Okay, number eight, you need praise to feel good. Yes. God, yes. I need people. If I do something that I think is good, and nobody gives me praise for it, then I feel poopy. Welcome to “Trevor Talks Too Much,” the show where I say my silly little words and express my silly little thoughts and feelings, and we have a silly, goofy little time. I’m your host Trevor Evarts, master baker, Mythical soft boy, and proud owner of “Shrek 2” on Blu-ray. It’s a great film. One of the greatest films I think of our generation. Today, I’m talking by myself. No guest. Just me. Well, and Jamie. Jamie’s gonna be here. Hi. Yeah, that’s Jamie. You just heard her voice. We’re talking about being a people pleaser. I would consider myself a people pleaser, I think. But I don’t know if I’m an actual people pleaser. I like to please people. I don’t know if those two things are the same though. You wanna know what didn’t please me, today, is you haven’t seen freaking “John Wick.” I know. How have you not seen “John Wick,” oh my god. I don’t know. I just feel like whenever anyone went to go see it in like the theater, I just didn’t go. And then it doesn’t feel like a movie I would wanna watch by myself. No. And then it’s never come up. I mean, it has, but it hasn’t, you know, I’m gonna- I’ve seen all three “John Wick” films probably like seven times each, and I’ll just watch ’em all the time by myself. It’s a great movie. Honestly, “John Wick” is like what “Fast & Furious” wishes it could be. And don’t get me wrong, I love the “Fast & Furious” movies, okay? I love them. However, the “Fast & Furious” movies, it’s like, they have this, you know, they got this blueprint, and then they just keep doing the same thing over and over again. But like they just kind of get progressively worse, you know? Yeah. No. In a way. Some of the later ones are good but like eh. Eh. Are they? Yeah, I think so. I liked seven. So, I saw 10 in the 4D theater. Wait, wait, wait, shut up. There’s not 10. I swear to god. No. Or is it “Fast 9?” It might have been “Fast 9.” Nine. Yeah, we’re on nine right now. There’s gonna be a 10th one. Okay, I saw “Fast 9” in a 4D theater, so it’s like there’s- Oh, so it’s like rumbling. It’s more than that. So, there’s four seats, like everything’s by four seats, and you sit down, and so it rumbles. But when they’re getting into fights, like the back of your chair like punches you in the back. And then like there’s this for like when you’re going through things and it’s like the cars are going through the air, there’s this little this is gonna sound bad, but it’s like this little tube like down between your feet that almost feels like it’s supposed to be like a catheter, and it just like blows air out, but then it hits your calves and it feels weird. And then like when the rain happens, it’s like big water droplets just come down. And it’s like- No. Honestly like everyone in the theater was just laughing ’cause I mean, I feel like that’s the only way you can enjoy that movie though. No, here’s the thing. We should have stuck to the two dimensions. We didn’t need to flirt with the third and fourth dimensions. Two dimensions was fine I think for movies, you know? Yeah, so you’re not a big 3D guy? I’m not. I hate, 3D movies give me headaches. Oh. Like, when I sit in a 3D movie for too long, it makes my head hurt. I think it’s the same thing with like, I get like, when I get sick playing VR, like there’s just too much going on. I can just sit and watch a flat screen and enjoy myself. I don’t need things popping out at me or water spraying. But anyway, you got me all off track, okay? I had a clear and concise point that I wanted to make, which was that the “Fast & Furious” movies have gotten like progressively worse over time. They had a very successful movie, and they had this blueprint, and they redid it. “John Wick” somehow I think the movies are only getting better. They have the blueprint, which is Keanu Reeves going on a killing spree for two hours. And somehow they did it a second and third time, and it got better. Okay, so I’ll make- And I can’t wait for number four. I’ll make you a deal. By the time we record another podcast, I will have watched at least two “John Wicks.” All right. I’m gonna hold you to that, I swear. And then if I don’t accomplish this goal… You owe me $5. You get to smack me in the face with a wet tortilla. No, I don’t wanna physically harm you. I just want your- It wouldn’t be physically harm. I just want your money. All right, I’ll give you five bucks. You underestimate how hard I can slap. Oh, he’s a tortilla slapper here. I’ve slapped a few people with tortillas in my days. Today, we’re talking about being a people pleaser. Yes. I said that I wanted to do this, and I hadn’t thought about it since I said I wanted to do it. So, I don’t know. Well, you know what’s interesting. One that’s interesting is that you can actually search on WebMD the symptoms of being a people pleaser. That’s weird. ‘Cause I guess it’s part of, they consider it part of like mental health. Okay, I mean, that makes sense. Yes. So, okay, what I was thinking, ’cause you said that you didn’t know if you were one or not. Yeah. Is that I’m going to go through some signs of whether or not, like of what makes a people pleaser- You’re gonna diagnose me. I mean- All right, no, let’s send it. I’m ready, I’m ready. We’re gonna try. Okay, so one sign is, ’cause I would consider myself somewhat of a people pleaser, but I’ve been trying to reform myself lately. And not all of these are gonna match. They don’t say how many you need to be a people pleaser, but I’m gonna say a few. Okay. The first one I don’t think you do, but let’s see. You pretend to agree with everyone. God no. No. No. Hell no. So many people are wrong on such a regular basis. And unfortunately it falls to me to tell them that they’re wrong. Well, I think also even like, it’s fun to have like debates and conversations with people. This is a really stupid argument because everyone loves mashed potatoes, but if I said I hate mashed potatoes and then like you were like, you actually liked them, but then you’re like, “I guess they’re not that great.” Yeah, I mean, I guess it depends on, that’s a hard question ’cause I have no problems telling someone that they’re wrong, but it also depends on the person, the situation, and what they’re talking about, I guess. Yeah. ‘Cause I would say that there’s definitely times when I’ve done that kind of just to avoid conflict, where it’s like I know that if I say something, like this is gonna turn into a whole thing and I just can’t do it right now. But I don’t know that that would qualify as people pleaser. That would be more of like a conflict avoider. Yeah, I would say that. I feel like people pleasers like no. Like, I mean they do want to avoid conflict, which is probably a big reason why they want to please people because conflict can be awkward. Okay. All right, let’s go to the next one. The next one is you feel responsible for how other people feel. So, it’s healthy to recognize how your behavior influences others, but thinking you have the power to make someone happy is a problem. It’s up to each individual to be in charge of their own emotions. So like, do you feel like when you’re around someone and they’re in a bad mood that it’s your job to help fix that? Yeah. Yeah. I would say so. I think I generally like… Hold on, I found the list that you’re reading off of. It was in the document, so now I’m reading it too. Yeah, I would say so. I think that a lot of times, I would say more with people close to me, not with like everybody, not like random people on the street that like seem sad, but like definitely with people that I’m really close to, I would say that I feel a responsibility if I notice that they’re down or out of it that I need to personally do something to make them feel better. So yeah, I would say so. But does that then in turn make you feel worse about yourself if you can’t accomplish that? No. Okay. No. ‘Cause if I, like I obviously want to help people feel better, but whether they… I think I’m good at recognizing when something is like out of my control and there isn’t really anything I can do to help. And then at that point once I recognize that, I’m more of just like, “Hey, if you need anything “or if I can be there for you in any way, you let me know. “But obviously this is kind of your cross to bear, “and I can’t really do anything.” Yeah. So, I would say I have pretty healthy boundaries when it comes to knowing like when I can do something and when I can’t, I guess. No, totally. I think that’s good. I feel like this usually probably happens with, if you have family members that might be a little overbearing sometimes or friends that are more, like when you have a friend that’s like more dominant maybe in their energies, and so you feel like their energy has to like, you’re responsible for making sure that they’re having a good time if they’re not having a good time. Especially like, if you’re like, “Oh, I invited my friend out to do this,” and they look like they’re having a time. Yeah, that one’s definitely tough for me when I do like any sort of like gathering or if I plan something and invite people. I’m always scared because I’ve always had like lots of different groups of friends. And so like when… Like, for example, at my birthday party, I was like, I don’t know who to invite because it’s like, I know that this is where it’s gonna be and these people are going. And then I have these other friends that I’m like, I don’t know if they like, I don’t know if they would mesh well, and I’m worried that like I don’t know if they’ll get along or if it’ll be awkward for like one or both groups. Yeah. So, then if I do end up inviting them, then I feel like I’m bouncing back and forth. Like, making sure that like both groups are like having fun and having a good time and nothing’s weird. I don’t know that doesn’t feel like being a people pleaser though. It just feels like being normal. Yeah. But it’s also like, I don’t know if you experience this, but for me, the way that I interpret this one too is that when I’m meeting up with friends or with my boyfriend and they’re like, “Where do you wanna eat?” I always hate making that decision because I don’t wanna make the “wrong” decision. I don’t wanna be like, oh, I picked this place then everyone’s like eh. And they don’t like, and then I’m like, no, and that’s why I’m like, “No, no, no. “Wherever you wanna go.” Like, just being kind of agreeable in that way. Yeah, I get that. I remember one time I like… Oh god, I was going out to Korean barbecue with some friends from work actually. It was Chase and his girlfriend, Sarah, and Zach, and Caitlin, and then a couple other friends, and they weren’t from work. And my freaking apartment flooded. Really? Oh man. Yeah, before. So, I ended up just telling, I was like, “Everyone go there. “Like, I’ll meet you there. “I have to deal with this though.” ‘Cause like something happened with like the plumbing and my toilet was just overflowing and wouldn’t stop. Oh man. And I was super stressed out and I was like, I just gotta fix this. And then like the whole time I was feeling bad ’cause I was like, they’re not there without me. And then I was getting texts and they were like, “Yeah, the wait’s really long.” And I was like, I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to handle this ’cause I invited these people to hang out. But now my apartment’s flooding, and they’re all there without me. And there’s a long wait for this restaurant, and I’m not there, so I don’t know what to tell them to do or if I should just tell everyone to go home. I was definitely freaking out then. But that seemed like an anomaly. I don’t think that’s enough to diagnose me yet. This is fun. No. You know what we should do? We should just have episodes where we go through WebMD and self diagnose. Like, man, I got a weird mole here. Seems like I got skin cancer, you know? I actually do have a weird mole on my arm that I’ve been meaning to get looked at. Hold on. Can you find it in your pirate shirt? Yeah, hold on. Sleeves are tight. Well, because you can’t get your… It’s this one. You can’t see it, but it’s got all the qualities of an irregular mole that you wanna look out for. So, with moles you wanna look out for non-uniform edges. Like, if it’s not a perfect circle. You wanna look for like multiple colors in the mole. So, if the mole has like different colors throughout, that’s not good. And yeah, this mole basically checks all the boxes for probably being bad. But I haven’t got it looked at. I tried to make an appointment with a dermatologist, but then I never did, so… So, WebMD it is. Well, no- No, I’m kidding. I got all the risk factors. No, this is the skin condition podcast now. We’re not talking about being a people pleaser anymore. I hit every single like risk factor for like skin related problems. Like, every box it’s like, “You might be a risk if,” like and I check every single box. So, like every time I go out in the sun, one, I’m lathered in like 80 SPF. And then also I… What was I gonna say? No, I’m always like, I’m always scared. ‘Cause like I’ll go out in the sun, and I’ll be like, well, who knows? Maybe that was the trip outside. That’s why I don’t touch grass. That’s why I sit inside and play video games, because every time I go outside, I’m like, maybe this is the time that I finally die from it. Maybe this is the time I finally die from going outside. Anyway. No. Anyway, so number three, you apologize often. Oh, all the time, yeah. Everything’s my fault. Yeah. Like, even like when like, so many times like people will be like, “You don’t have to apologize.” I’m like I know, but I just don’t know what else to say. Yeah. Like, I’m sorry. I’m like, everything’s my fault even when I know it’s not. And then people will be like, “You don’t have to apologize. “It’s not your fault.” And then I’m like, “I know, I’m sorry. “I shouldn’t have apologized. “I’m sorry for apologizing.” Yeah. This is also something that a lot of, typically like women tend to do a lot too is we tend to apologize for anyone’s discomfort because for whatever reason we- Yeah, because frick the patriarchy. Men are the worst. Yeah, kinda. But I would say people as a whole. Hey, I’m sorry. That you can apologize for. You can apologize on behalf of the patriarchy I don’t wanna apologize on behalf of them. It makes it sound like I’m a part of it. No, you’re not. Look, I’ve been just clearing gender roles since 1999, baby. How many more… I was about to say the most Harry Styles thing ever. What was it gonna be? I was gonna say, how many more skirts do I need to wear before the gender roles are demolished? Like, that’s what Harry Styles is doing for the world. Oh yeah, he is queer baiting for sure. Oh, and I saw a video, a meme of the Chris Pine thing. Yeah. But it wasn’t that. Someone superimposed a goat, like a baby goat. Oh, I saw that, where he drops a goat. This just in, Harry Styles drops a goat in Chris Pine’s lap. Oh, I saw that. That was good. That was a good video. Oh, that was a good one. All right, next one. I’m ready to get diagnosed. Number four, you feel burdened by the things you have to do. So, you’re in charge of how you spend your time. But if you’re a people pleaser, there’s a good chance your schedule is filled with activities that you think other people want you to do. Eh. I don’t know. Kind of, sometimes. This is so weirdly worded ’cause every one of these is like, this is so bizarre to think about. Like… Like, I feel burdened by things I have to do, not because I’m a people pleaser but because I have anxiety. Yeah same. Or bipolar II or depression or whatever mental illness I have. I haven’t gotten officially diagnosed yet, so we’re still in the dark on that, but I’ll figure it out, I promise. But like it’s those things that make me like not want to go out, and then I feel bad because I feel bad about bailing on people. But I don’t know, maybe that’s people pleasing. It’s a form of it. I used to do that too where I’m like, I just force myself to do things and I… Yeah. And my mom actually told me one time, she’s like, “Jamie, you don’t always have to do stuff.” And I’m like, yeah. But then like, I think that goes into FOMO a little bit too. Like, I feel like I’m gonna be missing out, but she’s like, “You’re gonna miss out on something you didn’t wanna do “in the first place.” All right, number five. All right. Number five. You can’t say no. Whether you say yes and then actually follow through, or you later fake an illness to get out of your commitments, you’re never gonna reach your goals if you can’t speak up for yourself. So, this is like kind of like telling you what it means but also giving you advice on like why you shouldn’t do it, which is interesting in this article. This is by Psychology Today, everybody. I cannot verify what Jamie is just, no, it is Psychology Today. I don’t know what Psychology Today is, but it seems… It’s actually a pretty big publication. Really? Yeah. Well, that’s huge! Reputable source. Yeah. Here in the “Trevor Talks Too Much” podcast, we only use reputable sources, unless the words are coming from me, then that is a very irreputable source. But do you feel like you kind of say yes a lot? Yeah, I mean, I think actually that’s something that I’ve been working on recently and getting better about ’cause I definitely used to say yes a lot, and then I would like either bail last minute or fake something or give a reason why I couldn’t go. But I think recently I’ve been better about, you know, setting clear boundaries and saying no, like, “Hey, I don’t really have the energy for that,” or “I’ll have to let you know,” or “I’m really busy “and I don’t think that I’m gonna be able to do that.” So, you know, recovering. Yeah. Recovering, making steps. Boundaries are good. Boundaries are good. Yeah, that one’s a tough one for me. I’ve been learning to say no more ’cause it’s exhausting. It is. It sucks. And then you feel worse if you say yes and then don’t do it. Like, if you say no upfront, like, “Hey, I don’t think I can make that happen,” you feel so much better than saying yes and then like last minute being like, “Actually like it’s not gonna work.” Yeah, no, it’s true ’cause that is the part that you’re like, especially if someone’s counting on you for something and you just like actually don’t have the capacity to do this. Yeah. Also when people say no to me, I don’t get- It makes you happy. It does. I don’t get mad. I’m like, thank god. Say no to me. I didn’t actually wanna do that either. Oh god. Actually honestly, the amount of times that I’ve been in a group chat where people are like starting to make plans, and I’m like, “Oh no, I don’t wanna do it,” and then someone else says no and I’m like, I can say no too. I wasn’t the first time. Yeah, as long as you’re not the first. Just be like, “Yeah, actually me either. “I don’t think I’m gonna be able to make that work.” And they’re like, “okay, we’ll do it another time.” Yes, frick yeah! Yeah, a big thing that I’ve been trying to do in those group setting situations is like, “You know, I don’t think I can make that, “but y’all have a good time.” Yeah, yeah. ‘Cause then it’s also like, “Feel free to do this without me.” Yeah. It’s like permission. Yeah. They need your permission to hang out. They do. Honestly. All right, number six, you feel uncomfortable if someone is angry at you. Uncomfortable if someone’s angry at me? It depends on whether or not it’s justified, you know? Like, if someone has a reason, like if I did something stupid and someone’s like upset with me over it or whatever, but I don’t know. I feel like anybody, if someone gets like snapped at over something that they didn’t do wrong or because the other person is like, like say someone’s having a bad day or they’re stressed and they snap at you over something that you didn’t deserve to be snapped at for or they’re angry at you over something, then you have a right to feel uncomfortable. I don’t know. ‘Cause it’s like, why are you taking this out on me? That’s a weird one. Yeah. Well, if someone’s getting mad at you, and it’s not necessarily that either one of you in that situation is wrong. Yeah. But it’s like you’re each trying to listen to your own things. I don’t know. I feel like, and this is kind of funny, I’m admitting this out loud on a podcast, ’cause me and my boyfriend don’t fight a lot. We have really good communication, and we do talk things out like, oh, if like this is bothering me, this or that. But I also do feel like we both sometimes will be like, oh, like, “I don’t want you to be mad.” Yeah. That’s the one person like I hate when he’s mad at me, or if he’s has like a thing with me, I’m like, “Am I being annoying? “Like what’s happening?” Even like the description of this one, just because someone is mad doesn’t necessarily mean you did anything wrong. If you didn’t do anything wrong and someone’s mad at you, then you deserve to be uncomfortable. I don’t know, that’s weird. I skip this one. That one’s lame. All right. Psychology Today, you suck! No, I’m kidding. Number seven, you act like the people around you. I think I used to do that, and I think I don’t anymore. I think I kind of grew out of that. I remember in high school, I was like, this sounds so dumb to say, but I used to be a “popular kid.” But I wasn’t a popular kid because I was like a popular kid. I was a popular kid because I did a lot of stuff, where it’s like I was, you know, captain of the basketball team, so I had basketball friends, and then I also did like choir and theater, so I had like choir and theater friends. And then I was also, you know, in honors smart people classes, so I had my smart friends. And I was a gamer, and all my smart friends were also my gamer friends. But it’s like, I feel like I, and I was like in the student body government, whatever. So, it’s like, I had kind of all these different groups of people that I would spend time with. And so I think I would adapt my personality kind of to fit whichever group I was around in a way. I don’t know that that’s necessarily like a… No. That’s different. ‘Cause I was just gonna say when you’re around certain people, it brings out certain aspects and parts of your personality that it wouldn’t in other places. Yeah, that’s what it says. It’s normal for other people to bring out different sides of your personality. But people pleasers often sabotage their goals. Studies show that people pleasers engage in self-destructive behavior if they think it will help others feel more comfortable in social situations. Actually, yeah. I do do that. Now that I read it like that, I had a very unfortunate scenario. It was actually, it was the first time I hung out with Minx after she was on the show. She invited me and Destiny to go to a comedy club. Like, she invited us over to her house to hang out and then also go to a comedy club with her and some of her friends. Yeah. And these were people like I knew who a lot of them were. And like I thought they were really cool, and I wanted to, you know, be fun and make a good impression. And I ended up getting like a little bit too, having a little bit too much fun. And then I ended up having to go home early because I vomited in a comedy club. Yep. That’ll happen. And so, I get that actually, like having self-destructive behavior because you think like you want other people to see you, like in that situation, I wanted them to see me as someone who’s fun and energetic. And I knew that like substances or like drinking, you know, would help me feel more comfortable and more loose and be more fun of a person. But then I took it overboard because I felt like, oh, I need to like impress these people. So yeah, I guess so. Yeah. Yeah. Also like hopefully, ’cause in that situation you kind of put that pressure on yourself, right? Whereas in other situations people might like peer pressure you, and if you’re a people pleaser, you’ll give in probably more easily to that. I think I’m a good learner though ’cause ever since that, I haven’t done that again. Well, that’s good. Because I realized like I was like, oh, that was really stupid and a mistake, and I didn’t need to do that. Like, so I just didn’t do it again. So, I don’t know. I could definitely point to some scenarios that I’ve definitely been there before, but I don’t think I do it super often. Yeah. Maybe you’re already in your reformation. Maybe. Maybe I’m getting better. That would suck. Do you know how much less funny I would be if I was like mentally healthy? I was like why would that suck? Oh my god. I’m gonna be so unfunny once I’m mentally well. When you’re done. When you’re done with therapy Yeah. God, I’m gonna be the worst. Oh no. Okay, number eight, you need praise to feel good. Yes. God, yes. I need people. See, that’s the thing about- Like, do you depend on the validation though? Like, you depend on it? Yeah. Yeah. If I do something that I think is good and nobody gives me praise for it, then I feel poopy. Yeah. Like, I’ll try and go out of my way, I’ll even ask. I’ll just straight up be like, “Was that good? “Like, was that a good like,” like I’ll make a food, and someone will eat it, and they don’t like say anything, I’m like, “Was it good? “Did you like it? “Like, tell me I’m good at what I do.” So, you said in a previous podcast that you don’t typically clean around your apartment too much When did I say that? With Nicole. When did I out myself? With Nicole ’cause she’s like, “I’m always cleaning.” You’re like, “You’re always cleaning?” Yeah, oh no. God, no, I never clean. I mean, I keep- You’re not gross, but like you’re not like deep cleaning. I keep my room clean enough. But like, yeah, I’m not like every weekend, I’m sweeping and mopping my floor or stuff like that. Like, I don’t do that. Yeah. I’ll keep a tidy enough space. Like, I got some piles of clothes on, you know, in my hamper that I haven’t put away. But I’m not like, you see those like the gamer room pictures where it’s like some dude in his desk and it’s just bags of food and cans and drinks just all covering the entire floor. That’s not me. Yeah. I swear. So, I don’t know if you have this with your roommate at all, but for me it’s like when I actually clean, like mop the floor or sweep the floor, I want so bad to just like, not say anything, but I want people to notice that I did it. Oh yeah. So bad. And so I bite my tongue, and then when no one says anything, I’m like, “Oh yeah, so I mopped the floors today.” And it’s like ‘Cause I can’t. ‘Cause I just, I’m like, but I did a nice thing. It doesn’t just benefit me. Yeah. And I didn’t do it for the praise, but the praise would be nice. Yeah, no, I don’t clean. I like do my dishes and occasionally. I struggle with object permanence. So a lot of times I’ll leave something in the fridge, and then like, if I don’t eat it, then like I’ll leave it in there and forget it’s there. So, like sometimes Aton has to text me and be like, “Hey, you should probably throw like “that thing in the fridge out.” And then I’m like, oh yeah, you mean my leftover El Pollo Loco from a month ago? Yeah, I probably oughta throw that out. You’re right. I forgot it was there Oh my god. See, I’m the person in the house that I just throw it away. I would, yeah. I mean, hey. Well, I tell them, I’m like, “Hey, I’m gonna throw this out. “You haven’t touched it in like two weeks.” Unless it is a container, and the container is full of food that’s gonna be smelly, and it’s like a container that you keep. Oh yeah. And then I’m like, no, no, no. I’m not touching that. That’s why I never put anything in containers. I hate, Tupperware sucks. For a guy like me- This just in. For a guy like me, Tupperware’s the worst ’cause I’ll put something in there, completely forget it exists. The amount of times that I’ve had like Tupperware containers and I just throw them out ‘Cause I’ll put- Yes. I’ll put leftover food in there, and then I’ll forget about it, and it’ll sit in the fridge, and I’ll see it, and I’m like, I don’t even wanna open that. I don’t wanna know what organisms have grown in there. And I just throw the whole container out. Oh no. And that’s why you can never use your good containers, because if you use your good containers, then you’re gonna end up throwing out all your good containers. You have to use your crappy ones, so you’re able to throw them out just in case. Ziploc bags. Every leftover food- Foil. If I get food, foil or Ziploc bags, honestly like, but most of the food that I’ll save, like most of the food that I save is usually food from places. Like, I’ll bring something home from a restaurant. So, usually it’s already in a to-go container. So then I forget about it, and then it’s like, oh, it’s already in a disposable container. Yeah. Number nine! Number nine, you go to great lengths to avoid conflict. No. No, I would say I’m a conflict enjoyer. Really? Not necessarily. It depends. I think it depends on the conflict. But I think my dad, growing up my dad was very much a, if there’s an issue, then it needs to be resolved. Like, if you have an issue with someone or something, then talk it through and get through it. Like, he was never someone that liked to let conflict sit. So, I kind of was just always taught growing up to like, you know, like take the conflict head on, like, you know, resolve it, get through it. And so I think there’s some conflicts that I avoid, depends what it is. But for the most part, you know, if there’s an issue or something, it’s usually, it’s things that don’t relate to me usually, where conflict that has something to do with who I am as a person, I avoid. ‘Cause like if the conflict is based around the fact that like I don’t communicate my feelings well because I don’t have great mental health or whatever that is, and that’s causing distress on another, then, like, I don’t know. I don’t like to talk about myself, my own feelings with other people. But if there’s a conflict that has to do with something else, like a work conflict, or if there’s something that I don’t like, work is a good example. Like, if there is something that I think should be changed or be done differently, I’ll say that. Like, I’m not someone that’s just gonna like, you know, bite my tongue and just like, whatever, I’ll get through it. I’ll bring it up. So, I don’t know. I wouldn’t consider myself a conflict avoider though. Yeah, I grew up in a very, like, “let’s talk about our feelings “but then be passive aggressive” household in a sense. Like, I never saw my parents fighting growing up, and I always thought like, oh, that’s so good. And then I realized like, no, they’re letting all these annoyances build up. Yeah. And then now as an adult, I’m like, “Well, have you said something?” Yeah. And they’re like, “Well, no.” And I’m like, “Well, no one’s a mind reader.” But I feel like I… I actually, no, I’m pretty blunt with people. Yeah. I don’t like conflict in certain aspects of things, I guess, in terms of like, if I can avoid it, like if it’s not necessary. Yeah, yeah. Then I will. That makes sense. There’s definitely some things where it’s like, if it feels like the conflict isn’t worth the resolution. Exactly. You know what I mean? Where it’s like, yeah, I could go like die on this hill or engage or say this thing, but if the conflict isn’t, or like if the resolution that happens afterward isn’t worth like the fight or whatever you’re gonna have with someone, then it’s just whatever. Like, I’ll bite my tongue on like stupid stuff. Yeah. But do you have any conflict with me? Let’s get it out now. I don’t think so. Oh, you’re avoiding conflict. No, I’m trying to think of one. You didn’t tweet today. Okay. Sorry. But you did apologize to that already. We didn’t even have to have the conflict. Yeah. So, that’s what I’m saying. No, my bad. You hate me. I get it, it’s okay. Yeah, I do. Can’t believe- I just need you to like me. All right, number 10, you don’t admit when your feelings are hurt. Yeah, I’d say so. I don’t like to admit when my feelings are hurt to the person that hurt them. I’ll definitely talk about it later with someone else. But like if someone said something that hurt my feelings, like in that moment, like I’m not gonna say, “Hey, that hurt my feelings.” Or even after the, I don’t know. Maybe I’m just not like a real person. ‘Cause I feel like a lot of these I don’t know that I’ve ever actually experienced the scenario. Maybe I don’t go outside enough to be a people pleaser. This list is kind of interesting because I do think it has a lot to do with the people you surround yourself in your life. Yeah. It’s interesting that this list… ‘Cause I would’ve said before we read through this list that I consider myself a people pleaser. But I think that this is like a, I don’t know, this list seems very centered around, are you a people pleaser and the end all be all or the goal of your pleasing people is to avoid conflict. That’s what a lot of these things feel like, where it’s like you pretend to agree with everyone. Maybe not the second one, you feel responsible for other people. But you apologize often. You can’t say no. You feel uncomfortable if someone’s angry at you. You go to great lengths to avoid, like those ones feel like you please people in order to avoid conflict. I would say I’m more of a people pleaser because I have this really deep-seated desire and need to be liked. Okay, which I think is valid. Yeah, like I really want people to like me, so I do things in order for those people to like me. But also, I don’t know, it’s not everyone. I don’t need to be like by everyone necessarily. But I guess the people that are important to me or that, like, there’s people that I want to like me. And so, I do my best to go outta my way to get them to like me. So, maybe that’s why I only identify with some of these and in certain situations because it’s not necessarily about avoiding conflict, but it’s more about wanting to be liked by these people. Yeah, and so I think some of the points in there, like you said, that like you seek praise and seek validation in those ways because if you like someone and they don’t really feel that way about you, like that could eat at you. Yeah. Like, that’s how I kind of feel. It’s like, if someone, not everyone’s gonna like you, obviously that’s true. You know what I mean? You can’t like everyone. Well… I think a lot of people like me. A lot of people do, but I’m just saying that’s like, I don’t know if you’ve ever been in this situation where, I’m trying to think of, like, I don’t remember the person, but there was just someone who I could tell just wasn’t feeling me, didn’t really like me, but I didn’t have an issue with them, so I would always try to be extra nice to them. And I’m like but now I feel like they probably think I’m being fake, but I’m like, I’m not trying to be fake. I just don’t know why they don’t like me, and I want them to like me. I was gonna say, I definitely feel like recently I’ve been growing up more and not needing to be liked by everyone. I think I still want it, but I don’t need it as much. And I think that’s like the difference for me is like, I’m not going out of my way as much to get people to like me than I was in the past. I don’t know. Maybe I’m more confident. Maybe I’m more like self-assured, which doesn’t seem right. I don’t think I should be there yet. No, I think that that’s good, and it’s good that you kind of recognized. Maybe this was good ’cause we went through the list and you realized that you have started growing more as a person. But I also think it’s interesting like with people who are like, “Oh, I’m a people pleaser,” and like it’s a burden on them. Like, they lack self care because of that. Yeah. But I realized that they are only like that to certain people. Like, for me I have a friend she’s like, “Oh, I’m such a people pleaser.” And I was like, really? ‘Cause I was like, “I don’t feel like you are.” I don’t feel pleased by you. And then I realized, I’m like, oh, it’s because I’m not like, I don’t expect things from you, like in that way. And so I think it does have a lot to do with, are you surrounding yourself with a bunch of like kind of toxic people or overbearing people? And that’s why I use the family example. ‘Cause a lot of times you do please your family ’cause you just assume that you have to. Yeah. Yeah. But I don’t know. I always grew up with like I say no to my family Yeah. I don’t know, I feel like there’s a balance where I want to please people, I want people to, you know, have positive interactions with me, but if it doesn’t happen that way, I don’t let it affect me personally, you know? If there is something, if I have a negative interaction with someone or if like something happens, whether that’s conflict, whether that’s they are mad at me, whatever, like I can’t let that affect me. But also like I would hope that when people, when I have conversations with people and when I interact with people that they feel good afterward, that they’re pleased. I want that. I don’t want people to feel like crap after they talk to me. No. This is weird. I don’t like psychoanalyzing myself, even though I do it all the time. This is interesting because honestly, the thing I feel like I’m noticing the most is that I feel like I’ve surrounded myself with really cool people. Yeah. ‘Cause I don’t feel the need to like, all of my like best friends, like I don’t feel the need to do any of this stuff for them. Like, I don’t feel like they expect anything from me other than being a friend. Exactly. I’ve read some really terrible stuff on Reddit. Some like really terrible stuff. Yep. ‘Cause I like to scroll through like, am I the posts in my free time sometimes. Same. But like there’s some like really terrible people out there. And I don’t, I don’t know. The more that I think about the people that I’m the closest to and that I spend the most time with, they’re like really cool people, and they love me for who I am and they care about me and all they expect from me is to be me. And so, I don’t feel the need to do this stuff. And the only times that I in recent memory that I’ve noticed myself doing this stuff is usually like meeting someone new. Okay. It’s like when I meet a new person or like even like going to like parties with people that I don’t know or meeting new people in that way, like I want to please people. But for the people that I’m close to like, I feel like I can just be myself. Yeah. And maybe that’s a good thing. It is a good thing. It’s a good thing. Yeah. I got cool friends. Hey, shout out to Destiny, Shlongo, Brandon, Nick, Nick, Nick, Kevin, Elias, Andrew, Austin, Richard, Jacob. Is there another Nick? No. There’s only three Nicks. Oh I guess basically what we found out today is like our friends are cool. And if you feel like you are a people pleaser, maybe also look at the people in your life. Are they expecting- Yeah, that is, I think that there is, I feel like a lot of times, and I’ve done this before where like you kind of trap yourself into these, it’s kind of like the sunk cost fallacy. Yes. Where it’s like, or sunk time fallacy, where it’s like, even if you were friends with someone and you’ve been friends with ’em for a long time, like people can change. And I’ve like had friends tell me, or I’ve heard stories from my friends about where it’s like, when I met this person, you know, we were vibing, we were really close, and it just felt like a really good friendship, and then like something happened or whatever, they started to change. And then they were like, I guess asking a lot of them from a friendship. They expected a lot more than what they should and kind of taking advantage of them. And look, if someone’s gonna be toxic, don’t avoid the conflict. Like, just take it head on and be like, “Hey, what’s going on? “You’re kind of being a dingus. “You expect way too much from me, “and I get like nothing in return. “And if you’re gonna continue this pattern of behavior, “then I can’t be friends with you.” And that’s really hard to do. It’s very hard. It’s really hard to look at the people that are in your life, and if there are any toxic people to identify that and then cut them off. I mean, it’s one of the hardest things to do. And I could see how from that perspective, like being a people pleaser, that’s probably the hardest thing to do. Yeah. Is to kind of like recognize the situations in your life that one, make you feel like you need to please people, but please people in a way that puts your own being, self-image, self-care at risk, I guess, where you’re sacrificing so much of yourself just to make this person happy. Yes. And they’re giving you nothing in return. And that’s when it’s toxic. And I think that’s when it can be really damaging. And those situations are really hard to get out of. There’s not really an easy way to do it. But I think that that’s important, you know, to start to realize. And after being introspective now for the last, however time much passed, that was a sentence. I’m very thankful for the people that I have in my life genuinely. I mean, it’s nice to be able to not feel like you have a lot of pressure on you from your friends. Yeah. And feel like you have a lot of pressure to be the person that they expect you to be. ‘Cause that’s something that I think I’ve struggled with even just in my overarching mental health journey is always being the person that people expect me to be. Yeah. It’s like they have this image of me in their mind that whether or not I was that person at one point to them or they’ve only spent this much amount of time with me, and so this is the portion of me that they know, and feeling like I always have to be that, like I know my friends don’t give a crap. Like, whatever, they know me, they know me very well, and they know who I am, and that’s all they expect is just to be myself. And usually it makes it a lot more fun ’cause I don’t feel any pressure. Yeah. Like, I don’t feel the pressure to be, oh, Trevor’s a silly, goofy guy, so I’ve always gotta be silly, goofy. Yeah, I love that this turned into like an appreciation for people- I love my friends. Yeah. I’m very thankful for all of them ’cause I can tell you I have been a person in the past. Same. And I know when I was, and the fact that they stuck with me through that and we’re still friends to this day, I don’t deserve them. They’re the greatest group of lads. That’s like solid. That’s like real. That’s how, you know, it’s like solid, strong friendships that they stuck around for that. Oh, I like that. Well. I would like you to clarify something though. Do you want to clarify something? Yes. I think she knows, I think she knows now, but she had asked, Jasmine. Okay, Jasmine. What the difference is between slap versus smack? Like? Like, if something slaps or something smacks. Is there a difference? That’s tough. I actually don’t know that there’s a difference. Maybe in the thing that you reference it to, that you describe it as. Like, usually if I say something slaps, it’s usually like a song. It’s good, right? Yeah, and it’s good. But I usually use that in reference to songs. Like, oh this song slaps. Yeah. Like, I don’t know what it is about that word that usually makes me connect it to music. But for me, when something smacks, I tend to use that with food. Like, yo, like Korean barbecue smacks. Oh see, I would use slap for either. Oh. See, I never heard smack as a thing. I think it’s like the same exact thing. I don’t think there’s a difference. I mean, correct me if I’m wrong. Hold on. Trevor tries to clarify and fails because I actually don’t know. For me, there’s not really a difference. But if someone out there would like to clarify for me, please do. Comments, tweet me, DM me. I don’t know. Maybe there is. I don’t know, that’s a tough one. You’ve stumped me. I mean, you didn’t stump me. I had an answer, okay? It’s happened. It’s happened. Personally for me, there’s not a difference, but maybe other people think there is. Stop. Stop celebrating my failure! I liked that I’m just kidding, I don’t. I don’t like when you fail. It’s not about the money. Oh gosh, okay. I’m just cutting the podcast now. Well, we’ve talked about being a people pleaser. I’ve gone on a journey of self discovery, which has been lovely. Thank you all for giving me the platform to do so publicly, which is weird. I don’t know. If you feel like you’re a people pleaser or if you feel like you have a perspective on it, maybe you’re a recovering people pleaser, let me know, tweet at me, tell me your story. I’d love to hear ’em. ‘Cause honestly when I was going through this, I genuinely started to realize like, I don’t know if I actually fit these, fit this bill. But I think everybody’s, you know, scenario is different, so I’d love to hear some of your personal stories. Also the midterm elections are coming up on November 8th and a lot of you across the US are gonna be voting in some very important elections, some crucial spots in Congress, governors, and different special elections. So, Vote Like a Beast is back. We did it last year. You probably heard about it. But yeah, we’re just trying to give you a lot of tools to inform you. You can go to votelikeabeast.com to check your voting status, whether or not you voted yet. You can register to vote there. Yeah, and we’re also selling some stickers over there. And all of the profits that we make from those stickers are going to vote.org, which is a website and a resource that helps people exercise their right to vote. So, people all across the US. It just helps make sure that everyone that has a right to vote, which is anybody above the age of 18 and isn’t a felon, that those people have access to and can vote. So, definitely go check out votelikeabeast.com. It’s a super cool resource and tool that can help you in these upcoming elections. And yeah, I guess that wraps it up. Thanks for listening to “Trevor Talks Too Much.” Wrapped up like a burrito. Exactly, Jamie. Or a gordita. A cheesy gordita crunch. I don’t know what that is. I’m kidding, I do. Thank you for listening to “Trevor Talks Too Much,” the show where we talk about different Taco Bell menu items and whether or not we wanna have sex with them. Listen every Tuesday, wherever you get your podcast. Check out the video version the following Monday over on YouTube. And leave a review, leave a comment. Let me know what you like. Let me know what you don’t like. Let me know if you like these solo episodes that I’m doing, if you like just hearing me talk to Jamie and talk to myself. Let me know if you hate ’em, and you feel like you need a guest to dilute my stupid brainwaves. No, self positivity! I’m not stupid. I’m a genius. I don’t know, follow us on Twitter. All the socials. Mythical Pod’s on TikTok. You know the drill. Thank you, everyone. Have a lovely week. Bye.