that is these little inserts that that fit in there hello my name is blank write your name in there we’ve got a rhett and Link one we’ve got a plaid one and there’s going to be more of these on the way listen here’s the reason why we’re most excited about the shoe and seriously most comfortable just like hockey now wears to you guys is that this shoe goes to benefit a larger cause than just entertainment and you being your mythical best people a portion of the sales of each shoe that you buy and I direction I do recommend buying two at once they’re sold that way a portion of the proceeds goes to benefit those who are under injustice around the globe so we’re talking about human trafficking situations slavery situations there are organizations that are committed to helping free those people and helping those people get out of those situations most of the time in other countries around the world and we’re going to be doing a procede of all the revenue from the sell sale of the mythical 2.02 those types of organizations we’re gonna be donating a procede yeah don’t you say yeah a portion of the proceeds how am I where the pink lace is I’m not above it oh no we on it and the new logos are inside and the new logo is on the pic to step on my face time to spend the mega we love mega mythicality do it right that’s how a man spends a wheel wink a man with pink laces counterclockwise in different itsy-bitsy spider okay how’s this go probably Carol I guess I’m indifferent to start like this whatever the itsy bitsy spider went up the waterspout down came the rain and washed the spider out who cares out came the Sun and dried out of all the rain it doesn’t really matter the itsy bitsy spider went up the spout a game a game is not even a word it’s again you know well in England it is if I cared I would have said again but I didn’t so I made it rhyme and they let me know my first turn it redder than when you were hanging upside down on that roller coaster