you got a beard hair that’s coming it’s fine is it no it’s fine just I’m saying I’m serious just let me call my dad no I’m your beard I got my own beard deep in the subterranean tunnels of embarrassment a single drop of sweat from the hardest-working man to ever live fam into the squishy center of forgotten jelly germinating the wild lots of freedom and subsequently conceiving the mythical show with Rath technique on this week’s show Craigslist prank calls forest Patrol Tori Hale a musical performance and now here all right welcome to the mythical show your half hour of not having to click around on the Internet you may have noticed there is no in studio audience here today in this episode what what what what do you know what is we out what you knew this we are not making this show for an institute on it we are making this show for an audience of you well I made the show for you link in our friendship and he makes it for me and our friendship that’s good right I’m glad you’re doing you make it for them I do I make it for them okay well I’m making them too I want to make it with you trust I’m trying really hard to make keep icon I’ll make it for you now listen I’ve got I got something I got to tell you guys because a lot of you know that I have back problems and I have had a lot of back problems lately and if you watch good mythical morning in the past you know that I recently have been going through some serious back problems and I finally after years of struggling with this went to the doctor and let me say here that I’m excited for you to share this story I have high expectations for what this is going to do for for me as a person knowing where this is going I’m very happy you want to be a doctor I’m very happy with how this story ends people so I am just I am just a longtime beer I am baring my soul I will admit because I went to get an MRI which that’s a story in itself going into the tube the futuristic magnetic magnetic tube is there water and it’s kind of vertical and you end up in a pool done that before no it’s not emerald point it’s it’s you get a magnetic picture of your back and so I went I got the thing and then of course you could they said you can look at these images but you got to have a Windows machine a Windows machine what is what isn’t even that I have a Mac and I don’t know how to look at your sentiment picture a machine that makes Windows and so I had to wait so I went to the doctor to look at the results of the MRI so I was like you know I’ll be fine I don’t think I’ve got a herniated disk anyway because you know I don’t want one I don’t want to have a herniated disc I had over time convinced myself to I don’t have a herniated disc because I don’t want to have to deal with that and you know my pain is not that bad anyway so I go to the doctor I’m sitting there with Kirby the physician’s assistant his name’s Kirby how great is that you did you didn’t have anybody go with you after you white off no I’m a man I don’t need it I don’t need accompaniment to the doctor I got a child okay and so I go in and I’m talking to Kirby the physician’s assistant and I’m like he’s like how you doing I’m like well I’m actually feeling pretty good you know I definitely feel like I don’t have a herniated disc because my pain is kind of getting better and I think I’ve got some other issue or something I don’t know and so he’s like he’s the DS not the doctor he says it he says well as you can see from your MRI here you have two herniated discs and you like pop the x-ray up on one of those thing it’s not an x-rays MRI it’s on the computer screen it’s not 1978 windows yeah and and so he’s showing it up there and he says see right here see this is one of your discs you have two herniated discs this is one of your discs just right on your spinal cord like that now let me stop right here and say I’ve never had a physical reaction to any sort of news in my life ever I mean never had knobby knees or anything wobbly knees knocking knees knockin knees I’ve never had anything like that but as Kirby delivered this news I felt my world caving in and I felt blackness coming and surrounding me and then surrounding Kirby’s face and then all I could see was blackness and Kirby’s face and Kirby was just going I couldn’t under that I had my god deal on Charlie Brown yeah and then rah rah all I remember thinking was you’re not going to faint in front of this man you’re not going to faint in front of this man whatever you do you’re not gonna faint a friend this man I was like you were never fainted before and then I do remember him saying doctor leave be in to see you in a second so I said okay I didn’t faint in front of that man he left you said that to yourself and the next thing I remember was hearing somebody’s head hit the wall and I thought somebody in that other room fell against the wall I’m going to hit their head against the wall and then I realized that I am slumped up on the doctors table with my head against the wall you look like a t-rex by the way a dead t-rex it’s my head that hit the wall I have fainted then I realized oh I was dreaming and that stuff about the MRI and the hernia just it was all just a dream and then I start realizing but I am in a doctor’s office now that I’m in the doctor’s office where I just learned that I have two herniated discs and you just fainted so not only do I have two herniated discs I am now officially a fainter and let me follow up real quickly and let you know that just this past week I went to get a diagnostic injection in my back that’s another story they put the IV in I fainted again I guess now I’m now a fainter okay your and you’re joining my ranks because I know some of you already know this from other things that I’ve shared that like I’ll faint if I think about blood wrong I can think about blood right now and I could self induce a faint like I opened please my daughter’s Barbie with a knife cut my finger fainted into my father-in-law’s arms very very embarrassing very very so embarrassing it was embarrassing but yet you know welcome when it’s a good place to be no I’m not happy about this because the two of us are together all the time and if we encounter a tragedy I’ve always thought in the past like I got linked I’ll take care of him now we’re both gonna faint and Wheatley it’s like we need a third party we need a bodyguard now we need to be there just in case we need Felix so what was that guy’s name Kirby Kirby Kirby is a physician he’s not a bodyguard he can manage this is you can have Kirby and I’ll have a guy named Felix if your name is Felix give me a call because I need you you know I’ll be strong I’ll be strong okay so I’m I’m scared of blood you’re scared of bad news I guess herniated disc type of thing medical situation let us know in comments what is your worst fear maybe it’s clowns maybe it’s a weird and strange combination of a number of things with AMA which brings us via segue to our music video which I feel like I might need to apologize before you see it but I’m not just watch ever since I was a boy I’ve been afraid of clowns they’re horrifying faces never fail to bring me down the only thing more scary are sharks deep in the sea I couldn’t touch a swimming pool till I was 23 still every night I think each of the stars up in the sky there’s no such thing as clown sharks out there to make me cry a world without that nightmare is a world where I can be happy and relaxed in an endless state of being please tell me that this is a trick you want some backup jumping debris you got quick did that really just happen it couldn’t have been real no creatures ever wanted to honk horns than e to see you there’s no such thing as clown sharks and those are just the facts I’m calming down inside and I can finally relax like you via smell to locate you in the park manner so we’re gonna be on a field with 15 other short I got a red nose the smell of blood in the water step right up for some stronger huh thank goodness it was only ah ok so after we shot this video I have on the clown makeup I take off the shark outfit but I’m like this is an opportunity I’m going home right after we finish this thing and I said with this clown makeup on I can scare the crap out of Lando my three-year-old son I’m like okay like any good father yeah we’d say to us I just you know I I can plan a memory that will haunt my son forever well kids are afraid of clowns but they can never articulate why I at least want to give him a yes he’ll have a great reason so I decided before I go in the front door I’m gonna roll on my iPhone and then cuz I’m just gonna find Lando and I’m just going to capture his first reaction knowing he’s just gonna have a conniption and I’m gonna be father of the year so this is what I looked like and this is me going in the front door in finding Lando a first question why did you film it in portrait mode it just I don’t know I wasn’t thinking about you could turn it 90 degrees you realize it right and then it’s like regular it’s like normally widescreen and it’s not really distracting and so you’re not concerned about the fact that my three year old was on a stool and he could have your fall American or professional I consider you a video professional at times and I think that you should never film with an iPhone in portrait that’s about point one point two is you scarred your child forever and I think is awesome I’ve definitely earned the title mr. weenie pants that’s what Lando calls me now and I think it’s he means the same mr. Meany pants but he caught that’s once he finally started talking out of context so I’ve definitely earned the title of mr. weenie pants that’s what led to hours later when he decided to be my son is that based on a prior that mr. weenie Thomas he means to say Mr Meany pants well you mean he’s the man’s three years old you could you could correct this what no it’s technically true so okay anyway uh say what you will about link I’m thinking a lot of different things right now um we are from North Carolina if you didn’t know and we don’t live there anymore and we miss it a little bit and one of the ways that we what a lot a bit but one of the ways that we connect back home is by calling craigslist ads from the area where we’re from and we did that okay this is cosmetics Shannon wanting makeup eye shadows blushes lip glosses mascara eyeliners fingernail polish fake fingernails hair ties hair clips hair bows ribbons curling irons prefer to unopened on makeup but open is fine free are willing to barter if it is a lot okay so I think the angle here is that you’re my wife and I’m calling to get rid of a bunch I’m trying to sell off a bunch of your cosmetics under your nose and then you find out that I’m doing it on this car oh yeah hello gosh people Shannon yes well I looking here I’m looking at your your Craigslist listing here talked about how you’re looking for cosmetics I got a lot of this I got a lot of this kind of thing but I want to know what are you gonna use it for I do not only one God okay so uh you’re trying to get what we look like I do I look right you know just in town that kind of thing build I’m white what’s the shape of yeah guys here hey girl what’s becoming my face listen how far part of your eyeballs you got a ruling um nothing to me right now listen right hold on do this for me put your hand in a fist I’m serious now I’ve done this with a lot of people put your hand in a fist okay now put it right in front of your eyeballs okay can you see on both sides up no I can I can put three fingers in I could see okay you’re a three-finger alright well um then I got some eye shadow for you okay Gerald gerald yeah are you on are you on the phone I’m sorry what are you doing my mind off into Shannon honey we’ve talked we’ve been through this before I got it thin it out a little bit you need to you need to let go of some of this and listen Shannon here is willing to pay good money for something I don’t get paid to the first well she’s not gonna want my makeup if it’s open do you do you care if she’s used it no true see she don’t care has he been asking you about what you look like he’s asking what color I was and so to my face and the what like the shit was my face or something all right listen um I get you a kitchen bag full of I’m not talking about like a big you’re like a kid tall kitchen trash bag and I feel it about halfway up that’s how I measure out to make up half a kitchen bag uh $40 okay all right we’ll work it out we’ll meet in daylight you know somewhere out in the in public some my dad like a parking lot or something and Leah Walmart yeah we’ll work it out okay all right thank you good luck with your career honey thank you what just happened there’s a new show coming from rhettandlink it’ll make you laugh it’ll make you think it’ll make you want to tell all your friends to gather around so tell your sisters tell your brush to wash up random mythical show Thursdays on the Internet good old time with Lincoln red come on y’all let’s watch mythical show go mythical mystical mythical mystical mythical mystical mythical show in that’s how my left pinky toe ended up becoming my right big toe so that’s why you’re able to park in handicapped spaces blingo fault what is that the saber-tooth donkey eagle commonly known as that dongle oh he’s got allergies or something according to the latest edition of the scrimshaw kina National Park survival handbook the first step in surviving a dongle attack is don’t whisper but you’re whispering that’s cuz I got a beard if you only got a moustache you gotta yell what that’s not in the handbook do you want to die sorry I had a Peter for lunch do you want to die no they forget your stinking fancy-pants manual and do as I say Kemosabe yeah let the dongle who yell at the dongle ah hey there buddy no you gotta be mean Hey you’re pathetic and convulse cease dude I’m so disappointed anything now impersonate a room at a my wife I cut you were hit the dadgum dead can eat that grass like you love it but Kate stop yelling oh I’m just messing with you there’s only one way to avoid a dongle attack yeah a handbook says why did you late Oh grab his ears now turn them into circles Oh counterclockwise you pulling my leg do you want to die you said that before you broke him now he will do your bidding that’s remarkable they should write this in the handbook okay boy you’re free to go be wild thanks for your time Ralph how’s the family good working hard are they working I hope you learned a valuable lesson today Russia trust I want no trust the ham but no trust me no trust you know you want to go get some meat okay where you want to go I don’t know where you won’t catch up to you have you ever had a leaking Ford about Asian fusion where they take two types of Asian foods how dangerous those they like Kolff you know it’s just mixing two foods they fuse there is a holiday for every day in the month of May now you could celebrate each day as it comes or you can do like we’re about to do and celebrate them all in one sitting back to back to back to back to back to back let’s do it save the Rhino day oh look a unicorn pinata no it’s a rider and I’m saving because it save the Rhino day brothers and sisters day I’m gonna send a text to my brother hey Cole miss you man I’m gonna send a half text on my half brother hey whit how you doing international Juba day I knew you had a tuba you know everything about me Star Wars day Luke I’m your father I’m looking unicorn pinata Olay national tourist Appreciation Day hey you from around here no I’m just visiting I appreciate you national teachers day hey Peter here’s your Apple I don’t accept foodstuffs from children and by the way you got an F on your exam it was obviously plagiarized no socks hey Oh kind of stinky around here what kind of scientist the fag no-show sock national trial day all about tickets please I don’t have a ticket you got to get off the train son clean up your room day eat what you want day look I got a sandwich with peanut butter and gummy bear that’s what I’ve been walking give me someone else’s food Mother’s Day Oh got our moms on the speaker here hey mom I just want to con tell you I love you mom I want you to know I love you more than link loves his mom oh now go and celebrate your next holiday leprechaun day top of the morning to you where’s your pot what kind of leprechaun do you think I am one more the bad I rejected dance like a chicken day national chicken taco tip day McInnis can get some enough free alright Cooper’s over here you should probably get rid of that tree I’m gonna putting saga tips over there no we’re gonna go bad dirty dishes day we need to clean that dish up what dish boy girls all day you got the girl club huh be a baby their day Hey look at me I’m a millionaire but all the money looking look at compound sportin national level day or the B side in this memo here Cindy do it stop I got a memo it says let’s move on to the next holiday time is the limit day I’m in the market for a tube oh oh not for sale Lucky Penny day what you got there it’s a chocolate chip with one thing and my Lucky Penny you want to trade this tube before up here I’m in the market for one Morse code day I know you knew Morse code I don’t I’m just tapping on a table tab dad day national blueberry cheesecake day all right my favorite blueberry cheesecake he had another Fork don’t have one Oh Memorial Day some people close your eyes national hammer today oh good with celebrate man yeah with a hamburger day learn about composting day no listen you see I just put this here and you’ll begin to rot and it will feed it’ll feed the tree my holding so much water the plants huh oh my goodness is a hole in my bucket national macaroon day I’m gonna chew you up with a macaroon is that what a macaroon is huh and no to all the holidays in May a woman’s a mouth and now you know him as Gary on veep and as buster on Arrested Development and make sure you’re aware that your ban and organized sports in this family has been violated and we know I’m is the guy that we fed some ducks with ladies and gentlemen feeding the Ducks with Tony Hale Kenny wait you started feeling ducks I haven’t started walking either can either of you call a duck all of a sudden vultures turkey they’re all male doctor I noticed that how do you know that so how do you know it’s a male duck because it has a green head only male ducks have green heads everybody knows plus the penis ducks are one of the one of the species where the males are much prettier than the females you think that’s true in humans if the males are prettier than the females yeah you find more drop I’ve seen I’ve seen I’ve seen some males that I would say are much prettier than some females I’ve seen do you generally find men were more effective than women that’s my question do I find you must be honest do I find men more attractive maybe a better question totally not if aliens were to come down to earth and observe our species would they say you know the women are more attractive than the men or the men are more attractive than the women what if these aliens have a complete different definition of attractive yeah because think about how ugly they might look at Avery and be like come on let’s get it aliens are so rugged anyway yeah but how do you what an alien looks like an alien could come down and be just you know an amazing image of beauty that would be an angel an alien is ugly and they I’ve seen sketches believe that’s true all the sketches are in agreement they’re ugly all the sketches take that enormous heads they’ve got kind of Hollywood heads you know how like yeah big celebrities have massive heads and do I need bodies yeah yeah that’s kind of what aliens do would you eat one of these ducks I don’t if I need one of these ducks what’s wrong one of these okay I feel like I was eating like a cartoon I like my duck packaged in the grocery store and has saran wrap around it and there’s no color and it’s just you can just grill it if you see you sterilized it’s sterile it’s kind of it’ll be done a fine I’m pretty much yeah it’s taken away all the aesthetic of what a duck I think looks like but what if I just took out some bread assuming these Ducks actually would eat our bread and a Faton one up of course of a few days reached out i wrung its neck I turned over here I grilled it nice preparation that came back and I gave it to the two of you I wouldn’t eat it are you worried about like bacteria I’m just worried about what you would do to that I don’t know I don’t trust your choices okay what if I don’t try everything I just said it was true but there’s also a chef and he came and he prepared it according to the conventional methods so you’re saying that the chef would have a better if I got Gordon Ramsay out here uh-huh okay well he’s he I trust his choice i but it was buddy was one of these ducks like it was that duck right there and I just ran out there grabbed it wrung its neck maybe the Gordon Ramsay and he gave it to you honestly can say I don’t think I would eat it I’ve never actually eaten docked period prepared in any way by and I’m sure you have but you didn’t know really like what like it’s amazing that the judgement stare that Rhett will throw at you I know man things up with that it’s like any question you ask this is what you get how could you not had duck ivy it I’ve just heard that it’s greasy and you know McDonald’s chicken McNuggets are made out of duck no they’re not fault I don’t think any meat is involved in a Chicken McNugget bingo if there is it’s duck well I care I don’t even want to sell my makeup and if I did I probably wouldn’t sell it on on the internet I would probably sell I sell on the side of the road whatever thought well I’m not gonna sell any of it well what’s done is done I don’t mean you cause you guys defy I’m sorry it’s alright we’re just working through it the mythical male Boulder expand this week we got among many other things a raffle ticket two cardboard ties or bacon lollipop and a superhero toy want to mail out something visit facebook.com slash rhett and link for more information thank you and now it’s time to spend the mega wheel of mythicality hide and seek one dirty professor 79 to 20 all right ready or not here I come Lake Linc I’m gonna eat your burger I know you good crew and then now you’re it that’s not how it works would this be a place that you would come by yourself at nine o’clock at night if I did it you know what I would do I would I would dress up like a murderer what would what would be your most terrifying look from are you like I’d have on like a Jason mask you wouldn’t be able to see my look this is what the martyr would be do cliche yeah I do think that sometimes though when I’m in a scary situation and it’s dark I think to myself I’m the scary yeah I’m what people should be afraid of hmm you know and then I’ll send you’re like yeah I am the scary one you’re like you’re getting that out loud to your say it what I’m hit here what you’re horrifies you little girls little girls in horror movies that well not like at the zoo you